《Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts // Frerard》November 5th
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A/N: So sorry about the hiatus out of nowhere. I don't have an excuse. I started school up again and get around to this story. I was trying to get back to it but October was very busy and last week was soundly the worst week I've had all year. I'm trying to move forward and get back into my hobbies, starting this story up again. I do enjoy where it's going, hoping it's not cringy or anything. I'm also sorry this chapter is short but after so long, this is all I could muster out, which is better than nothing I suppose. I'm going to try to work on it more, going back to frequent updates again, longer chapters, or close to it. I'm not making any promises besides effort. Thank for your patients.
"Hey, yo, Frank," Cody says, walking with me to lunch.
"Hi, what's up?" I ask.
"I wanted to ask you a favor, you don't have to if you don't want to."
I glance at him questioning. "What is it?"
"For my music class, I need to write a song and then have it recorded for my final," he explains. "I can't really play instruments but I think an acoustic guitar would work really well. Do you think maybe you could come in one day and record it with me?"
"Oh, yeah, I think that would be really cool. When's it due?"
"Eh, it's my final so we still got you know, a month. My teacher assigned it Monday so it's no big rush. I just got started on it though and I wanted to know if you were interested. Some of the chords written out but I'll get back to you later on it."
We step into the commons and walk over to our lunch table. "How much do you have done?" I ask, setting my backpack on the floor next to me.
Cody stumbles as he sits on the lunch bench, catching himself on the table top. "Good job there, buckaroo," Jenna says as she and Amelia walk over.
Cody rolls his eyes and her and sits down correctly. "I worked out the chorus, it's coming along."
"Oh, are you talking about your composure final?" Jenna asks. Cody snaps finger guns in her direction. "I'm surprised you started already. You always procrastinate."
"I only procrastinate on things I don't care about. Like math. Who likes math?"
"Frank does," Amelia says.
Jenna and Cody snap their heads at me and I lean back. "What? It's easy," I say.
"You like math?" Jenna asks. "Really?"
"It's satisfying when all the numbers work out and you always have a definite answer. It's comforting."
"Except when there's no solution," Amelia says. "Then there is no answer. Or imaginary numbers, that's bogus!"
"Yes, but everyone comes to the same answer unless they did it wrong. In English, there is no 'wrong' answer but a 'more correct' answer and THAT'S what is bogus."
"You know, you're right," Cody says laughing. "So you'd be cool with playing the guitar part?"
"Definitely," I say.
Jenna opens her soda can and it sprays her. Amelia starts giggling, fumbling with her fork. "Oh, shut up," Jenna says. "What's your song called, you know?"
Cody shrugs. "I have no idea, it's a miracle I started so soon. You know?"
"I didn't start mine period. Lynn is working on the guitar first and then she'll write the lyrics."
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"Nice," Cody says, nodding along. He glances behind him. "Where is Gerard?"
"Haven't seen him since history," I say. Gerard's been doing alright in school now, he's acting the same and he looks the same but I can tell with him something is off. Understandably. He's depressed, worn out, but hiding it well. He can conceal his tiredness and he knows how to play along but when it's just us two, he lets his guard down at times. In class, he was leaning on my arm in the computer lab instead of typing the last half of the period.
"Speak of the devil," Amelia says. I glance behind me and see him walking over with his bag slung over his shoulder. "Hey, man. Where were you?"
He drops his bag to the floor and takes a seat next to me. "Talking to Gina about some art show," he says. "It's coming up over winter break and it's a big event so I was planning on submitting some pieces to see if I get in."
"Sounds exciting," I say. "You have something in mind?"
He flips open his sketchbook. "Not yet but I will soon enough." He twirls his pencil in his hand staring at the blank paper. Cody waits for Gerard to look up at him, his eyes stern. Gerard double takes when he realizes he's glaring at him. "What's up?" Gerard asks. Cody doesn't say anything, just tilts his head to the side. The girls don't really notice Gerard shifting away, gritting his teeth at him. "Stop it," he mutters.
"Gee-"
"I don't want to." Cody takes out another sandwich and slides it to Gerard. He stares at it unmoving. "I'm not even hungry."
"You don't know what you are. Eat." I turn my head at Gee and he glances at me in the corner of his eyes. Reluctantly, he unwraps the sandwich and bites into it resentfully. "Thank you."
"Oh, guys!" Amelia says, waving her arms in the air. "Jenna and I forgot to tell you."
Jenna looks at her confused but a light flips in her eyes. "Oh, right!"
"The ski trip with the school is officially open to sig up for now and we're upperclassman this year so we're eligible to go on the trip," Amelia explains.
"Yo, that's right!" Cody exclaims.
"Ski trip?" I ask quietly.
Amelia and Jenna look at me, remembering I'm still new. "So after winter break, there's a trip with the school to go to a ski resort a few hours away but only upperclassmen can go. We're juniors now so we can go."
"It sounds super fun and we all should try going."
Cody smiles. "Yeah, definitely. Most of us probably can go. I mean, I don't think Patrick will be able to because it cost a lot of money."
"Yeah, and Brendon," Gerard comments. "Unless Audrey goes too, but even if she does, he won't be with us." There's still bitterness behind his voice. Amelia glances at him but he doesn't look at her, keeping his eyes on the table and aggressively chewing his sandwich.
"Well, still. It's going to be a lot of fun," Amelia says. "Usually they go at the first weekend of February, after the bitter part of winter when usually there's most snow."
"How much would it cost?" I ask.
Amelia shrugs. "I mean, there's a fundraiser beforehand to help cut the costs. Estimated to be about a hundred."
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I nod along. I could probably pull that off, asking my parents for the money, well, wait for an argument to come around and then pity ask them so they feel like this is what they owe me. I may not care for their money when I truly want their love and care but it is too much to ask so I might as well use what I do get to my advantage. "I'll look into going, sounds fun. Although, I have no idea how to ski."
"I could teach you," Amelia offers. "Gee, you think you'll go?"
"I don't know," he says. "I...got a lot going on at home, as always. And I don't think my family wants me away for a weekend in case..." He stops himself, biting the insides of his cheeks.
"It's okay," Jenna quickly says in a gentle voice. Amelia glances at her, not fully understanding but not questioning. Gerard nods along, fidgeting with his hands.
"Yeah, I don't know," he mutters under his breath. He crumples up the empty bag and gets up to throw it away. When he comes back, Cody gives him his water bottle and Gerard sips from it.
After lunch, I walk with Jenna to English. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what's up?" she says.
I pause, trying to figure out what I really want to ask. "What were you talking about at lunch?"
"What do you mean? She brushes a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Like with Gerard. What was he saying and stuff? What was that about?" Jenna widens her eyes, trying to figure out what to say. "I'm just...worried."
"Gerard told me something a couple months ago and it's really hard for him at home and...it's just complicated."
"Is he okay though?" I ask. Jenna doesn't say anything. "Jen?"
"I want to say he will be but I don't know."
"Is he sick?" I ask. I don't know how to ask if it's about his eating disorder without bringing it up to her if she doesn't know. I don't know if she's talking about it right now or if there's the something else going on that I don't know about."
"No, he's...fine in that sense. It's really complicated and when Gee told me, it was only because I walked in when he snapped." I look at her concerned, hoping she'll continue. We step into the classroom and walk over to our seats. Jenna sets her bag down and looks at me.
"Whatever it is, is it still ongoing?" I ask. She nods her head. It's ongoing but he's not sick. It can't be the anorexia, something else is going on.
Lynn steps into the room and Jenna's face lights up with a smile. "Hey," she calls.
"Hi," Lynn says, running her fingers over her shoulder as she walks past. "What's new?"
"We're thinking of going on the ski trip," Jenna says. "You should totally come with us."
Lynn folds her hands and rests head on top. "Hmm, I don't know how to ski nor do I care for the cold, but I do like the thought of hanging out with you for a weekend."
Jenna smiles. "Yes, I truly am worth it."
"Of course, but in all honesty, I actually don't know. My parents don't like the thought of me being far away without their supervision." She leans forward and lowers her voice. "Not when there are so many boys around to make me impure."
"But they let you sleep over at Jenna's house at parties with us," I point out.
Lynn looks at me. "As far as they know, the boys leave at midnight. Not that boys are even the real problem for me." She laughs to herself, sitting back in her chair. "I'll ask but it's probably going to be a no."
"At least you tried," Jenna says. "And if they don't, we still have all our breaks coming up to hang out together."
"True that," she says. "Man, I don't even know what my parents would do if they found out."
"Found out what?" I ask.
Lynn looks at me hesitantly with a small. "That I'm...." she trails off nervously.
"You don't need to be ashamed," I tell her. "I am too."
Lynn's eyes light up. "You are? Do your parents know?"
"Well, not exactly. They may argue a lot but I know they aren't homophobic. I just never got around to telling them though." I look at Jenna. "Does your dad know about you and Lynn?" She nods along with a small smile. "How did you tell him?"
She shrugs. "I just came home one day and told him I was dating Lynn. He also knew I used to date a guy beforehand so he realized I was bi."
"You didn't tell him beforehand?"
She shakes her head. "Cody never had to sit down and explain he was straight, why do I have to?"
"That's a fair point," I say. Maybe I don't need to have that conversation then. I could just come home and bring my boyfriend over and they'll know. I can see myself telling my parents. I just can't see myself with a boyfriend. Although, I do see myself bring Gerard over. I don't know if he's interested in me like that.
"Well, my parents straight up told me I better not pretend I'm gay. Almost replied with, 'fine, I won't pretend' but that wouldn't have ended well."
"We're juniors now," Jenna says, "two more years and we're all out of here. They can't control you then."
After math class, Amelia and I walk out to meet with the others. "Hey." Amelia turns around to see Audrey and Brendon behind us. "How are you?"
"Hey, Audrey, Brendon," she says with a smile. "How are you guys?"
"We're doing good," Audrey says with a cheery smile. She glances at me, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Have we met before?"
I look at her hesitantly. Yeah, you were kind of rude to me and Hayley but whatever. "I've seen you around," I answer vaguely.
"Oh, well, hi. I'm Audrey, this is my boyfriend Brendon," she says.
"I know, I have guitar with him," I say.
"Yeah, Frank's really good at guitar, knows a lot of Green Day and Metallica," Brendon says with a smile.
"Hey, so I wanted to ask you," Amelia says, "we can go on the ski trip this year, you think you guys will come?"
Audrey glances at Brendon. "It sounds fun, I haven't really gone skiing before though."
"I've gone a few times, I'll teach you, babe," he says. I tense up a bit. I don't know if this is a good idea. Besides Amelia, the others can't stand her, Gerard most of all. Granted he may not go, hopefully, he does. But they'll be there. Well, just because they come with doesn't mean we'll be seeing them. It's not my decision of who goes and who doesn't. I just hope it goes well. There's still time to work things out.
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