Back in one of the other Boyfriend books, I believe I had a chapter where I mentioned a fellow HxH friend of mine, who likes to challenge me to create daily ABSURD stories about the HxH crew.

Well, that's still going on, and just about damn near every morning I am tasked with besting myself at being ridiculous.

And guess what? They told me I now have to add DEMON SLAYER characters to my daily tales too. Just to keep me on my toes.

Here's the scenario I came up with this morning before everyone had to put on their normie caps and go to work.

Trigger warning: I am out of my mind, okay? (Also, this story does not have a proper ending, because I had to cut it short to go to work. But we all like ongoing sagas.)

******

It's Friday! And you know what that means! It's time for Enmu and Muzan's BIG PALM SPRINGS WEEKEND! The two jump into the car and drive out to the California desert, all excited because they've booked a room at the Bearfoot Inn--a clothing-optional hotel for boys only. Absolutely no girls allowed!

The last time the two were at the Inn, they ran into Pariston and Pouf and had a grand old time clothing-optional partying with those guys, so they are hoping this weekend will be just as fun!

"Maybe Pari and Pouf will be there again," croons Enmu, wistfully.

"Maybe."

After checking in to the Inn, Enmu cautions Muzan not to shift into his female form. "They don't allow girls here."

They walk out to the pool area, and unfortunately do not see Pariston or Pouf.

However, Hisoka Morow and Illumi Zoldyck and Beans are all in the hot tub, having drinks.

This is almost as good. Enmu and Muzan are particularly surprised to see Hisoka, since he has been notoriously banned from every resort in town, including the naked sex hotel down the street, due to his lewd behavior.

However, since he and Illumi are good-looking and radiate big-dick energy, the owner of the Inn let them in. (Beans just happened to be there on his own. For a much-needed mini-break.)

Enmu and Muzan happily hop in the jacuzzi. Hisoka and Beans are shitfaced and it's not even dinnertime yet. Illumi is not drunk--he can't get drunk because of his poison training--but he's agreeably sipping a cocktail 'cause he's one of the boys.

Hisoka pours Enmu and Muzan a few shots and everyone is all loose and jolly. Hisoka puts his arm around Illumi and starts babbling about what he's been up to lately. He accidentally lets it slip that he got Chrollo mpreg, and makes a joke about how there's going to be a new spider in town soon.

Everyone in the hot tub just nods and smiles because they are drunk and they don't get what the hell he's talking about.

But Illumi is not drunk. He fully understood just what Hisoka said, and he's infuriated.

The two get into a naked fistfight, screaming at each other, and the owner of the Inn storms out and tells them they all have to leave or he's calling the police.

The Zoldycks own a luxury vacation home in the desert, so Illumi--still hurling insults at Hisoka in between heartbroken sobs--says they can go there.

When they get there, they realize Silva and the rest of the family are using the house for the weekend. Illumi loses it yet again.

Silva takes one look at Hisoka and says, "Oh my God, are you the one who got Danchou mpreg? News spreads fast. How dare you cheat on my darling son? He is a Zoldyck, you plebe! Get out of here!"

"Fine!" yells Hisoka. He stamps off to the car. Illumi, still sobbing, follows him.

Silva sighs and says, "Well, the rest of you might as well come on in."

Muzan, Enmu, and Beans go out to the backyard, promptly take off all their clothes, and jump into the pool naked.

"Boys will be boys," shrugs Silva.

Kikyo comes out on the patio. "We have guests, darling?"

Silva startles. "Quick," he hisses. "Jump in the jacuzzi. I'll turn the bubbles on so she doesn't see anything." To his wife, he purrs, "Darling, could you be a love and get me a glass of iced tea? I sent the butler on his 30-minute lunch break."

When Kikyo comes out with the drink, everyone is in the jacuzzi. Interested in meeting the guests, Kikyo sits by the hot tub and begins to make small talk.

The timer for the bubbles abruptly runs out. "Oh my God!" screams Kikyo. "All these naked men in my hot tub!"

Muzan thinks quickly and shape-shifts into his female form. Unfortunately this makes things worse.

"SILVA!" screams Kikyo. "Why are you in the hot tub with a naked woman!"

"It's not what it seems," protests Silva. "Muzan, why don't you run inside and borrow one of Kikyo's bikinis?"

"I don't want this...this...wanton whore borrowing my clothes!" howls Kikyo, but it's too late. Muzan comes back out, dressed in a bikini.

"Of course she picks my most expensive one!" screeches Kikyo.

Milluki and Kalluto, alarmed by the noise, poke their heads out. "What's going on?"

"GET BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE!" booms Silva.

Illumi is beating his hands against the car's dashboard, inconsolably sobbing. "Why did you cheat on me with Chrollo?"

Hisoka tries to think through his drunken haze. "We got into a fight. Remember? Danchou showed up, and I was super pissed at you..."

"This is a lie. We never fight," cries Illumi. "Are you bored of me? Do you not like my o chin chin anymore? Do you want me to use my pins and transform into a girl, just for a change?"

"Darling!" exclaims Hisoka. "Don't you touch that o chin chin. You have the o chinniest chin chin I've ever seen..."

He lifts Illumi's tearstained face to his, and they begin to passionately make out.

"Chrollo is a slut," murmurs Hisoka. "I don't think I'm the father."

Chrollo Lucilfer is also in the desert for the weekend, but he's not at the boys-only clothing optional place or the naked sex hotel. He's at an adults-only boutique resort, but it's not anything dirty. It's like one of those places where people go to relax and not worry the pool will be full of screaming kids. You have to wear your bathing suit.

He is just starting to grow a little belly and is overcome with cravings for chocolate peanut-butter cups, the Halloween kind shaped like pumpkins. Luckily, it is October 29 so he can find them easily.

Eating his 15th one for the day, he turns to his best friend, Feitan Portor, and sighs. "What will I do when Halloween is over?" He unwraps yet another.

Feitan, says, practically, "They have the Christmas tree-shaped ones coming up, and then you can have the egg ones for Easter. And there's always the regular, non-seasonal ones."

"I know." Chrollo sighs again. "But seriously. The trees and the eggs don't taste as good as the pumpkin ones." He despondently rubs his stomach and looks up at the sky. "I'm so stressed out, Feitan."