Past

I had dressed in a gold slip dress, with gold heels, and adorned myself in gold jewellery. It had been months since that night with Esmond, and to say I had stopped thinking about him would be a lie. I imagined it was him when I slept with another man in Romania. Every time I had picked up my vibrator, his eyes flashed in front of mine and his voice echoed in my ear like a ghost.

Do you feel that?

Does it feel good?

I dressed like a fucking Emmy Award, hoping I would see him again tonight. Hoping that by coincidence he would be in this club on the night I was here, months after our first and only encounter.

Was I desperate? Yes. Would I ever admit that to him? No.

Did I already have my hopes up?

Yes.

By God, my hopes were way too fucking high. To say I had craved his fingers on my skin would be an understatement, and I hadn't planned for what I would do if he wasn't here. If I didn't get to see him again tonight.

What if he wasn't there? Then I overdressed, and it was all for nothing. I wasn't going to waste this outfit on some mediocre dick.

I hadn't felt attracted to someone like this before. The people I dated before weren't all-consuming of my mind and body. I should have felt this about Jake.

But Esmond felt right.

Esmond fitted me perfectly.

And I didn't know what that meant for me.

"You look dressed up. Is that all for me?" I felt my heart flutter at his voice whispering in my ear.

"The day I dress for a man is for his funeral." I lied as I turned to look into his blue eyes. I knew he would be here, knew he would feel the pull to come here. Something drew me to him, and it was far too strong to be one sided.

"Can I get you to dress like that for mine?" Esmond asked, wearing an all black suit. Fuck. I knew I hadn't imagined or exaggerated how his eyes made me feel. The warmth was already settling in the pit of my stomach.

"Depends..." I trailed off.

"On what?"

"On how the rest of tonight goes. Last time could have been a fluke."

"Two parts in response to that. One; bold of you to assume I'd leave with you again. Two; bold of you to assume that 'fluke' is a part of my vocabulary." He said. I took a slow breath.

"One; you're already holding my wrist if you didn't notice. Two; I assumed it wasn't, but I enjoy getting on people's nerves, makes them more fun."

"I assumed you didn't like to play games..." He said as his fingers left my wrist and began trailing up my arm, eliciting shivers and even more warmth.

"Bold of you to assume." I responded, throwing his words back at him, although I wasn't sure if they worked in the same capacity.

"Touché." He said, taking his hand away. "Would you like to grab a drink?"

"No... I'm already high. I don't get high and drunk. I do one or the other." I said, and I saw his eyebrows furrow for just a second, maybe not long enough for someone else to notice, but my talent was being able to read people alongside driving cars.

"Is that why your eyes are red?" He asked me, the eyebrow furrow a distant memory as a small smile sat on his face instead.

"And why my back doesn't hurt." I admitted, I probably shouldn't have, but I did. I knew nothing about him. What if he used this against me?

"Are we going to the same room as last time?" He asked, my vision becoming blurred as the drugs finally kicked in.

"Yeah, I booked the..." The world went black for a moment. I reached out and grabbed Esmond's forearm before I fell over. Shit. Maybe I had overdone the opioids.

"Shit, are you okay?" He asked. I took two seconds to catch my breath, to keep my eyes closed and ground myself.

"Yeah..." I said as I opened my eyes. I could see the world in my vision, but it was blurry.

"What did you take, exactly?" He asked. I laughed.

"What do you think?" I asked. He held both of my shoulders and stared into my eyes. I smiled. The blue was dark and mesmerising, with strands of emerald green. "You have pretty eyes, you know that?"

"How much did you take?"

"Enough, I've done more, been worse. I'll be..." I trailed off as I blacked out again for a second.

"No, that's it. You're getting back to your room." He said. I nodded my head. Or I think I did. I couldn't really be sure. My entire body was numb. I didn't feel my feet moving to the hotel room, but I knew I had made it because the music of the club had disappeared, and I was lying on my side.

"Hey, you haven't told me your name yet, darling. You OD on me and I will not be happy." I heard Esmond's voice, and in the haze, I grabbed onto his hand.

"Sierra, my name is Sierra Hyde." I said, telling him the name I was born with, not the one given to me overtime. The name I gave myself made me need to live up to it. Do everything to the max.

"I'm going to stay with you until the drugs get through your system, okay Sierra? I will not leave you by yourself." He said. I shook my head.

"I'm going to be fine."

"How much did you take? And what exactly did you take?"

"Fentanyl, and I don't really remember how much I took."

"Prescribed?"

"I needed more, so Queen got me to another doctor. I have multiple prescriptions for it."

"When was your car accident?"

"Seven years ago." I said, sitting up and looking at him. "I never said it was a car accident. I said it was an injury." I realised, even in my high stupor, I knew I hadn't told him that.

"I-"

"Don't tell me that you guessed." I cut him off.

"Fine, I didn't. But we can talk about that later." He said. I shook my head.

"Why? So you can come up with a cover story?"

"No, so you can pass the drugs through your system. You're not-"

"Not what?" He just looked at me. "I can listen to you tell me why you know I had a car accident, and why you pushed for my name so I could tell it to you, so you could call me it without also letting me onto the fact that you knew that too."

"I am surprised you gave me Sierra instead of Max." He replied. It shocked me he wasn't denying it. I hadn't expected that. When people lie to me, they expect me to believe them and move on. Rarely did anyone aside from my team tell me the truth, own up to their lies and actually explain themselves to me.

"Who the fuck are you?" I asked, standing up from the bed, which lead to another blackout. Fuck.

"You need to rest." He said, his hands on my shoulders to keep me from falling over. I could feel the warmth from his body being close to mine.

"Esmond, if that even is your name-"

"It is, I swear on my life." He said, which came as another shock. Why would he give me his real name?

"You need to..." I blacked out again, but I didn't wake up. Not until the next afternoon, with Esmond gone, and a note left on top of my phone.

I stayed until your vitals were clear and you were out of the woods (around 2pm).

The clock on my phone was barely past three. I'd missed him by an hour. Shit.

I understand if you don't want to speak to me again; but if by some miracle you do, I know a great café we could go to for lunch. My phone number is on the other side of the paper.

You can message me for a coffee or call me at midnight.

Either way, I'll be there.

I turned the piece of paper over and saw a phone number written. After taking a deep breath, I entered it into my phone, listing it under a fake name. I didn't know if I wanted to contact him after last night.

But I knew I wanted answers.