It's that time of year again. You open up your email at work, and the first thing that pops up is a cheery message from your boss:

"Looking forward to seeing you all at the annual company picnic Saturday! Come bond with your co-workers for an afternoon of fun, games, food and relaxation!"

"Friends and family welcome, too!"

Oh boy oh boy...

-Gon and Killua are hanging out at your house this weekend

-You tell them, "Hey, I gotta go to the corporate picnic on Saturday afternoon. You guys want to just hang out here while I'm gone?"

-"Why can't we come along?" they ask. "Isn't there going to be like, food and games and stuff like that?"

-"You really want to? Okay."

-When you get to the picnic, the two of them make a beeline over to where all the food and drinks are

-You spot your boss and stop to talk for a few minutes

-You feel a tap on your shoulder. It's nosy Karen from Human Resources. "Um, are those, like your little brothers over there or something? We have a situation"

-You go over to the refreshments area and find Gon and Killua staggering around in front of the Slushie machine drunkenly, laughing and hiccuping

-"I jus' wanned to try the yellow slushie," slurs Killua

-There are two different slushies going. One is red. The other is yellow

-A closer look at the yellow one reveals a sign that says: "Margarita. Caution: Alcoholic"

-Kurapika dresses in a perfectly sharp casual outfit: Brand-new shorts, polo shirt, pair of nice sunglasses, new Nikes

-He puts a handful of his own business cards into his pocket. Networking...y'never know, right?

-You introduce him to your boss's boss's boss, the guy that's so high up he doesn't even know who you are

-"This is my boyfriend, Mr. Peterson. It's nice to see you here"

-"Ah yes--what's your name again? And what department? Forgive me"

-Kurapika and the bigwig begin chatting

-In relief, you take the opportunity to go get yourself a soda

-A half an hour later, you return, and your boss's boss's boss is slapping Kurapika on the back. "Pika, you're going places, son. Have you submitted your resume here? We have some openings I think you'd be a fine candidate for"

-Also puts together a nicely preppy casual outfit

-Asks you in your ear: "Is there going to be one of those water slides? Do I get to see your coworkers in bikinis?"

-You smack him one

-He has a bit of the yellow slushie himself, but is still able to charmingly converse with your team and manager

-You wander around the picnic grounds looking for Hisoka. Where the heck did he get to?

-You hear a giggle

-Closer investigation finds him behind a tree getting down to business with that new secretary, the one who wears her skirts way too short and has all the guys in the office making lewd water-cooler comments when they think nobody is listening

-"What do you think you're doing," you hiss. "Dude, if Karen from Human Resources catches wind of this, I am going to be so dead!"

-In desperation, you go hunting for Illumi to see if you can get him to distract Hisoka and steer him toward some nice company-sanctioned activites

-You find Illumi hanging out with some of the dudes from Accounting, sipping on yellow slushies and talking about something boring like second-quarter APRs

-"Illu," you whisper. "Can you go get Hisoka and do something with him? He's being bad"

-"Sure," says Illumi. "Let's go start the softball game. I'll get him to be a co-captain, he can lead one team, I'll lead the other"

-He leaves and returns shortly with Hisoka in tow

-You realize Illumi has had a few too many of the slushies, but before you can stop him, he hollers, "Okay, aaa-wooooga! It's time for the softball game! Manipulators vs. Transmuters! Line up, get on a team, everybody!"

-They organize the teams quickly and get down to business, but Ilumi and Hisoka immediately start utilizing their nen against each other and totally throw the game off

-"He-e-e-eey, Clayton Kershaw," yells Hisoka at Illumi, who is pitching. "Let's ball, already, shall we?"

-"He-e-e-eey, Mike Trout," Illumi jeers back. "Nice bat you got there, honey"

-"Hey batta batta batta, SCHWING!" screams Hisoka

-Karen from HR shows up. "Do you happen to know them?" she asks you. "I think you better expect to come by my office on Monday."

-Chrollo agrees to dress like a regular human being for the picnic, and to your relief, he puts on a baseball cap so your higher-ups won't be wondering why your boyfriend has this cross whatever thing on his forehead

-"I could have just said it's a religious thing," he tells you. "Girl, you could have a discrimination lawsuit slapped on their asses so fast..."

-"Never mind that, we're here."

-You walk around until you run into the head of your department. "This is my boyfriend," you politely introduce them

-"Pleased to meet you," says Chrollo

-You see him eyeing the boss's Rolex with a little grin

-"Do not even think about it," you hiss, giving him a surreptitious smack on the back of his head

-"No, you cannot wear a black full-length coat and a skull-printed mask to my company picnic," you tell him in exasperation. "If Chrollo can dress like a corporate dude for one afternoon, then you can too."

-"I don't have anything corporate to wear"

-"Go borrow it from Chrollo"

-"The pants won't fit"

-"Just roll them up. Geez Feitan"

-To appease him, you dig up the free mask your company handed out when the pandemic started. "Look, here, you can wear this mask. It's got my company logo on it and everything!"

-He is so pissed off about this entire thing that you know what he's going to do. Sure enough, he pretends he speaks a different language and answers everyone in short, clipped, indecipherable phrases

-You leave him to nibble popcorn and crankily contemplate a yellow slushie while you commence networking with your team

-He has no reservations about dressing a little more toned-down for the picnic, but, like Feitan, also doesn't have anything to wear

-"I know! I'm about the same size as Chain Dude. I'll go sneak into his place and steal some of his shit"

-At the picnic, you unexpectedly bump into Mr. Peterson

-He looks surprised, then pleased. "Pika, son! So nice to see you again. Hey, I've been thinking this over and I am ready to onboard you right now. We can skip all the formalities. We need a guy like you on our team."

-He puts his hand on Shalnark's shoulder and guides him away. "Right this way, I just need you to sign a few things and you can get started on Monday"

-Shalnark throws you a terrified look. "What the fuck is going on here?" he mouths silently