I sat across from a she wolf. She stared at me, I looked anywhere else. My leg was bouncing up and down obsessively, I eyed the clock, I still had 30 minutes left. The silence was anything but comfortable as the question she had asked me hung in the air.

Forced therapy surely would not help me.

She was patient, too patient. I didn't like her. Her gentle smile never wavered as she stared back at me, looking for some sort of response.

"You saw your old Alpha?" She repeated slowly.

I did not want to indulge in her questions. However upon our arrival home from our trip to my old pack, both Maddox and the pack doctor recommended this for me, especially when I had deep cuts on my arm administered by no one but myself. I had reluctantly agreed sensing they wouldn't take no for an answer.

My wrist was slightly bandaged, it didn't hurt though. My health was nearly normal again, so I was beginning to heal faster. I scratched at the bandage lightly, still avoiding answering. I would go to the therapist, but I didn't want to actually talk to her. I was hard headed.

"Phoenix, I'm not here to judge you, or have you say anything you're uncomfortable with telling me. I'm here as a tool for you to recover. You obviously have an issue with a traumatic past, it's not your fault, it's only natural to respond like this after being reintroduced to the idea of an abusive past. I'm here to talk it through with you, and hopefully through these discussions, you'll realize you're ok now. You're safe here."

I bit my lip and sighed. She was too nice for me to be a total bitch to her out of spite. I nodded. "Yes. I saw my Alpha. I knew it wasn't really him, I knew Maddox wouldn't let that happen."

She nods showing that she's listening, and jots something down onto the yellow legal pad placed on her lap.

"Why did you feel compelled to hurt yourself? Have you ever self harmed before?"

I didn't want to explain my actions, they sounded stupid saying them out loud. She would surely think I was crazy if I told her this illusion of my Alpha told me to do it, so I did.

I huff, knowing I had to talk to her, and I did. For the next 30 minutes she asked questions and I responded as quickly as possible. She ended the session by scheduling another one and giving me a brief rundown on PTSD, which apparently is something I have to worry about now, even though I was pretty casual about it initially.

I stepped out of the office feeling calmer than I was going in, I was relieved it was over, for this session at least...

Zoe greeted me outside the office building. Maddox was busy with some work, so he arranged for the Beta female to hang out with me after my session. I was getting closer with her and some other pack members, but I still didn't really know a whole lot of them, I still had never officially been accepted into the pack as Luna, there was a ceremony for that, but I had been pushing it off for a while now. Everyone had unofficially accepted me as Luna and Queen, but Maddox was seriously itching for it to be formal, and for us to mate.

It would happen eventually, but I was generally content with my casual position in the pack. I did Luna paperwork and partook in some Alpha responsibilities, but the workload would only increase after the ceremony occured. Maybe I was pushing off the ceremony out of pure laziness instead of fear.

Anywho, Zoe grabbed my hand as soon as I was outside and grinned at me. "Phoenix, remember that boy I dated before I ever met Isaac back in middle school?" I nod having remembered her mentioning the goofy story several times before.

"Well his mate is pregnant! I'm so proud of him, wow!"

She was such a gossip sometimes, but was always happy for everyone. I couldn't help but chuckle at the odd conversation we were having, feeling normal felt great, and she was so good at helping me with that.

"So, how was Dr. Meeker?" She asked casually as we walked along the path. The office building wasn't far from the packhouse, and it was nice to get some time outside, despite the weather getting colder as we were well on our way into winter at this point.

I shrugged, "Fine I guess."

"She is so great! She helped me get through my mother's passing a few years ago. It's like she's magic!"

It was bizzare what a positive outlook she had on life, especially when mentioning her mom passing away. I didn't know her mom had passed and I murmured a sympathetic apology. A wave of guilt hit me, knowing that so many people can't be with their parents, I was intentionally shunning mine because of a mistake they had made when they were young.

It was a constant struggle trying to forgive them.

"It's ok," Zoe continued the conversation, not noticing me falling down a bit of a rabbit hole in my own head. "She was sick for some time, I'm just glad she could finally rest and no longer hurt." Her words were genuine.

"Has anyone told you how great of a person you are?" I asked her, grinning. It was not everyday you met someone as heartfelt and honest as her, especially in my previous living situation.

"Aw, Phoenix. Thanks babe, means a lot to hear from the Luna."

I giggled foolishly at the nickname 'babe' she had assigned me, it made me feel accepted, it was a feeling like no other. Zoe began talking about some other pack gossip as we quickly approached the pack house.

We made our way inside, relieved at the warmth. We settled on watching a show for a little while, it's crazy how much I missed TV at my old pack, I wasn't allowed, not that I would ever have the time to watch with all the chores and responsibilities I had. What a simple little pleasure I had taken advantage of.

A couple episodes into a comedy, I smelt Maddox approach and my heart sped up a bit. It was embarrassing to say I had missed him, even though I had seen him this morning before leaving for therapy.

He approached from behind, and I pretended to be surprised when he placed his hands on my shoulders. We greeted him and Zoe made some silly excuse for having to leave, she said she had to 'wash the stove.'

She winked at me suggestively and strided out of the room, not to the kitchen might I add, dismissing her lame excuse.

He jumps onto the couch next to me, what a child.

His hand appears on my thigh, and I swallow hard. I don't know how to act around him. "Did you finish up your work?" I ask, pretending everything was totally normal, which I guess it was, we are mates after all. He nods and fires the questions back to me, asking how therapy went.

I used the same boring response I gave to Zoe earlier, "Fine, I guess."

His face looked engaged, but even a blind man could see the hungry look he was giving my lips. He was desperately craving some sort of affection, as that was really the only thing this relationship was lacking. He was patient, but I figured he deserved some sort of reward for his ongoing perseverance and understanding of my desire to go slow.

I leaned in, my heart was pounding in my chest, I still had zero way of knowing if I was a bad kisser. I didn't have to think much more about it though as he leans in meeting me halfway. Sparks explode over my lips, and he pulls me onto his lap and we continue kissing slow.

Today was a good day.