《Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts // Frerard》December 9th
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When I get down to art, it's relatively quiet. Cody isn't painting, he's sort of just leaning on the table. "Hey, guys," I say, taking a seat at the table. "You good, Cody?" I ask.
He glances up at me. "I'm just tired, didn't sleep well last night."
"Oh, why's that?" I ask. Gerard peeks through his bangs and gives me a knowing look.
Cody just shrugs. "I don't know, insomnia or something." He shuffles his paintbrush back and forth on the table when he realizes we're all staring at him. "What?" he asks.
"Cody, we know," Gerard says.
"Know what?" he mutters into his arm.
"You like Amelia."
He rolls his eyes. "Don't give me that," he says.
"You do, though," I say.
"Yeah, you've never been good at hiding your crushes," Jenna says, causing Cody's cheeks to redden. "In 8th grade, you'd always talk about Marjorie, completely starstruck. Then there was Kelly freshman year you would always be texting until she moved away and stopped replying. Last year, it was Ashley." Cody shudders at the mention of Ashley. I remember them talking about her a while ago. From what I've got out of it, they sort of dated but not really for a month or to. He was head over heels for her until she started treating him badly, similarly how Audrey treats Brendon. Cody ended it when he got freaked out by her. "Look, my point is, we pretty much know you like her."
"Well, so what?" he mutters. "She doesn't like me." Jenna smacks him upside the head with her English packet. He flinches away, almost falling out of the stool "Ah, what was that for?" he whines.
"You fool, you absolute fool," she mutters. "Dude, she likes you, get that through your thick skull so it can reach your brain and then do something about it."
He stares at Jenna, glancing at the rest of us but we don't say anything. "What do you suppose I do?"
"Do I really need to spell this out for you, yahoo?" she asks. "A-S-K...H-E-R-"
Cody covers Jenna's mouth. "Okay, okay, I get it. Ask her out."
Jenna yanks his hand away. "Not just out, to the dance."
Cody's eyes lighten up. "Okay, but how?"
Jenna throws her hands in the air and sighs in frustrations. "You expect her to do all the work?" Lynn asks him giggling. "Come on, you got to earn this yourself."
Cody nods along. "Oh, okay. I'll work on that."
"Preferably before the end of today," I add. "She was having a meltdown yesterday when we were doing 'math' so waiting more than 24 hours is just crude."
Cody smiles softly, having a little more hope for himself. Granted, he shouldn't have doubted himself. "Okay, but none of you guys tell her, okay? You obviously don't really keep secrets since you just...told me but don't tell her, let me make this right myself."
"Deal," Lynn says. The rest of us agree.
"Frank, can I have your arm?" Gerard asks randomly.
I glance at him. "Uh, sure, why?" I ask.
Gerard hums to himself, taking hold of my hand. He rolls up my sleeve and picks up his paintbrush. "I'm tired or kiwis," he says. "I want to paint on you."
"As long as it's not a bunch of dicks, I don't care." Gerard smirks to himself, dipping his brush in blue. It's cold against my skin, my arm hair plastered down underneath the layer of paint he trails over my skin. It's oddly relaxing, him painting my arm while holding my hand. Pretty sure he doesn't need to hold my hand, especially with his fingers intertwined with mine like that, but I like it. "What are you painting?" I ask.
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"I don't know, guess we'll both find out when I'm done."
As art class ends, Gerard has painting a nebula on my arm, a dark indigo sky with a colorful consultation over the center. Ms. Gina tells them that their paintings will be due before finals so they can have a class critic the day of their final. Gerard hands me a paper towel to wipe my arm clean but I don't take it. I'm not just going to take it off, it's really nice and it's something Gerard did.
Gerard is still surprised to see I have it on my arm in history. "Why did you keep it?" he asks.
"Because I like it. You did it and it looks really cool. I like tattoos."
"Planning on getting them?"
"Hell yeah," I say. "What about you?" I ask.
He smiles softly. "I like those sponge ones you put on with water. Those are nice, they don't have needles."
"Oh, right," I say. He nods along. "I don't blame you. If tattoos were made of some spider venom or whatever, I'd stick to the sponge ones too."
Gerard laughs to himself, doodling on the edge of his notebook. We both finished the questions so we just sit in the desk idling. "Do you want to come over today?" he asks.
"I'm allowed to now?" I ask. "Haven't been inside since last week."
"I know, I wish that wasn't the case."
"You guys do renovation?" I ask.
"Not exactly," he says. "It's whatever. But there's this movie called Stardust and honestly, it's the best."
I smile at him. "You say that about every movie we watch together."
He looks up at me and rolls his eyes with smiling. "Well, there's a lot of good movies."
"True, what's it about?" I ask.
"Oh, it's basically Daredevil trying to win over the Baroness but then Daredevil falls in love with a star that was knocked out of a sky by a necklace. And he's being chased by Catwoman with the help of Author Weasley and Superman is also trying to get her. So he and the star get help from Shakespeare and the whole story is all narrated by Gandalf." I stare at Gerard, utterly unsure of how to comprehend the plot. "You should see your face," he grins.
"Is this a real movie or some parody?" I ask. "Because that's like Marvel, D.C., GI Joe, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and...I don't even know what else."
Gerard laughs to himself. "Those are basically all the actors in the movie. It's a fantasy romance and it's honestly just very good. Nobody knows about it though, which is odd since there's so many freaking good actors in it."
"Well, we can watch it together then," I say. "I don't have plans today."
"Frankie, my dear, do you ever have plans?" he asks, leaning on the side of his desk, shading in the margins of his paper.
"Nope. I'm American. I don't plan, I just do."
He nods along. "Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. And we don't really plan things as a country."
"We're in history class and I don't think we've covered a single time when we planned anything."
At lunch, Gerard doesn't show up and neither does Cody. Amelia sits nervously, fidgeting with her hands and not really eating her lunch. Despite our efforts of reassuring her, she's convinced he's avoiding her. Jenna and I don't tell her what he plans on doing since Cody wants that to be his job. But when I get to math, she hasn't calmed down. "It'll be okay," I tell her.
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"How do you know that?" she asks. "Why else wouldn't he be at lunch?"
"Well, Gerard wasn't there either," I point out. I honestly don't know if Gerard's absence is connected to Cody. I want to assume it is but with him, I never know.
"Probably avoiding me with him."
"Look, you're Jenna's best friend and you're my friend. Nothing's going to happen," I say.
Amelia sighs to herself. "That's what I'm afraid," she mutters, "but I'm also afraid the wrong things are going to happen." I don't say anything, unsure how to comfort her. The bell rings and everyone starts getting up to leave. "I don't want to go down there," she mutters.
"He'll drive you home, you know he will, he's not going to leave you here." She doesn't say anything. I put a hand on her shoulder and we get up to go together.
I see Jenna waiting at the front by herself and my heart misses a beat. Is Cody actually avoiding her? They always beat us down here since the math classrooms are on the far side of the building. Where is Cody? And where is Gerard? I glance at Amelia in my peripheral vision, seeing her turn white. "Hey," I call out, refraining from asking anything else.
"Hey," Jenna says casually. "I want to bring my guitar home today so I can work on my song. You guys want to come with me?"
"Sure," Amelia replies. "Where are...where are the others?"
"They have to talk to a teacher about some presentation," Jenna says.
The three of us walk down the corridor as the last few stragglers scurry to class. The three of us head down the music hallway, the guitar room has its lights on. Jenna opens the door and steps to the side of us to walk in. Inside, Cody's standing there with his hands clasped together. Amelia pauses, glancing at me and then behind us at Jenna. "What's going on?" she asks, turning back and looking at Cody.
He walks over to her, wearing a nervous grin. "They called me up and called you out," he sings softly, his voice faltering at the beginning but he pushes through. "'Where was she sleeping when she should've been at your house', but they don't have the letter you left me on my pillow. They don't know where we go when we turn off our phones and those nights we went out and we never came home. They were clueless so they make up their own little stories, with little glory." Amelia looks at him confused but a stupid smile plastered on her face. I don't think she's ever heard Cody sing before. In fact, I think I'm the only one who has. Cody sways side to side with his smile growing. "They called you up and called me out. 'You could do better with the boy that's on your bus route.' But they don't see the way that she smiles when she's with me. How she feels like I do when I stare at the moon and I'd hope where she was that she noticed it too. When my phone lights up and my dimples are digging deeper, I swear I need her." Cody takes hold of Amelia's hands, physically swaying her along with him to the rhythm of his song. She's smiling and beaming so much she's actually crying. Jenna and I silently fangirl together, watching the two of them. I notice Gerard sitting in the back of the room crisscrossed, holding his phone out. He's been recording this.
"Even if they try to break us down, they won't even find the faintest frown. Together forever. Together forever. Together forever. Baby, just you and me. Even when it's us against the world, I'll be singing you're my only girl. Together forever. Together forever. Together forever. Baby, just you and me."
He stops, taking a breath looking at her. "That was beautiful," she finally says. "What song was that?"
Cody glances down. "Uh, I'm not sure. I haven't named it yet."
"Wait, you wrote that?" she asks, her eyes widening. "Oh my god, it's so good. You have to have a title for it."
"Well, I think I'll call it....Will You Go to the Dance with Me?" Amelia freezes up, her smile dropping. "I don't what I was talking about yesterday, I really like you and even if you don't feel the same way, I-"
"Yes!" she says, gripping his hands tightly.
"Uh, what?" Cody stutters.
"Yes, I'll go to the dance with you, I...I really like you too," she says.
Cody smiles awkwardly and pulls Amelia close to hug. He looks at us and then glances at Gerard, who is still recording. Cody brushes him off, signally him to stop. Gerard smiles, putting down his phone and pocketing it. "Well, I'm glad that worked out better than I was anticipating," Cody says.
"I'm glad that turned out," Amelia replies.
Cody drives us home, well, he drives Gerard home and I get out with him. I send my mom a quick text, saying I'll be home later when I step into Gerard's house. It's different than how it usually is. It's the first time I've seen it messy. His parents always have the dishes down, the tables cleared off, the couches neat, everything tidy. But it's not today. There's a pile of dishes stacked in the sink, the dishwasher half loaded, the table and counters are cluttered. The couch blankets and pillows are missing. I'm not judging his house because let's face it, I don't care if it's messy or neat, and secondly, it's not like mine's any better. I only notice it because of the several months I've been over, it's never looked like this.
There's also a different smell in the room. It's definitely familiar to me but it's out of place here. Not quite air fresher. It's like...hand sanitizer, no, like cleaning wipes. They cleaned something or everywhere.
"Sorry about the mess," Gerard mutters while hobbling around, trying to take off his converses without untying them.
"Oh, no, I don't mind. You guys always have it nice and neat," I reassure him.
"Yeah," he says, prying off his shoe and dropping it on the ground. He switches to the other one, continuing to stumble.
"You good?" I ask him.
"Yeah, just...ah, it's so tight," he mutters. I don't even refrain from snickering. "Oh, wow, so mature," he groans.
"I'm sorry," I say, covering my mouth while laughing.
"No you're not," he retorts, straining to yank off his shoe. "I bet you want me to say that to you!"
I mean...no, oh no, don't even go there. I change the subject. "Wouldn't it be easier to just untie it? Or at least sit down?"
"No! This is about honor!" he cries out. As soon as he says that, he yanks his shoe off his foot but he topples forward. "Shit!"
I reach out and grab him but he's much taller than me and has momentum. I catch him but he ends up knocking me down with him. The two of us fall to the ground, Gerard pinning me against the carpet while we both burst out laughing.
Maybe a couple of minutes pass and neither of us has gotten up or stopped laughing. We're not even making noise, just silently laughing and crying on the ground. "Oh my god, are you okay?" Gerard asks, lifting himself up and hanging his body over me.
"I'm...I'm good," I reply, wiping away my tears. My stomach is throbbing not from the fall or Gerard but just from laughing. I can't breathe either. Gerard doesn't get up or move from that spot. "What are you doing?" I ask, catching my breath.
"I guess I would be saying that to you," he mutters.
"What?" I ask confused. Gerard gives me a mischievous smirk and I choke. "Wait, what? Why?" Why is he bringing this up again?
"Look," he says with a half grin. "I'm on top." A chill runs down my spine. I open my mouth to say something but freeze. How do I reply to that? What am I supposed to say? Also, I haven't stopped thinking about why on the phone yesterday he said I better not be turning straight on him. As if I'm cheating him out of something if I'm straight...what's going on between us? Gerard tilts his head to the side like a cat. "Awe, you're cute when you blush."
"Get off me!" I scream at him, pushing him away. He burst out laughing, rolling over on his side and I sit up. "You are...oh my god." He closes his eyes, laughing while flailing on the ground. I haven't seen him smile this much in a long time, it's precious. "Why are you like this, Gee?"
"So only you can have fun?" he teases. I look at him, pouting. He smiles softly, sitting up next to him. "Alright, movie."
I easily stand up but he's still chuckling to himself, unable to sit up. I extend my hands down to him and he takes them. Pulling him off the ground, he hops up to his feet then leads me to his living room. "What is the movie called?"
"Stardust," he says, snatching the remote off the coffee table. He starts setting up the TV. "Okay, all the extra pillows and blankets are gone, I'll go grab those in after I find it."
"I can go get it," I say. "Is there any in your room?"
"Uh, yeah, just grab it off my bed," he says, flipping through genres.
"Alright." I run up his stairs and wander down his hallway. Grabbing the Star Wars blankets and two extra pillows, I march back down the hall. One of the bedroom doors is open and I catch a glance of the bass guitar again. I stop, looking back at it. It's not in the same place it was when I first saw it a few months back. It's next to an amp and it looks like it's still plugged in like it was recently played. I thought Gerard didn't play...
"Frank, you get lost?" Gerard calls from downstairs. I snap out of my thoughts and head down the stairs. "What's taking you so long?"
"I am a small child and I have a lot of stuff," I mutter, trudging over to him. I throw a pillow at his face but he catches it, snuggling against it like a cat. "Awe, how adorable," I say. I take a seat next to him and he curls up on the armrest and I lean on his side like how we usually watch movies. It's unspoken now but we're always leaning on each other like this is normal. It's not technically cuddling but we're definitely not just "chilling". Whatever.
Toward the end of the movie, Gerard and I are watching it silently while lying on each other. I enjoy the storyline and I love how everything plays out but when there is a monologue of the girl Yvaine explaining love. Deep down, a part of me feels exposed, I feel like it's my feels are being said against my will and being so close to Gerard, I feel nervous. I glance at him and his attention is fixated on the television screen, reflecting the images off his glossy eyes.
"My heart, it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you love me, too. Just your heart in exchange for mine."
I almost hate the fact that we're watching this movie because my heart is beating faster and I have to fight my nervousness down, forcing myself to remain calm. I don't know why my heart is pounding right now. I don't know why I'm getting a rush in my stomach. It falls silent as the scenes change. "I love her monologue," Gerard whispers. I glance at him but he's already looking at me with a faint smile.
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