This is the start of the end my loves. We have a few more chapters left. Which will take us over a hundred, which is annoying because I thought it would be cool to be at exactly a hundred but well that didn't happen so:) But anyway. Get ready Bub's, we're looking at at most 105 chapters.

Happy readingggg:P

ALSO WTF THANKYOU FOR THE RESPONSE TO LAST CHAPTER!

LIKE WOAH THANKS.

anyway yeah- have a filler:)

"Are you awake?" I whisper.

Silence.

"Yes." His voice is deep, tired. Oops I woke him up.

"Hi."

"Em." He laughs and leans over to turn his lamp on. "What do you want?"

He turns back to me and I am just laying there, snuggled up in his clothes, a hoodie because I was cold and I have my hood up because we were spooning and sometimes my hair bugs the crap out of him.

Spooning led to nothing this time because I had cramps and fell asleep as soon as I was warm and wrapped in his arms.

I turn around to him. "Hi."

"Yes Em we established this."

I smile. "Can you say it again?"

He blinks at me and lies back down.

"Emersyn it's three in the morning and you woke me up for this?"

I nodded, staring at his fucking perfect face. "I cant sleep. My brain is gone. You said a lot and now I woke up and my head is processing that lot of information and I- I would like you to reiterate you weren't joking and that you do in fact love..."

I can't even say it. It feels ridiculous. Like I'm being silly.

"You?" He whispers.

I nod, my eyes still wide in the soft glow of the lamp.

"Yes Emersyn, I do."

I shake my head. "No you have to say the words."

"Em." He frowns, moving closer. "You know it now."

I shake my head. "No I didn't hear you before."

"I love you." He mumbles all grouchily and my smile is big as he watches it cross my features.

"Oh shut up, come here." Leo mutters, pulling my waist towards him and I wrap around him tightly, and my lips fall onto his face, and when I say fall, I mean I may be assaulting the boy with kisses.

His nose, his cheek, his chin, his forehead.

"I can't breath." He gasps and I pull back.

"Sorry."

"Em." He laughs, wrapping an arm around my head and he pulls me close so that I am tucked into the nook of his neck.

I just breathe him in. I can be weird. I don't care.

His hand moves under my sweater, well his sweater, his palm lying flat on my back.

I close my eyes at the warmth.

"What um, does doing this properly mean?" I whisper.

"Go to sleep." He sighs back, tucking me closer.

Well I can't. And also, since he's been on this new medication, like he takes it at night mostly before he sleeps and like it makes him so sleepy which is fine, like obviously, it's good. But I was so used to him being awake all night.

I guess that was the mania mostly.

But like, I am always wide awake at the most inconvenient times.

I heave a dramatic sigh and I feel his chest vibrate against mine in amusement.

I guess I'll sleep.

My cramps are bad, like I low key want to move a pillow between my legs because like that is the only thing that helps, like that position, but I cant with the way we are and also I could just use his leg but well I don't want him to think I am initiating something.

I sigh.

He groans. "What?"

I pull away from him a little, meeting his eyes. "I have cramps."

He genuinely almost looks sympathetic. "There's painkillers in the draw next to you?"

I shake my head. "Can we spoon?" I ask.

"Yeah, turn around."

"No. You turn around."

He chuckles and turns the lamp back off and then he manually turns me. "I don't want to face away from you." Is all he says and so I sigh and turn, his hand that was free placing itself on my lower stomach and he rubs it a little.

"You'll make me feel sick like that."

He scoffs. "You are hard work, you know that right?"

I smile slightly. "Yeah I know."

August just slides his hand up, literally placing his hand between my cleavage and my eyes open in confusion.

"Um hello?" I whisper into the dark.

"It's warm."

I smile and just let him cop a feel, my eyes drifting close again quickly.

"Nothing really has to change." He says quietly. "Just we need to be more open with how we feel."

I nod a little. "And you need to realise that no one in my heart compares to you. Like I just want you."

He just hugs me a little tighter.

"And we should probably inform the family, that we're..." He says and then drifts off.

"We're what?"

"Together?" he asks.

I smile sleepily. "They'll figure it out. It doesn't need to be said."

"So like that's what we are then?" He asks.

"I mean, if you wanna?"

"Do you want to?" He asks.

"Obviously." I mumble. "August that's all I wanted from the first time you kissed me."

He's just quiet, thinking. "I hate labels, they cringe me out."

"I know." I whisper. "So we just- I dunno, nothing really changes. Does it?"

"No." August whispers back and I snuggle, pulling the cover up more.

We are silent for a moment, I just listen to his breathing.

He breaks the silence, his voice slightly amused, mainly thick with sleep. "Might have to ask your fucking father for permission though."

"Permission to what?"

"Be your boyfriend, I don't know."

I snort. "You don't need to ask-"

"I sorta do. He's like my second closest person, and I'm balls deep in love with him daughter."

I pull a face. "You really had to say balls deep?"

"Sorry."

"You are so adorable." I whisper. "He's your second closest friend?"

"I dunno what he is." August says. "But I respect him and I don't want him to hate me."

"You know, poor T is probably banging his head against the wall right now."

August chuckles. "Trev is my closest mate. You father is like family. You-"

"Oh god-" I start.

"Don't start." He chuckles. "I just don't want your dad to legit get mad at me, like I need him I guess."

I smile softly. "He wouldn't."

"He most definitely would hate me if he knew what we do at night."

"Well, no one's allowed to know that cos it's a secret." I whisper.

"Didn't you buy- with Luella?"

"Well she's in on the secret."

August laughs. "There's stuff we haven't used there."

"Well I got my period so-"

We were working up to it. Ha.

Christ.

"Anyway back to respect?" I whisper.

August chuckles. "I'll tell your dad."

I gasp at the memory of something. Turning around again. "What did you tell my dad before?"

"It's still none of your business."

I pout at him and he presses a lazy kiss on my lips, drawing me closer.

I sigh, my hand on his cheek. "Well you can tell him next week, like we have to spend the week with him and mum and your mum and your dad and Rayne and Lottie." I am breathless after the list of bloody people.

I love them, I do. But-

August blows out a puff of air. "So no just us?"

I open my eyes. "Well I didn't know if you meant what you said earlier?"

We always end up talking in the middle of the night, me usually bugging him.

Oops.

"Yeah I was thinking about it." He says. "Like we wouldn't go far. But I know a place I could take you, just us, that I think you'd like."

I just fucking adore him.

"We need it." I offer as a justification. "Couple retreat."

He scoffs. "Sure."

I grin. "Shit."

"What?"

"Nothing just this is surreal. The amount of happiness I feel right now."

He smiles back, his eyes closed but his face displaying a similar feeling.

"I am happy you are happy."

"Are you happy?"

"Yeah." August whispers.

"I'll text my mum tomorrow." I tell him. "Say we won't be joining them next week."

He shakes his head. "Let me sort it out." He whispers. "Like I'll go into town tomorrow, see parents and things."

"You will?" I ask.

He nods. "You wanna come?"

"If we're going away this week, I think I should cram all my uni work in on this weekend."

He nods. "Yeah okay I'll go and see them tomorrow morning and then we can have study days until Monday morning and then go."

I fucking adore him, I know I already just said that, but I really do.

I just- I don't know why I am not saying it to him.

It still feels scary.

It feels like he's going to pull the rug from out beneath me.

Sending me flying.

I just want to be solid first.

I don't know.

I think I am still in shock.

I thought he was distancing himself from me this morning, I thought he needed space. Now it's like a lot of hours later and I know he loves me and we are like officially together?

I pull my face back ever so slightly.

"No other girls." I whisper. "Seriously."

He laughs. "Emersyn they were here to study."

I huff. "August I was drunk and emotional; I don't care about those girls. You can have as many female friends as you like. But please let the only friend you kiss be me."

He smiles sleepily.

"Deal."

I move close to kiss him one last kiss goodnight.

"And the same yeah?" He asks. "I am not a jealous guy but we're officially monogamous yes?"

I yawn, practically in his face. "How'd you think of such a proper word when it's this late?"

He yawns back. "My brain works better than yours." He whispers after and I smile, sliding to hold his face.

"Now is that technically true?" I ask.

August chuckles. "Probably not."

I sigh. "So no other boys or girls. Yes."

He nods, opening his eyes. "I am really sorry that this has to be established. You have every right not to trust me."

I shrug. "Trust is earnt. Plus, like we weren't even together before. You'd broken it off with me, remember. And now, you just gotta- yanoe not sleep with anyone else."

"Easy." He whispers and I am a little glum because I am thinking about the other girls from the past.

It's in the past.

I move back close.

"I'll stop bringing it up." I whisper.

"Shh it's okay." He says as he wraps his arm around me. "It might take me a while to get you to trust me but- like- I am here so."

I just am tucked under his chin, close to his heart.

"Are you here for a while August?"

His heart jumps. "Yes of course. Sleep Emersyn Rose, we have shit loads to do tomorrow."

"Okay." I whisper. "It's also technically today."

"I know Em, you don't have to correct me every time."

"I take what I can." I mumble.

"You can have it all." Leo whispers back and I smile against his chest.

Fucking hell man.

"Goonight." I whisper.

"Night."

"Say it." I urge.

He exhales a sigh of amusement. "No."

"Please?"

"Love you." August whispers for the fucking fifth, sixth time today?

How do I still fucking exist?

"I am going to perish."

"Shut up." He chuckles, pulling me impossible closer.

"Night Leo."

"Sh."

....

"August?" I whisper, laying my hand flat on his chest. "Leo wake up, you're dreaming."

He was talking in his sleep.

He's not really done this since January.

"August." I say again, sitting up and leaning over him to touch the lamp on.

His hand reaches for me and his breathing speeds up, he is clutching my jumper, just holding me, his eyes screwed together.

My own heart is racing, it's morning, his talking woke me up, it took me mere seconds to realise he was dreaming.

Like having a nightmare.

He's awake, just breathing through whatever he just went through.

I lift my hand to his face, holding him softly.

"August you're okay, it's just you and me."

I stroke his cheek, his head, his hair. I was just waiting.

It's a few minutes until he talks.

"Shit sorry."

"No, it's okay." I say. "Of course it's okay."

He slowly lets go of his iron tight grip he had on me.

His eyes open, he gives me a small pained smile. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I roll my eyes and I slide down, moving close to him.

He was warm, sweating, that dream...

"What were you dreaming about...?"

He shakes his head. "Sorry."

I just hold his eye contact and he after a few seconds, closes his eyes sleepily.

"August you- I haven't seen you like that in a while."

He smiles, half asleep. "You usually settle them. Like I don't dream about shit when you're in bed with me. Usually."

Oh.

"Have you been having bad dreams when I am not here?"

He looks at me, nods. "Em I get dreams like that every night, just usually having someone close makes me relaxed so-"

I pout. "I am sorry I didn't help just then."

"Shush." He mumbles, pulling me closer. "It's fine. What time is it?"

"August are you okay?" I say quietly.

"Yes."

"It's okay if you aren't, dreams can really take it out of-"

"Em, I promise."

"Okay." I say gently. "If we go away this week, how will you go to therapy?"

He gives me a small smile. "I'll still go, I was thinking, as I know you might wanna see your mum and dad this week- we could go to the beach house."

I look at him surprised.

"What all of us?"

He shakes his head. "God no."

I smile amused. "Leo, there is no way that my dad will give you keys to the beach house."

He shrugs. "I believe differently."

I look at him. "You wanna go to the beach house?"

He nods. "I know it's a little shitty, as like it's not really taking you anywhere other than our family joint holiday home but like- it's where I first saw you, properly. It's where we all have pretty good memories, it's close to the sea, it's in town so close to your mum and dad and we can see family and also go back to like a place we can call ours for a week."

I just am smiling at him.

"Like imagine it, those balcony doors of your usual room, wide open, we could push the bed half out, lie literally under the stars."

I really fucking stare at him.

"Who are you and what did you do to my angry Leo?"

He smirks a little. "My intentions are not purely innocent, there's a lot we can do out on that balcony, under the stars."

I just smile a little, our eyes connected.

"It's awfully chilly still." I whisper.

"Oh well." He whispers back. "It's supposed to be good weather, warmer, no rain anyway."

"Can we do like a fire on the beach? Marshmallows?"

He smiles, his eyes slightly shocked at my suggestion.

Probably at the food thing. But he doesn't let it show for long, he nods. "Of course we can."

"Is it too cold to go swimming?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Nothing compares to January."

I smile.

"We could go on walks." I whisper.

"And listen to music."

"Whisper about the stars." I say.

He smiles softly. "I have used up all my literature knowledge."

I shrug. "I like any knowledge you have."

August chuckles. "I know you do."

I just look at him, his face, his eyes, how I have never felt this fucking close with a human before.

Or like any other creature I guess- I just mean- no one comes close to what we have right now.

"That sounds good, but you still won't be able to convince him."

He shrugs. "I will."

I just look at him. "You think you'll convince my dad, whom of which thinks I am an angel sent from clouds above, that you want me alone, for seven days, in a house with zero other humans to act as buffers."

"Emersyn your father isn't stupid. He knows how much I care about you, and he also didn't do anything to stop Rayne sleeping over when we all thought you two were together."

I just shrug at him. "Well have fun asking."

"I will." He chuckles and sits up. "We should get showered and then you need to get ready for your group session."

I just groan and lie back down.

He pulls the covers away. "Nuh uh, I go to therapy, you go to therapy."

I just whine and turn away from him, curling up.

"You're annoying." He mumbles, standing up. "Get up."

"Don't call me annoying." I say, moving out of bed very slowly.

"It's just what you are-"

"But you love me."

He sniggers. "Doesn't mean you're not annoying."

I just glare.

He mocks my glare, pretending to show fear through his eyes.

"Go away." I mutter, walking into his bathroom and he follows.

"Nope."

"Seriously, get out."

"Watch your tone." August says and I turn around, heat flooding my cheeks as he uses the voice.

"Or what?"

"Or your attitude will get you fucked."

I pull my jumper up. "Well I'm on my period, so no it won't."

He laughs. "There's always shower sex."

I look around at him. "I know you can have sex on your period, I am saying we are not."

August smirks at me and I cross my arm over my chest. "Get out now."

He steps back out of the door. "I give you another couple of months. Then we'll reapproach the period sex topic."

I close the door in his face, closing him out of his bathroom.

Another couple of months?

I lean my head down against the white wood, taking a second.

It's fucking crazy to think this is just- what it is now.

Me and him.

We agreed last night right? Just us, together, properly.

Wow.

Another few months? As in we are- god. Shit what happens when he gets this scholarship? Like he's finished in May. He can graduate with an undergraduate and move universities to start his masters.

Fuck.

Where even is this university?

I sort myself out and then turn the shower on.

It wouldn't change anything for me. If he was close or far. I would just miss him. But like, imagine going to see him. Or him coming here.

Imagine seeing him after that much time, we'd make it work, it would be great, the weekends we could see each other. Plus there are holidays, and he's always been good at messaging, at phone calls.

It's not like a major thing to me, but has he thought about it?

I just let the hot water run over my body. It's what, two months until the end of May anyway. Then we have the whole summer.

It's probably too soon to be worrying about the prospect of long distance. The long distance wouldn't even happen for five months anyway.

We've been seeing each other for what five weeks? If that. I know there's history. But like, still, we haven't tried to do this properly before. Let's not worry about the future when we are so new.

We got together last night.

I should probably note the date.

I want to tell my journal about yesterday.

I quickly wash myself, wrapping a towel around me as I brush my teeth and get partially redressed into underwear in the bathroom. I just stay in the warmth of the bathroom for a while but then as I open the bathroom door, I blink at August in pure confusion because he is just laid on his bedroom floor, looking at the ceiling.

I freeze, having seen him in a very similar position before.

"Leo?"

He sits up and gives me a small smile. "I was just thinking that-"