Elle McBriar

July 20th, 4 months and 8 days after the first zombie attack

I walked down the halls of our temporary home. Brushing my fingertips against the walls, feeling the texture of the paint. It's chipped and peeling, but that's the least of our worries.

I checked the kitchen, turning the tap. Almost immediately, the ice cold tap water turned hot. At least there's hot water. Gage also said there's insulation too, so we'd be more. Even though it's the middle of summer in New York.

"I'll grab the rest of the stuff from the van." Paxton said, walking outside.

It was a basic home. Small and out of site. It was hidden behind larger houses, so if there were to be an outbreak, we couldn't be seen unless you knew where we were.

The sun was setting behind the clouds as I looked out the window, a million thoughts racing in my mind. I felt myself become tired, my eyes struggling to stay awake. I've had a long day of walking, carrying a baby and killing zombies.

Not that I'm complaining. It's much easier when you have something to fight for.

* * *

As the last remaining bit of light filtered away, we sat silently in kitchen, on makeshift chairs from boxes and containers. I was next to Riley and Alex, who was currently covered in baby food.

"If you guys could go back in time and pretend like this never happened, would you?" Paxton asked suddenly, looking at us all. I was playing with my empty dinner bowl, pushing my fork around in the small patch of uneaten pasta.

"Of course dude, why?" Gage asked, "I don't know. I know it's a dumb question but, forget it."

"No it was a good question." I interrupted, causing Paxton to look at me, "Of course I'd go back and pretend like I was never alone in the world, constantly fearing for my life. But there's a tiny part of me, that enjoys being on my own. Like, I have the whole world in my hands, you know? No adults telling me what to wear or eat."

Paxton nodded, "Exactly. I felt ridiculous for thinking that it's nice being in charge for once." I shook my head, "Of course not Paxton. But I feel like finally, now that I've met you guys and I know I'm not gonna be alone, I feel like I'm suddenly accepted somewhere, like I have a place. Because we're all needed somewhere, right?"

"I'm just glad my piece of shit Dad is dead." Gage blurted, casually scooping pasta into his mouth, Alex snorted, rolling his eyes, "Tell me something Elle, what school were you at? Because I sure as hell haven't seen you around before."

I shrugged, "I was a senior at Brickwood High." "We're supposed to be Freshman in college, but now that dream is inevitable." Alex sighed, "Wait, so you guys are like 19?" He nodded, "Me and Paxton are 19, but Gage is 20." Gage waved, "I turned 20 a couple weeks ago."

I nodded, "Well happy birthday for then." I laughed. I'm only 17. I feel so young.

We talked for a while, I got to learn about them. Paxton is an only child. He hates worms and ducks. I found that funny because he seems so fearless. But Gage, Gage has been to jail for illegally drinking and then taking handcuffs from a cop outside a bar, and cuffing himself to a door. I laughed so hard I swear water came out of my nose.

Alex was an only child until Riley, and now he's making it his duty to take care of him and raise him. I also learned that he is allergic to cats and knows how to make sushi. Interesting skill.

Gage showed me to my room, kindly stating that 'since I'm the only girl, I get the room to myself, on the exception that I sleep with Riley for three days'. I didn't object, I love that little dude.

There were three rooms, aside from the kitchen and bathroom. One is my room, which I'm incredibly grateful for. The used-to-be living room is now a big room shared between Gage and Alex, and the last room is for Paxton, who also lives with all the weapons.

I don't know why doesn't share but I don't question it.

It was really nice for the boys to give me a room to myself. Even though I've only been here a few days.

I strip down to my underwear, leaving my bra on as I walk to the bathroom, across from my room. Footsteps down the hall caught my attention, "Dude why are you naked?" Gage winced, covering his eyes, "Get used to it boys. I'm the only girl in the house." I shut the door on him, hearing him laugh as he left.

But once again, the shower made me drowsy. The steamy water flowing down my back, hitting my skin and bouncing off. I looked down, seeing the water mixed with red and black. Zombie blood, dirt and my own blood.

The bullet hole is pretty much closed now. It hurts if I turn the wrong way, but it doesn't bother me. Scraping my fingers through my hair, I close my eyes, feeling the water tickle my forehead. God I love hot showers. But I don't want to use all the hot water.

I climb out, the small mirror fogged up by the steam. I wiped it away, glancing at myself. Under eye bags are still heavy and my skin is still pale. But I look.. lighter. Happier? Who knows.

I open the door. I'm surprised, the air out here is hotter than inside the bathroom. Typical though, it is summer after all.

Dropping the towel in my room, I get changed. A loose fitted top and shorts. My normal sleeping attire. I hope we don't get attacked because I won't have time to put on a bra.

I heard voices in the kitchen and went inside, seeing the boys talking while doing the dishes, "Hey, good shower?" Gage asked, smirking, "Yeah it was good. This is a good place, Gage."

I sat down on a chair, pulling my feet under myself. I had pink socks on. Ones I picked up at Walmart, which reminds me, "When I was at Walmart, before I got attacked by that fucking whale of a zombie, I practically swiped the clothing section. Mens too, there should be stuff in the cart outside." I shrugged, "Thank you. We're men, and forget to shop for ourselves, especially clothes, during a zombie outbreak, where clothes are necessary." I smile, "The only man here, is Gage." Paxton glares at me, "Why did we save her again?" Alex laughed, "Because she gets us clothes, remember Paxton?"

Silly banter with these boys is fun.

"Do you want me to take Riley or are you good?"

"I'm good, you go sleep." I silently thanked him, bidding 'goodnight' to the boys and scurrying away.

I'm officially not alone anymore!! We moved into a house, a nice small one. It's hidden and has hot running water. It's heaven!

But I feel like these boys are finally accepting me. If Mom was here, she'd be so proud of me. I made friends, actual friends! I feel happier. Like everything shitty in this world has been turned down. It's honestly a great feeling.

Slipping my pencil inside the spiral of my journal, I slip it under the pillow, falling straight onto it. I snuggled under the sheets, feeling the all too familiar feeling of sleep overpower me. I eventually fell asleep.

I'm not sure how long for because I woke up again and it was pitch back. But I woke up terrified. I looked around me, my eyes adjusting to the room. The curtains weren't closed so the moon was filtering in. I sat up, leaning my head against the wall.

The dream felt so real. I felt like I was dying. Maybe this is a sign?

It was the day Oliver died. I remember breaking down in tears and screaming at God to bring him back. I remember running away and returning, seeing nothing of him there. I felt like I was being dragged my feet over hot coal and then the darkness consumed me.

I saw the face of my father as a zombie and he killed me. Held a gun to my head and pulled the trigger, twice. I jolted awake then.

It's the same dream every time. It only occurs every few nights but it's there, and it's vivid. I hate it, so much. I glanced at my watch, squinting to see the faint glow of green numbers.

3am. Stupid dream.

I tried to fall asleep, falling in and out of consciousness again. But it was no use. Eventually, I just got up. Silently walking around the house. There's no power, or electricity. Which mean no lights or heaters or AC's. I turned on the tap, flipping it to hot.

I might as well be on night watch tonight, from inside the house.

I grabbed a random tea bag that was in a half-empty box of tea and poured the water in, cooling it down with cold water.

I sat on the table in the kitchen, sipping it slowly. I feel tired, but I know my dream won't let me sleep.

So I'll just sit. And think.

Because thinking is all I do nowadays.

* * *

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