I snap my head up and look around the room. I swear, someone just called my name. Mr. Carlson is still at his desk reading a newspaper. The kids behind me are gossiping but about some cheerleader that broke up with her boyfriend for some college guy. I glance at the empty seat next to me. Gerard still isn't here. But I don't expect him to be. He's not here. He's not dead, but he's also not back.

I finished my homework already and it's out to show that I'm done. That's why I nodded off, I have nothing else to do and I know my history teacher doesn't care. But I swear, someone called my name. Or it's one of those times where you just think you're hearing someone say your name. Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe I already am.

I barely got any sleep last night. In fact, I don't even know if I did. It could have been one of those nights where you lie on your bed for hours and then the next thing you know, the birds are singing and the sun is peeking over the horizon and you're just waiting for that stupid alarm to go off. And somewhere along those lines, you don't know if you were up the whole night or if you slipped out of consciousness for an hour or two.

The others found out about Gerard. Not through me though. Shortly after we had lunch, we went home. I changed out of my funeral clothes and I put on a baggy shirt and pants. That's when Jenna was texting in the group chat saying she heard Gerard was awake. Everyone started freaking out, asking if he was okay and a million other questions. She just said that he was okay but something's wrong with his brain and they don't know what exactly. She said that when his family went to go see him, everything at first seemed fine but slowly, they sensed something was off the longer they were there. The way he talked and just was, they knew something was wrong. She didn't mention anything about his emotions though. I couldn't tell the others I knew more otherwise that would bring on more questions to me and I really can't handle that right now. When everyone was done talking, I turned off my phone and just laid in bed. I couldn't think clearly, yet my mind was racing. And I couldn't breathe but I was hyperventilating. He's alive, which I am so thankful for, but he's not okay and it hurts.

The bell rings shortly after. I pack up, go to gym. Walking down the hallway, Jenna catches up to me. "Hey," she says. "How're you holding up?"

"Can we not talk about me?" I mutter.

She looks at me uneasy but doesn't argue. "Okay," she whispers. "Um, can we talk about Gerard?"

I groan under my breath as we start walking down the stairs to gym class. "Unless you have new information, I don't really want to. Nor do I want to hear if anything got worse. So I don't know, Jenna."

"Do you want to see him today?"

My heel misses the last step and I stumble forward. Jenna catches my arm and I turn around and look at her. "What are you saying?"

"Gerard's dad texted me and asked if you and I wanted to come by after school," she says. She looks at me worried, slowly letting go of my arm. "Gerard asked to see us."

We start walking to gym and my heart starts beating faster. "Wait, he asked for us specifically?"

"Yeah, well, he also asked for Cody but...he's, he can't today." Jenna looks at me but I'm not sure what to say. "Do you want to see him?"

"Of course I want to see him, but I don't know if it's a good idea."

"I know what you mean, but Frank, it's going to be okay."

"But what if it's not?"

She bites her bottom lip. "I mean, it's Gerard." I keep my head down as we walk through the athletic corridor. "Are you worried he won't remember you?"

"That's one of the many concerns I have, yes," I scoff.

"What else are you worried about?"

"The list could go on," I say. "He doesn't know me, he remembers me but doesn't care, he doesn't like me...who I am, like we aren't close anymore and aren't going to be...best friends anymore," I painfully correct. Jesus, keep it together Frank. But Jenna doesn't seem to think much of it. "I mean, he asked to see me so that's kind of reassuring that some things will be okay between us. And he's also talking and functional it seems so that's good to hear because I was worried his brain would revert back to the mindset of a child. I was worried about a lot of things." Jenna looks at me softly, realizing how stressed I was about this. I've been keeping everything suppressed so I don't blame her for not understanding. There's nothing much for her to say. "I'll talk with you later," I say as we approach the boys' locker room.

In gym, we have basketball freestyle. It's honestly one of the best things that could happen because it's all the athletic guys that think gym is the Olympics and they all cluster in the center hoops together so everyone else who doesn't care and just wants to pass gym to graduate goes to their own hoop with someone else.

Jenna and I end up playing catch with each other while talking. I start feeling better. He's awake and alive. So he's not going to die and I don't have to worry about his mother taking him off life support. I don't have to stress about the hypothetical if he'll ever wake up. He's awake and he's alive.

He's also talking and coherent it seems. I was worried for some time that Gerard would have reverted back mentally or had other brain damage that would've affected his mentality. It would've killed me to see him that hurt, thinking as a child but in the body of a 16-year-old. And I was also worried he'd have severe amnesia, wouldn't even know his own name. But if he's asked for us, he seems to remember enough. I am still nervous if he's paralyzed or anything. I doubt he's out of bed yet so it may be too soon to tell but I hope he's physically okay. Now emotionally, that's still in the dark but 80% of my worst fears have just faded. Call it progress.

Lunch is still lonely with just Jenna and I but we do our best to ignore it. We're planning on visiting Gerard after school but we'll keep it on the down low for now. After realizing that I'm going to see Gerard today, the rest of the day could not go by any slower. Time was dripping by and occasionally, it felt like it completely stopped. In English, Lynn kept glancing at me worried. I was rather quiet in art today so the two of us didn't really talk since yesterday. But that was before the others found out about Gerard's condition.

Math isn't as haunting but it still doesn't feel right. Not because she's gone but because we're adjusting to her absence. Time goes on and we keep moving forward without her. We start the next lesson, worksheets are passed back, the guy who sits in front of Amelia's desk just reaches further back to pass the papers to the rest of the row, the class goes on without her. And a part of me feels terrified because I'm okay about this. I don't want to be upset anymore but I feel like I'm betraying her about accepting she's gone. I don't know if this is right or wrong. It's not like I can ask her.

The day finally ends and Jenna is driving to the hospital with me in the passenger seat. This is happening. We're going to see him. It's been over a week since I've talked to him. That last Sunday when all was still right in the world and I've been the happiest I have been ever and probably will be for a long time. Last time we talked, that was the morning we got together. I saw him last week right before I said goodbye. But he'll be awake this time.

Jenna texts his dad, telling him that we're here and he meets us downstairs. "Hey, how are you guys doing?" he asks, giving Jenna a hug.

"Just getting by," Jenna says. "How is he?"

His dad shakes my hand firmly and I give a nod. "He's..." his dad trails off, glancing down at the ground. "He's better than we hoped for him to be but there are still some challenges." Jenna and I exchange looks and we follow him to the elevator. "It's only been a day so it's too early to see where the problems are stemming from. But we know that Gerard's...he's very emotionally detached and disassociated to his surroundings."

"What do you mean?" Jenna asks. "Like does he just not care?"

His dad winces, giving his head a shake. "Not exactly. More like he can't care." We get to the floor he's on in recovery and we walk down the corridor. "I'll let you guys talk to him, he's asked to speak with you."

"Is...Donna here?" I ask.

Gerard's dad has a look in his eyes. "No, she's at work currently. She doesn't know you two are here." He knows she's mad at me for telling Mikey.

"Is that a problem?" Jenna asks, glancing between us.

"I don't know," he says dismissively. We approach his room, standing just outside it. "I'll let you two go in."

Jenna looks at me and puts on a smile. "Ready?"

I take a breath and grab the door handle. "No." I slowly open it and let her step through. I follow after her.

Gerard's laying on the bed sitting up a bit with his eyes closed. He looks a lot better compared to when we last saw him. His legs are still elevated and his hand still has the metal frame holding his fingers, hand, and wrist in place. The machine coming out of his ribs are no longer there and he doesn't have a feeding tube anymore or the monitor around his forehead. But he still has the nasal cannula over his face and a lot of bandages over his skin where the stitches were. The IV and other needles are sticking out of his arm. I'm assuming at least one of them is morphine. He doesn't look as bad. In fact, he looks great compared to last time I saw him. His skin has some color to it now, the bruising is much less severe. It's a faded yellow color, healing.

We step in the room and Gerard's eyes open. His face is rather blank as he stares at us. "Gee," Jenna whispers softly. He looks over, only his eyes moving as he scans us.

"Gerard, oh, thank god you're awake," I say, shutting the door and walking over to his side.

He looks at me blankly, his hair brushed to the side of his face. "Do I know you?" he croaks.

I stop in my tracks and whimper out. "You...what?"

Gerard tilts his head to the side to look at me. "Who are you?" His voice is rather empty and weak.

"I'm-" I can't finish it. I slowly lower myself into one of the chairs, trying to breathe. "No, you don't...you-" A hot flash hits me and I feel my eyes watering. This can't be happening. Gerard looks at me without any emotion on his face. Does he really not remember? Doesn't he know who I am? In the corner of my eyes, I see Jenna covering her mouth with her hands.

Gerard sighs deeply, blinking. "I'm sorry," he says. "That was mean. I'm just messing around."

"What?" Jenna and I say in unison.

"I remember you," Gerard says.

I get out of the chair and hold my head up. "What the hell? Gerard! You can't-oh my god!" I can't help it but tears start trickling down my cheeks as I close my eyes. "Why would you do that?"

"I didn't think it would work considering I asked you guys to see me so I had to have remembered you." My face gets hot again and for some reason, I feel really embarrassed. And...upset. "And, I thought it would be funny," he states.

Adrenaline is still rushing through me. "Ugh, well, it wasn't funny," I mutter, closing my eyes and wiping away the new tears.

"You're right," he says, "do you see me laughing?"

I look at him and he's completely blank, not laughing. Or happy. Or anything really. "No, but...I thought you-ugh, don't do that again, please. Oh my god, but you remember me?"

"Of course, Frank," he says. Frank. He called me Frank. I hastily wipe my eyes and glare at him. He still has the same blank expression, staring at me vacantly. It's empty. Almost like when you're talking to a dog and they just look at you blankly. Because they don't understand.

"But you remember everything?" Jenna asks.

He slowly turns his head in her direction. "Well, not everything. But who remembers everything?"

"Gee," I whisper. He doesn't turn his head back but he glances his eyes at me. "What is it that you do remember?" I ask.

He takes a breath before sighing. "Jenna, dear, may I speak to Frank alone?"

I look at Jenna and she gives me a hesitant smile. "Um, yeah, sure," she says, walking back toward the door.

"Thanks, doll," he says as she steps out of the room. His voice is completely apathetic. He has no expression and the only part of his face that's moving are his eyes, just to look around. They're hallow and glazed over. He's staring at me but it doesn't seem like we're making eye contact while talking. It's like he's staring at my eyes and spacing out. But constantly spaced out and not sure what's going on. Like he's not really there. "Calm down, Frank," he says once the door shuts.

"I-I am calm," I say.

"You're tense," he replies. "You're looking at me like I'm some wild animal just waiting to attack you. I can assure you, I'm not going to hurt you."

"Not physically," I scoff, slowly sitting back down in the chair. "Or intentionally."

"Believe me, I have no intentions for anything."

"Then why did you ask to speak to me alone?"

He pauses for a moment. "I did that for your sake," he whispers and forces himself to smile but it just looks like he's wincing in pain. His lips curved up unnaturally and his eyes squinting at me.

"Gerard, what do you remember about me?"

He sighs and closes his eyes, relaxing his face. "Nothing too specific," he starts. "I remember feeling...love and happiness you could say. And I remember that just looking at you would give me these bursts of excitement." He opens his eyes and stares up at the ceiling. His voice is robotic and monogamous. It's as if he's reading what he's saying and isn't processing a single word. "I remember feeling all sorts of wonder with you and every second of our time spent together was treasured." He trails off, dragging out the last syllable.

He's waiting to say more. "Okay...but?"

Gerard blinks, slowly turning his head and looking at me. No, not at me. He's looking through me. "But I have no idea why. Because I am staring at you right now and I don't feel anything."

I back in the seat and Gerard's eyes are trained on me as I lower myself. I try easing my breathing but my heart rate is accelerating. "Do you love me?" I ask. I know I don't want to hear the answer.

"I remember I did," he replies.

I nod my head, tears falling and dripping on my jeans. "Did, huh? So you don't love me anymore? You feel nothing?"

"Eh, don't take it personally. I don't feel anything anymore." He sighs again, staring up at the ceiling pensively. "I don't know what it is. I remember these feelings...but that part of my head has them locked away just out of reach. I'm a child staring through the store window looking at the toys on display. I can stare at them all I want and see them and know what they're like. But I can't actually have them and use them myself. So I can remember those emotions but I just can't feel them." Gerard stares at me as tears dribbling down my chin and I hold my breath to prevent myself from breaking down. "I see that hurts you. Well, my deepest condolences."

"I love you," I tell him.

"I know," he says, glancing down. "I'm sorry, Frank."

I sigh out in frustration. "Frank?" He looks up at me. "Can you call me Frankie, please?"

He blinks a few times. "Why would I do that-"

"Because! You-you always do." I wipe my eyes again, my hand shaking.

"Frankie," he spits out.

I roll my eyes, slouching back in the chair. "Not like that," I mutter.

"How do you want me to say your name?" he asked seemingly annoyed.

"What? I don't know, like how you always do."

"Clearly, I'm not like how I always was so why don't you elaborate?"

"Like you'd say it endearingly and you would always have this small smile on your face and...it just meant something when you said it." I cover my eyes with my arm, trying to calm down. I don't want to be crying because then the others are going to ask questions. Granted, this situation should be explanatory enough.

"Well, do you have anything else you'd like to discuss with me before I ask you to call back Jenna?" Gerard asks dryly.

I lower my arm and look at him sniffling. "The morning of," I say, clearing my throat, "we were watching the sunrise together while everyone else was asleep. Do you remember that?"

Gerard glances down, thinking back. "I don't remember a sunrise...but I do remember...crying? Between the both of us."

I mean, he's not wrong. I look at him, leaning closer to him and out of the chair. "Do you remember anything else that happened?"

Gerard flutters his eyes closed and then stares at me. "What is it that you want me to remember?"

"That I'm your boyfriend."

Gerard tilts his head back and falls against his pillow. "Huh," he mutters. "You know, if I could get these emotions to work, I'd probably feel surprised right now." He gives his head a small shake. "But I got nothing."

"So that's a no then?"

"Well, I knew I felt something toward you, didn't think we did anything about it," Gerard says. "Then again, I didn't really think much of it."

"Well, if I'm nothing to you know then why is it you wanted to see me today?" I ask.

"Frank, I know I'm not supposed to be this way. I know something's broken," he says. "And I thought if anyone could fix it, it would be you guys."

"Well, sorry I failed you," I say, rubbing my eyes. The skin on my cheeks is starting to get irritated by my sleeves wiping away the tears. I stare at him and he stares through me. He's not the same. "God, Gerard, what happened to you?" I ask, whimpering. I curl my legs up in the chair and hold myself.

"The last thing I remember was Amelia said race you to the bottom and then the next thing I know, I'm feeling what would be the worst pain in my entire life."

Nausea starts creeping in my stomach. Amelia. "Do you know about Amelia?" I ask.

"I know she's dead," he retorts. I don't like the way he says it. So bluntly and without hesitation. Like he doesn't care about her.

"They told you then, huh?" I mutter.

"They didn't need to," he says. "I saw her crash. I knew she was dead before I was."

I narrow my eyes at him, his words catching me off guard. "But...you're not dead, Gee," I whisper.