We stood outside on the balcony when we heard fireworks. It wasn't even midnight, but we were by ourselves as the sky lit up...and he was next to me....looking up— but still next to me.

I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to...a lot, but I've never made the first move on anyone before.

Evan kissed me first.

"I think they're done now," Aaron breaks the silence.

"Yeah..." I say in disappointment.

"So...do you know everyone here?"

"Not everyone, but a lot of them, yeah." I think Danny knows I'm right about Kat because none of them showed up tonight.

And that's kind of okay...I don't know if I want to introduce Aaron yet.

"You fit in well with older crowds, huh?" He asks rhetorically. "It seems like it's something you're used to."

"Does it?" I say happily, taking it as a compliment.

"This place is full of upperclassmen and college kids. Are you the youngest person everywhere you go?"

I shake my head, "I'm not that young."

"I know," he smirks. "But you don't like people your age."

"They're alright, the people I like are just...older."

He chuckles and nods, "it's nice to know I made the cut then." I smile at him while he's not looking. He's really vague...but it's nice to know it's okay to like him. "Should we go back in?"

"Yeah, probably," I sigh, the cold air turning my breath into clouds.

Amanda throws weird parties compared to the ones I usually end up at. The people who come are all cool in a— unique kind of way, and they mix in with the rest who are more laid back. I prefer her parties...

Aside from the coke in the bathroom and the circle of freaks on acid.

Aaron follows me into the empty kitchen. I open the fridge and grab a bottle of Bud Light.

"Beer?" I offer.

"I'm driving..." Aaron hesitates, "but maybe just one."

"You don't have to go home," I shrug. "We all just crash wherever we are if no one can drive. You can stay if you're with me."

He chuckles, "you make friends with everybody, don't you? That's why you invited me? So, you'll have another place to crash?"

"Obviously," I joke, "why else would I have ever talked to you?"

"You're lucky I have a couple of sleeping bags then."

"I'd hate to put you on the floor in your own room though."

"Oh, really? Try to take my bed," he laughs, "I dare you."

"Or, we can share it."

Subtle, Zach...real subtle.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise at my suggestion.

Laugh, Zach...tell him you were kidding.

"Aaron?" A girl interrupted before I could recant.

"Oh, shit," he smiled at her. "Carmen, hey," Aaron wrapped his arms around the girl and hugged her like they hadn't seen each other in years.

"Oh, my god. What are you doing here?" Carmen replies and holds his face in her hands. "This is the last place I'd expect to see you again."

"I bet," Aaron chuckled. "I was going to head over with some of the guys to Rodrick's shop, but I'll probably just meet them at the battery before the night is out."

"His dad still owns that sub shop?" Carmen says in surprise.

"Yeah, and Rodrick is closing, so he's got a few people hanging out in the back."

"Aw," she replies fondly, "I miss hanging out with everyone."

"Do you really?" Aaron laughs, "you can't find anyone like us in the suburbs?"

"My new friends are nice, you'd like them, but they're not like the gang," she admits. "One of them brought me here, actually, but I kinda lost her."

"What's her name? Maybe we can help," he motions toward me.

Oh, so you haven't forgotten that I'm here?

"Claudia," Carmen says to me, "she said she knows the girl who lives here."

I shrug, "Never heard of her. But, you can ask Mandy, she lives here." I point toward where she's standing with a group of people playing beer pong.

"Thanks," she nods gratefully. "Carmen," she extends her hand out for me to shake.

"Zach," I respond dryly and accept her gesture of courtesy.

"And, I'll see you later?" Carmen looks expectantly at Aaron.

"Yeah, definitely. Get your friend and come to battery park after midnight. They'd love to see you, and I want to catch up."

She smiles, "okay, sure. I'll see you there."

He nods and she walks off...probably to talk to Amanda, but I look away before Aaron could notice how much I was paying attention.

We stand quietly beside each other, and I resist every urge to turn and face him.

I think I stare at him too much anyway.

Aaron nudges my arm, "Want the rest?" He offers me his half-full beer.

So, we're close?

Friends...

Who don't really know each other.

"Okay," I take it from him but don't bother drinking it. He casually leans against the counter...and I can feel it when he looks at me. "Uh— anyway," I speak to avoid awkwardness, "when are you leaving?"

"What?"

"You know, to go hang out with your friends."

"...are you staying?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"You want me to come?" My lips start to pull into a smile.

"I mean...I thought we were like— hanging out? You can stay if you want too, though."

"No, we are-" I say way too quickly and try to shrug off my enthusiasm. "But, it's okay if you want to just go with her. I'll be fine here."

Aaron chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

"Let me know when you're ready to go."

"Has everyone on the list come in?" I ask my doorman.

"Um— he drags the pen down the paper on his clipboard, "almost, Miss. A few haven't checked in yet."

"Okay," I nod with a sigh. For everyone to basically be here, I find it quite odd that I'm not seeing anyone I actually like.

Maybe I was too loose on who I allowed in. There are far too many West Siders here.

"I got you a cosmo, is that okay?"

Did I really need a date tonight?

"It's fine," I take the drink from him, "thank you."

"Should we dance?" Liam suggests.

"Why would we do that?"

"It's your party...and at parties, people dance," he shrugs.

"People do a lot of things at parties that we will not be doing, Liam," I respond plainly.

"What?"

"How many people from school have you seen tonight?"

"Uh— I've seen some familiar faces...and like half the basketball team." He chuckles, "you should see some of the girls they brought with them."

"Why?" I look at him skeptically.

"They're those out of state girls here for deb week," Liam explains, "they came as plus-ones, but I think they've been branching off. I saw one with James Novak."

I roll my eyes, "they just want to find escorts."

"Do you have one?"

"I have options," I side-eye him. "But I haven't decided."

Heather and I will be debutantes, not Alison...for obvious reasons.

And, we're both single, so choosing an escort should be fun.

Landon is tall, but he's an awful dancer.

Liam is tall— enough and apparently likes to dance...though, there's something about him that puts me off.

It may just be the fact that I compare every guy who passes me to Ethan.

"I can take you, but you have to tell me now."

"Excuse me?" I say in distaste.

"Well, there are other girls looking...I have to know if I'm available or not."

I scoff and precipitously hand back the drink, "you're definitely available."

"Audrey?" He calls out in confusion as I leave him behind to find someone better...which won't be a challenge.

He was a fill-in.

I had told Lisa ages ago to get me Gregory Mindel. Making an appearance with a titled Aristocrat would be so— lush. But...Lisa must've been hit by a cab or something because she's suddenly dropped off the face of the earth.

If she's not dead, I'll kill her.

As I'm walking, I catch a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. My lipstick is fading...due to Liam and his cosmo, no doubt.

I reach into my purse to find the shade and then back at the mirror to apply it.

I had only begun to swipe it across my lips before my eyes shifted to the corner of the mirror.

How dare he...

And why am I still breathing if my heart stopped?

I swallow hard and exhale deeply.

Just put on the lipstick.

Ethan can choke on the debutante for all I care.

But he didn't have to do it in my house.

"Audrey," Alison waves me over excitedly.

"What?" I breathe out.

"Trevor thought it'd be a good idea if we all went to his place for an after-party, but not everyone, just a small group of us."

"Whatever," I shrug indifferently.

"Are you okay?"

I stare back at her in contemplation. Would it be so bad to confide?

I laugh at her question, "why wouldn't I be?"

"You-"

"I can't stand here and talk to you all night. God, Alison, it's a party, " I roll my eyes and exasperatedly push past her. How can you expect me to concentrate on anything other than the thought of Ethan back there with her?

I need a drink...something stronger than the image I can't seem to blink away.

He was stuck to her. Slowly leaving deep, lingering kisses that I know too well.

I've been where she is— latching onto him like he'll disappear otherwise.

And, oh, he will.

But you'd never be able to tell with the way it feels. He's so impossibly intimate. As soon as he puts his hand on your face— you're lost. He'll look at you, not the way most guys do, no, he's smarter than that. He knows to make you feel seen, admired, adored.

Or maybe just me.

So, I'll keep telling myself that it could have happened to anyone...and probably did.

And, it's okay that I haven't gotten past this yet...it hasn't been that long...and closure didn't feel the way I thought it would.

I pour a shot of the darkest liquor I see.

Disgusting.

"Wouldn't you prefer champagne?"

I continue to cringe at the taste...before cringing at the sight of Tony.

"Go away," I shake my head and pour another shot.

"You're holding it in your mouth too long-"

"Well, it's fucking gross and hard to swallow," I snap at him.

"Then stop drinking it," Tony suggests. "I can make you something you like. Vodka cranberry, gin and tonic?"

"I never should have invited you," I say in annoyance. "Thank you for being the third intolerable person I've run into in the past ten minutes. I'll be walking away now."

I can't find even an ounce of peace in my own home.

I begin taking off my jewelry before I even reach the door of my bedroom. I throw my earrings onto my dresser along with my pearls before reaching for the zipper on my dress.

Everyone will be out after midnight, I have Trevor to make sure of that.

Someone starts knocking on the door and I groan.

"This is not a bathroom!" I shout.

They chuckle, "yeah, I didn't think it was."

This guy again.

"You know, I'd pity you for not being able to take a hint, but I've been direct with you...so you're just pathetic."

"That's alright," Tony replies, "but I brought you the vodka-cranberry."

"Oh, my god," I huff.

"It's the pure cranberry juice— not cocktail. I checked, there's not a lot of sugar-" I open the door and come face to face with him. "...it should taste better than that spiced rum you were drinking."

"If I take the glass, will you go away forever?"

Tony shrugs, "or until you want another one."

I hear someone announce "5 minutes till midnight," as I come down the hall. That guy has been glued to the radio for half an hour now.

"Turn it up," Jordan tells him.

Music is playing outside where the people mainly are. There's been a lot of coming and going. Everyone is just jumping around to whatever party has the most alcohol or drugs. The house was packed to capacity about an hour ago.

"Popper?" Angela starts handing out those confetti things.

I try to walk around her, but she stops me and puts one in my hand.

"You can keep it," I pass it back.

"What are you going to do at midnight?"

"...leave?"

"Great," Angela rolls her eyes before continuing to hand out party favors.

"Wait— have you seen Danny or Matt?"

"They're with AJ," she shrugs.

"Thanks," I say sarcastically.

I don't need her to be specific though. AJ is a stoner, if they're with him, they're getting high.

"Yo," Jordan calls out to the people in the backyard, "it's almost midnight!" They cheered in response. "Get a cup, and come inside."

There's still about two or three minutes left, but I bet he knows how long they'll take filling their cups. Someone's bound to do a keg stand and waste time.

I join those who have gathered in the living room and watch the door open and close. 'They must have been listening to the radio too,' I think to myself when Danny comes in with Val on his arm. I'm surprised she let him smoke her out. AJ and Matt follow behind them with Cherry in the middle. She told me she didn't like either of them.

The door opens again, and I furrow my eyebrows in complete confusion.

Heather looks around worriedly when she doesn't see me, but I don't wave her down or anything.

I watch her eyes scan the crowd until they finally land on me...and she smiles.

I tilt my head and motion her over to me.

"Heather," I say as she approaches, "how'd you find me?"

"I went by your house, and your mom said you'd be here," she explains. "She wrote down the address and everything, she's really-"

"Sweet, yeah, I know. You told me."

Heather frowns a bit, "you're still mad at me, aren't you?"

I sigh and shake my head, "I'm not mad."

"I'm sorry." She moves closer to me as everyone squeezes into the living room for the countdown. "I'm not usually that naive— at least, I don't think I am. I should have understood how you felt-"

"I get why it wasn't a big deal to you. I shouldn't have cared either-"

"If a past girlfriend were buying you extravagant gifts, I would be uncomfortable too," Heather admits.

"But that's what I mean," I say loudly with a sigh, having to talk louder than everyone shouting out seconds, "I don't care that it came from Jace."

"You don't?"

"No, I care that-"

Heather cuts me off with a kiss as confetti shoots all around us, and the clocks strike 1997. I'm glad she was paying attention to the countdown.

I'm also glad she didn't kiss me before I left her room that day— I really doubt that I would have held out.

I hook one hand around her neck and the other around her waist. She smiles against my lips as if this is what she needed to know nothing's changed.

She presses herself up against me and kisses me harder. I hear distant whistling and yelling, and raise my middle finger in the direction it's coming from. Only my friends are that annoying.

When we pull away, I keep her close to me. "I was jealous, and it made me kind of pissed at you, butterfly. But not because Jace gave you the hairpin."

"So, what was it then?" She asks in confusion.

"It was because he bought you a fucking diamond-encrusted hairpin. That compared to what I got you...is like the chapstick he got his actual girlfriend."

"You got me something?" Heather smiles, ignoring everything else I said.

"Yeah, I was going to give it to you when I was at your house, but then your friend showed up, and we started fighting."

"Oh," she says sadly.

Is it healthy that I'll probably give in to whatever you want just to keep you from being sad?

"Come on," I grab her hand. It's freezing outside, so everyone came wearing warm coats and just threw them on the bed in Jordan's room. I never took the necklace out of my jacket pocket. Heather shed off her coat as well when we entered the room, and I started sifting through the pile for mine. "If you don't like it, I can get you something else, just tell me."

"Leo," she playfully rolls her eyes.

"Put your hand out," I say and she does so confusedly. I drop the necklace in her hand and then sigh.

Heather lifts up the chain, and I hear her gasp when she gets to the small charm.

"You were afraid to give me this?"

I shrug in response. "You found a butterfly necklace," she says all heartfelt.

"I saw it through the window of this store when I was walking down Bleecker Street. It was only around 7 dollars, but it's nickel-free so..."

Heather unclasps it and puts it on with ease— she does seem to wear a lot of them. This one's bound to get lost in her collection.

She rubs her thumb over the pendant, "I think this is the only meaningful gift someone's ever given me..."

"It's nothing," I say lowly.

Heather smirks and wraps her arms around my neck, "do you have any idea how into you I am?"

"Mm, maybe," I say slyly. "I've been listening to your CD." She hides her smile by resting her head on my chest.

"You really like it? You're not just doing this for me, right?"

Heather replies by gently kissing me. "I really like it," she says softly in between kisses, "I promise, baby." My lips brush over hers again, and I smirk.

"Baby?" I repeat in amusement.

"Stop," she says knowingly in annoyance and turns away from me, already sensing that I'm going to drag this on.

"Say it again," I tease, pulling her back to me.

"No," Heather laughs.

"I'm your baby, now?" I continue and she groans in embarrassment, "that's what you called me."

"Leo," she gets out of my grip and jokingly pushes me away but I grab her waist.

"It's baby-"

Jordan walks in unsuspectingly but stops in his tracks when he sees us.

He narrows his eyes, "...you can't fuck on my bed."