"Your parents want us all to go away for your birthday." August whispers quietly as I drown my sorrows in cold water and Tylenol. I lay back down besides him and look at him confused.

"Huh?"

"Yeah. They know we have a semester break next week and they're saying we could all go away for your birthday."

I pout a little. "But my birthday's not until another two weeks."

"I know." He whispers and moves his arm under the duvet and searches for my waist, encouraging me to come closer.

I just move closer and close my eyes.

"How do you know this but I don't?" I whisper, coming even closer.

It was morning, August had to get up soon to go to training and I literally planned on doing nothing today. I was tired and hungover, and I wanted a hug and he had to get up soon.

Which was sad.

I just ignored it, hoping he would too.

Okay I didn't hope that, because I know swimming is good for him, but also, I side my hands against his chest, sandwiching them between our bodies for warmth. It would be nice for him to be here all day. With me.

"Because you don't check the group chat."

"Well since we added Lottie, she just sends memes and it's cute but I had to turn the notifications off."

August chuckles and hugs me to him.

I pull back. "I was looking forward to the week, here, just us."

He nods. "I know, me too."

I pout a little and he leans down, pressing his lips against my pursed bottom lip.

I just move my face to press against his, feeling his warmth.

"Can't I just say no, I have work to do? That we both do?"

He nods. "If you want that."

I shrug. "I dunno I liked it being away from here, with you and seeing family and stuff but I can't, we can't touch."

"We can." He whispers.

"We can't without them thinking we are together and dad looks like he wants to chop you in half every time you are near me."

"Em, I talked to him. He's fine with me being close to you."

I pull back. "Yeah, we never talked about what you said to him."

"That's because it's none of your business."

"Well I assume it was about me."

"Not everything is about you." He mumbles and I pull back.

"So you talked to my father about something that didn't concern me and then he just magically decided not to eat you when you come close to me?"

He laughs into my hair and I just side my palm along his side, annoyed he's laughing at me, but wanting to touch his skin.

"Yes."

"You lie to me." I whine and he laughs again.

I smile at his laughter. He's been laughing more.

I pull back. "August are you happy?"

He looks slightly taken aback as our eyes meet. "I mean yeah."

I nod. "How's your mood?"

His eyebrows furrow. "I think it's fine."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"That was random."

"No it wasn't." I whisper back and he relaxes his head on our shared pillow.

"It was, we were talking about your dad-"

"And you talking about me."

"Hm." He says.

"I didn't forget what you said last night." I say.

He smirks a little. "I didn't forget what you said last night either."

Anxiety crept up. "What... what did I say?"

"A lot."

"Well you said more." I tell him, I remember what I said, I remember everything up until I fell asleep, showered and all put together.

"Nope."

I smile and close my eyes. "You said you liked me more than a friend."

"Well yes I see you every fucking day Emersyn, obviously-"

"Not obvious." I say quietly, copying his earlier words and he chuckles, moving his hands and he cups my face, literally just resting his hand on my cheek and jaw.

I smile, turning my head to press a kiss on his palm. "I think we need to be better at talking about feelings."

He snorts. "I am just following your lead."

I open my eyes. "I used to be good about talking, you used to hate me for it, and then things happened and now I don't wanna say how I feel."

He frowns at me. "Why?"

"Because you always used to say you couldn't feel the same things back."

He sort of tenses and then he moves close to me, presses a quick kiss on my lips and he sits up.

"I've got to go to training."

I am just quiet on the bed, inwardly laughing at myself, because I thought we were going to talk then. But no, fair enough, swimming.

I close my eyes, pulling the duvet up to my chin and I watch him get his shit together.

"You don't have training until nine." I say quietly.

"Yeah but I need to go home and get my swimming stuff."

I nod quietly. He looks at me. "And don't you have Freya?"

I shake my head. "No I had it on Monday, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

I sit up, reaching for my water.

"August what should I say to my parents about going away?"

He is tying his shoe laces and he looks up at me. "Whatever you want."

"Well I want to be with you, but I want you to let me know if you want that too."

He scoffs. "Well I don't know how many levels you mean that on Emersyn."

I pull a face at his tone and sit up more. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He says quietly. "You're just confusing."

"You have a degree in Mathematical Physics, I am not that complicated."

He just looks down at tying his laces.

"August do I just say yeah then to my mum?" I ask. "About next week?"

He shakes his head. "No."

"No?"

"Well I was thinking we could go away just us. But-"

My eyes are wide, slightly fucking shocked.

"Huh?" I say.

He looks annoyed with me and I am so confused, is he irritated at me or is he asking me to spend the week with him?

I glare back. "You are the one that's complicated August."

He looks down. "Yes Emersyn, we are together aware of this fact. I don't know what you want me to say. You choose you have three options."

He stands to leave and I scramble up after him. "August wait."

He sighs, turning around to me.

"Why are we fighting?" I ask.

"We're not."

"I feel like we are."

"Your emotions are not my responsibility."

My eyebrows lift up. "Well okay then, go on, carry on leaving."

He sighs. "I am just going to swim."

"Yeah but you're mad." I say utterly confused.

He rubs his face and turns around to leave again and I just watch him walk out of my bedroom and both T and Luella are in the kitchen, they look up at us. They could probably hear the tested voices.

"August." I say just before he got to the door.

He had totally ignored Lue and Trev, but he looked back at me. Me just stood there, in his fucking clothes, messy and tired looking, by my bedroom door.

"I am sorry if I have stressed you out. I didn't mean to."

His eyes soften slightly but I can still literally fucking feel the tension on his shoulders.

"Thank you for taking care of me last night."

August nods and then he leaves, pulling the door close almost harshly behind him.

I dunno what happened just then.

Obviously I want to spend time with him? I am so confused.

Luella looks at me. "First fight?"

I roll my eyes in regards to the word first. "Not the first, obviously. Plus it wasn't even a fight, I dunno."

She opens her arms for me and I smile, walking over to her very put together appearance and she wraps me in a hug. A hug that Trev gets off his chair and joins and I am left squished between them two, laughing as I take the few seconds in before they pull away again.

"You were a mess last night." Luella says and I nod.

"I know I remember."

"Hormonal Emersyn wasn't one I haven't met before." Trev says.

I look at him. "Yeah but you remember when I cried on your feet in August's room?"

"You what?" Luella laughs and I smile back, trying to figure out where she was.

I guess it was when she was at her dads.

Trev nods. "I was so fucking concerned, had no idea what to do."

"Yeah well that's what I did to August last night so." I say. "Maybe that's why he's mad?"

"That's why you two are fighting?" She asks.

I shake my head. "I don't know, probably not, he laughed through most of my tears. I dunno. I think we are just really shit at communicating now."

"Were you ever good at communicating?" Luella laughs.

"Surprisingly yeah." I whisper.

She gives me a little sad look and I nod, I go and grab my phone, pull on some other clothes and I go and lay down on the sofa as they make breakfast for themselves.

"Em, breakfast is on the side for you." Trev says and I look up over the couch and I look at them both surprised.

Luella gives me a sweet smile. "We wanna have breakfast with you."

I collapse back down. It would be sweet if I knew it wasn't because they knew if they didn't feed me I wouldn't eat.

I plaster a smile on my face and go and join them.

"Who'd you go out with?" Trev asks as I sit there in silence and stare down at the omelette.

I was hungry, I guess, it looked good.

It was okay.

It was okay.

I picked up my cutlery.

Just small bites, an omelette is like what? How many-

"Emersyn." Luella says and I snap my head up to her, looking at her.

"Yeah?"

She nods to T and he repeats his question.

"Oh, Victoria and her girlfriend Kendal and then Elijah as well."

He nods. "Elijah like-" He looks at Luella.

"Yeah the same Elijah that I adore from uni." She laughs.

Trev wrinkles his nose and Lue shrugs. "He's cute, and really well-mannered but like sort of very manly ish and God T if you saw his kid you would melt too."

Trev looks surprised. "Oh a kid?"

Luella and I nod, me cutting into the omelette.

Cheese.

Huh.

Okay.

"Yeah, he's really amazing with him." I say distracted by the food.

"And he's the same one you're getting close to?" Trev asks.

"What do you mean close?" Luella asks T and then looks at me. "Close?"

I look up confused between the two of them. I look at T confused because that sounded like something Luella had told him but she even looks confused.

"Not close." I say. "Not like the way you made it sound." I frown. "Where did you get that idea?"

He shakes his head and looks down at his food.

"Yeah Trevor, where did you get that idea?" Luella repeats and I look at her in agreement.

He shakes his head. "You aren't going to break me." He says.

"No sex for the rest of the day." Luella says.

He shrugs.

"The week."

He looks up at her, shocked.

"No sex for the rest of the month-"

"August may have mentioned it." Trev caves and Luella and my eyebrows raise in surprise.

"What did he say?"

Trev shakes his head. "No nothing."

I turn directly to him. "Trev tell me."

He looks at me. "You two just need to fucking talk."

"We do." I mutter, turning back in confusion and now I am glum as I eat my omelette.

Trev and Lue move the topic on from August and I just think about the fact he will be arriving at the sports centre now, probably about to get changed.

I want to see him. Like I wanna talk to him, try and make us okay. I want to fix shit I guess.

But if he's overwhelmed with me, like if I am annoying him. Going to watch him train, probably isn't the best move. If he's stressed, probably by the slowly leaking feelings I am letting loose, then bombarding August with my presence isn't the best thing to do. I know that.

Sometimes he just needs a little space.

But I decide I'll practise this communication thing.

His response was quick.

Oop, is he's still mad?

I frown at his message, remembering the other times he's said those exact words.

I wait for a reply and it doesn't come, literally it wasn't until I was washing up that my phone went off.

I asked Lue to check it.

"August said 'the latter'." Luella tells me. "You have a message form Elijah though, he's tried to call you."

I frown, so August does want me to come? Okay. I dry my hands and then take my phone, checking the messages.

I press on Elijah's number quickly.

"Hi, I am sorry I was washing up." I tell him.

"It's okay." He says. "Don't worry about it."

"Why'd you ask what I was up to?"

There's a small tense pause and he sighs. "Because I know you have the day off."

"Yeah?"

"Kendal is sick, hung over but like really sick I dunno if it's just a hangover, Vic has Lectures all day, I have work. I can't take him to nursery because Madelyn is- she's saying about just getting him and I cant let her, but they might just let her take him and I can't leave him with my mates because well they're great but not- they have no clue how to deal with a child and my parents want to talk to Madelyn anyway so if she went there they'd let her-"

"Elijah chill out." I say. "It's fine, bring him to me."

"I won't ask this of you again. I swear. I just can't deal with a sick kid right now."

"I promise you it's okay, I am hungover anyway i'll just have a lazy day with Noah. You can drop him whenever you need to."

"I am literally in campus now, so like I'll be there in ten minutes?"

"Okay, I will see you in a second."

We hang up and Lue looks at me curious.

"Elijah needs me to have Noah." I say.

She nods a little and then she's grabbing her keys, Trev waiting for her. "Right I have a lecture now, but I'll be back after. We can deal with the baby together."

I smile at her and nod.

I guess I am not going to see August then.

I'll let him know, but first, toddler proofing the flat. That would have made my life a hella lot easier last time I had Noah over.

So yeah, I pull myself up, go and brush my teeth again and get the flat ready.

...

Who knew that Luella would be a nightmare with kids?

Like she finds it hilarious to wind him up.

She is currently sat puffed out on the carpet as Noah had clambered up to me on the couch.

He'd been with us all day, we had done lunch, we were talking about dinner and Luella has been chasing him round the apartment for the past half an hour. She was making him laugh hysterically, which was cute and I am sure fun, but he's like wide eyed, over stimulated.

I was still being lazy, I also hadn't heard from August all day. I text him asking him to call me when he's free and well he just hadn't freaking called.

I close my eyes as Noah hides behind me, honestly exhausted and Luella starts crawling towards him and he screams, giggling and pulling me down to hide him.

I just shelter the child with my body and then close my eyes, laying down on the sofa and Noah squashing himself behind me, hiding.

Luella laughs and I smile, turning around and snuggling the baby and he pushes my face away, giggling back at me.

I close my eyes and move him so he was laying on my chest, not behind me because I was scared he would be squashed.

Noah stays pretty settled on me, looking at Lue as she sits beside the couch and chats to him.

I am literally falling asleep and I can't because I have to look after the child.

I am always so tired the day after drinking. God I wonder how Elijah feels? He had to go to work.

I press my hand down on Noah's head, stroking his hair because I have no one to tell me off and he starts to snuggle into me.

Luella laughs. "Em you are going to send him to sleep."

I shrug. "Naps are good."

"Elijah will be here in half an hour." She says.

"A quick nap." I mumble and I am so warm, Noah's little body calm on top of mine and so as Luella laughs at us and gets up, I am guessing to put the apartment back together.

Noah and I fall pretty fast asleep.

And it wasn't until I heard Elijah's laugh and then felt his hand on my head that I opened my eyes. He sat back on the coffee table, his eyebrow raised.

"Why do you always seem to make my child fall asleep? We're trying to get him out of naps."

I pout a little. "I am a soother."

"I know." He laughs and then he winces as I start to sit up, cradling Noah as he stirs.

"Daddy's here." I sat gentle and he looks and then reaches for him and Elijah laughs, pulling Noah to him and holding him close.

"Thank you for having him." He says and I nod.

My phone starts ringing and I wince, reaching for it and as soon as I see it's August I answer.

"Hey, one second." I say and stand up, apologising to Elijah for I dunno answering the phone and I walk past Luella as she goes to sit down on the couch with Eli and I go into the kitchen.

"Hi.' I say.

"Hey." August's voice sounds normal. "I am sorry I didn't call after swimming, I just had work to do."

"No problem." I say. "Did you stay on campus for lunch?" I ask.

"Yeah I am almost at yours." He says. "You still home? I didn't see you at the pool."

"Oh." I say, I look to Elijah and Noah and I wince, thinking about what Trev was sort of hinting at earlier. "Elijah is here with-"

"Oh right." August interrupts. "I'll just go home then."

"No. No. They're going in a second. Come up?" I ask.

There's a knock on the door. "Already here."

I hang up and my cheeks are burning, only because he's in a bad mood and I am trying not to make it worse with Elijah being here.

I look to Lue. "It's August."

I jog to the door and pull it open and Elijah has Noah on his lap, but I feel the weird tension in the room when August looks at Elijah.

He gives him a small nod. "You know what Em, I'll just pop up later, yeah?"

I shake my head and look a little apologetically at Lue and Eli and as August turns back around I pull the door to and walk after him.

"I just woke up, don't walk so fast." I say, I was bare foot, just in a casual dress and I felt very exposed now.

He turns around.

"Go back inside, clearly you are busy."

I narrow my eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs and starts walking again. "I was just coming up to see you, I don't want to see them so I am going back to working."

I reach for his hand and he turns around bored as I hold his fingers in mine. "Emersyn look, if you're seeing someone else that's chill, but obviously it's not ok for us to like hang out so-"

I drop his hand and step back.

I blink at him. "You think- why would you? Wait. That would be okay?"

He locks his jaw together.

"How dare you." I say. "You know I- Obviously I wouldn't-"

I am dumbfounded.

Fuck he is stood there so nonchalant.

I literally had a breakdown last night, there were tears, snot, a lot of emotions at the thought of him being with two other girls.

He thinks I am seeing someone else and he's not even really mentioned it? He doesn't care.

My eyebrows raise in realisation.