It was a week later, Kentrell's funeral. His father owned a church, so that's where his parents the service to take place. My therapist had told me that it might be best I not go. Honestly, what kind of bullshit therapist says I shouldn't go to my relatives funeral?

There I go again, being stubborn.

I know, I probably should've just stayed home. She said it might trigger some PTSD or some shit like that, but I think I'll be fine.

It was an open casket. Kentrell's father, my uncle, had suggested it. His mom thought it wouldn't be a good idea, after the whole thing to bring back bad memories. But he thought of it as something good, to let the world know that there are people out here willing to do things to innocent people. Which..isn't all that good, but I understand what he means.

Miles decided to show up today. On second thought, I should've of listened to my therapist. This is honestly too much. But I'm already here, there's no turning back now. The service was about to start. Besides, I have Stokeley with me. Speaking of Stokeley, he and I have been taking things slow. After everything, I don't think I'm ready to jump into another relationship. I do like Stoke, but I just want to get everything straightened out first. I need to love myself before I start loving someone else at this time.

I honestly did now know anybody else at this funeral, except for the people I obviously know, there's so much unfamiliar faces. As I'm studying the random faces, I see Kentrell's father step to the podium,

"Thank you everyone for being here today." He began. Everyone immediately simmered down to listen.

"Speaking on behalf of my son, I'm sure he's very thankful for all of you to be here. He's with us, he will always be. Kentrell, our son, was a rather rebellious kid. He did what he wanted, whenever when we wanted, nobody could stop him. Hell, the boy has 4 kids, at such a young age. But that doesn't hide the fact that our son was a good man. We..were devastated to hear that our son had been killed, and that our nephews, had been hurt too. I advise you today to forgive, but never forget. Kentrell died a young, amazing, 24 year old man. Too soon."

"We decided, an open casket would be better. It would be easier to say goodbye." He finished. Everyone got up and made their way over to the casket, Stokeley and everyone else trailing behind me.

"Jahseh, are you sure this is a good idea?" Stokeley asks me. I nodded yes, but honestly, no.

The line to see Kentrell started moving, I was getting closer and closer to him. Finally I was next to see him. I walked slowly over to him, he looked peaceful. He didn't even look dead. I felt like I could touch him and he'd wake up.

💀💀💀

Looking at him. I just feel the guilty. It's my fault he's gone. I was the one with all the problems, and it costed me a life. I can't look at him and live with the fact all of this could've been prevented, if I would've just listened. I lied, I can't do it. My therapist was right, I shouldn't even be here.

Jahseh wasn't even up there a full 10 seconds before he step away and ran. Stokeley was about to go after him but I stopped him. "I got it, let me go."

"Miles, he's still mad at you. Don't you think that will make it worse?" Stokeley said.

"Yes, but I have to try." I said. "Good luck." He told me.

I made my way over to the foyer, where Jahseh was sitting on one of the benches, crying. I take a deep breath and walk over to him.

"Stoke?" He said, not looking up at me. "No. It's Miles." He sniffled then chuckled, "The fuck do you want." He said. "I just wanted to..check on you. You seemed pretty upset when you left."

"No shit, Sherlock. Does it look like I'm happy right now?" He said.

"Look Jahseh, I really wish I could help you, I know I haven't been the best friend lately, and I apologize. I should've thought about you before I thought about anything else."

"You can still, I don't understand what you mean by 'you wish you could.' Whats stopping you?" He asks.

"I don't..I don't know." I said.

"Well probably if you'd put your fucking pride to the side, you'd know." He says. "I went trough this whole traumatic experience, lost my cousin, and I didn't once get shit from you, not even a 'Are you okay.' Would you have even TRIED to say something to me if Kim wasn't there to say something?" Jahseh said.

"No. You wouldn't. Because you were 'too scared.' I'd be the one in that casket before you'd actually say something to me." He says, and he's right. I let my pride get the best of me, and it's tearing at what's left of Jahseh's and I's friendship. I think this is the end for good now.

I sighed got up to leave. I think it's time for me to go back into the service, and let Stoke know he should talk to him.

"Just so you know Jahseh, even if I'm not yours, you will always be my best friend. I do still love you." I said. He said nothing. The response I deserved. Nothing.

It is true. I love Jahseh, he's my brother. I hate to see our friendship crumble because of my stupid actions, that I could've prevented if I could just stop and think selflessly for a second. I hope one day, I can fix it.

💙💓💙💓💙💓