A/N: So I went to Warped Tour on Saturday and oh my god, met Tonight Alive so Cam, Matt, and Jake were just hanging out at their tent and we talked to them. And I got to talk to Jenna McDougall. Oh my god. I love her so much. They were so kind and funny and my god, their accents. She shook my hand and we were introduced and we talked for 10 minutes. It was crazy. And Also: Happy MCR Day. Here's an update to celebrate.

I expected today to be raining and dreary. But it's not. It's warm with a gentle breeze and all the snow completely melted away for the first time this year. It honestly would've been a beautiful day if it wasn't Amelia's funeral.

The sun isn't shining down, it's still overcast. But it's been the warmest day of the year so far. We all start walking down the pathway to leave the cemetery. There aren't anywhere as many people here as there were at the wake. This is only close family and friends. So her parents, grandparents, cousins, and us. Still the eight of us. Even by some miracle, Gerard gets better and he comes back, that will only make us nine. Amelia's gone. She passed away. She's not going to be at our side anymore. In our hearts, yes. But there will never be ten of us hanging out again. And if someone else comes along, the way I and Sarah did, it won't be Amelia.

"Frank, are you coming with to lunch?" Jenna asks me as we head back to the cars.

"I...yeah, I think so," I say. "Are we all going? I mean, out of us."

Jenna glances at her step-mom walking out with Cody shuffling along, his head hung low. "No...um, he's going back to..." She cuts herself short, closing her mouth. I put a hand on her shoulder and she takes a breath. "He'll be okay soon," her voice fades and she quickly clears her throat.

"Will he be going to school tomorrow?"

Jenna shakes her head. "No, but if...everything goes alright, he should be on Tuesday. But at this point, that's almost too much to ask for."

The others are ahead of us and Jenna and I drag out our walk. "Well, that's good."

"Yeah, that's what they're hoping for," she mutters.

"I'm sensing some cynicism," I say. She laughs under her breath bitterly. "Jen?"

"Cody's not okay," she says. She stops walking and looks at me. "He's losing it and...today is saying goodbye to her. I know-" she cuts off, glancing around. The window blows strands of her blonde hair out of place and she brushes it back. "It's been days. And we don't know what's going on with him. He could be...already and-"

I put a finger to her lip and she closes her eyes, sighing. "Jen, we would've heard by now. Today, you shouldn't be worrying. You should get closure."

"I can't get closure if I still have questions though." I put an arm around her shoulder and the two of us continue walking forward to the cars. Sarah isn't going to lunch so we say goodbye to her. Cody walks away without saying anything. But we don't expect him to. There's nothing we can say that we don't already feel in ourselves. I watch him stroll to his mom's car shuffling along the gravel sidewalk with dust kicking up on his black shoes and his hair in his face. I watch him get in the car and shut the door. He's going to be okay. He's got to be.

The rest of us get in the cars and we head to the restaurant her family wanted to go to. And now there are six of us in the group together.

There's a little over 20 of us here but it's a rather large restaurant. The six of us sit down at the end. I'm next to Jenna and Lynn on the other side from her. Across from me is Brendon, then Patrick and Hayley. They take our orders, they distribute our water. Our side of the table stays quiet. Amelia's relatives and the others here converse but we all stay quiet.

"How are you guys?" Patrick asks gently.

"Could be better," Lynn says, "but I've been worse."

"The start of this week will be easier than last week," Brendon says. "Time makes it easier but not less sad."

"It just makes it easier to catch your breath," Hayley says. "I'm hoping everything is going to stop going downhill from here. Like, I don't expect everything to magically get better or anything to get better honestly. I'm just hoping it stops getting worse."

"Yeah, me too," Jenna whispers. She's holding her head up with her hands, leaning on the table. "I'm still worried about everything."

"No matter what happens, we get through this," Hayley says.

"I know, I know, but it's not going to be easy."

"No one ever said life was easy," Patrick says, stirring his ice around his glass with a straw, "just that it was worth it."

Brendon glances over at him with a soft smile. "We you reading the bumper stickers off the car in front of us on the way here?"

"Maybe I was, but what difference does that make," Patrick says. "The point is, it's true."

"Yeah," Lynn says in agreement. She glances at me. "How are you, Frank? You've been kind of quiet."

The rest of the table glances at me. Well, not the whole table but the part among us. Sure, leave it to Lynn to draw all the attention over here. She of all people know what I'm going through. She's the only one that knows. "I'm...getting by," I say. "No need to speak up when you all are saying the exact same thing I'm feeling. I'd just be repeating you all." I pick up my glass of water and sip from the straw but it trickles up water. I finished it and it's what little ice has melted in during the duration since I last picked up my glass.

"How are you though with-" Brendon trails off but I know what he means. The sad look in his eyes.

"I'm fine, really," I say.

"I know you two were close-" Hayley starts.

"Are." She looks at me pondering. "We ARE close," I correct. "And like I said, I'm fine."

Patrick glances at me with a half smile. "And what would Gerard say to you if he heard you say that."

I pause for a moment and glance down with a smile. "Fine stands for freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional," I say. "The...something Job," I say.

"The Italian Job," Jenna says. "He loves that movie."

"Yeah...we saw it together," I say. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I glance down. Probably my mom or something. I start fishing it out of my front pocket.

"Part of me regrets we haven't seen more movies together," Jenna says. "I mean, he would quote them all the time and I only knew half the references. And then, he'd get like a little sad."

"Yeah," Hayley continues, "like he'd make that face when you looked at him blankly." I click to open the screen and see a text from...Mikey. I quickly open it.

"But when you do know it and then you finished the rest of the line," Brendon smiles reminiscing, "man, he looked so happy." My phone loads the messages. -Hey, how are you doing??-

I keep my phone under the table and reply to him. -I'm doing alright. It's closure to put it that way-

"Do you remember that one year for Halloween Gerard dressed up as that weird anime cat creature?" Lynn says.

Patrick and Jenna start laughing. "Totoro," Hayley says.

"Yeah-No, that wasn't Halloween though," Brendon says. "Gee just did that on a random day in October for the hell of it. He was the ghost from Spirited Away that year."

"Oh my god, that's right!" Jenna says. "Leave it to Gee to just cosplay on a Tuesday."

"Yeah, makes sense he takes Halloween so seriously, it's the only day people don't question him for it," Patrick says. "Granted, he doesn't to it anymore, at least, not out. He probably does something on the weekends when he's bored."

Mikey replies. -That's good to hear, I think? But are you still out?-

-Yeah, why?- Why would he ask if I'm still out?

"Honestly, I'd be surprised if he didn't do it," Jenna says, "he usually has the house to himself since his parents work late so he probably does it after school."

"Man, I miss seeing him do that," Lynn says. "Could you imagine Gerard doing drag make up?"

"He wouldn't...would he?" Hayley giggles.

"Oh my god, he would," Brendon says. "Damn, he'd do it really well too."

"Would he dress up too?" Patrick asks in a joke."

"This is Gerard we're talking about, obviously," Jenna says. Patrick starts laughing.

"I bet he'd have kinky boots," Brendon says.

"I bet you have kinky boots, Brendon," Hayley replies.

"What? Why?" he asks.

"Because it seems like something you'd have," Patrick says.

-Just wondering- he sends me. I stare at his message. I don't think that's the case. Slowly, I type back.

-Did something happen?- Sending...Sending...Delivered. Come on, Mikey. What's happening?

"Ugh, why would I-they would be red," Brendon says.

"They're red?" Lynn laughs. "You have-"

"No! But...if I did, they'd be red. Just saying."

-Can I call you?-

My heart starts pounding. -Is everything okay?-

"You're such a diva," Jenna says.

Brendon dramatically gasps. "Your words wounded me deeply," he says an octave higher than usual.

"Whoa, what was that, man?" Hayley asks.

"And there's another example why he was nominated best vocal range in our music department and he's not even one of the choir boys," Jenna says.

"Yeah, but vocals class is in the music department so it's fine," Hayley says.

"Yeah, but it did piss off a lot of the others," Brendon says. "It was kind of funny because half the people that I don't like are hating on me. And then...the other half of people I don't like, the girls, they all start hitting on me. Like, no, I'm still a loser in your definition. Just a loser with a better vocal range."

"You're our king," Jenna says.

-I need to call you- My heart drops to my stomach. He can't text it to me. Whatever it is...no, it's not "whatever". It's about Gerard. Something happened to him and Mikey needs to tell me. I stare at his message -I need to call you- He has to tell me with his voice. He probably would've told me in person if I was home but that's not the case.

My thumbs are shaking. -Yeah, that's fine-

"Hey, Frank?" Jenna puts her hand on my shoulder and I snap my head up. Her eyes widen and I turn my phone off and slide it in my pocket. She keeps her eyes on me so she didn't see. "Are you-"

"I'm-fine," my voice breaks off. Well, shit. I can see the others looking at me in my peripheral vision but I don't want to look back at them all. "I just-" I can't swallow my feelings or get rid of this. My face is hot and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I quickly stand up, my chair scraping against the wood floor. Jenna's hand falls off my shoulder and I turn away, quickly rushing down the corridor.

He's fine. He's okay. It's okay. Everything is okay. I take out my phone as I stumble into the bathroom. I glance up and see a woman washing her hands at the sink. "What the-" I snap back. Women's. This is awkward. The woman starts chuckling as I shuffling out of there and go into the men's. Urinals. Okay, got it right this time.

I take out my phone starts ringing and I quickly answer it. "Hello?"

There's a pause on the other end. "Hey, Frank," Mikey says.

"What's going on?" I ask. My voice is shaking and I can barely hold myself up as I lean against the sinks. "Is it about Gerard?"

"Um, yeah-"

"Is he..." I hold my breath. I'm going to be sick. "Is he okay?" I force myself to ask.

"Yeah," Mikey says. "He woke up."

I freeze up. "What?" I whisper. "He's alive?"

"Yeah." A great weight lifts off my shoulders and I gasp out. He's alive. I close my eyes and the tears stream down the sides of my cheeks. He's alive. I clasp my hand over my mouth and exhale. He's alive. "Yeah, he woke up and he was responsive this morning. We went to go see him."

I take a breath, holding myself up on the sink. He's alive. He finally woke up. And his mother wanted to pull the plug on him because he lost hope. Bullshit. He made it. No thanks to her but that's aside from the point. He's alive. "Oh god, he's okay? Oh my god, he's awake."

"He's-" Mikey cuts himself short. "Yeah, he'll make it now, he's okay."

A knot starts tugging in my stomach. "Mikey, you don't sound happy."

"No, no, I am," he quickly says. "I'm so glad he woke up and he's okay."

I chew on the insides of my cheek, swaying from side to side. "Then why do you have an edge in your voice?" I ask.

He sighs on the other end. "I love Gerard, he's my brother, he's my best friend. And I'm glad he's awake. But..."

"But?"

"Something's wrong," Mikey whispers.

"What do you mean?" I say. I sound like a small child.

"He-um-I don't know how to explain it."

I hold my breath. "Does he have his memory?" There's a long pause and a sickness stirs inside me. "Mikey?"

"I don't know," he replies.

"What-how do you not know? Didn't you visit him?" I ask.

"Well, yeah, but-Frank, I'm not trying to make this hard on you. I don't know how to explain what he is. He's-he's not the same."

I tense up. "Yeah, they said that would happen if he did wake up." It's quiet. He doesn't know what to say. "He's not the same, okay, so-when you saw him, what was different?"

"It's like he has no emotions. He's a robot."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I'm not exactly sure, Frank. I can't explain it very well but if you see him in person, you can tell he's not the same."

"What's wrong with him?" I whimper. Not necessarily directed for Mikey to answer. Asking higher authority. What is wrong with Gerard? Why is this happening to him?

"It's too early to know," Mikey says. "I'm only telling you this because he's awake and you deserve to know."

"Yeah, yeah, no, I get it, I'm not mad, Mikey. Thank you."

"But you're upset," he says.

"Not at you, at life," I sigh. The second wave of grief hits me. "Hey, I'm going to let you go," I quickly say before I start crying again.

"Yeah, okay, I'll let you know if anything else happens," he says. "Goodbye,"

"Yeah, bye." I quickly hang up the phone and slam it on the counter. Gerard. Why him? Why did it have to be him of all people? I collapse down on the dirty bathroom floor. Okay, it's not dirty since this place is rather nice but it's still a bathroom floor. I don't fucking care anymore. I can't win.

I grip the counter tightly, hanging on to the sink with the rest of my body melted on the floor. What's wrong with him? Mikey wasn't sure if he had his memory or not? Why can't he remember? What did he forget? If he had complete amnesia, then he would have told me. But he wasn't sure so that means he doesn't remember some things. What if he doesn't remember me? Oh god, everything between us, everything special. What if he doesn't remember any of it? What if he forgets who I am? He doesn't know that we're together...he doesn't know that we're so close. All those moments and feelings, the kisses and laughs, what if he doesn't remember any of it? Mikey said he has no emotion...does that mean he doesn't remember any of them? But even if he does remember me, does he feel anything toward me now without his emotions? If he's like a robot, does he still love me?

"Frank?" I gasp out and turn around. Brendon is standing with the door peeked open. He quickly steps in and comes over to me. "Hey," he says gently.

I break down crying even more, hanging my head low and sniffling. He grabs a few paper towels from the dispenser and kneels down next to me. "Thanks," I blubber. I wipe my eyes and blow my nose. I toss it out and then stand up.

"Frank, it's okay," he says. I turn to the sink and start running the water. It's not cold but it's cool. The water trickles down my hands and runs down the drain. I cup my hands together and it pools up. I splash my face and let it cool off and drip back to the sink. Brendon grabs a couple more paper towels and he puts a hand on my shoulder. I glance at him and he starts wiping the water off my face. I keep my eyes closed and take a deep breath as he dries me off.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. The front strands of my hair are wet but I don't care.

Brendon tosses it in the trash and turns back to me. "You have nothing to be sorry about," he says. He gestures over to the benches against the wall. The two of us stroll over and take a seat. "The others weren't sure what happened. I just came over to check on you."

"Thanks, but you didn't-"

"You're my friend, I wanted to." I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. "You've been...it seems like you've been holding something in. Like you're carrying around the weight of the world. And I know everyone processes grief differently but I want you to know, you don't have to be holding everything in. You don't have to be walking through this alone."

"I know, I just-I don't know what to do."

Brendon leans back glancing at me. "Well, you can talk to me. Or...Jenna if you want, I know you guys are closer." I can't tell him though. Because he's going to ask how I found out. And if I tell him about Mikey, he'll ask about Mikey and that is a whole nother level of fuck. But is it wrong of me to not tell them? Let them wonder? Granted, it's not like I have all the answers to their inevitable questions. Is he going to make? I think so. What's his condition? Not good. What's wrong? I don't know. His family doesn't even know. But the others deserve to know what I know. How did I get in this situation?