Present

"I love you, Sierra, I always did."

I couldn't look away from him, couldn't move... couldn't breathe. My heart both shattered and fell back together at the same time. He could be lying. He lied more often than not. But then again, I always had a feeling when he lied...

I didn't have that feeling.

Instead, I felt his fingers in my hair, on the back of my neck and his thumb on my cheek. Instead, I felt his forehead against mine. I felt the heat from his body being so close. Felt a weight leave my body and emotions flood to the surface that I had been trying to drown.

I didn't need to fight.

Instead, I let my eyes close because I felt safe for the first time since before prison, since the last time I was this close to Esmond. I let my shoulders relax and my cheek fall further into his hand. Let my hands run up his body and land on his shoulders.

I didn't need to push him away.

Instead, I held onto the back of his neck, so he knew I didn't want him to leave me. I held onto the feeling of joy in my chest. Held onto everything that I had been trying to ignore, I didn't want to let go. I couldn't let go. I couldn't push him away or fight anymore.

I kissed him.

My head tilted back to accommodate for his height, to allow me to pull him closer as I lifted onto my toes. It wasn't close enough. How was it not close enough? Our breath intermingled as neither of us could pull away, not fully.

"Sierra..." I felt his lips move against mine as he spoke my name, his hands moving to hold my waist. "I can't just do physical anymore, so if your feelings changed, you really need to tell me now. I want to be yours. Whatever you need me to be, I'll be it. Just-"

"Could you just shut up?" I asked, our lips still touching as we spoke barely above a whisper. "I want you to be mine, always did." The words hurt my chest because it was too used to holding everything in. It was a good hurt, one of release.

"Good." He said before he picked me up by my thighs and carried me to the kitchen counter, sitting me on top of it and kissing me with an intensity that I had never felt from him before. I guess a year and a half of nothing would do that to you. It lead to me biting his lip, accidentally drawing blood, but he didn't seem to mind as he pulled my sweater over my head and started kissing along my collarbone.

"I forget you only wear a bra underneath jumpers..." I heard him murmur against my skin, his hands holding my back as he laid me down on the bench.

"Can you just move faster, please?" I asked. He laughed as his lips trailed down my sternum as he lowered me further, following a line I only hoped would end with his tongue between my-

He removed his hands from my back, which was now flat on the cold countertop, the sensation sending goosebumps all over my body.

"Is it too cold?" He asked.

"It's fine, just hurry up, I've been waiting too long for this."

"That makes two of us." He said as he undid the button and zip to my jeans before removing them completely. "Matching underwear? I thought you only did that for special occasions?"

"I swear to god, I will put my clothes back on if you don't-"

He immediately put his lips to my hip bone and sucked, forcing me to shut my god damn mouth as my back arched and my hands reached for his hair. His fingers removed my underwear and trailed back up my inner thighs, making sure I was vulnerable to whatever he wanted to do.

Vulnerable to his lips, kissing along my hipbone and my inner thigh. Vulnerable to his tongue on my heat and his fingers inside of me. I moaned with each movement, with each small flick of his tongue and stroke of his fingers.

"Esmond..." I whispered between my breaths.

"Are you close?"

"Fuck." I assumed that answered his question because he pulled away from me. However, before I could do so much as complain, he pulled me off the counter and turned me around, my back to his chest.

"Bend over." He whispered into my ear, so I did as I was told, pressing my front to the bench top, the cold now on my stomach and chest. "Good girl." He said before I heard his remaining clothes fall to the floor. I took a single breath before he took a hold of my hips and pushed into me. Another moan left my throat as he started slowly. With each stroke, he went just a little deeper, a little harder to get me used to him again.

And fuck if it didn't make me feel whole.

"Ready?" He asked. I nodded. Immediately, his hands gripped my hips with enough force to bruise and he went harder and deeper, speeding up until I tapped my hand twice. The old signal for the pace being found, and he listened. My moans became louder until he pushed me over the edge and I screamed and shuddered. He came inside of me and stayed there as he leant over me on the counter, and I turned my head as far as I could to see him. He helped by moving to be in my line of sight.

"We should really clean up before Jacques gets back." I said. He shook his head.

"Or we could just take this to the shower." He offered, still breathing heavily like I was. I smiled. I had missed him so much that my heart was still racing at this proximity and his touch.

"Shower it is then."