《Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts // Frerard》February 16th
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I'm the first one to get to Amelia's house but I'm half an hour early. She texted in the group chat to come around 4 but I texted her privately, asking if I could come over earlier to talk. When she opens the door, she smiles. "Hey, Frank!" she says as I step inside.
"Hey," I say. She takes my coat and hangs it up in the closet. There's chatter coming down the hall. Her parents are probably in the kitchen. After I take off my shoes, the two of us then run upstairs to her room and she shuts the door.
"Okay, so what's going on?" she asks with a smile. "You wouldn't even tell me what it was about over text."
"Um, so," I sigh, a grin starting to spread on my face.
"Oh my god, is it about pineapple?"
I glance up at her and awkwardly laugh. "No one else is here, we can say his name."
"So...it is about Gerard?" she asks, hopping up on her bed next to me. I start blushing and she gives my shoulder a shake. "What happened? Frank!"
"Okay, so you want the whole story or just the basics?" I ask, not really sure how to talk about this. I'm not used to having a crush on someone and talking about it with my friend.
"Obviously I want the whole story," she says.
"Okay, so on Valentine's day, he texts me asking to come over and I'm like that's cool, nothing out of the usual."
She clasps her hands together excitedly. "He wanted to be with you on Valentine's day?"
I laugh at her and shrug. "I mean, we hang out a lot so I didn't really consider it anything like that. So I go over and it's just us. So we watch a movie but like we were kind of cuddling?"
"Did he like lean on your shoulder or like were you guys really close?" she asks, holding her head in her hands.
"Well, I was kind of lying down on the couch while he was setting it up and I was sort of jokingly opening my arms but he took it and so he was just lying on top of me." Her eyes widen and she starts gushing at me. "No, no, that's not even the thing. So like afterward, I was kind of just blabbing, really dumb of me. And I made a comment of how we're acting like a couple. And he kind of freaked out but I was trying to fix it but only making it worse. So then I brought up how we kissed before so it shouldn't be like that weird. But then he was all weird again so I tried telling him they were stupid jokes but then he got mad I think that I called it stupid?"
"How do you know he was mad? What'd he say?" I bite my lip, staring at her with a dazed expression. "Frank? What happened?"
"He like...passive aggressively kissed me?" Amelia flails back and rolls around on her bed. "Yeah, big mood."
She grabs her pillow and hugs it tightly. "Oh my god, oh my god! You waited to tell me for two days?" She bolts up and swings the pillow at my face. I block it and lower it back on her bed. "So wait, what happened?"
"I-I don't know. Like he kissed me and I was like what was that for and he was like well you said we only kissed for stupid reasons so there, no reason. And I'm like well what was that all about? And he's like call it whatever you want, just don't call it stupid."
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Amelia starts squealing and she grabs my arms, squeezing it tightly. "Oh god, so wait. Are you guys like a thing? What happened?"
I shrug. "I...don't know. I mean, I kind of muttered like okay, that was cool and-" Amelia groans out, rolling her eyes. She lets go of my arm and flops back on my bed. "What? What?"
"Frank...you seriously said 'cool'?" she says, her face wincing.
"I didn't know what else to say!" I cry out.
"Oh my god, you like friendzoned him, ugh!" she flops back on her bed.
"Okay, in my defense, I didn't expect him to kiss me so it's not like I had some reaction prepared," I say. "And I just didn't want to do anything weird. I don't know."
"Well, what happened after that?" she asks.
"Um, well, he got up and then he took my hand and we headed out to the car to go get Chinese food. And we were eating at the restaurant. It kind of went back to normal and then later I went home."
"Oh my god. So are you guys dating? she asks.
"I literally don't know. We haven't really talked since then. I mean, we were sending each other posts on Instagram to each other yesterday but we didn't really have a conversation."
She sits up and stares at me. "Why didn't you tell me like afterward?" she whines.
"Well, like you were with Cody and I didn't want to bother you if you were busy. And also I just don't want to text it to anyone so it's not like it can come up by accident or have anyone else see it. I'm still freaking out."
"Are you going to bring it up when he comes over?" she asks.
"I don't know, probably not?"
"Why not?"
"Well, like...he didn't really say it was...he didn't do anything."
"Wh-didn't do anything? He freaking kissed you? I'd call that something! Frank, what have you done toward moving this forward?" I sit staring down at my fingers with a guilty smile. "Yeah, making poor Gerard do all the work and then you just say 'cool' like some nerd."
"I am...the worst," I mutter. She glances at me and nods. "Hey, look, you didn't do anything when you had a crush on Cody."
She starts blushing a bit. "I should have you know that Cody and I are socially dysfunctional fucks," she says as if that was to help her case.
"Yeah, and am I too and probably Gerard as well," I say.
She starts giggling. "You're right," she says. "But Frank. He's got to like you. Why else would all this be happening?"
I shrug. "I don't know. I just don't know what to do," I mutter.
She looks at me sympathetically before an idea hits her. "Hey, did you ever find out about the whole secret admirer thing?" she asks.
I sigh. "No, there wasn't anything else. "I mean, I kind of asked Gerard about it, which is how the whole dating topic thing came up. But he told me he didn't do it. So that makes me wonder who did."
"What if he's lying?"
"What would he gain from lying to me about that?" I ask.
"Probably the same thing you gain by not telling him how you feel," she says. I sit, pouting on her bed. "See, I've been in your shoes. I know that it's terrifying to tell someone you like them. It makes you feel vulnerable and that doubt of 'what if' in your mind becomes your worst fear. But that doubt is also lying to you. I know Gerard and with everything that you're telling me, I know he would never do that with anyone else. He has to like you." I don't say anything, glancing down. My heart is beating fast again. Man, he's not even here but the mere thought of him gets to me. "What are you so scared of? What's really bugging you?"
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I look up at her eyes. A soft green color. "Since I met you guys, there's been something off about him. Like whenever we hang out, some days, he'd seem off, you guys knew not to question him as if this was just part of Gerard. And also, whenever the topic of dating came up, he would say how it's not his thing and even the others recently would say Gerard just can't date people, he can't take that risk. I don't know what this risk is but the bottom line is, he doesn't want to date. So maybe you're right. Maybe he does like me. But the reason he hasn't done anything is that he doesn't date people period." Amelia looks at me gently but she doesn't anything. She knows I'm right about Gerard. "You can't choose who you fall for but you can choose what you do about it. And maybe he's choosing not to do anything about this on purpose."
"I'm not saying you're wrong, Frank, but sometimes people change. And maybe if you take a step forward, he'll see."
I sit on her bed shaking my head. "Dating is a risk that Gerard can't take. Well, losing him is a risk I can't take," I say.
The two of us continue talking, the conversation eventually switching on to a lighter note. Lynn comes over around 4 and shortly after, Gerard, Jenna, and Cody join us too. Cody and Gerard are versing Lynn and Amelia in a foosball game and Jenna and I are watching intently.
"Cody! Cody!" Gerard keeps screaming, jumping up and down with tightly gripping the handles. "Stop leaving the goalies facing up!"
"I only have two hands, Gee!" Cody cries out, desperately fighting off Lynn from scoring.
"Yeah, and you only have two poles to worry about!" Gerard snaps back.
"Hiya!" Cody spins the bar and the ball shoots across the table, slamming into the girls' goal. "Booyah! Victory," he cries out, dabbing.
Gerard lets go of his poles and stares at Cody. "You are a disgrace to humanity," Gerard mutters. Amelia starts giggling while fishing for the ball. "Amelia," he calls out and she glances up at him. Gerard points to Cody. "Really? Him?"
"Oh, shut up, Gee. You can recognize a vine faster than your own name," Cody says then looking up at Amelia with a smirk. "You love me, right?"
"Only a lot," she says, rolling the ball back in. The four of them start aggressively spinning their poles. The game is almost over. The girls only need one more point but Gerard and Cody have consecutively scored four times in a row and are only two points behind. Everyone's faces are slightly red and glistening as they're a lot more energic than they need to be. And they keep jumping around as if that would help them.
"Cody! Stop trying to stab me from the other side!" Lynn cries out. Cody is frantically shoving the pole in her direction. "How do you like THIS?" Lynn slams it at Cody, hitting him in the crotch. Cody flails back, falling on the floor. Jenna starts laughing and I do too but I wince. "Oh my god, I'm sorry!" Lynn cries out, realizing what she did.
"The family jewels!" he moans from the floor.
"Eh, they were never that valuable," Jenna mutters.
Cody glares at her from the floor, his eyes half opened. "Yeah, it's not like your heavily endowed either," he moans.
"Hey!" Jenna cries out, crossing her arms over her chest. Lynn starts chuckling, covering her mouth with one of her hands.
"Cody, get your ass off the floor and help me!" Gerard whines, frantically trying to man all four poles. Lynn flips the bar and the ball inches toward the goal. "No!" Gerard cries out as it topples it.
"Oh, nice there," Cody says.
Gerard whips around on his heel, putting his hands on his hips and shifting his weight to one leg. "You didn't provide help, you can't talk," he says.
Cody stands up while chuckling. "Whatever, Mr. Sassy Pants," he says.
"Pretty sure Gerard is the Sass Queen," Lynn corrects, glancing at him. Gerard smirks and flips his hair. "Maybe he's born with it."
"Maybe it's Maybelline," Cody starts laughing then glances back at the table. "8-10. So they win."
"That was entertaining to watch," Jenna says. "If only we had popcorn."
"Oh, darn, I forgot that," I say.
"Maybe next time."
Amelia's brother Caden comes downstairs in the basement. "Hey, Amelia, mom wants to talk to you," he says.
"What' she want?" Amelia asks, heading toward the stairs. Caden shrugs and the two of them head up.
Gerard walks over to me and collapses on the floor sighing. "Tired?" I ask. I crawl next to him and sit back down.
"My wrists are exhausted," he says holding up his hands and flexing his fingers. "That was a workout."
"You were also jumping so got your cardio," I say, running my hand through his bangs.
Gerard shifts away, becoming out of reach. "No, I don't want to be touch. I'm gross right now," he says.
"Don't decline, Gee, you may not get that offer from him a second time," Cody says jokingly. Lynn glances at her Gerard and starts giggling.
Gerard rolls over on his side and glances at Cody. "Um, yeah, my wording could have been better but wank off," he says. Cody just chuckles to himself, rolling his eyes at Gerard.
Lynn comes over and sits down. "That was fun, minus the whole jabbing me in the stomach part," she mutters, glaring evil eyes at Cody.
"Um, you hit my future children so I think we're even," he says. Lynn starts giggling. "If I can't reproduce, I'm suing you," he says. She starts laughing more, covering her mouth. Cody starts play-arguing with her. "I'm serious. How would you like to find out you can't have kids later?"
Lynn looks at him with a half smirk. "I'm gay. I can't anyway," she says. Cody's face drops as it dawns on him.
"Hey, that rhymed," Gerard chimed in.
"Wait, so here's a question. Out of our friend group, who actually could have children?" Cody asks.
"I'm with Lynn," I say. We do an awkward high five and start laughing.
"Hayley wouldn't want to I know," Jenna says. "I like girls more so I don't think so. Plus I like a girl." Lynn smiles at her and Jenna boops her nose.
"I think you, Amelia, and Patrick. Maybe Brendon, but that's about it." Gerard says.
"What about you?" I ask. Gerard looks at me for half a second then shrugs. "I thought you were pan. So you could technically have kids."
"I don't know," he mutters. "I mean, technically, I guess. But it's just...I don't know."
"Do you see yourself dating a guy or girl?" Lynn asks. Gerard glances at her, narrowing his eyes. "What? Just wondering."
"Yeah," Gerard mutters.
"Which do you prefer?" Cody asks.
Gerard glance at Cody and then looks back at Lynn. "Well, the whole pan thing for me goes like I don't really regard gender identity so I got nothing for you," he says with a slight edge in his voice. "Bisexuals are the ones that could have preferences."
"Yeah," Jenna says, "but bi-culture is like one very specific type of guy and all girls."
"What?" Cody asks.
"Brendon agreed with me and he's 50-50," Jenna says.
"Well, what's your...type," Cody says. "Pretend someone else asked that," he mutters.
Jenna sighs. "Uh, Lynn."
"Well, before me, silly," Lynn says.
Jenna shrugs her shoulders, pulling her knees to her chest. "Got a thing for brunettes. Like dark chestnut hair."
"So you like her hair?" I comment.
"I do, I really do," Jenna says with a smile.
"What if I dyed my hair blonde?" Lynn asks teasingly.
Jenna rolls her eyes. "Well, I'd still find you attractive and I don't love you for your looks." Lynn sits awkwardly with a blushing smile.
There's footsteps approaching as Amelia comes bounding down the stairs. "You guys! We're going to the ski resort next weekend and if none of you have plans, you all should totally come!" she announces.
Jenna leaps up. "Oh, hell yeah!" She and Amelia start freaking out. "Are you for real?"
"Yeah!" Amelia cries out. "So if you guys can, what's going to happen is next weekend, we're going to leave after school on Friday and drive up there and then leave Sunday afternoon. Do you think you guys can go?"
"Definitely!" Cody and Jenna say in unison.
Lynn raises a fist. "As long as my parents don't think any boys are going, yes!"
"I don't think I'm doing anything and they usually don't mind me going," I say. I take out my phone. "Here, I'm going to text them and check if we're busy. But probably not."
"Awesomeness! Gerard?"
He looks at her with a hesitant smile. "I want to say I can but I'll have to get back to you on that probably tomorrow or Tuesday," he says.
"Bro, tomorrow is Tuesday," Cody says.
Realization strikes him in the face. "Well, then, Wednesday. But I'll have an answer by then for sure."
"Oh my god, it's a four day week!" Jenna cries out in horror.
"Yeah?" Amelia says curiously.
Jenna points to me and Lynn. "How much are you done with that English packet?" she asks.
Lynn cries out. "Oh no! Okay, I didn't do it either!"
"Okay, I'm glad I'm not the only one," Jenna says.
"I completely forgot about that but I'm almost done," I say.
"Of course you are," Lynn sighs.
"I haven't touched it since we talked about when it was due in art," I say. "I mean, I only have the back few pages left but I still need to finish it."
"Same," Jenna mutters.
"It takes up so much freaking room in my bag like it's an extra pound," Lynn says.
"Yeah, I know! It makes everything bulky and it's stretching out my folder, probably going to break it soon."
The three of us trail off and it gets quiet, where we start awkwardly laughing. "Well, besides that, I also wanted to tell you that dinner is ready," Amelia says.
Pure joy beams from Lynn's eyes and she lies back on the floor. "Pizza...rolls," Lynn sings, starting to roll on the carpet toward the staircase.
"What are you doing?" Jenna mutters as Lynn's feet kick Jenna. "You get up." She grabs her arms and hoists her off the floor. Then the 6 of us head upstairs to eat.
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