Everyone loves Illumi the best around here, fine, fine, I can't argue. He seems to be the most commented-upon character I write about. So, let's just pretend it's his birthday, and have a party!

-Texts Killua: "It's a bday party for your brother. What do you think he wants?"

-Killua texts back, "Who GAF? He wants to stick some more pins in my head and lock Alluka up in a room again. He doesn't deserve anything"

-"Maybe I should get him some golf clubs?"

-See above

-Knows he'll be on the hook for some stupid family celebration later anyway

-Resigns himself to the fact that he'll have to talk to his grandfather for 45 minutes or so about what he is planning on doing with his life

-Acknowledges that Illumi is Killua's older brother and therefore must be treated civilly

-Does not like or trust him though

-Buys a cake at the bakery figuring this gets him off the hook and makes him look good

-"Oh, that asshole?" he sputters out

-"We seriously have to go to a party for him?"

-He grudgingly says he'll show up just to take one for the team

-"Ah," Hisoka says. "It's his birthday? I never knew the exact date. Is he legal now?"

-"Tell him I have something really extraordinary for him!"

-"Also, tell him to wear that skirt of his"

-Doesn't realize it's his birthday

-His mother leads him into the room where everyone is, screaming "SURPRISE!"

-"Look at my adorable, firstborn baby!" coos Kikyo. "Is he not the most amazing beautiful thing you've ever seen in your life? Well, except for Kalluto of course"

-Illumi looks frozen and basically has nothing to say

-Kalluto bows to him and says "Happy birthday, big brother"

-Alluka hugs him and says "I love you, big brother"

-Killua and Milluki make gagging noises and say "Fuck you, big brother," in unison

-"I only came here for the cake," adds Milluki

-Zeno slaps them both upside the head and tells them to behave

-"Illumi's birthday?" Chrollo says. "I'm not sure I can manage--"

-You tell him it's a good networking opportunity and Silva and Zeno Zoldyck will be there because it's their favorite kid besides Killua

-"You know how they feel about the oldest one," you say

-"I see, yes," says Chrollo. "Let me get dressed and ready."

-Are not allowed to go to the party

-"I'm playing it cool tonight," says Chrollo. "There's going to be a lot of important people at this thing. And you two will just fuck things up, I know it"

-"We will not," says Shalnark, indignantly

-"Too bad," says Chrollo. "Park it."

-They pull out a deck of cards and play a few hands after he leaves, grumbling

-"I wanted to see the Zoldyck mansion," whines Fei

-"Maybe we can bribe Kalluto into taking us there next week," says Shal

-"He won't do it," frowns Feitan. "How can we make him?"

-They sit and think for a few minutes, then finally shrug their shoulders at each other

-"Damn, I hope Chrollo at least brings us back some cake," says Shal