Past

"I panicked. I regretted it. I was terrified of dying and knew I didn't want to anymore. I'm not done here yet. I have more I need to do. My brain thought of you because both nights we were together, I felt safe with you. You helped me when I overdid myself last time, so you should be able to help me again. I also thought that maybe you wouldn't come and then I would get what I deserved."

"You don't deserve that, Sierra." He said, keeping his distance from me. I wasn't surprised, I had just trauma dumped on him. "You call me. I'll always come running." That would have been sweet if I knew him better. Well, maybe I could.

"If I asked you to help me get clean, would you?" I asked, slowly looking towards him. He seemed shocked at my question.

"Are you-"

"I know that I'm going to try again if I keep using. Please, help me." I turned my full body towards him. He took a slow breath.

"Okay." He said, and in my stupor of joy since I had someone on my side, I ran over to him and hugged him, crying into his chest as he awkwardly placed his arms around my torso.

"Thank you." I whispered as he held me tighter, like he didn't want to let go, nor did I want him to.

"Before we do that..." He trailed off, I slowly pulled away and looked into his eyes.

"What?"

"I need to tell you who I am, so we're both on the same page." He said. I nodded. "Do you want to sit back on your bench and eat your toast? Please?" I felt like a child while doing it, but complied.

"I know you're a part of the justice system, if that helps you start. Do I know what branch? No. It's just an educated guess why you would take an interest in me." I said before I took the first bite of my toast.

"That is definitely not the reason I took an interest in you... my interest in that department lies with Queen." He said, which made sense. I nodded as I took another bite. I would listen to his story, think it over and do my best to understand. It was the least I could do after last night. "My name is Esmond Triggs. I work with MI6." This made more sense than his private investigator story. I ate more of my toast and nodded for him to continue.

"They gave me the case on Queen two and a half years ago. I work the cases that have no budget left, essentially. MI6 has been trying to catch Queen for over a decade, with no progress. She can always sniff out any undercover officers, any informants. She doesn't let anyone leave alive. After over a decade of nothing except millions of dollars down the drain, they gave the case to me. I somehow pull things out my ass for cold cases so... I got Queen. I realised the only chance of information was someone already inside, and they couldn't know they were giving me information because Queen would smell a rat." He said, and I realised where this was going.

I was going to put my food down since I was no longer hungry, but realised my plate was empty. I couldn't tell if the lack of hunger was because of my finished meal or Esmond's story.

"So I came up with a plan, get romantically involved with someone high up the chain who Queen would never expect to snitch."

"You chose me; why?"

"I read about you, looked at you in the file. You were around my age, intelligent, talented and, to top it off, the most beautiful woman I'd seen in my life." He said, walking to stand in front of me. "I felt like you were calling to me through those pictures. It felt like you chose me, which is absolutely fucking ridiculous now that I say it out loud."

"Not necessarily." I said, watching as his eyes left the ground to meet mine. "You never know, there could be something pulling us together."

"Like what?"

"Red Thread of Fate?" I offered.

"The Japanese myth? The Red Thread of Marriage?" He asked with a slight laugh.

"You don't believe we have a fated lover for us out there? Someone we're drawn to? Be honest, when we met, had you been staking out the club before that, or was it the first night?"

"It was coincidence." He said.

"And the second night?" I asked. He didn't respond. "It doesn't matter." I let my shoulders relax. Or forced them to. Maybe I was getting too excited about the possibility of fate choosing someone for me. It would explain why he felt so right that night, but maybe I was being ridiculous. "What matters is that I could help you with Queen. Maybe what I have to do is take her down."

"A mission from the universe?" He asked, a smile on his face.

"Something like that. Something told me I wasn't done last night. This could be why." I said again, like if I repeated it enough times, it would be willed into existence.

"Okay, how would we go about it, then?"

"Well, first I need to get clean. If Queen thinks I'm using, she will be sloppy, but if I'm clean, I'll pick up on it. I'll still need to fill my scripts, so she doesn't suspect, but I'll throw them out straight away." Even thinking about doing that was making me second guess myself. The amount of control I'm going to need...

"So perfect timing, then? To mention all of this, that is."

"Thread of Fate."

"Coincidence."

"So it's a coincidence that I overdosed, you came to save me and we opened up to each other? Be realistic." I argued. He shook his head.

"Your withdrawals..." He changed the subject, which I hadn't been expecting but went with, anyway.

"They're going to be terrible." I said. He nodded.

"How long until they start?"

"I don't know, I haven't been off fentanyl since..." Fuck, when was it? I really depended on this fucking drug.

"It's okay, it's not your fault." Then why did it feel like it was?

"Um, fentanyl is short acting so... by tonight at the latest, I will be in withdrawal." I said. He nodded.

"How long for?"

I sighed as I felt the muscle aches beginning. This was why I never went clean, because I didn't want to go through the withdrawal with my back pain on top of it. If I had someone with me, though, maybe I could do this. So, I answered with the numbers I remembered from when I researched this over a year ago.

"Could be up to ten days. Symptoms will be everything from pain to insomnia to tremors to anxiety, paranoia, fatigue, irritability..."

"Then I won't leave your side."

"You have to work."

"This is work. If you're going to be my partner in this, then getting you clean is top priority."

"Okay... if I ever get too much, just tell me that if I stay clean for two weeks, I can call Jake. Two months and I can see him." I said. Esmond nodded.

"How many pills do you have?" He asked me next. I bit my lip.

"I don't know, but I guess we're about to find out." Suddenly my hands were very interesting to look at. "I don't want to do any pills until I know I can handle them."

"If your back hurts, we can use Nurofen or Panadol. I don't want you in pain." He said. I shook my head.

"Not until I can trust myself." I said, already wearing myself down.

"Hey." I heard him say, his pointer finger tucked under my chin to lift my head so my eyes met his. "You might not feel like it, but just making this decision makes you one of the strongest people I've ever known. You can do this. And if it helps, when your muscles start to hurt, I know a great masseur that will help you out at no cost."

"Who might that be?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Me, obviously." He responded, and the thought of his hands running over my body made a warmth sit in the pit of my stomach that shouldn't be there. Not that there was a lot of muscle left to massage since I had fallen too far into the drugs and lost too much weight. It didn't seem like he would care, he would help me get better. That thought made the warmth become a fire.

I was going to be stuck with this man twenty-four hours a day for the foreseeable future. This wouldn't be difficult at all.

I realised then he was looking at me to respond to his remark. I smirked back at him.

"Obviously."