《Burnouts》The Pleasure of Pain
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"I think you should try journaling," Tony suggests.
"Keeping a diary?"
"Sort of, you don't have to call it that if it diminishes the meaning for you. But, when we were freshman I wrote in a journal so that I could clear my head without telling someone my secrets."
"You don't like talking to people?"
"It depends...I can talk about serious things with my parents, but when it's things that seem...only important to me, it's better to talk to myself about it...in a journal."
"Ah, like crushes and petty grudges," I say in amusement.
"Exactly, I wrote about Heather a lot freshman year and how I thought Trevor was a dick."
"He is," my eyes roll. "Do you write about Audrey now?"
"No."
"Don't you like her?"
His face quirks in thought, "I'm not sure, but I don't think she ever liked me."
"To be fair, she never likes anyone. She only went after Ethan because I wanted him and that upset her for some reason. She's so possessive."
"Over you?"
"She used to be, yes. I was her closest friend because— Heather had Jace. Though, that never bothered her."
"Probably because you're nicer to her than Heather is."
"And look where that got me?" I scoff. "I don't have best friends anymore. I could move away and it would be a week before they notice."
"I'd notice," Tony says without hesitation, and I scan over him for any sign of insincerity.
There isn't one.
"Thanks, I'd send you a postcard."
"I like the ones with landmarks on them," he described, "not the ones with random beaches, they're too generic."
I start to laugh, and he smiles at me showing that was his intention.
"Have you been feeling better? Or should we both pack up and go?"
He sighs heavily, "I have too much here to leave."
"Like?"
"Family, business. The quote-unquote important stuff."
"But we're in the same friendless boat?"
"Well, I think Ethan's my friend," Tony says mindlessly and then tenses up after remembering who he's speaking to. "Sorry..."
I shrug, "Over it."
He accepts my response and continues talking. "He's the busiest person I know, though. A one-man factory."
"You have to admire the initiative," I say sarcastically.
"I had nothing to do with those pictures, by the way. I didn't even see them, and I would never participate in something that cruel. Just so you know."
"I didn't think you did. You're too nice."
"Yeah, you too. That's why we don't have friends."
"You're here? Without him?" The waitress Penny said with a look of puzzlement.
"Hi," I smile at her, "he likes the pie from here, yes?"
"Mhm, want one?"
I nod, "blueberry."
"Warm?"
"Please."
She jots it down in her notepad.
Isabel is cleaning off tables. We make eye contact and surprise washes over her.
"Heather? What are you doing all the way down here?"
"Hi, Isabel," she pulls me in for a hug, but breaks away suddenly, a stunned expression on her face. "Is something wrong?"
"It's you...I should have known."
"Excuse me?"
"How long have you been dating my son?"
"...Oh."
"I love the smell of that perfume. Cherry blossoms, beautiful, but the headache it would give me if I wore it myself? Awful. I'm glad you could use it, though."
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The perfume, of course, how could I be so careless?
I sigh, "we wanted to tell you, I'm sorry, but-"
"Heather, I'm not upset. It's okay."
"We've been together a few months now."
"Ha-" she laughs, "you're only allowed to see Heather while you're grounded, I know he got a kick out of that one."
Not our proudest moment.
Who am I kidding...yes, it was.
"Have a seat," she motions toward a booth, "let's talk."
God, no.
"I'm sorry for lying to you. We planned to tell you soon, I swear."
"Soon. That's what he kept saying. Do you know of any other girls he has dated?"
"Dated? No."
"He is so stubborn, you know?" She shakes her head. "After his father left, Leo swore up and down that he'd be back and we'd all be a family again because that's how love worked." I smile a bit at the sentiment. "Then his dad married someone else, and he locked himself in his room for days. I didn't think it'd affect him in the long run, he was just a kid."
"He doesn't talk to me about his dad."
"I'm not surprised, their relationship is...not what it should be. Nothing has been what it should be. I thought he'd never be in a relationship that lasted more than a week— with the way he talks and the things he does. You were a rude awakening, I bet."
I laugh to myself, "He wasn't thrilled, but he handled it well."
"Now he's using the L-word. My Leo saying those three words to a girl?" She scoffs in disbelief.
"I love him too."
"It's great now," she sighs, "but God forbid the day I come home to him locked away in his room again— crying and telling me to leave him alone."
"What do you mean?"
"I won't know how to nurse him through that first heartbreak."
"Oh, no, I'm not-"
"Not on purpose," Isabel stops me."It happens, it's unavoidable. I'm just glad it's that I have to worry about instead of him ruining his life by knocking up some girl he barely knows."
"Leo?"
She nods, "I don't know how you got him but that was definitely a concern of mine."
He's no saint, and I'm not clueless about his past...but a love hating manwhore just doesn't sound like him.
"Well, he didn't like me at all in the beginning, so maybe he was the way you say...but now, I can't imagine. He's so sweet and thoughtful, understanding and loving. He makes me laugh and kisses me when I'm sad."
"Leo? Rylin?"
"Yes, he's a great guy, more than I could have asked for."
"I'd like to think that had something to do with my parenting."
"I believe it does."
"Thank you," she sends me a kind smile as she stands up from the table.
"Isabel, you do approve of me, right?"
"Approve of you?" She says as if it's a joke, but I nod. "Heather, I approved of you before I even knew how close you were to my son. If you weren't such a shock, I'd think he chose you to spite me."
"He's only worried about how you will react."
"Oh, I know what he's worried about, but that's a conversation I'll have to have with him." Good luck, Leo. "Do me a favor. Let me tell him that I found out."
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"He's not in trouble, is he?"
We're just getting out of a fight, imagine if I cause another one right after.
"No, he'll be fine."
Penny comes up to the table with the pie and the check. "Warm, blueberry," she sets it down.
Isabel looks at it and starts to laugh. "This would have been the giveaway even without the perfume."
"Good afternoon," I hold out a cup of coffee and a bagel wrapped in plastic.
"Thank you," Elizabeth grins.
"May I?" I nod toward the inside of her apartment.
"Oh, yeah, sure," she steps back to let me in.
My eyes shift over every square footage of her apartment— because it's a box. Elizabeth lives in a box.
"Interesting."
"Think so?"
"I hate it," I say bluntly.
"What?"
"You should not be able to see the kitchen from your bed." There's so little space, I feel like the walls are closing in. "Where's the rest of the apartment? Do I just go through here?" My legs lead me to the door ahead.
"No, that's a-" I open the door to a rack of jackets. "closet."
I turn to her, offended by the deception, "Why are you living in captivity?"
"It's a studio," Elizabeth defends, "and not so bad when you're not used to living in mansions."
"This is atrocious. You're not staying here."
"Yes, I am."
"Did you not understand me? I'm taking you out of this place."
"No, you're not," Elizabeth crosses her arms. "You already do too much for me, it makes me uncomfortable being handed everything."
"Since when?"
"Since you made me like this job. Following you around doing frivolous things isn't so bad..." she starts to smirk, "especially considering the work benefits."
"Like dinners, trips, et cetera?"
"Yes..." her eyes shift down, "et cetera."
"Very well. If you insist on staying," I sigh, "we'll revisit this conversation when I get my own apartment."
Her eyes light up, "You'd want me to live with you?"
"That would be convenient."
"Is this how you are in all of your relationships?" She laughs lightly.
I draw my eyebrows together and give her a confused look...
"Who says this is a relationship?"
She doesn't reply, her face goes blank...so I assume we're in understanding.
"Thanks again, for the late coffee," Elizabeth leads me back to the front door.
"You're going to need it. We have a lot to do today."
"Hm, no, today's my day off."
"What?" I scoff, "I thought you wanted to come with me."
"Who said I wanted to do that?"
"Hey," Leo stands in the doorframe.
"Hear me out..." I say cautiously, and he nods. "I was just in the neighborhood, picking up a pie when I remembered that you live around here, and I don't like pie...so I thought I would bring this over to you and then leave. Unless you wanted me to stay because in that case, I'd be available."
"Mhm, so you were just hanging around buying pie you didn't want thirty minutes away from your house but conveniently close to mine?"
"That is the story I've told you, yes."
"And, if I don't want you to come in?"
"I'll leave, I had no intention of crowding you or anything, but you like pie-"
He grabs me by my jacket and brings me in, backing me against the door once it's shut. "I love pie."
"I think we've said pie a lot in these 2 minutes. It's time to admit that I was just hoping you'd want to see me..."
"Then you're lucky that for some reason," He grabs my face in his hands, "I kinda do."
"It's blueberry, do I get extra credit for that?"
"Mmm..." Leo ponders the thought, "yes." He kisses me in gratitude before pulling away shortly after. "I'm gonna get a fork. You can go to my room."
I nod, letting him back away from me.
When I walk into his room, the tv is on and I smile at the fact that he was watching that awful cartoon with the dumb boys and the terrible laughter.
As soon as Leo comes in, I shake my head at him, "This show isn't even remotely funny."
"Why didn't you tell me you have no sense of humor?"
"Can't you feel your brain melting when you watch?"
"No, I'm too busy laughing."
He brings a forkful of pie to my lips, and I open up to taste it. I can't stand blueberries, and pie only looks good but...he's so cute feeding it to me.
"Are we okay again?" I ask with hope.
He glances at me, "do you understand why we weren't? Like really understand? You said you get it, but do you get me?"
"I hope so..."
Leo sighs, taking the remote and turning the tv off before putting his pie on the nightstand.
Oh, why'd I have to ask?
"I don't want you to think I'm some unreasonable dick who's going to be angry all the time until you bribe me out of it, okay?"
"Okay."
"But—" he huffs...."but Jace is the part of your life that makes me insecure. Out of everything, he bothers me. I'm the jealous type, and I hate that because you're not, and it makes me look nuts. I know I've got you, and I wouldn't if you wanted Jace. I know how you feel and that you love me— but it pisses me off thinking that Jace looks at you like you could be anyone's other than mine." We stare at one another in silence, and he looks like he's starting to regret telling me anything. I lean over and capture his lips in mine, kissing him gently with my hand on the nape of his neck. He draws back a little and mumbles against my lips, "That makes you want to kiss me, or is this your way of shutting me up?"
I pout and ease my way into his lap, "I'm the worst girlfriend."
"No, you're not. Don't even worry about it. I'm being stupid."
I shake my head, "No, I made you feel bad." My voice comes out soft as I look into his eyes, "and you're so sweet to me."
The corner of his mouth turns up into a small smile, and for the first time...I finally feel like he accepts my apology.
Even if he's still hurt.
"It's okay," he shrugs, "and I like being sweet to you."
I like it too.
But only when I deserve it.
My hands slowly trail down to the button on his jeans. He raises an eyebrow when I undo them and lets out a stunned breath when I find my way into them.
"Heather..."
"Hm?" I move my face closer to his while gliding my palm up and down the cloth covering him.
Our eyes are locked, and Leo is trying to resist giving me the satisfaction of a reaction.
But I squeeze at the right place, and his mouth falls open— I rub harder and he gives me a soft grunt.
His lips being parted is too tempting for me not to kiss. I brush over them, prolonging it and feeling his ragged breath on my skin.
Our lips interlock, pressing against each other and it feels like a spark...a jolt in my stomach...having him hardening beneath my touch and breathing heavily between kisses.
I break away, and he pulls me back immediately, his tongue licking into my mouth— a sure sign he's turned on now.
I moan in surprise of the eagerness while our lips come together harder than before. My fingers slips under his boxers and goosebumps appear on my skin, he's just so warm, soft to the touch but hard so hard.
He kept one arm around my waist rolling his hips to slowly thrust in and out of my hand while we kissed. I'm urged to be selfish. I know if we keep going like this he will make me cum in no time, and this is too hot not to feel the ache and frustration of being close but not being touched.
But, it's not supposed to be me.
I come up for air, so Leo presses his wet lips to my chest, sloppy kisses and needy grinding fill my senses— the room echos our heavy breaths. I'm soaked. It's like fire after striking a match when his fingers meet my skin, tracing up my thighs to lift my skirt.
"Wait," I push him back, "not yet."
He furrows his eyebrows while trying to catch his breath. "Huh?"
I place my hands on his bare stomach, trailing them all the way to his chest while he stares intently at me. I drag the hem of his shirt up as far as I can before he gets the hint and helps me take it off of him.
No surprise I go for the jeans next, pulling them down along with his underwear... kissing from his navel down to his...
He lets out a deep breath, fidgeting and blushing red in heat. My body reacts immediately to the sight of him, hard and standing at attention, flushed and trickling pre-cum. I hum desperately and try to ignore the budding pool in my panties.
"Your motive for doing this makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of you," Leo chuckles. "On the other hand...I can honestly say I definitely won't be thinking of you and your ex while you're giving me head."
"Then I'm taking advantage of you," I say deviously. "I want you to stop thinking, so you'll stop being mad at me."
"Mutual manipulation," he smirks.
I'm okay with it if you are.
I look into his eyes as my lips trail up his hard shaft before wrapping around the tip. My tongue circles around it as I suck, prompting him to groan and lean his head back. This is my favorite part, watching him lose it when my tongue flicks against the underside of his tip, hearing him moan louder the farther I take him into my mouth.
As I moved my head up and down, the things he said to encourage me only turned me on more. Every "fuck, Heather," and "shit, that feels good," sent flutters between my legs, and I moaned at the feeling of having my mouth full of him.
Leo lifted up, using one hand to hold himself in that position, and holding my hair back with the other. I opened my jaw wider and let him raise up until I started to choke, he took in a sharp breath before lowering his hips. I opened up again so he could do it once more, and he groaned out "holy fuck," when my mouth closed around him. He's close.
My hand twisted faster as I stroked and pumped him toward finishing. Alternating between sucking and licking the part of his tip that made his body quiver, becoming a drooling mess until his moans got closer together and his stomach did that thing I like where it clenches and unclenches until he cums-
And he does, flooding my mouth with it.
He jerked forward with every hot spurt, groaning as he pushed himself back and forth past my lips.
I swallowed, naturally, and moaned as I licked him clean of every drop.
He falls back against the bed breathing heavily and running his fingers through his hair as if he's winding down from a great workout. I wipe my mouth off in the mirror and see him looking at me.
"Yes?" I almost laugh.
Leo waves me toward him, "come back up here."
He pulls the blanket over half his body instead of redressing...which probably means he has more in mind.
I lay in his arms, admiring his sated look, and he turns to give me kisses all over my face— pecking my cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, and then my lips while I smiled and relished in it.
I gaze up at him, "do you love me?"
"I wish you asked before you did that."
"Why?"
"So I could say 'of course I fucking love you' without you thinking it has something to do with you getting me off."
"You're not mad at me anymore," I say happily, more as a revelation to myself.
"I stopped being mad last night when I missed you."
My jaw drops in shock. "You jerk. You did take advantage."
He laughs, "What happened to mutual manipulation?"
"That doesn't work now. I was bribing you for nothing."
"Hey, I told you not to bribe me, but you're stubborn," Leo says in amusement.
"I can't believe you missed me and didn't call."
"It was too late, like 3 A.M."
"You couldn't sleep?"
"I woke up for some reason, and when I was trying to get back to sleep, I rolled over and started thinking about how if you were here, you would be holding onto me in some way and I could kiss you and you'd snuggle closer because you always do and— I don't know, it's just something I like."
"You want to know something I like that you do?"
He starts to smile but looks down to hide it. "If you want to tell me."
"Whenever we're out somewhere, you keep me really close to you as if I'm not safe when there's distance."
"You like that?"
I nod, "It's the most caring thing."
"I need to protect you."
"From?" I tease.
"Doesn't matter because nothing's going to happen if you're right here," he tucks my hair behind my ear.
"Then I'll stay right here."
"I think I'll head to like...Florida or North Carolina after or something, " Matt says.
"Why?"
"I want to be someplace warmer and by water."
"You do seem like a repressed surfer," I chuckle, "like you're supposed to be baked, wearing seashell necklaces and not answering hard questions."
"Yeah," he beams.
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