《》Oopsie
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Another popular scenario I have come across in boyfriend scenarios is the good old "prank him that you're pregnant" thing, which TBH I do not get the fascination with.
Like the equally adored "how he treats you when. you are on your period" scenario, this has always struck me as somewhat nightmarish (I already said and still maintain that nobody here would just come out and tell Illumi that they were on the rag. "How are you tonight?" "Oh fine, I just have my period so don't try anything funny, okay? Keep your pins to yourself").
But....because I play like a champion (and I am out of ideas this morning), I will attempt to funny this one up a little more than the normal take on it for y'all.
-"WAHAHAHA, yet another scenario we have to sit out"
-"I guess, but I mean, it could happen"
-"You're gross. We're too young"
-"I go out with older women, remember? Even experienced women make mistakes"
-"Did Palm ever try--wait, never mind, I don't want to know"
-"Pika, I'm pregnant"
-He remains totally calm and tells you that you are full of shit
-He not only remembers the last time you did it, with precision right down to the date and time, he also remembers he wrapped it up. He also informally tracks your cycles--you know how this dude is--and he knows it was at an inopportune point and highly unlikely even if the condom was defective (which he knows it wasn't because he buys high quality and checks expiration dates)
-You got him. He turns pale for a few minutes, trying to remember if he had a rubber on him that night
-"Are you sure? Uh"
-You laugh your head off. "Are you a doctor or what? You know I have an IUD, dodo brain"
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-Does not even blink
-"Well, this is your little red wagon, darling, isn't it? Sorry"
-Stares at you stiffly
-Says, "Okay, well, you know what this means. We have to get married. You know my family and their obsession with heirs and the clan bloodline. I hope you are fine with moving into my bleak-ass scary mansion and being locked up on a mountain for the rest of your life while my parents grimly demand we have a stream of babies until you produce a white-haired, blue-eyed Transmuter."
-"I'm just kidding, ha ha ha, take a chill pill, Illu"
-You might as well break up with him now because he is never going to have sex with you again, like ever
-"Chrollo, I'm pregnant"
-He remains totally calm and tells you that you are full of shit
-This is Chrollo we are talking about okay? Dude is secretly dating like 20 other women besides you and knows a thing or three
-When you demand that you ARE pregnant and you AREN'T fooling around, he calls up Lovely Ghostwriter, who spits out something like this (I paraphrase):
you aren't in possession of another soul
you are full of brown substance
look to the sky because a star will rise in the east
nothing will happen in the ninth month of the year
stop trying to fool the man with the bizarre earrings
his brain outweighs your puerile humor
-Feitan is very easy to fool and he takes you at your word. He thought he had strong pullout game, but everyone meets their match at some point
-Goes immediately onto his LinkedIn and starts updating his resume, because shit, he can't do what he does and be a family man
-You look over his shoulder and see that he is tinkering his qualifications to make it sound like he is a "Expert content specialist and world-famous influencer"
-You laugh uproariously and tell him you faked him out, ha ha ha, psych!
-He doesn't speak much to you all week long and gives you wary, unpleasant looks out of the corner of his eye for days
-Is actually disappointed when you tell him you were joking
-You're not sure if he really wanted a kid, or if he was just looking for a golden opportunity to tell Chrollo to take this job and shove it
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