《Now You Know ✅》Chapter 35: Heart Open

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"You're right. Errol talks a lot,"

In response, Pelham merely gave April a brief raise of his eyebrows as if to say I told you so before taking a bite of his waffle.

It was a leaden Wednesday afternoon in the beginning of May, just after school hours. So far, there hadn't been much progress with Pelham's mother and Roshon. And Pelham was forced to conclude that he had become non-existent to either of the two. Fortunately for him, he had a relatively fundamental thing to focus on now that it was May; his 'AS' Levels.

Perhaps he could use the exams as his main distraction from these conflicts raging in his head. Forget Mum, he thought. Forget Roshon. Forget what April said about Lucio. Forget. Forget. Forget. Though, he wasn't certain whether he could concentrate that much.

Pelham had been reluctant at first when April asked whether he could join her at the food parlour right after school, saying that he had revisions to do. When April noted that he was not the only one with a big exam coming up - adding to him the fact that he had already revised months and months previously, and that he was an erudite student (not that he fully believed it) - Pelham acquiesced. After all, both of them were sixth-form students.

"What did he talk about?" Pelham asked flippantly.

Truth was, Pelham was afraid that Errol was going to engage in yet another conversation with him. Not that the boy ticked him off, or that he talked way too much than any average human being normally did. There was simply something alluring about him - especially his imposing features and lively persona - that was beguiling, yet scaring Pelham. As far as he was concerned, Errol had yet to flirt with him.

It wasn't something he normally received from other boys.

"Stuff, stuff, stuff," April said, waving her hand in the air dismissively.

"What kind of stuff?"

"Cows."

"Cows?"

"And carrots,"

"Cows eating carrots?"

"Don't be daft. Cows don't eat carrots," she said reproachfully. Then she paused. "They don't, do they?"

"Maybe his cows eat carrots,"

"He didn't mention ever owning a cow,"

"Maybe he secretly has his own farm full of cows," Pelham offered. "And they all eat carrots."

"Whose cows eat whose carrots?" came a voice beside them, startling both Pelham and April.

Errol stood with a plate of sandwich in one hand and a glass of chocolate milkshake in the other, eyeing both of them sceptically. Pelham ducked his head, while April went red in the face.

"Hello, Percy," Errol smiled at Pelham with his lips closed as he laid down April's orders in front of her.

Of course, April just had to guffaw, receiving a few bothered glances from the other customers.

"Something on my face?" Errol proceeded to ask.

"I didn't know owls could talk to their masters,"

"Excuse me?" Pelham sat forward, adequately affronted. Though his heart itched to laugh.

"I suppose this is another one of your Harry Potter references?" Errol asked. "Hey, at least answer one of my questions."

"Yes," April finally said.

"I asked three questions,"

"Yes, it's a Harry Potter reference, Errol," April answered, sobering up. "Anyway, his name is Pelham."

Errol looked genuinely taken aback. "It's not 'Percy'?" he said, looking at Pelham now.

Pelham made a mental note to ask which one of his parents came up with his name.

"My apologies, Pelham," Errol bowed a little. "By the way, I saw a video once where a calf ate a carrot."

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When neither of them said a word, he proceeded, "Your possessive boyfriend didn't tag along?"

He was looking at Pelham when he said it. And it took Pelham quite a while to realise that he was talking about Lucio. He immediately flushed at the idea of having Lucio as his boyfriend. "No - I mean, no, he's not my boyfriend. And no, he didn't tag along, as you can see ..."

"But you're gay, though, right?"

Pelham spluttered. He was certain that his face was scarlet by this point. "I - yeah, I guess ..."

"You guess?" Errol looked amused.

April was openly laughing now.

"I mean, yeah ... sure. I am,"

Errol simply nodded. "Well. Good talk, you two," he said, clapping Pelham once on the shoulder and giving April a courteous bow before turning around and returning to his place behind the counter.

When Pelham met April's gaze, she was already sobering up, though he could tell she was stifling her laughter. "You should've said 'yes' to Lucio being your boyfriend," she commented.

"That's unethical,"

"Says who? Lucio clearly likes you,"

Almost at once, the memory of Lucio's lips pressed against his resurfaced, the image quite vivid in his head that he could practically feel and see him. Pelham's own lips tingled that he almost brought his hand up to touch them.

It wasn't the first time he thought about it.

Then the memory was instantly replaced with an intoxicated April on Pelham's couch; "I'm ... like, in love with you. I always have."; "Sometimes I get jealous when Lucio's with you."

Would it break her to tell her that they'd kissed again? He didn't want to hurt her, especially when he knew she still had feelings for him. He simply couldn't. April was a charming girl. He knew for one that she didn't deserve it. Still, was she right about him? He clearly couldn't resolve which of whose stories was hurting whom right now. How could April pretend like everything was all right when he had seen the vulnerable side of her?

Though, perhaps that was what April was seeing in him as well; his pretence as if everything was okay. Everything was like a mirror to one another, with no hopes of gouging out the truth from behind when all you could see was a solid surface that reflected yourself.

April must have seen the look on Pelham's face, because she hastily said, "I mean, a lot of people like you."

"They like me when I'm straight,"

"Hey, I like you,"

His heart ached, knowing the genuineness behind it. "C'mon, let's go," he said, pushing back his chair and getting to his feet.

"I haven't even finished my sandwich!"

"Take it with you, then. Nobody's stopping you," said Pelham as he swung the strap of his schoolbag over his shoulder.

April had wrapped a tissue around her half-eaten sandwich and was munching on it by the time they were outside. They walked to the back of the parlour, where April's car was parked - having had asserted that the trees there provided more shade than the ones at the edge of the street. Though, Pelham reckoned she merely wanted a short walk from her car to the parlour. He couldn't blame her.

Just as they turned around the corner, both of them paused at the sight of a lanky Asian boy with a short-cropped black hair standing just near the back door of the parlour. Errol stood on the threshold, his fingers curling around a handcloth, looking in his normal blithe stance. But Pelham wasn't focusing on Errol's bearing; it was his expression that drew his attention.

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It was complex; like a patchwork of what Pelham could deduce as resentment, distress, anxiety and befuddlement. By the looks of it, Errol - despite standing a few inches taller than the boy - looked like he wanted to be anywhere in the world but there. His eyes were darting everywhere but the boy's face. Whatever it was that was shared between them, it was anything but convivial.

Pelham could only hear muffled words exchanged between them, but not what they were saying. By the sounds of it, though, it was heated and bitter. For the first time since Pelham talked to Errol, the vibrant boy looked somewhat sullen.

April - who stood a few feet ahead of Pelham - seemed to notice this as well, because she then strode in their direction. It took Pelham a while to realise what she was intending to do, but by the time he had caught up with her, she was already standing beside them.

"Everything okay, boys?" she said patronisingly.

The Asian boy snapped his head in her direction. "What business is it of-"

"Yes, everything is okay," Errol cut him off, smiling down at April.

"Oh yeah?"

"April," Pelham muttered behind her, "leave it."

"Did you even hear what he said?" April said to Pelham, raising her eyebrows incredulously, her finger pointed at the Asian boy.

Pelham shook his head slowly, frowning. What did he say, precisely?

"It's nothing. We were just talking," Errol said, still smiling, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Okay," said Pelham, now that he had the inkling feeling that something was not going smoothly there. "All right."

"You don't sound convinced, Pelham," Errol pointed out.

"I'm not," Pelham amended.

"Well, who's this?" the Asian boy finally spoke, turning around to face Pelham. They were of the same height. He then looked back at Errol. "Tell me he's not another one. Or have I lost count?"

Errol didn't say anything, finally averting his gaze from Pelham. "Counter's at the front if you want to order, Jordie. Not here," he said dismissively, addressing the Asian boy.

"All right, tough one,"

"I hate your face," April said to Jordie.

He raised his black eyebrows, unable to hide his astonishment. "Really, now. You guys his friends or something?"

"Not necessarily, but I do know you were verbally attacking him,"

"I was, wasn't I?"

"Would you like me to repeat what you said earlier?" April bristled. Pelham had never seen her look so livid.

"Okay, I'll leave now. No need to pick a fight," Jordie said eventually, putting his hands before his chest as if in surrender, though he wore a smirk on his face as he walked backwards. "I see you've found yourself some lackeys, Balker! Good to see you."

When Jordie was out of sight, April stormed to her car without saying another word to either Pelham or Errol. The two of them were left to stand there, the smell of freshly cooked waffles wafting in the air from the kitchen.

"What was that?" Pelham turned to ask Errol.

"That," Errol said, his buoyant self resurfacing, "was history."

"I wouldn't pry,"

"Cute. I appreciate that," Errol nodded. "I like your friend there."

"April?"

"Yeah. Tough woman," he chuckled. "Anyway, here I thought I'd actually enjoy this town. Away from home, you know? But shadows don't exactly leave, do they?"

Pelham just nodded. He wanted to know what it was that Jordie had said to him that hacked April off. But he wasn't one to pry - not really.

"I better get going," said Pelham eventually.

"And I have orders to take," Errol said. "Otherwise I'll be verbally attacked again."

It was a joke, but Pelham noticed the way his eyes dimmed as he went back into the kitchen.

April had the radio on full blast once Pelham got into the passenger seat. He immediately recognised Linkin Park's music booming from the speakers, and April was nodding her head along the beat, lips syncing to the lyrics but not exactly singing like she normally did.

He didn't need to say he was ready. As soon as Pelham was settled in, she immediately pressed the gas pedal, and the car lurched forwards. She looked blase, but Pelham wouldn't dare starting a conversation with her - not yet anyway. April could be intimidating sometimes.

It wasn't until they stopped at a red light did April turn the volume down and started talking. "That Jordie kid called Errol 'faggot'," she began.

Of course he did, thought Pelham.

"And a lot other stuff as well," she proceeded. "Anyway, they were all obscene. As if he's some ... some sex stuff, you know?"

"You don't know that,"

"Neither do you,"

Pelham shrugged in response. He had been far too preoccupied with his realm earlier to even cognise reality. Everything and everyone seemed to be a mystery to him now. "He seems like a nice bloke," he said eventually, just as the light turned green and the car began moving again.

"He does," said April. "It's just that ... I don't think anyone deserves to be called those stuff, even if they're true. Because some people just want to start a new life. Most of us don't like to be called what we hate to be called. It's like telling a kid they're stupid when they don't know the answer to one simple question. We don't know what other people go through. We just judge and leave, when we should really listen and help. I don't know what was up with that Jordie kid, but what he said to Errol was ..."

"Peripheral," Pelham finished, thinking back to Errol's words earlier. April was right; he didn't know anything about Errol or Jordie. They were just strangers to him, even if he seemed to know Errol a little.

People had their own stories, he realised. It wasn't just him. He wasn't alone. He'd heard Lucio's story; why he moved out of Spain. There was April, who was still in love with him but not quite showing it. And it wasn't just them. There were his parents and Roshon. There was even Oris with her own story. The universe was simply too vast, and Pelham was starting to grow exhausted and feel more astray than he already was.

"I remember, you know," April said quietly once they reached Pelham's neighbourhood.

He looked at her. But her eyes were focused on the road, gripping the steering wheel with both hands. "Remember?" he said, swallowing.

"What I said that night," she said. "What I told you. I remember it all too well."

Pelham's stomach plummeted. "You were ..."

"Drunk, I know," she said. "I was tired and angry and confused and drunk. But not highly intoxicated. I remember what I said. And I know what you're thinking."

"April-"

"I also noticed how your behaviours around Lucio have changed these past couple of weeks, after the things that I said to you. You're almost ... vigilant around him," she said. "I think that's my fault."

"How so?" Pelham suddenly found it hard to breathe.

"Because I know you," she stated. "I told you I was in love with you. That I still do. But there's no need to be chary around him, you know? I know what I said that night. And I wasn't lying. Still, Pelham ... there's no need to look after me. I want you happy."

"What are you talking about?"

She released an exasperated sigh. "It's okay to be open with Lucio. It won't break me, I promise. I just want to see you happy. You haven't been lately," she said softly. "Besides, you do look happier whenever he's around. I pay attention, Pelham."

His stomach fluttered like it normally did when Lucio was brought up in the conversation. Only this time, he found it hard to push it away, especially when April was forcing him to see things through.

"You keep pushing thoughts of him away," April stated.

It wasn't a question. And she wasn't wrong; Pelham had been pushing truer things away - he always had ever since he was younger. Here he thought he'd grown out of it. When was he ever going to realise how dangerous it was to keep denying facts?

"Pelham," April said when he didn't say anything.

"What?"

"Perhaps I was wrong the other night. But I have to ask; do you love him?"

"You scare me sometimes,"

"Pel,"

"I don't know,"

But he did know the truth. It was always there, hanging by a thread just above his head. He just always chose to ignore it. But now the thread was coming loose. Some time in the near future, it was going to snap apart and drop whatever truth it carried onto Pelham.

They had arrived in front of Pelham's house. But somehow Pelham didn't feel like going out - not yet. There were things in his head that he needed to let out. He wasn't going to be oblivious - not today.

"Let's say, hypothetically, Lucio and I ... kissed more than once," he almost stumbled over the last word, "and we both don't talk about it - any of it - because we think it's nothing important. And, hypothetically, I go crazy each day. Not because of the kiss - not necessarily. But because the kiss itself has acted like a switch from the day I first knew him. Now - hypothetically - it's blooming like a flower."

"That's a lot of hypothetical stuff that I'm afraid they happened in real life," she chuckled.

"Well?"

"Well, hypothetically speaking, you should go and talk to him. You said it yourself; you're going mad," she said. "You're a Psychology student, damn it. You should know what bottling your own emotions does to you!"

"Right, because I'll be that biased experimenter who conducts a study on himself,"

April snorted, but she was laughing.

"Thank you, by the way," he said as he opened the door.

"For what, specifically?"

"Dunno. A lot of things. I'm just gonna thank you for existing,"

"Thank my parents, not me," she smiled. "By the way, all that hypothetical stuff you said ... they happened, didn't they?"

Pelham felt himself go pink in the face. "You sure know a lot,"

Her eyes widened. "You cheeky bastard!" she almost yelled as Pelham got out of the car. "And you never said a thing?"

"Thanks for the ride,"

She rolled her eyes as Pelham closed the door. He gave a small wave before she drove off. A moment later, his phone buzzed with a text message.

April: u n lucio totally kissed AGAIN n u r totally in love w him yet you didnt say a thing. im going after u tmrw

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