I'm sitting in art class quietly as the others are working on their collages. I'm reviewing for my math test, well, pretending do. I know how to do this but I need to distract myself from everything that's going on.

"Cody, you're overreacting," Jenna says. His face is planted into the table and he's just groaning. "It's supposed to be abstract so it's fine."

Cody sits up and continues groaning. Gerard glances up and starts awkwardly laughing. "Yo, my dude, you have paint on your face."

Cody glances at him. "Say what?" Lynn starts giggling, taking out her phone and holds it up to him. He squints and glances at him. "Well then." He shrugs and leaves it.

"You look like Simba," Lynn giggles. Cody dips his fingers in the magenta paint and smears a line down Lynn's nose. "AH, hey!" She swats him away and he laughs to himself.

Lynn stares at Jenna and Jenna smiles at her. "Cute," she says. The two of them leave the paint on their face, continuing to work on their projects. Jenna sets down her pencil and glances at her canvas. "Okay, so I finished the outline now I need to write it."

"What do you have?" Gerard asks.

Jenna leans on the table, glancing over her board. "I have like a bunch of old matches on here and like smoke kind of. I wanted to write the words DID WE BURN OUT? but I don't want to use paint since it'll probably get lost with the rest of the paint."

"Yeah, I see what you mean," Gerard says. "Maybe like a marker or a pen of some sort?"

Jenna nods along then glances up at Cody. "Hey, do remember that black pen you had?" Cody pops his head, suddenly chewing something. "I-what's in your mouth?" she asks. He takes something out of his pocket and holds up a bag of marshmallows. "Um, okay...But do you have that pen?"

"Which one?" he asks.

"Like you gave it to Gerard for your signature thing for physics or whatever. It's like thin, black ink. You still have it?"

Cody puts his snacks back in his pocket and bends over to look through his bag. Black inking pen... I glance over in Cody's direction. "Do you remember where you got that from?" I ask.

"I don't know," he mutters from underneath the table. "I mean, I kind of just find things on the floor and use them if they work." He comes back up and sets his backpack on his lap, sifting through everything. "Where did I put it?" He looks up at Gerard. "Do you still have that?"

Gerard pauses for a moment, looking up. "Um, no, I gave it back to you," he says. I glance at Gerard. I've seen his handwriting before. He doesn't write anything like the handwriting letter, however, the letter was written really elegantly. But I do know Gerard writes slanted because how he holds his pencil. I glance at his project and see all the colorful construction paper matted on the canvas. He had access to everything. But he didn't make those notes since the one he had was different paper. Does Ms. Gina have stationary paper here? They've all been using construction paper but that's not what Gerard did. He pretended he make the other notes but he didn't.

I glance up at him. I can't say anything. I haven't been able to yet. I mean, in the car on the way to school, I couldn't since there were others and we're still with other people so I can't either. But when we're alone, what do I say? I have to say something. This is everything I've wanted and yet I don't know what to do. Gerard's eyes dart at me and I look away from him but I realize Jenna is staring at me. I look up at her and she glances between Gerard and I. Lynn and Cody look over confused. Lynn stares at Gerard and Cody's looking at me, narrowing his eyes. In my peripheral, I see Gerard tense up and look away. I stare at Lynn and she looks at me with some weird smile. Cody stares at her confused and her face drops. Everyone keeps glancing around at the other looking really guilty. Did one of them do it? No, why would they? Unless Gerard wanted them to do it. Cody had the pen. Well, now the pen is gone and it may not even be him. But Cody doesn't seem like the type. His notes are always illegible. Maybe if he took his time, he could write nicely. Or maybe it's not him.

"What's...going on?" Jenna finally asks, glancing around the table.

"What?" Gerard and I mutter at the same time. We glance at each other confused but look away.

"What do you mean?" Jenna asks.

"What's happening?" Lynn asks.

"Why are you guys staring at each other?" Cody asks.

Jenna looks at Cody. "Why are you looking weird?"

"What's going on?" I ask.

"I just asked for a pen and then everyone just looked guilty," Jenna asks. "I am confusion."

"Why do you look guilty?" I look at Gerard.

"Me?" he asks. I nod my head. "I'm...not, why are you suspicious of me?"

"Because you look guilty," I say. Gerard narrows his eyes at me and shifts in his seat.

"What is going on?" Cody asks, looking at me.

Jenna waves her hands around. "Whatever, that was weird. Do you have the pen or not?"

"No, it's not in my bag anymore," he says. "I don't know where it went, I haven't used it in like a week and I think that's when it went missing."

"Okay, I'll just ask Gina for a new one," Jenna gets up and walks to the supplies cabinet.

The four of us are silent and staring at each other again. "Did I...miss something?" Cody asks.

"No," Lynn and Gerard say in unison. They look at each other and Gerard tenses up.

Cody's eyes flicker over to me. "Okay, then, why is everyone awkward?" I shrug and the others don't say anything.

Again, the day dwindles away so slowly. I was panicking on the way to history, I didn't know what was going to happen. Gerard noticed but took it for nervousness on presenting. It went well but we couldn't talk since others were presenting too. But the class ended and I couldn't wait to get out of there. The rest of the day was just trying to make it to the weekend so we can hang out with Amelia and the others at their ski place.

I am excited and nervous for that. I mean, last time we went skiing, I will admit, I did have fun but I thought I'd spend more time with Gerard and I'm worried the same thing's going to happen. But the other part of me...knows. I know he likes me and I want to do something about it but I can't.

Of all the people I could've had a crush on, it had to be stupid Gerard. Like Cody would've been...no, he's straight and I would hate myself in that situation too. Brendon. Why couldn't I have a crush on Brendon? The whole Audrey thing would've sucked but not as much as this. Granted, I totally love him with Sarah so it's a good thing I don't like Brendon. But Gerard...he's the worst and I'm freaking in love with him. Maybe I'm the worst then.

He doesn't want to date people, I know that. And then even in that letter he wrote to me, he said he didn't want to really do anything. He thinks I deserve better. Well, maybe I do or maybe I don't but that doesn't change the fact that he is what I want. Who cares about better? Gerard is good enough. And no, he's not like my dream guy because my dream guy would've done something by now. But Gerard is better than my dream guy because he's real and he's not what I want but the real person I need in my life. He's not able to see it and I'm too much of a wuss to do anything about it.

In math, we take our test. It's so easy, easier than our homework has been. And I'm one of the first to finish early. I sit in my chair, playing with my calculator. I've entered 1+1 and I keep hitting enter to increase the numbers. I make it to 758 when Amelia finishes and turns hers in. She comes over and sees I'm at 800 and rolls her eyes at me. She turns around in her seat facing me and she takes my calculator. She types in a number and shows me, holding it upside down. It says HELLO and I smile at her, taking it back.

I go to the graphing section and start punching in random buttons. She slaps the GRAPH button and some broken parabola comes out. She starts punching in numbers and I hit GRAPH, somehow making a perfect circle. The two of us are silently laughing, trying not to get in trouble while screwing around.

The bell rings and we pack up, heading downstairs to meet with the others. "Y'all ready for this?" Jenna cries out.

"Hell yeah!" Amelia says. The five of us head out to the car as Amelia talks to us. "So I told Lynn to come over at 3:30 so you guys can come over then and we'll leave as soon as the last person shows up, cool?"

"Awesomeness," Cody says, unlocking the car and we all get in.

"So you can go home, maybe eat something beforehand and then grab all your stuff and then head over and you can stop by early if you want," she says.

"Frank, you want to drive with me?" Gerard asks.

"Um, sure, yeah," I say.

Cody pulls out of the parking lot and then we head out. He drops Gerard off and then me. I have everything already packed and all my stuff is ready to go but I do want to eat beforehand. After finishing my sandwich, I check my phone and see Gerard texted me.

If I go over to his house now, what if something happens? I don't know if this is good. He likes me and I know he does but I don't know if something should happen. What if we start dating? I mean, that would be wonderful but what if it...doesn't work out? My stomach is twisting up and I sit in my chair fidgeting. What if this doesn't end well and we break up and we can't salvage our friendship. They're not going pick me over Gerard so I'll not only lose him but everyone else. They've known him longer and they're closer with him. What if I can't make this work? Amelia and Cody are dating but...they've known each other forever. They're great together and so happy and so in love and neither of them has commitment issues or an issue with dating. And it's not like it's their first relationship so they know how to handle the ups and downs. I've dated...a girl and I'm not even attracted to girls. Gerard hasn't been with anyone. Plus, even if something were to happen to Cody and Amelia, he's Jenna's step-brother and she's Jenna's best friend. They'll still be friends with anyone. Besides, that's never going to happen though. Cody and Amelia are going to last.

Gerard and I are not the same. We're too unpredictable and inexperienced. I don't want to lose him but this is everything I want. I feel so sick. I don't really want to see him right now but I need to head over soon. Why is he so reluctant to dating. Sure, I know he said he can't control who he falls in love with. He didn't even want to like me but here I am and here we are. He still doesn't know that I got that letter, he doesn't know that I know I like him. And if I keep it that way, then nothing else will happen. I may miss out on something good but I'm not going to end up ruining anything. I still feel like throwing up but I'm at least not dreading having to see him again.

I start walking out and heading down to Gerard's house. It's kind of cold but I shouldn't be complaining since we're going up north. But I'll also be better dressed. Two houses away, I see Gerard step out and head over to his car, tossing his luggage in the back. He glances up and double takes when he sees me. He stops, leaning against his car to wait for me to get over.

"Hey," he says.

"Um, hey."

He smiles, taking my luggage and tossing it in as well. "I could've picked you up since you had a few things."

I shrug. "Walking's fine."

Gerard shuts the door, nodding along. "Excited?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, um...yeah," I say.

He looks at me with a hesitant smile. "You good?"

"I'm...great, yeah."

He narrows his eyes with a small smile. "Okay, that's good. You just seem awkward." I don't really say anything, blowing my cheeks up and holding my breath. He looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't. "Well, then, let's go." We get in the car and start driving over. It's really awkward because it's painfully quiet. Gerard keeps glancing at me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, you don't believe me?" I ask.

He rests one arm on the window, leaning his head on it and driving with one hand. "You're really quiet," he says. "You've kinda been quiet all day."

"Well, I don't really have anything to say."

Gerard shakes his head. "Usually hasn't stopped you before." I glance out the window. Yeah, totally got this, Frank. If those stupid valentines never happened, things would be a lot easier to pretend. I hate February and all this Hallmark nonsense.

We get to Amelia's and Jenna and Cody are already there. We load up the car and while we're outside, Amelia comes over to me and Gerard. "Hey, Lynn said she's getting dropped off now by her mom. So you two need to hide in the house so her parents don't know the guys are over."

A couple minutes after Lynn gets here, we all get in the car with Amelia's mom. Gerard and Lynn sit in the back and Jenna, Cody, and I sit in the middle row. Amelia's dad is taking a different car with Caden and a few of his friends.

The drive up to the resort is three hours long but it barely feels like that. Yeah, going to school feels more unbearable than being in the car. But the radio is on and we're all just talking and goofing around. It's around dinner time when we get to the resort. By the looks of this place already, it's already better than where we went to for our school trip. Granted, our school was fun and all but this place is huge.

We get inside and the place is like a whole lodge for just us. A kitchen off to the side with all the appliances, a dining room next to it, connecting to the living room with 3 couches surrounding the large TV. There's a hallway where all the bedrooms are and at the end, it's a glass sliding door with a balcony.

Amelia's brother and his two friends take the small bedroom and her parents drop their suitcases in the master bedroom.

"Okay, so there's a smaller bedroom down the hall but like since there's six of us, we can just sleep in here on the pull out couches," Amelia says. "But we can drop off our bags in the other room and that's where we can change and stuff."

Her parents over a couple pizzas and then around 8:30, we head out to the rec center, which is the largest building in the whole resort. As soon as we step in, I know we're in for a good time. There are colorful lights lining the walls and music blasting all around, kids are running around between arcade games and there's older kids as well as adults here. There is a zip line in the back and a rock wall, bungee jumping. There are so many things here.

"Dude, oh my god," I say at Amelia.

She smiles at me, nodding her head. "I know."

"Literally I could stay here for hours," Lynn says, taking a few steps forward to look around. "How late can we stay out here?"

"It closes down at 2 am and opens back up at 10 am so that's basically the window," she says.

"We got like 6 hours here," Jenna says. "Holy crap, guys, they have laser tag!"

"I know what we're going first," Gerard says. "You guys wanna verse each other?"

"Hell yeah," Amelia says. The group of us start walking over to the back. "Boys versus girls?"

Cody and Gerard exchange a glance and then look at her. "Yeah, those teams will be really unbalanced in skill then."

"We can't have all the girls on one team," Cody says. "Then they'll beat us for sure."

Amelia, Lynn, and Jenna giggle together. "It was worth a shot," Lynn says. "How about I go on their team?"

"No, you're the best player," Jenna says.

Lynn glances at her and then back and us guys. "Well, maybe Frank can go with you guys. You play before?"

I shrug. "I mean, a few times but I wouldn't say I'm anything special."

"Then that'll make it even with Lynn and then Cody," Gerard says.

"Well, excuse me!" Cody cries out. "Not all of us are good at shooting and running."

"You get way too into this as if it's life and death and then start screaming so yeah," Jenna says. "So Frank's on our team. Ready for this?"

"Hell yeah," I reply.