Okay, this is a lot to unpack, BUT this is the last chapter that will need a trigger warning. Minor mentions of death, suicide, and fighting. Please do not feel you have

take care.

∞ ϟ

I remember nothing after that moment, just the bits and pieces of shattered memories and broken spirits. I could barely feel the cup in my hands, the boy in my arms, and the tears streaming down my face so hard, and so much, that I thought I'd drown in them.

We were spinning.

Turning in a seemingly endless spiral, atoms crossing together as our bodies were moved away from the graveyard and back home to a place my mind couldn't even remember at the moment.

Home.

Home was where we were supposed to feel safe, feel warm and welcome, and know it was the one place you could always return to no matter the day. I wanted to go home.

But Cedric...Cedric please stay with me.

I saw your ghost for a fleeting moment, your request still ringing in my ears like a church bell—although I know a miracle is far from appearing, and my prayers will still remain unanswered. Just stay a little longer, alright?

I'll bring you home.

If it's the last thing I do.

But Cedric, why aren't you scared? Why won't you talk to me? Why are you lying so cold in my arms, so silent, so empty, that it feels your skin is more fragile than glass?

Cedric?

No....no, no, no, Cedric.

I thought maybe it was all a dream! A nightmare that would leave me waking to sweat-stained sheets and a beating heart, and the reassurance you were somewhere out there breathing! But no, Cedric, this is all real, and you're gone, and I'm in pain, and the world is at stake because I was...

A second too late.

This is all my fault, isn't it?

I'm sorry, Cedric. It's because of me you never had a chance to say goodbye. Please wake up. I'll be your last goodbye if you won't, and I know you don't deserve that.

Cedric please.

Please.

➵ ♆

It's cold where I am.

Wherever I am, that is. I don't remember waking up, but the view of a stone ceiling is enough to remind me I've somehow made it out alive. Somehow.

I don't deserve it.

I don't.

But there's some warmth in the room. Something clasped in the palm of my hand, a pulsing breath of air traveling up my fingers and towards my wrist, and pressing down on the beads of my knuckles. And with the warmth comes a smell I often found comfort in.

Lemon and Vanilla.

Draco...

My body felt like it was falling apart, but I couldn't help but turn my head to see a boy asleep next to me, his head resting on the mattress of my Hospital bed and both of his hands clinging tightly to mine.

"Draco?" I whispered, my voice shaking with every word, "Draco, where is he?"

The boy was fast asleep.

"Draco, where's Cedric?"

All that came from the boy was the ragged breathing escaping his lips, as he clung tighter against my hand, mumbling something under his breath. Draco, wake up. Please. I need you. I need you to tell me this was all a dream, and that everything is fine, and that Harry doesn't hate me, and that my friends care about me, and that you still love me, and that Cedric is...

And that Cedric is...

No, no, no, no, not Cedric.

I felt my stomach wretch, twisting into a million different knots as if to pull me apart again. I rolled off of my back, my hand slipping out of the boy's grasp and hitting the bedside table with unwilling force.

"No...." I mumbled, pushing myself onto my feet as best I could, all while muttering the only word that I could ever fathom. "No, no, no, no..."

As I stumbled through the aisle of the hospital wing, I felt my bare feet curl up against the cold stone beneath me, unable to walk straight. My eyes were too blurry with tears now.

I didn't think I had any left to cry.

"No... no, no, no, no..."

I felt sick with myself. I was a coward. I couldn't fight against the one person I had been training to fight for, and now an innocent life has been taken because of it.

"Please no...no..."

I could barely make it a few steps towards the door, when I heard the sound of a metal bed screeching out of place, and a familiar voice muttering awake. I didn't even need to turn around to know the look on the boy's face.

"[y/n]," he whispered, his tired voice sending shivers down my spine, "hey, hey, hey, it's okay...I promise."

Before I could move again, I felt his arms around me, pulling me back towards the bed as gently as he could.

He's lying to me.

"T-thirteen," I choked out, pushing his arms away, "thirteen, Draco, you aren't—you can't...you aren't allowed to lie to me."

The sound of his voice only brought me more pain. It was a reminder that I didn't deserve him at all, and that I was nothing more than a burden now. No one else was here in the wing, no one came to see me, and now he was wasting his time trying to help an already broken soul.

"I'm not lying to you, love," he whispered again, but I could hear his hesitation, "it's going to be okay."

"Draco, no..."

"I promise it will be."

"Don't lie to me..."

"I'm not—"

"Draco, I killed him!" I yelled, sitting up to look him in the eyes, "I killed him, Draco, he's dead because of me!"

"[y/n]—"

"Why can't you see that?!"

I shoved him away, grabbing my wand from the table and lurching towards the door. I didn't want to stay here. I couldn't. I had to leave. But my legs were to weak to support me, so I collapsed against the wall, my shoulders bruising with the hit.

"I killed him!" I yelled, my eyes burning with tears, "I killed him, I killed him, I killed him!"

Something compelled me to hit my hands against the wall. To beat the memory out of me. To beat it all out, because whenever I closed my eyes I saw someone's life being taken from them in the split of a second. I saw a soul who everyone loved, lose everything, because I was a second too late. I saw him. Cedric.

I saw him die.

Draco grabbed my hands, pulling me away from the wall and placing my palms against the fabric of his robes. He still could only manage a whisper.

"Hit me," he urged, "you'll hurt yourself if you hit the walls, so hit me and spare your hands."

But I didn't want to hit him.

I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

So I just crumbled into his arms, bringing him down to the floor with me as I drowned in a pool of all the tears I had spilled. My wand was barely even clinging to my fingers now—a reminder of how useless magic seemed to be when it came to the heart.

"I keep seeing his face," I cried into his chest, "Cedric's face"

Draco was silent, holding me in his arms tightly.

"I saw his eyes go cold, and his blood stop running," I whimpered, "and I saw the look on his father's face when he realized the same things."

Why won't you talk to me?

"I couldn't save him, Draco, I couldn't save him... I couldn't save him, I couldn't save him, I couldn't save him..."

Say something!

I felt so empty inside; so drained of all feeling and hope, that it was too much to take. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to either feel the worst of it, or feel nothing at all. Grabbing my wand, I pressed it up against my neck, choking back sobs of guilt.

"I should have died," I cried, "they can take me instead! I'll die a thousand times iff they just bring him back! I swear!"

Draco wrenched the wand of my hand, throwing it across the room with a clattering sound.

But I needed it.

I needed it to feel something.

"Let me go!" I screamed, clawing at the ground, my fingers stretching to reach my wand, "Draco it's my choice! Let me go! Let me go, let me go, let me go!"

Draco didn't do anything, holding me down with all of his weight. Why wouldn't he say something? Was it because he knew I was right? That I should have died in Cedric's place? Because if that's what it will take to bring him back, I won't even hesitate.

"Let me go!" I yelled again, beating my hands against his tight grip, "just let me go!"

He didn't move.

"Let me go!"

Not even a sound.

"Draco...." I whimpered, giving up and collapsing back into his arms, "Draco, let me go...."

I expected him to be silent again, never saying a word and just putting up with my fighting, but then I felt him move his head. His cheek was pressed against mine, a fleeting moment of a breaking connection.

And then he let out a choke.

And I realized he was crying too.