I woke up the next morning, my legs were tired and my eyes were sore, everything came back to mind.

I sat up and groaned, once again I had let him get the best of me and fucked everything up. There was nothing I could do about it now, so I sighed and got up.

I turned on a hot shower and got my clothing ready, black sweatpants, a white crop top, and some black sneakers. I put the outfit on my bed then got in the shower.

I relaxed as the warm water hit my face, I stood there for a bit then shampooed and conditioned my hair.

After half an hour I got out and dried off, I started my skin care and put on a little bit of makeup, then got dressed. I threw my hair up in a messy bun then went to the great hall for breakfast.

There were already a couple people in there but I ignored them, I didn't have the patience to deal with people today.

I ate my breakfast (just a piece of toast and some bacon) then I went back to the common room. I sat down on the couch across from the fire and watched as the flames danced around each other, carefree.

I must have really drifted off because when my friends saw me in the common room and greeted me I barley heard them. It took me a minute to snap out of it as they called my name twice.

"We lost you there for a second y/n," Isla laughed, "Oh yeah sorry I just have some things on my mind," I smiled.

Isla smiled back, "Well if you need anyone to talk to you know that I'm always here for you!" She said then added, "until then I'm going to go get some breakfast."

I laughed "have fun," and almost immediately focused on the fire again when they left.

My thoughts wondered from topic to topic but the two that mostly lingers in my mind are "why did I sleep with Mattheo?" And "Am I still going to kill him?"

It was like torture not knowing what I was going to do or say the next time I saw him. I can't forget I'm a death eater now but how would Voldemort react if he found out I killed his son?

He would have all of his death eaters after me and would probably have my parents killed, and Mattheo what was I going to do with him? One minute he's trying to kill me and the next he's having sex with me, it's too unpredictable what might happen if I go back to the manor.

But there really is no good option, I'm a death eater I have to respond to the dark lord and go to the meetings, which are at the manor and Mattheo is there being his usual unpredictable and shady self and I won't know if I'm safe or not.

My mind was taken up thinking about that when a something I never thought of crossed my mind.

"What about Jet?" That back stabbing lying piece of shit, I don't know what was going through my mind when I decided he would be the perfect partner.

He hates me what did I expect? Just for him to suddenly be ok with me punching him in front of everyone like it was no big deal.

Yet another thing to add to the regret list. Another thing to keep me up at night regretting.

I sighed and got up to go to my room, I was gonna sleep things off, that usually works. I got into some more comfortable clothes and laid on my side staring into the abyss.

I completely relaxed and closed my eyes but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fall asleep. I tried moving my body to different positions and adjusting my head on the soft pillow but nothing worked.

It was almost as if my body was trying to torture me, making me think about everything that happened the previous night. God what was wrong with me.

I gave in a opened my eyes, no matter how hard I tried I wasn't going to be able to sleep. My mind was darting to too many things at once, but then I thought, Jet doesn't know about it.

What if he thinks that I still want to kill Mattheo? Ugh, everything in my life was so complicated, I wish it could go back to the way it was before all of this.

I wish it could all go back to when I was truly happy. I thought of how much I missed Mattheo and the other side of him, he used to be so sweet, but now he is even more cold hearted than before, and I'm the one to blame.

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Sorry that I haven't been posting much I've just been running out of ideas for the story but I will try my best to write more!