"Are you okay?" Tony asked when he saw me walk in.

I was hoping I didn't look as bad as I feel.

"Have you seen Leo?" I say worriedly.

"No..."

God, please be okay.

I took a seat...and not the one where I sit next to him.

"Good morning, class." Ms. Chang closed the door behind her, a sign that everyone should be here. But someone isn't...

"Good morning, Ms. Chang."

"Please, have your homework out on your desk."

The door starts to open and I take a deep breath anticipating who may be walking in.

And when I see his face, the feeling of relief is simultaneous with my heart cracking.

"Try to be here before the bell rings, Mr. Rylin."

"Sorry." I kept my head down to avoid eye contact. "Heather, can I talk to you?"

"...we're in class."

"It's important," he persisted. "Ms. Chang?"

Her eyes moved from him to me, and I suppose she could sense that something was wrong. Leo looks on edge, and I feel as though I could sink into the ground.

"Five minutes starting now."

He let out a sigh of relief, "Thank you."

I wrapped my arms around my body and held myself for comfort when I followed him to the lockers in front of our class.

"Hey," Leo said, lifting my head up with his finger.

I backed away. "Hi."

"Listen, about yesterday, it was fucked up, I know that but you just have to hear me out, okay?"

"Did you leave me to do something dangerous after telling me you wouldn't?"

"...yes," he admitted, reluctantly.

"Did you ever stop selling drugs for Matt?"

"No..." I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. "Heather, come on."

"There's nothing to talk about, Leo."

"We have to talk about you saying it was over. What the hell was that?"

"I meant it. I can't be with someone who might not be there the next day because he did something stupid."

"It isn't like that," he argued.

"You lied to me. You said you weren't involved anymore."

"I couldn't just bail on him, Heather. He's one of my best friends and he needed help."

I'm sick of that excuse.

"You lied to me."

"I didn't want you to be mad or worrying about me."

I scoffed. "Good job."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I don't care."

"I love you."

There it goes. I wondered when it would happen...my heart completely falling to pieces.

I paused, trying to control my breathing and hold back the tears.

"It doesn't matter."

"How can it not matter?" He sounded hurt.

"Because it didn't yesterday."

"We're not broken up. You don't want that, I know you don't."

"It wasn't my choice, It was yours. What I wanted meant nothing to you," I said angrily.

"Heather, you can't be serious."

"I'm going back to class."

"You're not...serious," he said, waiting for me to change my mind. And when I didn't, he shook his head. "Alright, whatever," Leo grumbled, turning to walk in the opposite direction.

I'm not running after you anymore.

"Where is Leonardo?" Ms. Chang asked after I returned alone.

"I don't know."

"Is he alright?" I ask Dane when he comes out of the room Danny is resting in.

"Why wouldn't he be? It was a clean shot. He's waking up now."

"Thank fuck-"

"Don't you ever threaten my business like that again. You know what happens when you bring a gunshot victim to the hospital? Police get called. What were you going to tell them, kid?"

"I'm not a rat. I'd say he was just shot by some dude."

"Why do I think that if my guys weren't out there, you would've had a lot to say about us?" He glared.

"They were out there the whole time and you made us a distraction like you wanted me to get killed," I glared right back at him. That has to be the reason they didn't jump out until someone got shot and their target almost escaped.

"Are you trying to accuse me of something?"

"No." I bit my tongue. "Nothing. Am I out now?"

"Yeah, you're a liability. I got my money back, now I don't want to see your face anymore. Jordan's neither, tell him we're done."

Gladly.

I head into the room and see Danny laying in the bed.

"Hey, man," I try to sound happy.

"Where the fuck am I?" Danny asked.

"Dane's place."

"Who the fuck patched me up?"

I shrugged. "He had someone. I think stuff like this happens a lot here."

"You fucking got me shot."

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Where's Leo?"

"He was here all night looking..." I shook my head, "out of it. He finally told me what happened, and I said he should go talk to her."

"She dumped him."

"She was probably bluffing."

"No, I've seen that look before."

"Do you think he would've stayed with her if he knew?" I questioned.

"He knew. He still came."

Fuck.

"...he probably hates me."

Dane opened the door and threw a bottle of pills on the bed by Danny's feet. "Take these for the pain. Don't come back asking for more." He looked back at his men. "Get them out of here."

"Leo, what are you doing home?" My mom asked, but I went straight to my room. "Leo?" She called out right before the door slammed shut.

I throw my bag on the ground and sink down to the floor with it.

Tears hit my face with every staggered breath I take...

I knew you'd do this.

There was no way I could care that much about you without it fucking me in the end.

I lay my head against the edge of my bed and let the tears redirect and draw on other parts of my skin.

I couldn't find another way around it, Heather, I swear I didn't want to lose you. You're all I wanted.

I pull my pillow into my lap and press it against my face so I can yell and sob and stop feeling anything.

I love her so much, how do I stop loving her?

When will I stop thinking about her? Stop seeing her face in the back of my mind?

She gave up on me. I said I loved her,

And she gave up on me.

I yell until I can't choke back the tears enough to keep going.

I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and swallow the pain in my throat. My chest hurts, and I want to stop crying, but do you know how long my stuff will smell like you?

I'm going to miss the hell out of you, butterfly.

And fuck you for making me do that.

I opened the door again, and my mom stared confused and worried at the tears falling down my face.

"Mom," I said quietly.

"Leo, what's wrong?" She asked, and I started crying harder while walking over to her. I put my head on her shoulder and broke down as she held me tightly, trying to soothe my shaking with her hands on my back. "You're scaring me..."

"She broke up with me."

"Oh..." She breathed out. "Honey...do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"I don't understand. You were together just a minute ago."

"We're not anymore. She doesn't want to be," I said between sniffling breaths.

"Jellybean..."

"I love her," I cried. "A lot."

"It's okay."

"I don't know what to do."

"This," she suggested. "And give it time."

"That sucks."

"I know, but it works. You just have to wait."

Wait...to finally be okay with not having her.

Why does it feel like I'll spend the rest of my life waiting.

I pulled away, sniveling and drying my face with my shirt again.

"Don't do that," my mom complained, passing me a tissue instead.

I glanced at where she got it from, right next to the picnic stuff I never put away yesterday.

"I left a mess. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about that right now."

"I've got it. I'm fine," I insisted, and she rushed over to me like I was doing something wrong.

"Hold on-" her hand reached out, but I grabbed the paper she was going for.

"What's this?" My eyes scanned over the words.

She sighed, "It was in the bag."

I could tell you a thousand times

I will always want you.

A thousand times...you.

'Heather' signed at the bottom in pretty letters like I wouldn't recognize her handwriting.

"Are you okay?"

"We said no gifts, must be why she wrote it. She wanted to give me something anyway." My mom pressed her lips into a sad smile. I balled up the paper in my hands and tossed it back where I found it. "You can throw it out."

"Darling," my mother said, appearing as if she's been waiting for me.

"Hello."

"How are you feeling? Better today?" She asked with hope.

"No."

"I made dinner. When you're upset, you don't eat. You have to."

"Okay."

"I'm not very good at this," she sighed. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Can we go to Italy earlier?" I ask, on the brink of pitiful sobbing. "What if we leave tomorrow?"

"We can't abandon everything and go. You have to finish school."

"There's only a few days left. I won't be missing anything."

"I told you, you could've stayed home today, but you can't let them see you cry. As far as they're concerned, you're a perfect picture."

"I'm not," I said tearfully.

She frowned, "I know."

"I don't want to be. I just want to leave already."

"Here, darling." She came over to me with open arms and hugged me close, cradling my head to her chest.

I have never hugged my mother as much as I have these past two days. She was here when I came in last night, and she seemed to know right away what was wrong.

It almost made me physically ill thinking about what he could possibly be doing and what someone could be doing to him...

How his ribs took so long to lose that purple color...and how someone could be painting him purple again.

How I can't be there to wash the red from his body, how I told him I wouldn't be...and he still left.

He left.

I told you I love you, and you still left.

I was too hysterical to let go of her, so she slept in my bed. I didn't sleep.

"Don't think it brings me any joy to see you like this. Despite the apprehension I had over that boy and your relationship, I was glad he made you happy."

"I should've listened to you."

"No, you were right not to. There's so much to learn from loving and being loved."

"I didn't learn anything," I said offended.

"You did, you'll only realize it once you move on."