Last night, went out to eat with fellow HxH fanatic--you all know the one, the one who comes up with all the ludicrous scenarios and demands I make a story out of them--and had this challenge pop up on the drive home:

"I know way more about HxH than you."

"Oh ho. Yeah. Ask me some questions. Let's get granular."

"You ask ME."

"All right, I'll make it easy on you. (Thinks) How old is Milluki?"

"Seventeen."

"What about Illumi?"

"Twenty-four."

"What about Kalluto?"

"Ten. Come on."

"Alluka?"

"Thirteen."

"She is not. HAH!"

"Yes she is! I AGED HER UP! THE ANIME LASTS TWO YEARS!"

"Well then, fuck, why did you keep Illumi at 24? Do the math and let him be a man, dude. I win this argument."

"I HATE YOU. I STILL KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS ANIME THAN YOU."

"How old is Zeno, dude?"

"FUCK YOU"

That said, here's what the HxH boys will be like as senior citizens.

(BTW hate to break it to you, but if Feitan was 28 in 1999, he's 50 this year.)

-Whatever path he takes, let's just hope he isn't like Ging.

-And let's also hope he stuck Ging in a home somewhere as soon as that ungrateful bastard got too old to take care of himself

-Eighty years old, and STILL not talking to his family (except Alluka)

-He looks like absolute shit, no GILF stuff here, all that electricity going through your body wrecks you worse than crystal meth

-I'll make you all feel good now

-He's a happy old man surrounded by dozens of children and grandchildren, all with the red eyes, all well-schooled on their ancestry, all adoring of "Grandpop Pika"

-Invested well in the stock market and retired at 50

-At 80, he's a Jimmy Buffett type living his best life on an island somewhere

-This MF? He never gets old

-Remember, he can just run his hand over his face and look like he's 26 (OR 28 IF YOU ARE "AGING HIM UP" LIKE ALLUKA HAHAHAHA)

-Refuses to retire

-Any time he feels arthritic or creaky, he just jams a pin into his joint and grimly continues on with what he's doing

-Still has THE hair, but it's white now.

-Looks in the mirror a lot and shudders. "Jesus Christ. I've turned into my father."

-They finally captured and arrested the motherfucker

-He's in maximum security prison awaiting Death Row, but his lawyer keeps appealing, so he's been sitting there for a while, growing a crazy Charles Manson-esque beard and writing weird autobiographical books that make the bestseller list

-Still gets sackloads of fan mail from admirers

-Turned 50 in 2021 and had a nervous breakdown

-Realized his job was literally taking years off his life

-Quit the Troupe (right before Chrollo got arrested) and managed to rip off a ton of money to set himself up

-He's now living in some senior community in Florida, has a nice tan, and jogs five miles a day even at his age

-Shalnark died. I'm sorry.

-Just kidding! You didn't hear that from me