A month.

It's been a month since the Cullen's returned. A month since I for a lack of better terms 'imprinted' on Rosalie. She wasn't an imprint, she was supposed to be my mate, what Emily is to Sam, or my mom was to my dad, what Kim is to Jared.

But she ran away.

That had to hurt more than anything, knowing that she would rather be alone than with me. It was more than a bruised ego, it was... I couldn't explain it.

Of course, Alice had stopped by on many occasions, trying to smooth everything over and become friends again, it was a nice distraction but a painful reminder that my mate didn't want me.

Only one of them, the second was the one right next to me. I quietly stretched my arms before sliding out of the bed. My eyes didn't need time to adjust to the dark light, they were always ready for it.

I found my clothes pretty easily, a pair of jeans, tank top and leather jacket. My blending in clothes. I would stick out like a sore thumb if I showed up anywhere in shorts and a tank top.

Jacob and I spent a lot of time together the first week or so we tried to rebuild the friendship, it almost always ended in a fight.

'she's in love with Edward' 'you're just friends' etc., whatever it was, he hated it. It was causing such an issue that I spent less time with the pack than before, Jacob and I couldn't be around each other at all.

I paused at the door, glancing back at the woman asleep in the bed. I shook my head then walked out the door. Leah was my saving grace.

Leah understood the heartbroken feeling that I had. The two of us were the outcast of the pack. Jacob was fine, he could mope but for some reason Leah and I were a menace.

Well, Leah was. Sam and Jared were more accepting of my pain, though no one really wanted it. But even that was not as bad as Jacob. At least Leah had a relationship with Sam, and I was without my mate.

Of course, when I phased for the first time everyone found out about my mate, worse so they found out about her running away and never coming back. It was like I shared my emotions with them, Quil had mentioned that it was the most depressed he ever felt. Quil who found happiness in the form of my ex-lover. I was happy for him, he was happy. But it only meant another person was happy with their mate while I was alone.

While they were upset that I was upset I could feel the joy leaking through the mind link. I couldn't be sure who, but at least one of them was happy she ran away, that I wasn't currently shacked up with a vampire.

I knew my mom and aunt caught on to it or onto something, they didn't know exactly what was happening but that was normal. I didn't dare tell my mom that on nights she thought I was patrolling I would finish early and spend the night with a woman.

I only went home to shower and change, spend some time with my mom and Eve. Today though I had to hurry so that I wasn't late to the BBQ Emily was hosting.

I pulled up to Sam's a little later than I predicted but it was still light out and there were still a few missing persons. I hoped off the bike just in time to see Emily and her niece Claire. The little on was a bright spot on the group.

"Alex!" she called out gleefully as I stepped out.

"Hey Claire bear" I laughed as she barreled into my legs. "hey, I brought something for you"

She let go of my legs and looked up in glee. I opened the compartment of the bike and pulled out a coloring book, a sketch book, and some crayons.

Claire wrapped her hands around the items and took off running but turned back when Emily saw her.

"tank you"

"no problem kiddo, why don't you go show everyone" with that she ran off back into the house.

"that was nice of you" Emily replied.

I shrugged "I am always willing to enable a creative mind. Besides it makes her happy"

"she does love to color, that's good because it keeps her busy and I don't have to worry about her wandering around and getting hurt"

I nodded then went inside to help everyone cook the food. In between cooking and chatting we played a few card games, some board games. It was basically a family game night and I think it was good for the pack as a whole. Seth was a good help in keeping my mind busy. It was all fun and games until it was time for Claire to go to bed.

That's when things changed.

Jacob showed up not too long ago, he kept a front on for the younger girl but the moment she went to sleep he sat there moping tossing small rocks across the ground in front of him.

"man, you need to cheer up" Paul said finally speaking the words we all were thinking. I wasn't positive that he didn't include me in his words, but right now it was aimed at Jacob.

"how can I?"

"if you stopped ignoring her calls and being petty maybe you'd feel better" Paul joked, it wasn't a secret that Bella was trying to make things better, but Jacob wouldn't let her.

She was trying, she didn't want to end things on a bad note, because he was her friend.

"or keep ignoring her and get a girlfriend" I added. Of course, I probably shouldn't have said anything because it always led to an argument. Jacob turned towards me an angry glare on his face.

"like you? How's sleeping with Maya going?"

I returned the glare "that's different and you know it. You didn't imprint on Bella, move on. How many times do we have to say it. She'll never choose you over Edward. God you're like the guy who can't take no for an answer; or the one who thinks they can tun every lesbian straight. You can't, so stop pushing"

Jacob got up and pushed me "yeah and your filthy bloodsucker will never choose you"

Of course, it wasn't smart to talk about another's mate or imprint. So, I pushed him back harder. "get over it Jacob, she chose Edward. You were and always will be just a friend. In a few weeks when she graduates she will go with him"

"No, she won't" he growled. Sam looked over at the two of us watching closely.

"you saw it yourself; she plans on becoming one of them. She loves him, and she's happy, happier than she ever was when Edward was gone" I snapped, if he just paid attention he would know this. I know it, Leah knows it and we've accepted it. Is it really just a female thing, were we the only ones to realize this. "Bella deserves to be happy and if Edward does it then we should let her be happy."

"enough the both of you" he called trying to ease the tension and anger between us. But that only made things worse. Jacob was challenging me, and I couldn't let it go, for some reason. Usually I did, I let things go, I moved on, life was too short not to but for some reason I couldn't do the same with Jacob. I couldn't bow down to him, not wouldn't, couldn't.

And I knew if I backed down it would only prove to everyone I was weak, it would prove to Jacob that he was higher than me. I couldn't do that, I fought so hard to get the respect of a Beta. I was tired of Jacob being the god given wolf.

Jacob started shaking more, his eyes full of hate.

"back up Jacob" I replied keeping calm. But he wasn't having it, he never had great control. And the guys said Leah and I were the emotional ones.

They phased on accident far more often than we did.

Jacob got closer to me, our chests touching. I pushed Jacob away from me, hard. Harder than I did last time. He phased immediately, clawing up the front of my body like last time, only there was no Edward to pull me back. By now the pack was keeping a barrier between the house, the imprints and us.

I didn't phase, I didn't bother doing it because I had one more thing to say to him. "This is why Bella can't come around, you can't control yourself around us, how could you do it around a human?"

Jacob let out a growl, but Sam stepped in "Alex is right Jacob. GO CALM DOWN NOW"

Leah helped me stand up while Emily brought over a towel to clean me up. The wounds were closing leaving pink discolored lines and blood. I shook my head.

"you know you shouldn't provoke him. it puts all of us in danger" Sam replied a stern look on his face.

I scoffed "I shouldn't have to dance around the truth. Bella isn't in love with him, she's been trying to establish that for a while now. All she wants is for her friendship to be on good terms. I shouldn't have to worry about setting him off just because I tell the truth"

I shook my head, wiping my pants off before turning away. I wasn't ready to go home yet but I couldn't stay here. I began pushing my bike as I left the others behind.

I found myself at the edge of the cliff looking out into the ocean below. After a moment the scent of driftwood and vanilla filled my senses.

"I don't know about you, but I need some time away" Leah huffed as she plopped down next to me, our feet dangling off a cliff.

I huffed out a laugh "yeah, fuck..."

"woah..." Leah laughed "never heard you say something like that before"

"funny, but its... it's been a lot, dealing with the pack and their minds. It's like I have to hide how I feel just because Jacob has his own problems."

"and the misogynistic views that only men can be wolves"

"i don't get it either. I mean there hasn't been a Quileute female shifter, but the Amarok was primarily female. And they moved to intermingle with the Quileute. I mean you could have some of the Amarok genes in you."

"I guess..."

I furrowed my brows "Maybe Korinna knows, we could find out"

"Korinna?"

"my great grandmother, you know the one Ephraim was with before marrying Jacobs grandmother. The illegitimate affair"

"only illegitimate because he imprinted on someone else." She mumbled. I knew she was thinking about her and Sam. If they had a kid it would have been wiped away as an illegitimate affair, just because there was no imprint involved.

"yeah, that's why they hold Jacob in such high regards. He's the 'heir' to the Alpha" I grumbled. It was stupid but that's how they did things.

"ridiculous"

I smiled standing up. "we could go to Canada though. We've had no vampire activity, no problems besides our 'hormones' as they believe."

"even though we don't have monthly cycles anymore"

"right... we've had to give up so much more being a wolf than them. They literally get more buff and 'attractive' but us we have to give up the chance to have a family and when we get angry or upset they blame it on hormones rather than actual issues"

"we are forced to stay in the mind of a man"

I nodded looking out at rays coming off of the water below us.

"let's do it" Leah said suddenly. "let's go to Canada, I could use some time away and so could you. Blame it on female hormones. Because Yoga sure as shit isn't doing it."

"yeah," I chuckled "you have a passport?"