Okay...

This is the pimp daddy of them all...

I know you've been waiting for it...

Without further ado...

Hisoka x Reader fanfic trope. Oh yeah, hang on to your britches.

-The truth of the matter is, all Hisoka fanfic is so horrifically awful and cringe-inducing (including, I admit, my own!) that I can't get through any of it.

-Oh my God, how do you all read this stuff? It is so-o-o-o-o-o-o BAD. Bad! Bad! Bad!

-I can't do it. I'm sorry.

That said, I'll give you an abridged unexpurgated story.

Just because, hey, this is Hisoka, okay?

Chapter 1

You are assigned to a brainstorming session with the new guy in your department, whom you've said hi to a couple times but have never really talked to much. So you pull your chair over to his cubicle and say, "Hi! Let's get to work!"

It's casual Friday so he's dressed in jeans and a PETA "Circuses Are No Fun For Me" t-shirt with a crying elephant on it. "Ah, I see you are into activism?" you ask.

He brushes aside your attempt at small talk and says "Let's get down to business, we only have 45 minutes. Want to take notes?"

"Sure thing." You tap away at your computer as he rattles off ideas. Reaching into your pocket, you pull out a pack of gum and stick some in your mouth to chew while you're working. "Want a piece?"

"Hm? Oh, no thanks. I have Invisalign."

You look over your list of brainstorm ideas. One is particularly brilliant. "This is very clever," you say to him. "I'm marking this one 'schwing!'"

"That's not a real word," he replies, chidingly. "We don't want to sound ridiculous in front of the team. Just tab it with a star."

As you are wrapping up the session, you notice a photo tacked up on his bulletin board: It's of him and a guy with long black hair, apparently taken in front of the "Welcome to Las Vegas!" sign.

"Been to Vegas lately?"

"Oh. Yeah. The picture, right? That was last month. I hate Vegas, though. I got talked into going. I'm terrible at blackjack. I always lose."

You examine the picture closer. "This is very cute. Is this your partner?" They have their arms companionably around each other.

He laughs. "Him? No, that's just my buddy. He's married with 11 children and would never, ever even think of cheating on his wife!"