It's been another bitch of a day at Heaven's Arena. Hisoka has killed his latest opponent, but managed to get himself all messed up in the process.

Hanging on to yet another limb dangling by a shred of skin, he grumpily calls Machi--"Get the thread ready"--and sets off towards his apartment.

"My life sucks," he says to himself. "There has to be a better way to exist than murdering people and getting my arms chopped off on a regular basis."

On the way, he passes a zen-looking dude with dark hair, eyeglasses, and a calm smile on his face, seemingly enjoying a pleasant evening walk.

"Fuck," thinks Hisoka. "That Wing dude always looks like he's just won the lottery after an hourlong session with the Dalai Lama. I've never seen him pissed off even once. I wonder what his secret is?"

He examines Mr. Wing critically. "Maybe I need to be more like him," he thinks. "My life is so exhausting."

"Maybe I need to try to be...normal for a change."

-First things first: Holding on to his severed arm tightly so he doesn't bleed all over everything, he ducks into The Gap and buys himself a pair of totally plain khaki pants and a few solid-colored T-shirts

-That taken care of, he arrives home and finds Machi waiting for him. As she is bending over to reattach his arm, he checks her boobs out and gets kinda sprung. He considers asking her to spend the night with him.

-A thought pops into his head: Would Mr. Wing do something like that? No! He definitely would not be so crass! He undoubtedly respects women

-So, instead, he says sweetly, "You are so kind to assist me with my injuries. I appreciate your help very much."

-"What the fuck?" replies Machi. "I'm getting out of here, you're being weird"

-"Let me call you an Uber, darling," says Hisoka, flexing his newly reattached arm. "I would never let a lady walk the streets of Yorknew alone after dark"

-After Machi is gone, he goes and looks in the mirror. "This has got to go," he mutters, lifting a lock of his pink-dyed hair and examining it critically. He squints at his face. "And this shit I've drawn all over my face. Could anyone imagine Mr. Wing with a heart and a teardrop on his cheeks? I think not"

-He runs back out and goes to the drugstore a couple blocks away, returning with some hair dye and facial cleanser

-Within an hour, he is all clean-scrubbed and has light brown hair, which he has combed in a straight, neat fashion, without adding any products. "Wing wouldn't be caught dead with hair gel," he mutters. He gives his ends a little trim. "There we go"

-Feeling pleased, he puts on his new pants and one of the T-shirts. "I have to go test this look out," he says, deciding to go for a walk

-As he's cheerfully strolling down the sidewalk, he spots Illumi's familiar figure ahead of him, black hair swishing back and forth. "Ah, it's Illu, looking hot as always, I think I'll go pinch his ass," Hisoka says to himself, then stops short. Would Mr. Wing indulge in bisexual tendencies?!!! No way!

-Instead, he catches up to Illumi and taps him on the shoulder. "Hi!" he chirps

-Illumi, startled, is just about to shove a pin in Hisoka's head when Hisoka grabs his wrist and stops him. "It's me, Hisoka," he says.

-Illumi looks confused. "The hell it is. I have no idea who you are, buddy, but you sure ain't Hisoka." He strides off

-Hisoka, undeterred, continues on. He sees Gon and Killua ahead of him.

-Oh boy, he thinks. Now I'm really in for it. If Mr. Wing wouldn't even pinch a guy's ass, he REALLY wouldn't...uh...you know...

-Grimly setting his teeth, he follows behind Gon and Killua for a mile, refusing to look at their butts even for a split second. He is pleased with his ironclad self-control. Top this, Wing! he thinks to himself

-Gon finally turns around. "Dude, why are you following us, you creeper?"

-"Going in the same direction, I guess," replies Hisoka

-"I don't know who you are," says Killua. "But maybe you should walk in front of us, not behind"

-"Don't worry, boys, nothing to be concerned about," Hisoka says, but the two kids turn down a side street to get away from him

-Hisoka keeps walking until he accidentally finds himself in the woods. Tired, he stretches out under a tree and falls asleep. When he wakes up, he realizes he's next to a small pond. Feeling somewhat sweaty and sticky after his long walk, he strips down naked and goes for a swim

-He hears a giggle. Standing up on full display, he sees a girl with blond ponytails standing at the side of the water, staring bug-eyed at his crotch

-He's just about to thrust his hips at her in a "Check this shit out, baby" move, but suddenly realizes that Mr. Wing would probably die of embarrassment if anyone caught him skinny-dipping

-Hisoka ducks back under the water immediately. "Oh goodness," he says. "Please do pardon my indiscretion, I thought I was alone. I'll come out of the water once you're on your way, dear"

-After she leaves, Hisoka dries off and gets dressed in his normie outfit, then remembers something very important

-"Ah, that's right. I'm supposed to go ambush Chrollo today and try to force him to fight me." Whistling cheerfully, he makes his way to the airship port where Kurapika apparently has Chrollo held hostage

-Kurapika and Leorio look out the window. "Who is that schmuck approaching?" says Leorio. "I've never seen him before. He looks like a turd"

-"Send down Chrollo!" barks Hisoka, then checks himself. In a calmer, Mr. Wing-like voice, he says, "Chrollo, would you be so kind as to come down and have a word with me?"

-Chrollo descends and stands face-to-face with Hisoka

-"Ready to fight?" says Hisoka with a smile

-"Unfortunately I lost my Nen for the time being," replies Chrollo, giving Hisoka a puzzled look. "I have to say, though, it looks like you have lost yours, as well. What the hell happened to you?"

-Despondent, Hisoka leaves the scene and walks back to his apartment. "The hell with this normie shit," he says. He stops and buys a box of Manic Panic and some eyeliner pencils.

-That perks him up. He feels better already

-As he's approaching his apartment, he sees Mr. Wing on his evening walk again, gliding by looking peaceful as always

-"Hey WING!" Hisoka screams. "Wanna know a secret? BUNGEE GUM HAS THE PROPERTIES OF BOTH RUBBER AND GUM, so take that and shove it up your Zen ass! NANANANANNAAAAA!"