《Burnouts》The Cost of Alone Time
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"God, she's so hot," Matt groans watching Salma Hayek in a bikini. He turns to Zach, "This does nothing for you?"
"She's hot," he shrugs.
"Exactly."
"So is George Clooney with tattoos."
Matt scrunches his eyebrows up at him but then starts to smile and nod. "Kinda hot."
"Let's go to Club Sixx later," I suggested.
"Alright," Matt agreed. "Danny?"
Danny looks at me and then shakes his head, "nah, I'm good."
I scoff and laugh to myself. I didn't mean to invite him anyway. He won't do anything but complain.
"What's up with you guys?" Matt said uncomfortably.
"Nothing," Danny replied.
"He says 'nothing' then starts bitching," I spat.
"I'm bitching? You gonna start whining about your girlfriend any time soon? We're all waiting."
"I don't whine about her, you do, and it's only because Val dropped your ass."
"If I say shit about Heather it's because she made you into a pussywhipped service boy. Val ain't got nothin' to do with it."
"I haven't even talked to her today."
"Big deal."
"Yeah, big deal. You're sitting here acting like what I do with Heather fucks with your life or something."
"I've said what I wanted to you. I'm done with this shit."
"Good, talk about something other than me then."
Zach's eyes shifted around at all of us..."Wouldn't it be cool if it was just summer already?"
"So you can hang out with us all the time and avoid your boyfriends?" Matt joked.
"I'm not avoiding-" Zach sighed, "yeah, it's hard to hide in my room if I have to go to school and stuff."
"You stressed yourself out trying to be the gay Hugh Hefner."
"It's two guys, not a whole house full."
"Two too many," I smirked.
"You used to have like 5 girls."
"To fuck, that's it."
"I don't want to be like that."
"Wait a year or two, you will," Matt said confidently.
"Ugh," Zach groaned and laid flat against his bed. He turned 15 and dug himself a hole to celebrate in. I chuckle as he lays there. "You keep laughing at me."
"It's hilarious watching you fuck up over and over and stress about fixing it," I admitted.
"If you guys could have more than one person— would you?"
"I can't focus on more than one person." I give all my love and feelings and gross shit like that to Heather. There's nothing left for anyone else.
"Like multiple girlfriend girlfriends or just girls?" Matt asked.
"Girlfriends."
"And they know about each other?"
"Yeah."
"It sounds cool but like...hard. What if I pick favorites and they get mad?"
"You wouldn't either, Danny?" Zach waited for his response.
"I don't know...I guess not."
Lie again.
"Yeah..." Zach hung his head low. "I have to choose."
Aaron is folding shirts by the counter when I walk into the store. It's crazy to think that we're so deep in each other's lives, yet we rarely cross paths.
"Hey?"
"Aaron...how are you?"
"You like this store?" He said skeptically.
"Yeah. I wish my room looked like this."
"Buy stuff and it will."
"Need the commission?" I teased.
"That's why I work."
I don't think much of this store if I'm telling the truth. It looks like everything in it would break easily.
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"Zach likes this store?" I asked.
"Some things in it."
"You."
"Some things about me," he leaned against the counter and kept eye contact. This is what wildlife experts would call 'asserting dominance.'
I raised an eyebrow. "Can I guess what?"
"Go ahead."
My lips pulled into a smirk, and I looked away to laugh a bit.
"I won't be in here too long, don't worry."
"I'm not worrying."
"My friends are in the arcade, and I didn't feel like playing."
"You're not the one with the high score."
"Oh, you've heard about us?" I said in amusement. "Hear about me a lot?"
"No," he shrugged.
"I guess it'd be weird if you did."
"As weird as you preferring to talk to me over your friends."
"Are we not also friends?"
"Is that a trick question?"
"Ouch," I smile, and he slides a bowl of skittles over to me as an offering to take one. "What school do you go to?"
"Not yours."
"No good-looking guys there?"
"There are, me, for example."
"Yes," I agree, "but none to date?"
"Why, you interested?"
"Why, you wanna double?"
"Nah," he shook his head. "Are you going to buy something or what?"
I put my arms up in surrender and stepped back toward the shelf on the wall.
Aaron glares his eyes and smiles knowingly when I grab a lava lamp.
"Right," he nods, ringing it up.
I shrugged, "It'd look good in my room."
"That's your second glass, Heather," my mother watches as I drink down the martini.
"You're underestimating my tolerance."
Which has gotten higher since I've started dating Leo. His friends are always partying, it seems.
"Please at least speak to our guests. They'll begin to think you're impolite."
I rolled my eyes and walked back into the mixer. This is the same event I met Jace at, and the same people come every time. A few new faces every here and there while an old one disappears. No Jace this time.
"Someone's not having any fun," Preston smiled.
"Doesn't seem like I ever am when you're around," I returned his smile.
"That's the impression that I get," he shrugged. "Is your boyfriend here?" I glanced at him, his answer is in me standing alone. "He didn't want to come, did he?"
"I didn't bother asking."
And neither does he.
"Do your parents host often? I usually don't come to these."
"Yes they do, and good for you."
"Not good for me anymore. 'We're going to the Blakely's, don't you want to see Heather?'"
"You could've said no."
"I didn't have a good enough excuse."
"So, you're bad at making up things? How will you survive this?"
"By telling the truth..."
"Boring."
People I'll most likely never see again have heard the oddest rumors from me. It doesn't take much to shock old people, and they like to gossip so heavily it's impossible not to use it to your amusement.
"You like being lied to?"
"That's not the point..." I point to the person my mother is talking to, "see that boy, for example. He's being honest, smiling, laughing, talking about himself I imagine, and the arrogance in his mannerisms...can you stand it?"
"Looks like a snob."
"Everyone's a snob, but he's probably obnoxious about it. And they'll tell him he's modest when he's obviously not. If that's what we'll hear all night, it's better to spin a few stories to at least make it entertaining."
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"He's telling them now about how he's only a freshman at university, but he's already at the top of his class— and how he has enough credits to graduate early at this rate."
That was specific "...you know him don't you?"
"That's my brother Thomas."
"Oh...I'm sorry."
"He's a snob." Preston catches his attention and waves him over to us. His eyes stay on me as he walks as if I'm the one who asked him to come. "Thomas this is Heather. You've been in her house for less than an hour and she already finds you obnoxious."
Preston.
"She does?" Thomas raised his eyebrows at me.
"You shouldn't be surprised," Preston jeered before waving goodbye to us, leaving me to clean up the mess we could've kept hidden.
"Did I do something wrong?"
I sighed, "no, continue what you were doing."
"Greeting people? You found that obnoxious?"
"Don't you?"
"Well, when you stand in a corner glaring at everyone, they tend to dislike you...also, when you call them obnoxious for not standing in a corner and glaring at everyone."
"I wasn't glaring."
"Scowling?"
"Possibly."
"If everyone is such an issue, why are you still here? Don't you have a room or two?"
"I also have a parent or two."
"Scowl away, then."
"Well, now that I have your permission," I narrow my eyes at him.
He chuckled and made no attempts to leave. "Heather, was it?"
"Yes."
"How do you know my brother?"
"Those parents I mentioned."
"That explains it. His friends are normally more...inviting."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm obnoxious, and you're rude."
"I see you're not like Preston. He doesn't lie, but you clearly do to convince people you're charming."
"You were charmed?"
"Personally? No."
"You're flirting."
"I'm a lot nicer when I'm flirting."
"And yet all the signs point to flirting," he smirked.
"Aren't you a university student? I thought you'd be smarter."
"Then it's your fault for thinking that. The hardest part of university is getting into one."
"How do you like it so far?"
"I consider dropping out every day if I'm being honest."
"What will you do after?"
"I wanted to be a pharmacist, but my father said that was a job for people not smart enough to be doctors."
A professional drug dealer. "Someone wants me to see from both sides," I said lowly.
"What did you say?"
"What are you studying?"
"Anesthesiology."
"Wow, that sounds..."
"Painful? Yes," he confessed. "I got my appendix removed when I was younger, and I was terrified...I read stories about people not waking up after being put under, so I started researching and figured I'd become the person who is sure you'll wake up."
"What's it like? Going under anesthesia?"
"Like time travel," he chuckled. "Only you're oddly confused and mildly high when you get to the other side."
"High?"
"Not like laughing gas, telling all your secrets high— just an unfocused, calm."
"I'd still manage to tell all my secrets."
"Do you have many?"
"Hm," I breathed out, "I wouldn't say that. There are just things I'd rather only I know."
"Now I'm curious," he smiled.
I intended to respond, but I spotted my mother across the room and she nodded proudly at the sight of me speaking to Thomas.
"Is she making you talk to me?"
"No, but this does make her happy," I say grudgingly. "She's lucky I've been craving intellectual conversation." It's what I miss about having a tight-knit friend group. You're supposed to drink and do whatever makes things more fun when you're at a social function, but substantial conversation over substances is an underrated joy.
"Then I hope I was stimulating enough," Thomas slid closer to me and looked at me the way guys do when they want something.
I never really liked that look. Leo looks at me differently, the lust is less demanding and subtle enough that sometimes I think he just likes to look at me.
"...I have a boyfriend."
"Oh."
"And I'm only 17..."
"Oh."
"I should have said something-"
"No, I shouldn't have assumed. Preston is a senior, so-"
"I'm not."
He slid back to create distance between us again.
"If you were single, would you date my brother?"
"He's nice," I said, unsure of whether or not that's a deciding factor.
"Your current boyfriend isn't nice?"
"Yes and no...but, I like that."
"Bad boy, then?" Thomas mocked at the idea of me feeding into a 70s cliché like I'm Sandy Olsson.
"Not bad...reckless."
"You don't like that."
"I do...sometimes."
"Not now?"
"Well-" I huffed and shook my head, "Switch your major to psychology and get a real patient."
Harry ushers me through the hall to the dining room, and the smell of food gets stronger as we walk.
"What did you make for us, Harry?"
"Not me, Mr. Trevor. Ms. Vivian insists on preparing the meals when she's here."
"But you enjoy cooking."
"As does she, sir."
"That won't matter. Soon enough, you'll be cooking again."
They're both pushing him out. Vivian being the unnecessary housewife and doing what we pay Harry for, and my father coming home constantly and being the authority figure Harry poses as.
My jaw tightens as I watch them at the table. They start without me whenever I'm 'late,' father's orders, but I simply try to limit my time with them in any way I can.
The elevator bell dinged, and a sweet sound came after it. "Hello?"
"Audrey," I mask my sigh of relief with a delighted smile.
"Hi, sweetheart."
I reached my hand out for her, and she obliged so that we could walk in front of our audience hand and hand, man and wife.
I may be in love with you after tonight.
"Father, you know Audrey," I said with a hint of deviousness.
"Mayor Michaels' daughter," he greeted her.
"My girlfriend."
"I wasn't aware of that. How long?"
"Who can tell?" I pulled her chair out for her. "She was having a hard time not too long ago, and as a friend, I was more than happy to help. Something amazing blossomed from that hardship, didn't it, darling?"
"I don't know what I would have done without him," Audrey smiled at me.
"You'll never be without me," I gave her adoring eyes.
"Very well, I'm happy for you, Trevor."
"And you," Audrey stares gleefully at Vivian, "it was nice to hear Mr. Bailey found someone so special, Gillian."
"Vivian," she corrects her.
"How did the two of you meet? If you don't mind me asking,"
"That's...interesting," Vivian laughs to herself.
It's more awkward than interesting. My father just sent an assistant out to get her email after seeing her in one of the office buildings. He never went up to her himself, instead, he waved to her as he was getting into the car.
"Father spares the romance until after a commitment has been made. It's an insurance policy, I like to say."
"That's an asinine way of saying I don't like to waste time on futile efforts," he put more food into his mouth. I'm not convinced they speak to each other, he avoids conversation too much.
"Futile?" Vivian said in offense.
"Well, had you not been interested."
I cut in, "My grandfather always used to say trying to reel in a fish that won't bite is just a waste of bait."
"Sounds like an amusing man."
"He was. Father's a lot like him actually, especially in business...and everything is business."
"Dinner isn't," my dad sighed.
"Not today, of course, I would never subject my lady to that," I put my arm over Audrey's shoulders.
"I'd hate to have to demand your attention," she coos.
"So you never will."
"Kids," my father sneered.
"I am accustomed to the belittling, but that's insulting to her. Audrey could be president one day."
"Oh, stop," she says as if my compliments embarrass her.
"It's true, she's so hardworking, strong, smart, beautiful-"
"Enough, enough," she shushed me. "What about you, Vivian? Did you always want to be a prize? A trophy wife of sorts? Not to say that's all you are..."
"Well, I've never wanted to be the president, but I do love animals and I wanted to be a veterinarian."
"That didn't happen I see..." Audrey gave her a once over. "A pet, maybe?"
"No, I hate the fur, and they're filthy smelly creatures. You can have a fish tank, Harry will take care of it."
"Threaten to fire him and then make him tend to fish," I say under my breath.
Audrey puts her hand on my back to calm me. "Mr. Bailey, I'm sure you're happy to be home more. Traveling becomes tiresome after a while."
"I prefer to travel, Vivian likes to be settled, however."
"Well, you have a son here," Vivian scoffed at being blamed.
"My son prefers when I travel."
"The preference probably comes from being acclimated to a fatherless home."
"It's clear why you never became a veterinarian, darling. It seems your calling is social work."
Poor Vivian, she's actually stunned.
Her dear lover continued to eat, and she only tore her eyes away because he wasn't going to suddenly care how she felt.
"Dessert anyone?" Vivian stood up.
"Harry will bring it."
"No, it's fine. I have hands."
I cleared my throat, "I've just realized that I have hands too. Why don't I help you?"
She didn't have to say 'yes' or 'no,' I walked ahead of her into the kitchen, so all she could say was
"Thank you, Trevor."
"Any gentleman knows not to leave all the heavy lifting to the lady."
"I'm completely capable."
"Indeed, but still, you shouldn't have to do it."
"I assumed you were still upset with me."
Yes.
"Water under the bridge, Vivian. I hope that's not why you're frowning."
"Am I?" She turned away. "I hadn't noticed."
"I did."
Vivian glanced back and gave me a grateful but obligatory smile.
"I'm still very sorry for the trouble I caused. I don't want to overstep my place."
"Where is your place?"
"...I'm figuring that out."
"It should be wherever you get to smile instead of frown," I nudge her playfully.
"You don't have to try to cheer me up," she said, but I could tell she was pleased nonetheless.
"I'm always here for you. We're one of the same."
Her eyes linger on mine sadly like she recognizes something she doesn't want to in me.
Before I can anticipate it, her arms are wrapped around my body in a tight hug.
I put my hand on her head and hold her closer to me, allowing her to bask in my warming comfort. I don't think she knew just how long she stayed pressed against me...until she peered up and saw that it would take nothing to kiss me...if she wanted to.
"Vivian?" My father called from the table, and she jumped away in fear— like she's just been caught doing something she shouldn't have.
Oh, Viv, you won't even see it coming.
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