I'm not a liar, not really. So I won't hide the fact that when I go on a walk to clear my head after lunch I take a route that leads me to the block of flats I spent the first five and a half years of my life in. The block of flats Eden lives in.

I don't know who I'm searching for. Maybe a girl with Eden's mousy hair and blank eyes. A girl with a baby, just a few years older than us, following in the steps of her mother. Eden's mom was young when she started motherhood. Personally, I could never. Josh and I only got close on one occasion and even then we didn't go any further.

"I don't want to have sex," I told him one day, totally out of the blue because I'd been watching one of those shitty teen dramas where everyone seems to be sleeping around at age sixteen.

We were kissing in the rain on a park bench in April, something that seemed terribly romantic at the time. It wasn't really, just cold and wet and I caught a cold afterwards. Josh was soaked, strands of hair sticking to his forehead as he stared at me.

"And why would we have sex?" he asked. "We're fifteen, Eve."

Maybe that's the biggest reason why I fell in love with him. His unwavering ability to assure me that he was with me. No matter how crazy it would get, Josh Hartley would be by my side with a red slush while he held my hand as we took on the world.

"Glad we're on the same page," I said with a smile.

"I mean, maybe when we're both ready?" he continued. "Not for a while, but when we're both ready then we can talk and figure it out."

"That sounds good." Because it did. It sounded lovely and mature, like we were lovely and mature.

And true to our words, we never really went further than kissing. It was just once when maybe there was a possibility it could've gone a different way before the fighting of course. We'd been watching something in Josh's room, his house empty of his parents and Jenny. But we weren't really watching, it was more like something was playing in the background while we kissed.

We fell back onto his bed like it was the most natural thing in the world, our lips locked and his arms around me. And it would've been so easy for one of us to deepen those kisses, to take them in another direction that would lead to it. But neither of us did that.

"I love you," Josh whispered instead, kissing me softly. He pulled away, his face centimetres from mine as he stared into my eyes like they were the most beautiful thing ever.

He lay down beside me, playing with my hair and still staring into my eyes. "What?"

I was looking at him too with a silly smile on my face and butterflies in my belly and fluttering in my heart.

I then aimed to plant a kiss on his lips, but somehow ended up kissing his chin instead which made him laugh. "I love you more."

There wasn't anymore kissing. Or talking even. We just lay there, fingers laced together and foreheads touching. That's how perfect our love was. How pure it was. I didn't have to think about whether I loved him enough to tell him, I just did. We could just sit (or lie) in silence for ages, not uttering a word but it wouldn't matter. Because I loved him and he loved me.

And maybe I was an idiot to believe our love could last forever. That the first boy who I loved would also be the last one, the one. But isn't it just so pretty? The thought that you don't have to fill every second with meaningless conversation, that you can just exist together and love each other. I think it's pretty anyway.

So when we did start fighting about the stupid things, the cracks started to show. Each kiss became deeper, more desperate as we clung on to each other and I see that now. I see how we both became addicted to the losing game that was our love became. And those moments like the kissing in the rain, the lying together on his bed became faded memories even before we broke up. Instead, it was messy kisses, stolen in moments that we shouldn't have been kissing in. But even then, Josh Hartley could make me smile like no one else.

"Hi, are you okay?"

I snap out of my memories. I see that I've stopped on the pavement, that I've just been staring out to space like a freak for the last few minutes. And then I turn to see the person who asked me if I was okay.

I blink.

Her hair is blue. Electric blue, bright and eye catching in this boringly grey street. Her eyes are outlined with black with those white highlights in the corners that I've always wanted to try but always manage to mess up. And everything about her reminds me of someone else entirely despite their stark differences.

"You're Eden's sister."