Hey, hey, Hunter X Hunter fans! What's hotter than Billie Eilish's new album and more controversial than the 2020 Olympics? That's right! We have another one of your favorite celebs in our studios today!

Now, this is a guy who is notoriously hard to schedule, since he's been traipsing around the globe for some time with his little sis. However, we were able to nail him down unexpectedly this week on a layover here in Hollywood...so, we are, like, practically peeing ourselves in delight to bring you a dead-ass EXCLUSIVE in-person interview with KILLUA ZOLDYCK!

Welcome, Killua! Is it okay if we call you "Kil?" Can't believe we got you here in the interview chair today! Where's Alluka? Didn't she want to join you?

KZ: Kil is great. Alluka is camera-shy...you know, I mean, she was freaking monitored on a camera all her life. She breaks into hives if she even sees...

(Calling off camera) Hey, J.P., can you take Alluka to the green room? (To Killua) We have video games and snacks in there.

KZ: Cool. Just leave the door open so she doesn't lose it. What kind of snacks?

Hey J.P., bring in some chocolate bars, kay?

KZ: Perfect. Okay. So anyway, because I'm a genius, I'm going to start guessing what you want to ask me. The first thing you want to ask me is about my relationship with Gon. Not our friendship. Our "friendship." Right?

Uh...well...

KZ: And you know perfectly well I'm a child and you can't do that. (Giggles) Hee hee hee, psych. Okay, I'll guess your next question.

Okay....

KZ: You want to know if I've ever seen Illumi naked and how big his...

Killua! We don't want to have to bleep you out on air!

KZ: (Giggles) Hee hee hee! The answer is, yes! We do sit around naked, roll each other's hair up on curlers, paint each other's nails, and listen to Celtic Woman albums. It's a family tradition.

All right, smart astronaut, fine. Then how big is it?

KZ: Read some fanfic. It'll blow your mind. Or just take a look at our dad. He's a big guy.

Oh my.

KZ: BAKA! Just kidding--Illumi is a virgin, but don't tell anyone.

Kil, you're BAD. What about Milluki? Is he a virgin too, or is that just a common misconception--

KZ: Milluki is a minor. I'm not answering that question, and you really should watch your step. You don't want me to report you to the--

Certainly not, certainly not. Okay. Let's move on to less...spicy topics. Oh wait, one more slightly sensitive one. Does Alluka have any plans for transitional surgery?

KZ: That really is none of your business, and she is also a minor, but I will say that she has been approached for a reality series.

Oooh. Really? Like on TLC or something?

KZ: Chigau. Chigau. Chigau. You are such an easy mark. Didn't I already tell you that she's camera-phobic?

Aw. Dang, you did get me.

KZ: Serves you right for digging into things that aren't your business. Next question?

Okay. Why does Kalluto always wear a kimono? Yes, I know he's a minor too, but this is just a fashion question, no harm, right?

KZ: He says he's paying homage to our cultural background, but honestly, I think he just likes it because he can roll out of bed and just throw it on, you know, easy peasy.

I thought traditional garments were kind of complicated to put on...

KZ: Yeah, but he's the king of lifestyle hacks. A good thing too, because he gets dragged around to some crazy places in that Troupe of his.

Oh, speaking of that. Did you see the scene where Kalluto is watching Feitan fight Zazan and--

KZ: Yup, and nope, he's not talking about me. I know this is highly debated on Reddit, but he's talking about Feitan. I understand you are writing a book about this, right?

Why, yes, I am! (https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/274951715-hxh-boyfriends-the-lost-brother) I am so flattered you know about it!

KZ: I get around.

Okay. Well, back to Zoldyck business. Speaking of fashion, why are you and Milluki the only ones who dress halfway normal?

KZ: Illumi occasionally dresses sort of normal.

Not really.

KZ: Plus, Mil has his freak moments too. Remember that flashback where he's taking Allu and Kalluto for a walk? He's wearing a pink shirt with a fucking ruffle around the neck. That makes Illumi's flame pants practically L.L. Bean catalog material.

You all seem to have a penchant for pink.

KZ: Not all of us, but yeah, Illu should have stuck with his 1999 color scheme. Green is such a difficult color to wear--unless, of course, you're Gon.

Ah, so we can talk about Gon, then?

KZ: (Raises eyebrow) Minor.

(Sighs) Fine, Kil. You suck. All right, let's ask a few more burning Zoldyck questions. Does your mom ever take that thing off her face?

KZ: Sure, but you'll have to pay me a hundred billion Jenny for me to tell you what's under there. (Giggles) Shit. I think a photo of that would fetch more money than her posing for Penthouse.

KILLUA! That's your mother!

KZ: I know, but hey, she looks pretty good for 42 or whatever she is. She ain't no old hag. She'd be very flattered if she heard me talking like this. She is vain as hell. Always talking about how young she looks to have a 25-year-old.

I have a question about your grandfather. Is he really, as frequently depicted in fanfic, a cool guy?

KZ: Zeno? Fuck no. He's a gnarly sonofabitch. They just gave him good optics in the anime. Do you really think any Zoldyck patriarch is going to be a cool dude? Don't insult us.

This is all very enlightening, Kil. I know many of our fans have wanted to know about these family details for literally years. However, we are starting to run out of time, unfortunately. How about one more question before we let you and Alluka off to your continued travels?

KZ: Okay. Lay it on me.

When you ripped the needle out of your head, you know, the one that Illumi implanted in your brain...like, how did you do it?

KZ: Oh, that's easy. I just greased it up with this substance that Illumi told me about, it's--

Oh my God, Killua! You aren't serious...

KZ: (Pauses) It's called coconut oil. Illumi always carries some around with him.

Oh. Oh. Yes. Got it. Sorry for the panic.

KZ: What did you think I was going to say, for crying out loud? Precum?