Past

The last year had been hard. Going from agreeing with Esmond that getting Max into prison was the best choice for her safety to then realising how huge of a mistake that was to working with Esmond anyway because we still somehow had to stop Queen. No one else could, so it had to be us. It was why I was at Esmond's apartment once again, talking over our next plan. This was was a bad idea, I knew, but we didn't know what else to do.

We needed someone on the inside of the Court that could pass information back out. None of Max's team would talk to us, not since Esmond threw Max into prison. I didn't blame them, because I could barely stand myself for making that decision without even consulting her. It's why I was scared about our new plan.

"Everything all good?" Esmond asked me. I nodded slowly while looking over the notes he had written out for me. I couldn't hide who I was, so I needed a clear and comfortable reason for wanting to work with my brother's competitor. For wanting to enter back into a crime ring instead of sticking to the street races I had been running and taking part in.

"Yeah. I just can't help but feel like we should talk to Max about this all before I go in there." I said, watching him flinch at her name. He had told me about what happened, about her saying that she loved him and the feeling of guilt he had. Of course, he didn't tell me that until after we had put Max in prison. If he had told me beforehand, I would have told him it was a bad idea to put her there to push her away, but it was too late for that now. When he told me I did cut off contact with him for a few weeks, though, just to make sure he understood, I was pissed.

"No, we can't go to her. She's in prison, being monitored by at least one person involved in the prison. You think there's no one there that's a part of the Court? That she would be safe if I went to visit her?"

"You can't keep avoiding it, Esmond. It hasn't worked this far and never will." I reminded him, sighing as I stood up from the chair. "Okay, well, if I can't talk to Max before I go in, then I guess I'm all good to go. I'll meet with my contact in two days and from there I'll get to meet with Queen and become a part of the Court." I said. He stood up as well and walked over to me.

"What's your cover story?" He asked, just to make sure I knew every piece of information I needed to.

"I am choosing to go to her because I had a falling out with my family. Best way I thought of to get back at them was to help their biggest competitor, who I know is down a getaway driver, a position I would be great at filling." I said. He nodded, happy enough with my words.

"Okay, the second you feel threatened, you get out of there, though. There's nothing I can do for you after you go in, so..."

"I know, and I will. We both know that Max will kill the both of us if something goes wrong." I said with a laugh, but he didn't seem to see the joke. "It's a joke, because if something goes wrong, then I'll already be dead and Max can only kill you."

"Yeah, I don't think you really know what a joke is..." He trailed off. I shook my head.

"Lighten up, this will all be fine." I said, placing a hand on his shoulder. I ignored the feeling of dread that had wormed it's way into my stomach. That wasn't a part of who I was. I didn't let petty emotions like fear and anxiety get in my way. They got pushed down into a dark part of me I would never touch, just so I could keep my fun and friendly exterior in full force.

"There's a part of me that keeps telling me this is a bad idea." Esmond said.

"All the best ideas start off that way. I mean, I thought it was a bad idea to get into street racing, but then I met Max, have a wonderful career in it, can easily retire now with enough money to get me through until I am well over a hundred. Sometimes that feeling of anxiety is just an excellent driver." I said, almost trying to convince myself of that statement as much as I was trying to convince him.

"Yeah, that's not what anxiety is for."

"Well, maybe not, but this is going to be fine. The second I feel like I'm in danger, I'm getting the fuck out of there, and that's a promise." I said. He nodded.

"Alright, as long as you're confident we can go ahead." He agreed. I then walked towards the door and opened it to leave and get ready for my big break in my acting career. That's what this was, really. It had to be my best performance to date to convince Queen of my loyalties.

"Be careful." Esmond told me. I looked him in the eye and smiled.

"I'm always careful."

"No you're not."

"I mostly am."

"Sure. I'll see you in a few months." He said. Something in my gut told me to say goodbye to him properly, that this could be the last chance I had to communicate what I needed to.

"I'll see you then. And if I don't-"

"Jake-"

"No, if something goes horribly wrong and you don't see me. Can you please just tell Max that I'm sorry for getting her in this mess, and sorry for dying. She knows I love her, so you shouldn't need to tell her that." I said.

"Okay, I'll tell her."

"It's been nice knowing you." I said to him, and there was something in his eyes that looked like sadness.

"It's been nice knowing you, too." He replied, and I decided that then was the best time to end the conversation. I started walking down the hallway and ignored the growing feeling of dread.

If I had known then what was awaiting me in the Court, the pain and the trauma and the virus, I never would have walked away. I never would have gone through with the plan.

But I didn't know.

Not until it was too late.

Not until it was my biggest regret.