Yes, I know. 'Another special chapter?!' Yes... another special chapter. Trigger warning: suicide I did NOT reread this because it hurt writing this. I wrote this while I was in a bad frame of mind. REMINDER: TRIGGER WARNING

I watched Jotaro in the water as I sat on the beach outside the water. He was content on our day off. Every once in a while, he would grab a sea creature and bring it to me.

His happiness was contagious.

I've been around Jotaro for quite some time. We've also been in a relationship for many years. A decade even. Knowing him for so long, I've seen his high and low points in life. I wish to cherish his happy moments and learn from the sad ones.

I felt like him losing his memories was a good thing, for he still didn't get certain memories back that brought forth his pain.

It was back in 2005. We were currently setting up headquarters in Texas, so we, Speedwagon Foundation, Jotaro and I were quite busy.

I was carrying a few big boxes when I rounded the corner and found Jotaro on his phone. He was leaning against the wall with his back to me. He was quiet and nodding as if the person speaking to him was watching.

I could barely hear the person on the other side of the phone as I got closer. Sounded like whoever was on the phone was giving him a hard time. As usual, his phone was in the highest setting.

Eventually, he closed his cell phone and placed it in his pocket without saying another word. He sighed heavily, then his demeanor changed to a positive one as he peeked at me. He turned to me and said, "Need some help, sweetheart?"

"Sure," I said. "Grab the box on the top. It's making it hard to see."

Jotaro grabbed the top two boxes instead, making my load much lighter.

At that time, Jotaro was officially a couple. We had been together for about 5 years.

As we walked, I asked, "Who was that on the phone?"

He said, "Don't worry about it." He said this in his unbothered voice.

I didn't take my eyes from him as I scoffed.

He glanced at me, then quickly looked away. "Sorry. It's nothing important. Don't worry." His words were softer this time.

When we made it to our destination and sat the boxes down, we discussed our duties for the day. I was going to go out to do some more work, which would make me come to our hotel room a few hours later than him.

He averted his eyes. He was disappointed.

I placed my hand on his cheek. "Don't worry. After this week, we can spend all the time we want together."

He nodded as he placed his hand over mine.

"Um," a worker said awkwardly as they walked in with their own boxes.

We were in the way.

Jotaro glanced over at him. He took a deep breath in as he rolled his eyes and pulled away from my grasp. "See you tonight?"

I nodded. "See you tonight."

Soon we split. I was leaving the building when I saw two guys arriving at the front door. One of them was holding a turtle.

The blond kid looked vaguely familiar, and that was because I'd seen an actual picture of him before. That was when he went by the name Haruno Shiobana.

I gasped before approaching them. I said, "Hi, are you trying to get in?"

The blond kid, actually he wasn't a kid anymore at that point, said, "Yes, I'm here for a man called Jotaro Kujo. I know about Polnareff."

I gasped, "Really?"

We have lost contact with Polnareff back in 2001. It had been so long since we'd seen or heard from him.

I flipped open my phone and called Jotaro. I turned my back to them.

He answered the phone saying, "Yeah?"

"Hey, Jotaro!" I said excitedly. "Some people are here. They know about Polnareff's whereabouts. We are at the front door."

"I'll be there," he said just before he hung up.

In a few seconds, Jotaro came past me to the two people. He nodded thanks to me and came over to the odd couple.

I walked off to go to my car. I could see them from the parking lot as they walked inside. I had to see what was going on. I didn't want to be left hanging about Polnareff's whereabouts.

And so, I manifested my stand. I searched for Jotaro's eyes. When I found his eyes, they were in a room alone.

The guy in the weird hat handed the turtle to Jotaro.

Jotaro stared down at the turtle inquisitively.

Then something like a holographic of Polnareff appeared. "Hey, mon ami. It's been a while."

"What?!" I squealed surprised. The shock of what I've seen snapped me out of my attachment to Jotaro's eyes. I quickly got back to Jotaro's eyes.

This time, everything I saw was bleary. It was hard to see as if there were tears in his eyes.

This was a heartfelt reunion for the two.

I decided to let him be and let go of his eyes. I left them alone.

Later, I came to our hotel room feeling exhausted. It was nighttime.

The only light in the room was the lamp beside the bed on Jotaro's side. His eyes fluttered open when I sat down my bag on the table at the corner. I sat down at the table and asked, "How did it go?"

Jotaro said, "Polnareff's body is gone. He died, but he was able to hang on to the turtle's body."

"Hunh?" I said even more confused.

Jotaro sighed as he sat up. His expression was deadpan as he explained what happened to Polnareff and how.

"Wow, that's... bizarre," I said.

"Yeah." He didn't say anymore. He laid back down. "You gonna get to bed soon?"

"Yeah," I said as I quickly took a shower so I could get to bed as soon as I could.

When I got to bed, Jotaro was asleep. I scooted close to him to fall asleep comfortably.

The next morning, we were getting dressed. I asked, "So is Polnareff staying here with us?"

Jotaro said, "They are returning to Italy the day after tomorrow. He's going back with them."

I gasped, "You should spend time with him! It's been so long since we've seen him!"

Jotaro said, "I have a lot of work to do."

"Then let me do it!"

He glanced over at me with doubt just after he put on his shirt.

"I am qualified. I can take care of whatever you need. Take some time to spend time with him, okay?"

He hesitantly nodded.

And that's what we did. Because I took over his work, I didn't come home until 10 at night both of those days. Each time, I found Jotaro steering awake in bed. I barely saw him in the mornings as well. I barely got to see him at all. I was happy to see him take some time off to spend with an old friend. He didn't get to do that often.

I didn't even see him with friends in general.

The next morning after Polnareff left for Italy with his other friends, Jotaro seemed down. After I got out of the bathroom, I saw Jotaro on the phone.

Jotaro hung up his cell phone. He glanced at me. He could have been trying to hide his disdain, but it was almost impossible for him.

I sat on the bed. I asked, "Are you okay?"

He nodded.

Just who was that on the phone?

I asked, "Is there anything you want to do tomorrow? We finally got a day off after all this hard work. Maybe we could go out or stay in. Whatever you want."

He shrugged as he sat down on the bed. He said, "I guess we can sleep in. I'm really tired. I can't really think of anything else."

"Fair enough," I said. "If you can't think of anything when we get to that point, I can think of something."

"You know what," he said. "I don't think I can-." He stopped himself. "Actually, can you do some stuff for me at the headquarters today? I know you worked for me the last two days, but it could help quite a bit."

"Sure," I said. It wasn't often he asked for help, so I was happy to oblige.

"Thank you. You can do quite a bit, and you are reliable." Jotaro said, "I can meet you back at the hotel afterward. I have quite a bit to do outside of headquarters, so I may still be home later."

"Okay," I said.

Jotaro stood back up and came to my side. He reached for my hand and said, "Thank you, sweetheart." He wrapped his arm around me and began rocking me gently. "You always have my back."

"Of course, hun," I said.

He proceeded to tell me what he needed to be done. It wasn't difficult, per se. It was just time-consuming.

The was last time I saw him, was when we went our separate ways that morning. My work ended a bit earlier than usual. I drove back to the hotel on my own.

When I arrived to the hotel room, I was surprised to see Jotaro there. He was sitting at the table. When he saw me, he seemed surprised, but he face quickly went deadpan as he averted his eyes from me. The only light in the room was the lamp on his side of the bed.

"Oh," I said surprised. "What are you doing home so early?"

Jotaro said, "I managed to finish my work early. I can assume it was the same for you."

"Yeah," I placed my bag on the chair across from him at the table. "Are you hungry, hun?"

He didn't answer me. "Don't worry about it."

Something felt off.

"Is something wrong?"

"You know," he sighed signaling that he had a lot to say. "What I do has no big significance in the grand scheme of things." He looked down at his lap. "If I do get involved in something, it simply just get worse."

"Jotaro," I called. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing I could've done would have saved Polnareff," he continued. "My family would continue to hate me or be in danger. Just me being alive brings danger to you. The fact that I know how to achieve heaven is a danger to everyone."

As if to make things more tense, Jotaro's cell phone that was on the table rung. On the screen showed Jotaro's exwife's name on it.

Jotaro grimaced when he saw it.

I wasn't sure what to say. I was beginning to get concerned.

"I'm just really..." his voice trailed off before he finished his sentence. The only sound was his phone.

Instead, the ring finished.

He cleared his throat. "Anyone can replace me. Even you. It's better if everyone else can just replace me."

"Jotaro, you are irreplaceable," I finally managed to get out.

Jotaro looked up from his lap. His eyes were brimmed with red. "Maybe it's for the best... because I'm so..." A shakey exhale came from him.

Then there was a familiar click.

Immediately, I was alerted. I knew that sound. "Jotaro, what was that?" I knew the answer. I had no idea why I even asked. My heart thumped in my chest painfully as I quickly released my stand to see what he was seeing.

Jotaro was looking down at the gun in his lap. He cradled it in his hands. One of his index fingers was inching to the trigger.

"Jotaro," I called unable to keep my voice steady. "Give me the gun." I added firmly. "Now."

He looked up at me. I could see myself through his eyes. I looked terrified. Concern and fear was shown all over my being. I was trembling.

"Please, Jotaro," I added. I thought back on what he said.

He felt useless. He felt like he made things worse. He felt like his family hated him. He felt dangerous. He felt like he could easily be replaced. He felt... It may look like nothing much to me on the outside, but there was a lot going on with Jotaro. How long has this been festering inside his head? How could I have overlooked all those things?

What if I didn't come back early?

Jotaro looked down back at his lap where the gun sat. He closed his eyes as he exhaled.

I was looking back through my own eyes in time to watch Jotaro pick up the gun and place it on the table.

I quickly ran forward and picked up the gun.

He frowned and sniffed. "I'm going to bed. I'm so...." He stood up from his chair without finishing his sentence. He pulled his hat down over his eyes.

I said feeling my adrenaline still rushing from what just happened, "Um... I'm going to put this away." What 'put this away' meant? I had no idea myself. I had no idea what to do.

Jotaro was just contemplating death just now. He had this gun prepared!

He went to the bed and sat down. He was slouched down.

I went outside the doorway and made some calls. Shortly, one of the Speedwagon Foundation workers that were staying at the hotel came and took the gun. I muttered a thank you and went back inside.

Jotaro was still in place.

I had no idea what to do. I said, "I'll be back." I went to the bathroom. In fact, I didn't bother to close the door as I took my shower. I did not want to leave him alone. I had no idea what was going through his head at the moment. I took the shower to get clean and cool my head. I needed to calm down to take care of Jotaro.

When I got out of the shower all clean and dressed for bed, Jotaro was still where I left him.

I came to his side of the bed. I wrapped my arms around his head and put it on my chest to hold him close. I combed my hand through his hair and whispered, "Don't worry. We can get through this. You mean so much to all of us. Okay?"

He nodded.

"Let's get some rest, hun."

We loosened from each other a bit, so I could get in bed with him. I didn't bother to turn off the lamp on his side of the bed. We laid there in the same position, but this time, Jotaro's arms were wrapped around me too. It was a bit awkward since he didn't take his hat off. His hat's visor was hard against my shoulder, but I wasn't complaining if it was going to keep him calm.

"Tighter... please."

I tightened my hold on him. I used a hand to rub his back. I didn't want to fall asleep before him. The last thing I needed was for him to go off on his own. I was terrified.

I felt Jotaro loosen his grip on me as his breathing slowed. I could feel his mouth open as he gently snored. It was faster than I expected. Just how exhausted was he?

Hesitantly, I closed my eyes. Sleepiness rushed over me as I fell asleep.

...

...

...

Suddenly, I was jolted awake. I found Jotaro's hat beside me.

Jotaro wasn't in my arms!

I gasped as my eyes search for him.

He wasn't far away at all. He was right beside me, but he didn't look too good. He was still asleep. He was troubled. In fact, he was having a nightmare.

Jotaro's hand clutched at his shirt as if his heart was pained. It was like he was trying to contain his sobs only resulting in whimpers of anguish. Tears were slipping from his closed eyes.

The whole thing was all so heartbreaking.

"Hun," I called, gently as I wiped the tears from his eyes. "Jotaro, it's okay." I placed my hand on the side of his face to caress his cheek. "Wake up, hun."

When his eyes sprung open, he gasped awake. With the hand that was on his chest, he reached for my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine tightly. He opened his mouth to say something.

Nothing would come out.

"It's okay. You are right here," I shushed. I scooted closer to him. I wrapped my other arm around his shoulders to hold him close. I could feel him trembling.

He shook his head.

"What was that nightmare about?"

He just shook his head. He squeezed my hand tighter. He looked at me as if he was truly hurting. He squeezed his eyes shut as more tears fell.

Maybe that was not a good question to ask.

"It's okay," I said wiping the tears that I could with my thumb. "I know, hun. It's okay." The words I managed to get out didn't seem to have much meaning, but as I shushed and soothed, he seemed to get calmer.

Jotaro cried quietly until he finally took a shaky breath in and out. His body relaxed against mine with the most exhausted expression ever. He finally said, "I'm so tired."

The tears wouldn't stop.

"Understandable," I nodded for him to continue.

"So... tired that..." He swallowed. "I want to... I don't want to live." He trembled.

I rubbed circles on his back as I felt myself tear up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." It was like he wasn't sure how to explain with words his feelings. His voice was rough. "I'm tired." He hiccup before swallowing.

A mental health weekend was in order for Jotaro. Maybe even a week.

"Okay..." I was only able to say. "Okay." I moved my hand from his face and let his face rest in the crook of my neck. "You are my sweetheart."

"Mm," he mumbled.

"Everything will be okay."

"Mm."

"I love you so much," I whispered.

"Mm."

I held him close until he fell back asleep.

It took a while for him to fall asleep as he gripped my shirt tightly. I could feel the wetness of his tear-stained face on my shoulder.