Cody comes to pick me up in the morning and I hop in the back. It's still weird and lonely without Gerard and Amelia driving with us. It's even eerier that I'm getting used to sitting by myself back here. "Hey, Frank," Cody says to me as we start driving down the street.

"Hi," I say in a neutral tone. We pass Gerard's house. One of the cars is missing. Usually, if his parents are going to work, two of the cars are gone. But only one. Probably for Mikey then. Then again, he can't really stay home by himself yet.

"Did you finish the reading?" Jenna asks.

"Um, I like skimmed through it and marked some random pages with my highlighter for the annotations," I say.

"Okay, same," she says.

The drive up to school seems much longer than usual. This is that whole me being stupid all over again. Except much worse. Because when...Amelia...found out, at least I could talk to her about it and make sure she won't tell anyone. But now, it's worse. Cody definitely knows but he didn't say anything about it. I can't just ask talk to him about it because that would confirm that I like Gerard. And I don't know how to get out of this situation. Cody knows I like Gerard and I know that Cody knows. I don't know if Cody knows I know though. Does that even make sense? I have no idea. It makes sense in my head but to someone else, who knows. Who else would I be able to talk to about this? Well, there is Lynn. Granted, that won't necessarily solve anything. It might even make things worse with her knowing Cody now knows. She'll probably want to talk about this with Cody. And that'll be a nightmare. Because then other will find out easier. Everything is such a mess.

We get to school and I check in with my study call teacher. It seems he's happy to see me back with a pass down to art. I don't know if it's because he likes me gone or he likes things back on schedule. The others are still working on projects. I focus more on my English homework, or pretend that I'm very busy so they don't call me out on my silence.

The period goes by and they start cleaning up. Jenna and Cody splattering each other with the paint. "Okay," Lynn squeals, "you two do that but not around me. I am not getting my clothes ruined." She grabs the water cup and scurries toward the sink.

"Avast, ye fiend," Cody says in an Irish accent.

Jenna stop and stares at him. "Why are you Irish?"

"I was trying to be a pirate," he says offended.

Jenna starts laughing. "Are your pirates from Ireland?"

"You know what? They could be! Let Irish pirates follow their dreams!"

"If you two are done with the paints, why don't you clean them up?" Lynn says, wiping down the spills on the table with a paper towel. As she finishes up and tosses the rag in the trash, the bell rings. "I'll see you guys later," she says, rolling her eyes but laughing at them.

Jenna and Cody are at the sinks, flicking water at each other. I smile to myself watching them as I head out with Lynn and we start walking down the hall toward the guitar room. "Hey," I say.

She smiles at me. "Hey, did you finish the English?"

I shrug, adjusting the strap of my backpack. "For the most part," I say. I glance at her but she smiles at me, waiting for me to say something else. "So what happened after I left," I ask.

"Oh, not much really. Cody came up and then Brendon started heading out but he couldn't find his shoe for some reason. So half an hour later, he left with one shoe."

"Wait, you didn't find it?"

"I did after he left. It was in the bathroom. But...not the one he used? I don't know. My dog must have taken it or something. But it was his left shoe that was missing so he could still drive home. And then Cody and Jenna and I were talking but they got tired and headed back."

"What were you guys talking about?" I ask.

Lynn thinks back, shrugging. "Um, I don't know. It was...well, we talked about next weekend and stuff. I don't really remember what else." I nod along. "Why?"

"Just...curious," I say.

"Yeah, uh huh, what is it you're trying to ask?"

"I don't know," I whisper. "I don't want to say it."

She looks at me slightly hurt. "Frank, if you think I told the others-"

"No, it's not that," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. She eases up a bit. "Not exactly."

"What...is it exactly?" She looks at me confused.

We start heading toward the music room. I see a few of our other peers already in there and Patrick is setting his bag down in our section. "This isn't a conversation we can finish now," I say.

"Well, we'll finish it later," she says. "Don't worry-"

"HEY!" The two of us stop outside the door and glance back. Brendon is jogging over to us and Hayley is shaking her head a few steps back. "I got a question for you!" he says.

"It's not a real question!" Hayley calls out. The four of us step inside the guitar room.

"Alright-MM!" Hayley cuts Brendon off, covering his mouth with her hand. Brendon snags her wrist and turns away. "I'm serious!"

"He's not serious," Hayley says. with a deadpan expression

"What's going on?" Patrick asks, stepping over toward us.

"Firefly is the opposite of waterfall," Brendon announces.

Hayley lets go of him and sighs deeply. "Why are you like this?"

"By golly, you're right!" Patrick exclaims.

Hayley points a warning finger at him. "Don't encourage this," she says.

"But technically," Lynn says. "Like fire and water are opposites and fly and fall are opposites."

"I mean, yeah," Hayley says, "but together. No, it's just, it's no."

"But...what else would be the opposite of waterfall?" I ask. "Nothing, so it's firefly."

"Frank, I thought you were good," Hayley sighs.

"Frankie, my man!" Brendon says, high-fiving me.

Jenna steps into the room and Hayley swarms at her. "Jenna, don't agree with the others."

"No, Jenna, don't listen to her," Patrick calls out.

Jenna's eyes widen as she stares at all of us. "Is firefly the opposite of waterfall?" Brendon says.

Jenna stares at him and starts chuckling. "That's clever," she says.

"What?" Hayley cries out. "You think it's the opposite?"

"I didn't say that. I just said it was clever. But no." Hayley throws her arms around her and Jenna's back slips off her shoulder, swinging in her arm.

"You all can laugh at me but just know that I am right," Brendon says. "I am the beacon of truth that you fail to come to. So please, stand in the shadow of ignorance!"

Hayley spins on her heels and glares at Brendon. "When did you become so smart, oh wise one?" she asks.

"Since I stopped listening to you," Brendon says.

"Wh-hey! I'm smarter than you," Hayley says.

"Yeah, out of all of us, Hayley isn't one you should nark on," Patrick says.

"Ha!" she says. Brendon laughs and rolls his eyes.

"Not this is a transition," Lynn says, kneeling down and unzipping her backpack. She pulls out a black and gold sneaker.

"Me zapato!" Brendon cries out. "Where was it?"

"My parents' bathroom," she says, zipping her bag and standing back up.

Brendon falters. "Wait, I didn't-"

Lynn cracks a laugh. "No, I think Dexter took it and ran off."

"I love your dog," I say.

"You love all dogs," Hayley says.

"I do, but they're all such good boys."

"Here's a question," Patrick states with a smirk. We glance at him. "So is the opposite of fire ice or water?"

"Well, like it's the same thing but just in a different state of matter," Hayley says.

"One is wet, one is cold," Brendon says. Hayley's eyes roll back and she just sighs.

"I think it depends what you are contrasting," I say. "Like if you're contrasting temperature, it's ice. But like I think in general, it's water."

"This is too much thinking for the morning," Lynn says, heading over to our corner with Hayley.

Guitar, we sight-read new music but it goes terribly, as it usually does when we sight read. The rest of the day goes by slowly. Every time I'm with Cody, I feel my blood pressure increase. He doesn't say anything but there's this second glance in his eyes that just tells me he knows and he's thinking about it. I don't know what to do. This is getting out of control. Even though nothing is actually happening.

Before I leave school for the day, Lynn comes up to me in the hallway and asks if she could come over and talk. I assumed it was about what I started mentioning this morning but it seems like she has something else to talk to me about. "After school, I want to see Gerard," she says in a low voice. "In person, I want to talk to him." I look at her a bit taken aback. "But after everything you and Jenna and Cody have said, I'm really...I'm freaking out about the thought of doing it."

"What is it that you are nervous about?" I ask.

She fidgets with her hands, twisting her hands around. "Just...I don't know. You completely one-eightied. And just how Cody and Jenna describe him. It's haunting and just I don't know if I'm overthinking or it'll...he'll..." She looks at me wide-eyed. "When I'm done with my 8th period, do you...and I get it if like you're not-"

"Yeah," I say.

"What?"

"You want me to go with you," I say. She slowly nods her head. "I'm not going to make you go alone."

"Thank you," she says, hugging me. I hug her back. "I'll see you in about an hour."

I get dropped off and step the next 50 minutes pacing in my house. I don't exactly want to be emotionally drained from seeing him again but I also can't just bail on Lynn. I've been rather ungrateful to her, not intentionally. She's trying to look out for me and I'm just bitter about everything. I mean, I don't think I did anything wrong but I feel I owe her. She was there for me so I should be there for her.

She comes by and I answer the door. "Hey, Frank," she says, lingering on my porch.

"Hey," I say. I don't think I processed that I was heading over to see him again. The dread and anxiety haven't kicked in.

Lynn looks at me and I step out. She awkwardly follows me to her car after I lock the door. It takes a few seconds to get to Gerard's and she pulls up in front of his house. She doesn't get out of the car right away. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, I think so," she says. "I just don't know what to expect." I look at her sympathetically. "Maybe this was a bad idea. I don't know if just dropping by is okay."

I shift in my seat. "Well, we can go up there and if it's a bad time, we just head back, no harm done. But if it's okay, then we go in." Lynn sits, clutching the keys in her hands. "Are you sure you want to do this? They aren't expecting us, we can just go back. It's not like they'd know."

"Yeah, but... I don't know, let's just do this before I keep thinking."

The two of us get out of the car and walk up his driveway. Lynn is shaking after she rings the bell. It's quiet for a few moments. Part of me wonders if they're home when the door unlocks and then opens. Gerard's dad sees us and gives a smile. "Hey, Frank, Lynn. It's been a while."

"Um, hi, yeah," she says, smiling politely. "Is it a bad time to see Gerard?" she asks.

"No, not at all," he says. We step in, taking off our shoes as he shuts the door. "I'm glad you two are here and visit him." He heads back downstairs toward the basement as we head to their living room.

Gerard is still lying on the same couch. The cushions are more sunk in from being constantly used and not fluffed up and fixed as it usually is presented. Gerard's wearing different clothes, his hair is fluffy. But he has that empty look in his eyes. "Lynn?"

She pauses when he says her name. "Uh, hey, Gerard," she says. He looks at her softly, parting his mouth while he thinks of what to say. She looks at him nervously. "Is everything alright?"

"No," he says flatly. "But that's nothing out of ordinary." She nods her head. He glances at me. "The prodigal neighbor returns."

"I don't know what that means," I say.

He shifts his jaw. "It's...a movie reference," he mumbles.

I look at him and soften up. Maybe he is getting better. "To what?"

"A Beautiful Mind," he says.

"Oh, we saw this in psychology," Lynn says. "Oh, like the prodigal roommate returns." He looks at her nodding. He's not smiling but his eyes do lighten up. Lynn's smile fades. "I was waiting for you to say 'and they were roommates'."

"I've said it enough already," he shrugs. Lynn looks at him and stiffens. I glance at her. Does he not like vines anymore? Even though I didn't understand their obsession or catch all the references, it's still...I don't know, it's just what he and half the others did. It's what he always did.

"So how are you feeling? Any better?" Lynn asks.

"I can't be feeling better if I don't feel anything," he mumbles. "Stagnant..." His eyes are hooded as he glances down. Then I notice this shift. The tension spreads back in him and the bitterness sets in his eyes. He was indifferent before. But now he's empty.

"Gerard?" I ask. He flicks his eyes back up at me, tightening his jaw. I stare at him. Something just happened. It was...subtle but something just shifted in him.

"You going to continue or saying my names for kicks?" he retorts.

I stare at him, slowly disassociating. "No," I say simply. I chew on the insides of my cheek. In my peripheral vision, I notice Lynn glance at me uneasily.

"Um...Gerard?" He doesn't move his head but he glances at her. She runs her fingers through her hair and takes a breath. "So I wanted to ask you something and I...I get it that things are different so it's totally understandable. I don't know how things will be by then so don't worry if you can't."

"Hmm?" he mutters unamused.

"My birthday's on Sunday," she starts. "And I just want to tell you that...I want to invite you. But I get that things aren't easy so if you can't..." she trails off, awkwardly holding her hands out and then dropping them to her side. "Yeah."

He looks at her contemplating, running his tongue over his bottom lip. His eyes scan over her for a moment and then glance at me before he calculates an internal thought. He takes a breath and eases out, then putting on an overly wide smile. "I appreciate the offer, dear, but I won't be able to then," he says. She nods her head. "But thank you."

"Are you going to be busy?" I ask. It sounds like he has something going on rather than just his condition impeding his ability to leave the house.

Gerard's artificial friendliness washes off when he turns back to me. "Yeah, I got a hot date," he scoffs. I tense up, staring at him bitterly. He's being a jerk again...but only to me.

"You don't...really," Lynn says nervously. Neither of us acknowledges her.

"Says the guy who renounces relationships," I say.

"I find it funny you of all people would try using that fact against me," he says.

I stare at him and he looks back at me unmoved. "You don't find anything funny anymore, you robot," I say through my teeth.

"Robot, huh? Stooped to name calling now?"

"Guys," Lynn whispers concerned.

"Don't give me that, you know damn well you antagonize me," I say. "And again, why would you care? I thought you don't."

"You're right, I don't. But you do," he sneers.

I look at him, trying to disassociate in order to keep calm. I've been holding myself together a lot better than before. "Yeah, I do care. That's what makes me human."

"Right, right," he says, sitting back and cocking his head rigidly. "And I am the robot." Robot. That word...I said it to be mean. But it works too perfectly. Days ago, when Mikey told me about Gerard waking at the hospital. It's like he has no emotions. He's a robot. He's right... Gerard stares through me. "Why are you upset? You're the one that used that word."

I slowly exhale, staring backing him. That's...Gerard. I'm looking at him. The red long sleeve shirt under the Van Halen T-shirt and the baggy track pants he wears as pajamas. His clothes. His face. It's him. Besides his eyes being empty, the only other difference about how he used to look is his hair. It's a bit longer than usual. In all honesty, if the circumstances were drastically different, I would definitely be into him with the longer hair. But it's not a new style, it's that he hasn't been well enough to get it cut. "How could have this happened to you?" I whisper rhetorically, mostly to myself.

His eyes narrow threateningly. They're cold. I look at him worried. "Accidents happen," he says bitterly. "Just ask your parents."

It stings like a searing heat. My face grows hot, burning with rage. I hear Lynn sputter but I don't look at her. I keep my eyes on him. Of all the people who know me....out of anyone who could understand what it was like at home... Gerard knows what I went through at home. He knows I hated the yelling and fighting, how they ignored me and I felt so alone. He knows because I trusted him and open up. "Fuck you," I growl, clenching my fists.

"You wish," he mouths. He just stares at me, entirely aware of what he said. There is no remorse. I lose my breath. He crossed a line and he knows it. But he doesn't feel bad about what he said. Well, I shouldn't feel bad either.

"Yeah," I sigh, staring daggers back at him, "but you know, they say everything happens for a reason. Just ask Mikey about that one." The words fall out of my mouth. Gerard's eyes widen and his lips part. He exhales a groan and falls short of breath. That shift happens again. The emptiness fades away in his eyes flood. Shock. Sadness. Pain. "So you can feel emotions then?" I add. His gaze falls and he's out of breath, tensing up but breaking down at the same time. "Good."

"Frank?" I glance at Lynn and pause. She looks terrified at me. She keeps her body turned away but she's looking at me nervously. She glances at Gerard for a second but looks back at me. "Who's...Mikey?"

I soften up, realizing she doesn't know Gerard's brother. I look at her, unable to talk. "Nobody." We both turn back to Gerard. His mouth is hanging opening as if he's going to scream but it's stuck in the back of his throat. "Nobody," he whimpers, his voice breaking. He closes his eyes, wincing. As his lids fall shut, the tears roll down.

He's crying...finally. I don't like seeing him cry but it's a sign he can feel now. "I'm...sorry," I start.