Squinting under the sun, I pulled on my shades and heaved an unsteady breath. Cars honked, engines roared, pedestrians rushed into all directions and the traffic sped up, but all the sounds blurred into a haze around me as I stared up at the neon metal board glowing above head.

was blinking and shimmering brighter than the sun, and it burned down my skin more than the sun rays could ever.

Let it go... My subconscious struggled, tied into a knot, trying to see through the blurred lines between past and present. Blue Heaven was in my past, how is it in my present?

Because I needed to make a choice.

I pushed open the door and strolled inside. The club was empty. Of course. It was a night club. Most of the people preferred to drink and party at night. All night. It was like that before and still was. Hopefully.

My eyes scanned across the empty bar stools, chairs resting upturned over the table to create space, hanging string lights glowing in a slow wave. It was all same, but still so different.

"Miss, the club doesn't open until seven." I heard a voice and I did not have to force recognition. It came naturally. I turned around and a pair of dark eyes met mine, then squinted in the dim room. "Who is it?"

"Hi, boss." I waved a hand at him, trying to sound like the old version of me. The one with lush dark hair and shrill, annoying tone. I had neither of it now, but he still seemed to recognize me.

His big brown eyes widened. "Maeve?"

Despite myself, I couldn't hold back the happiness that came rushing over me at seeing my oldest friend standing before me. "Marwick," I smiled.

Marwick paused for a heartbeat, as if making sure I was really standing before him, then rushed toward me and tiptoed to engulf me into a hug. "Oh...Oh my, is this real? Are you real? Can I touch you?"

I hugged him back, and let out a soft chuckle. "What do you think you're doing now?"

He fell quiet for a moment then pulled back to look at me. "Maeve. It's you. It's really you. How have you been? Wait, where have you been? Six years? That's how long it took you to show up?"

I set a hand on the short, stout blonde man's shoulder, and he clipped his lips together, looking mad. Wrinkles pinched his forehead in lines. "I know I was a bitch. I should have said something before leaving. But I'm here to clarify my mistake. Can we talk?" I flashed him a sad smile.

He looked at me for a second with the same, upset look, then slouched his shoulders. "You're lucky I can't stay mad at you. Not after seeing you in such a long time. What do you want to drink? I'll open the bar."

He walked back to the said bar but I grabbed his wrist. "No, Marwick, I just need to talk. Please."

He assessed my expressions and a concerned look drew on his face. "What is it?"

I bit my tongue. My subconscious had returned with a bang, but it was too late and the words had left already my mouth.

"Do you happen to have a vacancy here?"

Marwick took a sip of his whiskey and hummed quietly. We had talked through an hour, and I'd told him about everything that had happened in the past six years, and why I was back. Because I needed a job, and with my limited qualifications and zero work experience at almost anything, this place was my last ray of hope.

"As much as I'm happy to see you, Devin is an asshole for recommending this place to you after knowing how complicated things could become for you." He frowned.

I silently nodded in response.

I wasn't sure if it was a "yes, he's an asshole" nod, or a "yes, I've been through complicated shit and still here" nod.

Devin wasn't the helpful type nor did he take pity on me trying to hunt for a job. His sole agenda behind offering the new address of Blue Heaven to me was just to push me back to where I'd started. He wanted to see me in a place where I was at my lowest, struggling to survive. And I had readily just walked into that place.

Because as annoying as it sounded, he was right about this place being my best option. Or my only option.

"I feel like I'm travelling back in time." I said, suddenly feeling guilty for being in this place out of all the others.

Marwick scratched his beard. "But you haven't told...uhm, what's his name? Ian. You haven't told him about any of this?"

I shook my head. "I could not bring myself to open up. Things are going too good for me to ruin them."

Marwick set his glass down on the counter with a thud and turned to me on the barstool. "Maeve, look. I know it can be overwhelming. Difficult even, but if you are serious about Ian, he has to know about this." He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. "You must tell him before he finds out from somewhere else. You know how that will end."

I knew how that ended once in my past. It ended horribly. A vague memory surfaced my brain, but I pushed it back down into the dark pit.

"But..." I hesitated. It was not like I wanted to hide anything from Ian. I just couldn't initiate the talk. There were so many things to say. Too many. I didn't know where to start. I sighed and slumped back against the bar counter. "What if he doesn't want anything to do with me after that?"

Marwick tapped his fingers against the counter, looking deep in thought, then pulled his chair closer to mine, and fixed me with a look. "He saw your scars?"

I nodded.

"And he knows how you got them?"

I nodded again.

"And he knows you might do it again if it all gets too much, but still hasn't ran away?"

His words slowly started sinking in as I brought myself to nod again.

"Even after all this, if it does get too much and he does leave, which I highly doubt," he paused, leaning sideways on the counter. "Then you move on. You always move on from what is not meant to be, Maeve."

I looked down at his wrinkled hands resting over mine. Marwick had lost his teenage daughter to what I went through. She was not able to get it together, and until they found out, it was too late. They had found her too late. Laying in a pool of her own blood, wrist sliced open.

He knew what it felt like when someone you trusted with all your heart, kept a secret that —in future— could destroy everything.

He was right. I had to tell Ian everything. And if he still wanted me in his life, I would merrily tag along. Hell I would get on my knees for him. If not, as Marwick suggested, I would have to move on.

Let it go...

But there was one more thing that had brought me here. I raised my eyes to meet Marwick's. "About that job..."

"Ah yes, about that job," he withdrew his hands from mine and set them on his knee. First, he frowned, then smiled. "Blue Heaven's nights are incomplete without our blue Goddess." I dropped my eyes again, in relief, as Marwick continued. "We kind of ran out of business after you left. It was like our lucky charm had fled with you. We recently renovated this place. And if you really want then, be my guest."

He stood up to hug me, and I clung to him with a chest full of gratitude. This was it. I had made the choice. And now there was no going back.