Well, if everything I'm reading online is accurate, we're about to start the Summer Olympics in Tokyo in just a few days, ain't that right?

You know where I'm going with this...let's assign our HxH buddies to the appropriate sports teams, and see who brings home the gold!

-No question here. He's competing in Boxing

-There's a lot of dudes here who can throw a damn good punch--Hisoka and Leorio come to mind--but, aw hell, we gotta give this one to Gon. It's his jam

-It's a toss-up here. On one hand, he really needs to be on the track team as a sprinter. Everyone would eat his dust, er, sparks

-But on the other hand, did you know that Skateboarding is now an official Olympic sport?

-I just can't decide. Can you?

-We definitely should put him on the Fencing team, or have him do the javelin throw, or something like that. I know, I know. Something that actually makes sense.

-But for some reason, I just can't help but see him on the Men's Gymnastics team...doing those ring things...with his teeth gritted and a nasty expression on his face as he nails the routine perfectly

-You can't unsee that, now, can you?

-Grumbles because Gon gets to be on the Boxing team

-Complains that the punch he threw was THE PUNCH of the entire series

-Gon lifts his eyebrows and says "The fuck it was. Hello, have you ever heard of the number 44 and what it signifies?"

-Leorio grumbles again, "OK, OK."

-He joins the basketball team instead

-Has no shame about prancing around naked, so he can be on the Men's Swim team

-He also knows Chrollo is competing in this, and he wants to prove he has a hotter body than Chrollo in a Speedo

-Chrollo plants weed on him and gets him disqualified

-Illumi has decided that he's tired of being Mr. Fey, long-haired, waist-cinched, skirt-wearing, femme, implied bottom to Hisoka whom everyone probably thinks would be so beautiful and graceful doing gymnastics or archery or something like that. So he decides he's going to compete in the most testosterone-oozing motherfucking scary-ass masculine thing possible

-"Gimme the fucking shot put," he growls--then launches the crap out of that thing

-"On second thought, check out this shit," he barks--then deadlifts 1100 pounds while grunting like a monster and dripping sweat

-"Dang," says Gon, admiringly. "But you do know that Hisoka and Chrollo are on the swim team?"

-Illumi's ears perk up. He immediately puts down the barbell and runs off to join the Beach Volleyball team so he can look all hip slick and cool in board shorts and sunglasses and make unmerciful fun of Hisoka and Chrollo

-"Nice banana hammocks, boys!"

-Thinks he has a better body than Hisoka

-Is self-confident to a fault about his skills. Michael Phelps? Kindergarten.

-Plants weed on Hisoka, anyway, just to be safe

-Joins the Fencing team

-Refuses to wear a real mask, just his own personal mask

-When told he will be disqualified if he doesn't suit up properly, sighs in exasperation and makes a rude remark about how this isn't the pussy-ass Table Tennis team

-Actually is on the Table Tennis team

-He's like a regular freaking Forrest Gump!