《Loved Like a Psycho》12: Concentrating
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Sun rays filled the room slowly reaching my eyes, I opened them. I was facing the ceiling. Today was finally the day I was waiting for, for a week. Today the parents were coming to meet us! I can't wait to see my mom and my dad and jai of course. I also had to talk to Siddharth's parents. Speaking of him, he had a grip on my hand, his head resting over our intertwined hands. He was sleeping on the floor again, like he'd been doing for whole week. His full sleeves still annoyed me, like who wears full sleeve in summer?
He gets possessive over his arm whenever I try to get him wear half sleeves, what is he hiding? I don't get a good vibe. I double checked him, to see if he was sleep before carefully rolling sleeve of his right arm. It had nothing then I rolled his left arm.
I got shock of the day when I saw cuts, not just cuts but my name carved on his toned forearm. I rubbed my eyes to see if I wasn't hallucinating. I slowly touched his cut and then traced each letter of my name, my heart skipped a beat it was real, I wasn't hallucinating. Why was he doing all this?! This is no way to express your feelings for someone. I'll talk to him about this, why did he cut?!
I sat there angrily breathing, trying to control my anger. My eyes filled with tears when I saw him sleep in peacefully still clutching onto my hand. Did he really love me that much? So much that he was ready to cut my name on his arm? Or was there another reason?
He has been really soft to me whole week, he minimized his yells, he tried not to hurt me too much. Day before yesterday I decided to spy on him, I wanted to know why he sleeps sitting on floor besides me. I pretended like I was asleep, I watched him shuffle until he got up and muttered 'let's sleep now' then he sat on floor staring at me then getting hold if my hand and falling asleep in an instant. All of that on one side, I am still angry at him for cutting my name on his forearm. I slowly got my hand free from his grip and went to washroom to freshen up, when I came out I found in sitting on my bed massaging his legs and hissing in pain.
"Why do you sleep like that" I asked abruptly.
"Will you let me sleep beside you on the bed?" He asked snapping his head at me the second he heard my voice.
"No" I said I mean maybe I will, why does that matter?
"That's the reason" he smiled at me and started walking towards the washroom I caught his hand and turned him towards me, I rolled his sleeve of his left arm looking straight in his eye.
"Explain" I demanded not looking at the scar, he had a horrified expression on his face, his eyes shifting from the scar to me. His breath hitched when he tried to speak. He shook his head and jerked his arm away walking straight into the washroom leaving my question Unanswered.
I sighed as I walked to the auditorium gate where meeting was held, I spotted few siblings standing there I spotted Jai and jumped on him from behind he immediately got hold of my legs, he spun he around and I laughed, then he let me down and faced me after hugging me, the smile on his face vanished and was replaced by a crease in forehead.
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"Didi" he frowned
"What up idiot?" I mocked.
"I am good but your dead" he smiled mockingly
"Umm what?" I frowned being confuse.
"Wait and watch" he said teasingly and I slapped his shoulder.
After few minutes the meeting ended and parents came out. I saw my fellow students rushing towards their parents, hugging and greeting them. The reunion all around the place was so heart warming. I found my dad he was smiling while he came towards me and engulfed me in a hug, I hugged him back , mom had a grumpy face on.
"Avneet you have made a boyfriend here?" she asked raging her eyes at me, I gulped.
"Umm no" I nervously replied. Who am I kidding she can see right through me.
"Don't lie" She spat.
"Okay there is this guy who likes me a lot but I don't" I said and sighed in defeat.
"I should have never agreed for you too study here alone" she glared and I hung my head low out if guilt. Thank god she doesn't know that I'm staying in his freaking room, dig me hole I don't wanna be embarrassed in front on everyone "Its okay" Dad smiled at me, I smiled back.
"At least you understand" I whispered to him and I hugged mom, she playfully sulked at me but kissed my cheek. What? she is my mom after all I love her. Jai being the flirt he is, started flirting with a girl. Guess who? Reem. Wow, I went to him and fake coughed, catching both of their attention, Reem was blushing. I smirked at her then informed Jai that mom and dad were leaving.
"My mingled sister send me a picture of jiju" he whispered in my ear as he walked to leave. EW! Jiju? Gross.
"Shut up" I frowned and he laughed. He walked out I bided them byes and started finding Ritika as I saw Siddharth practicing foot ball all alone, taking his anger out on the poor ball and net. Why was he angry? I didn't want to go and ask him and why was he here instead of being with his parents? Shouldn't he be there? I ignored him and went back to Auditorium door and found Ritika
"Ritu" I said tapping her shoulder, she turned to me
"Yeah" she said
"Where are your parents I need to talk to them about Siddharth?" I asked her politely
"They are at the principal's room. Anyways they won't care" she informed. Obviously they will, I thanked her and left for the principal's room, Ritika followed me. I waited there, they came and hugged Ritika, talked to her. Her mom brought her something. I overheard they're conversation, what? I was standing there I didn't mean to eaves drop I'm a good girl trust me.
"Where is your brother?" The woman asked Ritika
"don't know" she replied carelessly looking at the gift she received.
"Leave, let's go Vrushali" His dad said abruptly. I rushed to them and stood in front of them.
"Hello Mr and Mrs Nigam" I greeted Politely.
"Yes? " Vrushali Nigam said with clear irritation on her face.
"I need to talk about Siddharth, I am his friend" I informed, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
"What about him?" She spat. OKAY I HATE THIS LADY ALREADY.
"See, no offence its really normal but I think he has psychological problem" I said controlling my temper with difficulty
"Huh?" His dad said suddenly
"Yes sir" I said thanking God that someone cares "He has clear syndromes of psychosis like loss of concentration, lack of sleep, his neck twitches and he zones out randomly while talking"
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"He will get over it sweetheart" His mom said before his father could speak anything, she shot him and me a fake smile.
"He needs help he can't get over it alone" I almost lost my temper as I raised my voice.
"He will be over it" His dad said and walked away following his rude wife. Wow! He doesn't care about his only son?
"I told you" Ritika said as she skidded after them to leave them to college door.
They were his parents? Okay leave his step mother but his father? And here I was talking all shit about my family being too conservative and look here, he has such creepy and careless parents. God, No wonder he is not normal.
I fiddled my fingers and stared at the floor as I walked to the football stadium, I sat on the bottom row of bleachers and watched him. And as if he sensed my presence his head snapped at me, he shot me a forced smile and shifted his concentration back to the ball. He was trying some move but failed every time, he couldn't concentrate, he kicked the ground in anger and threw the ball then he put a smile on his face as he walked toward me.
He was sweaty so he gestured towards the locker room and went there I followed him and sat on the bench in locker room. I watched him take off his shirt and wipe sweat with a wet towel. I was staring at his body and the scar on his left arm which was slowly healing now.
"What did they say then?" He asked as he rubbed his hair with the towel.
"Huh?" I got out of my trance.
"You told them about my problem right?" He chuckled, how did he know that?
"Oh yeah" I sighed and bowed my head looking at my hands.
"Nobody really cares about me, so it's useless" He said and wore his shirt again and sat besides me. Hey that hurts, don't say that. Wait, do I care? Yes you do Avneet stop running from it you're not letting him go completely psycho and out of his mind. If his parents refuse to help him you are going to be the one to do it. I looked at him he was zoned out, tears glistening in his eyes.
"I do" I said and snaked my hand around his arm he was pulled out of trance and he looked at me in disbelief.
"Huh?" He asked trying to confirm that his ears were still working.
"I care about you" I chuckled lightly hitting his arm. A wild grin spread on his face, he was full of life again, his eyes filled with love, the love he claims to have for me, I could swear I saw hearts in his eyes and all of a sudden he hugged me. I was taken aback for a bit but then I smiled and wrapped my arms around him, I slowly caressed his hair and felt him sigh happily on my shoulder.
After a while we walked out of the stadium and went back to canteen, there was an air of happiness around. People were happily talking about their parents to their friends. We reached the gang table they all were talking about their parents. Ritika was boasting about the gold necklace her mother had given her. I saw Siddharth's face it was dull again. Ritika turned to look at Siddharth and she immediately shut up about her necklace and hugged Siddharth.
"Bhai I love you, you know that right?" She said in the hug.
"I know, now tell me what do you want?" He chuckled, Ritika laughed too and hit his arm.
"Nothing, just know that I got your back as long as you have mine" She said. Their relationship was so cute, jannat watched them with an awed expression while Arishfa and Lucky were busy giving each other googly eyes. We sat on the table, usually I sat opposite to Siddharth but this time I sat besides him. He got another shock, he looked at me in disbelief, so did others but quickly diverted their attention. Siddharth kept looking at me, probably searching for something odd.
We ate our lunch, Jannat really missed Bhavesh, she was incomplete without him. I envied their relationship too much. I stared down at my food when I felt Siddharth's hand getting hold of mine under the table. I gasp at sudden gesture thinking it was a lizard, everyone turned to me and Siddharth pretended to be oblivious but his face said it all. He was on verge of breaking down into laughter.
"What's up?" Asked Manjul
"Er.. Nothing uh.. I got giddiness in my leg" I said covering up successfully. They nodded and turned to their food again. I heard Siddharth laugh silently besides me. He's being mean! I slightly slapped his tight
Bursting him into laughter fully. Everyone looked at him in disbelief again.
"What's up with you two?" Asked Arishfa suspiciously
"Nothing" We said in unison and looked at each other, it was nice seeing him almost normal. He lasted 30 minutes without zoning out till yet! It was his record. The others smiled at Siddharth's behavior and we ate rest of our lunch in silence, my hand trapped in his, under the table. He walked me back to my old room where we girls were about to have some girls time, he left with a kiss on my cheek and turned away, I smiled to his back as I playfullt wiped the kiss off.
Pov ends
Siddharth was sitting on his bed, he had a book in his hands while his back rested against the headboard. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply and exhaled with same intensity.
"What the hell was that equation?" he forced to remember something as he rubbed his head. He took a pen and stared writing chemical formulae, he kept rearranging a particular chemical equation, he filled a whole page with equations, arranged, rearranged.
"No no Not this" He scratched the page with the pen in his hand.
"I am so dumb. I can't fucking remember an equation properly" he broke the nip of the pen and tossed it on the notebook. He buries his head in his hands, he heard the door open.
"Hi Siddharth" Avneet chirped as she entered the room, she found him sitting on bed clutching onto his head on verge of ripping his hair out.
"Umm anything wrong?" She asked sitting in front of him on the bed.
"Nothing, Usual stuff" he said as he pushed the notebook away.
"Then why is ink all over the page?" She asked as she took the notebook
"I can't concentrate" He yelled out of
frustration making Avneet jump on her place. He started rocking himself back and forth while hugging his knees, he kept muttering curses at himself.
"First calm down" she ordered once she regained her composure. He stopped the curses and looked at her. She gestured him to stop with the rocking, he sighed and stopped leaving his legs.
"Now try to concentrate slowly " she advised handing him the notebook.
"I can't " he said with frustration as he swatted the notebook away. She winced but breathed deeply.
"You can" she forced and handed him the notebook again.
"Nope I am a loser, I am really tired of
trying" he sighed his frustration out and hanging his head low.
"Then try again" She said in a whisper putting her hand on his.
"I always try to concentrate, I get everything but it gets out of my mind, I just zone out out of nowhere, I know everything but I cant form words when I'm writing exam" He ranted as he threw the pillow to the wall.
"Hm okay, let's do one thing. Can you control your temper?" Avneet asked using her hand to lift his chin, forcing him to look at her direct in eyes, he opened his mouth to speak but couldn't "Can you do it for me?" She asked
"I try to but I fail" Siddharth replied gritting his teeth she raised her eyebrows at him "But I can try and control it for you"
"Good! Now let's start over, together this time" She chirped as she got off the bed, took the books from the table and hopped back in the bed besides him "Hmm so what are you studying?" she asked.
"This" He said taking a book from her lap and showing her.
"Hmm Medicine" She said flipping through pages already, she took his notebook and checked which topic he was studying, she opened it and skimmed through.
"I see, you can't memorize these chemical equation right?" She asked looking up from the book and he nodded. Avneet took all of the books from him, also the ones in her lap and kept them on pillow, he was confused. She sat in front of him cross-legged.
"Sit like me" She said and he obeyed, then she took his hands in hers, he had no idea what she was doing.
"Now, close your eyes" She said gesturing him and squeezing his hands.
"Angel, how is this gonna help?" He asked with a confused and frustrated expression.
"Shh, just follow" She said and he very awkwardly closed his eyes.
"Good, now back straight and take deep breaths" She said closing her eyes and breathing deeply, he mirrored her actions. She squeezed his hands again a smile broke into his face.
"Let all of that frustration out mixed with these breaths" She said while exhaling, he exhaled too clearing his mind. He felt a lot better, sitting there doing nothing just breathing with his hands in hold of the girl he loved. He suddenly felt her leave his hands he tensed up.
"I'm still here, keep breathing and don't open your eyes" He heard her say, he just obeyed. He heard a zipper of a bag, he was confused but he focused on breathing. He heard a can open and then liquid pouring in a glass. He felt her sitting back on the bed, shaking the glass, ice clinking in it.
"Open your eyes" She said and he did. She handed him a drink, she gestured him to drink it up. It could be poison but he would really drink that up if Avneet gave him. He trusted her blindly, even with his life so he drank it. It tasted of Apples.
"What is this?" He said once he finished the glass.
"Soda Apple, from my stock. I usually drink it when I can't concentrate" She said with a shrug, he smiled at her "How are you feeling?"
"Better" Said Siddharth with an unnoticeable smile.
"Okay, now back to studies" Avneet said taking all the books from pillow and giving him. He took them and started his work, he took new pen and started underlining important points.
"Tell me once you're ready I'll test you with those equations" Said Avneet. She got off his bed and went to hers, she messed whole bed with books.
They spent hours sitting there, her doing her own work and Siddharth writing and rewriting equations. Once he was ready he tapped her on shoulder and handed her his book, she wrote down the test for him and he solved it getting all the answers correct.
"Enough, I am done" He said stretching himself as she began writing another test for him. She stopped and looked at him before speaking.
"Are you sure?" She asked and he nodded while yawning. He sat down on the floor beside her bed and started staring at her, a smile plastered on his face. She blushed.
"Siddharth you can sleep here, you don't need to sleep on the floor" She said hesitantly pulling him out of trance.
"Are you sure?" A bright smile was hiding behind his hopeful eyes.
"Hmm" she nodded shyly.
"Thanks" The smile crept on his face finally, highlighting his features.
"Okay so finish your work then" he advised.
"Actually I am done" She said and gathered all of their books and notes. She got off her bed and kept the books and notes carelessly on the couch.
"I will be back in a minute" she said before getting in the washroom.
Siddharth changed his clothes and jumped in the bed, he took his phone out and scrolled through his gallery filled with Avneet's pictures "I hope I can make this birthday of yours really special" He smiled looking at her pictures and candids, videos she didn't even knew he shot. Avneet came out of the washroom, she smiled at Siddharth and he hid his phone behind.
"Umm what?" She asked suspiciously.
"Nothing" He chuckled and She laid down beside him.
"So why did you do this?" she asked out of the blue taking his left forearm and showing him the scar. He paused, he didn't speak for a while.
"I owe you my life this is just small stuff, besides I didn't know I was writing your name when I cut this" he said turning his head to look at her. She wanted to argue on that.
"I love you" he said abruptly before she could speak.
"This is not how you show love" she stated
"Then what is this?" he asked pointing at the almost healed scar.
"This is madness" She replied.
"True, because I am madly in love with you" He said casually "And Insane not to forget" He added pointing his finger at nothing in particular.
"Your not insane, you're just messed up and its okay to be messed up" She consoled taking his arm, he was getting a lot of shocks in this one day from her side.
"Wait what? People hate me, you hate me and the reason is that I am a psycho" he hissed disgusting himself.
"I don't hate you anymore" she said .
"Really?" He asked in disbelief, he felt like dancing and jumping up and down like a little kid.
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