Honestly, I don't fucking like my therapist. I want to switch with Cordae, his therapist be giving him the good candies, I be getting peppermints and shit, like bitch are you trying to say something?

I know a 24 year old like me shouldn't be complaining about candy but at least give me something to be excited to come to every Monday and Wednesday.

But at least I can talk about everything that's been on my mind this last week. Like..you know what, Stokeley, and other shit that comes to mind. On Monday, she scheduled an extra day, so now that it's Wednesday, I have to come back tomorrow. Our sessions are usually 30 minutes to an hour, and I hate every single second.

"So. Jahseh, how has it been since I lost saw you? How have you been feeling?" She asks.

"Good."

"Why?" She asks.

"What do you mean why? It was good." I said.

"Jahseh, I mean why was it good? What have you been up to? And make sure you elaborate." She says.

I roll my eyes, "I don't know what you want me to talk about."

"I'm a therapist, you talk about your problems, whatever's on your mind, thoughts, feelings. Tell me about Stokeley. How has everything been, and how does it make you feel?" She asks.

"Everything with Stokeley and I is going great, he's been supportive and loving, but we want to take things slow because of everything that's happened." I explained.

"Who did you date before Stokeley?" She asked.

"Oh. Uh..A guy named Michael.."

"You ever speak to him?"

"We're..we're working on stuff right now. We're just trying to get everything figured out between us, other than that..he's cool..even though I told him he should go to hell.."

She writes something down.

"How was the relationship like with him?"

"Very..intimate, there was a lot of affection and love shown. I enjoyed the time I spent with him."

"And before that." She says, while writing something down.

"That was actually my first relationship."

"Oh? So you've only been in 3 relationships, including the one with Stokeley right now?"

"Correct."

"When did this relationship start and end? You're 24 now?"

"It started when I was 15, a sophomore in high school. It lasted 9 years."

"Why did it end?" She asks.

"Because. He killed himself."

"You're not talking about-"

"Can we please switch the topic, I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said blowing off her question.

She sighed and nodded, going to make a quick note.

"You went." She said not looking up at me.

"Went to what?"

"The funeral, Jahseh. I told you that wasn't the best path to take, especially so soon."

"What did you want me to do? Skip my cousin's funeral?"

"Sometimes the best path, isn't the easiest, Jahseh. I'm not saying 'forget your cousin' at all, I'm just looking out for you." She says.

"You had a breakdown, didn't you?" She continued.

"Well..yeah." I admitted.

She makes a quick note.

"Was it Stokeley that helped you? Who wa the first to approach you when you had your breakdown?" She asks.

"My bestfrien- Or my ex bestfriend, Miles.."

"What did he say?"

"He said something like, 'are you okay?' That pissed me off because obviously I was not okay, I was having a full mental breakdown at my cousins funeral, that my stubborn ass was told not to go to for my own good..prior to that we did have a little disagreement, after the whole incident, he was the last one to go reach out to me. Everybody had said something to me in the days following, he was the last person, he was he was 'scared' scared of what?"

"Everyone like who?"

"Everyone like my mom, who I haven't talked to in years. Who was the same one to kick me out at 15 for being gay, and I was forced to jump around from place to place, then live with Miles."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Not fucking happy, Doc." I said.

"So..Miles is having a little battle with pride. Give him some time." She suggests.

"Time? It's been 3 weeks, how much time does he need? We have the same friends and we see each other so much, he doesn't say a word."

"I don't mean a few weeks, Jahseh. This might take up a few months, maybe a year. Or more. Healing friendships take a while, it's not something that usually is done overnight. So distance is the best option right now, so I advise you just wait. Spend time with Stokeley, distract yourself now that you have almost nothing to worry about." She says.

She rips a piece of paper from her notepad and writes down something and hands it to me.

"I'm afraid our time is up, Jahseh. I don't think I'll need a session with you until next Monday. Remember to call me if you ever want to talk." She says to me smiling.

I walked out of the room and Stokeley is there waiting for me in the lobby.

"How was it?" Stokeley asks me, giving me a hug and a kiss.

"Terrible." I said.

"What? Why?"

"All she had was peppermint candies." I said.

He scoffed then wrapped his around my shoulder pulling me closer to him.

"I got something for you when we get home." Stokeley says.

Is it what I think it is? Because my ass is ready.

I open the note she had given me, just because. I don't read most the notes she gives me after every session, but I thought I'd just take a peek this one time:

Time is healing, healing takes time.

- Doctor S. Knowles