90

"I can come round tonight?" August asks. "Or you can come down to me."

"I don't like coming down to you because I never wanna leave." I mumble, pulling myself off of the boy and standing up from the bed.

"You could just not leave."

I throw him a desperate look, like August? This rule is taken from your rules.

His rules that never applied to me.

But they should have.

I slowly start getting dressed.

August and I have been seeing each other every day. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, even today Wednesday.... I was free from eleven ish and that is why he's here, in my bed, naked.

We were only supposed to be having lunch.

Now I was rushing to get myself ready for this meeting.

I've been having really good days. We stopped the whole, till sunrise thing. Even though it physically hurts trying to get up and leave.

He slept here Sunday, with me, but then he told me that he shouldn't have stayed when he knows it's not what I want.

It is what I want.

I just don't think it's what's good for me.

What we are currently doing- it's been good.

I spend the day doing good things, things that make me feel good, I go to all my lectures, I study, I do my hobbies, I go to art workshops and I went out for drinks with Victoria and Kendall and a few of their friends the other night, I saw Henry yesterday, for lunch. We are good, okay, it was awkward at first but then we both laughed at how we were being awkward, and it was okay.

I went to the markets on my own, brought little things from the stalls, things I didn't need, things that August laughed at when I showed him that evening...

So yeah, I fill my day working on myself, being positive, happy. He spends his days doing the samr, doing his exams, seeing my dad, his mum, he's working on being open to them when he's struggling and then it turns nine and Luella and T are either at ours and in her room or they're at his and in his T's room and then August comes up or I go down and we sink into each other for a few hours every night.

This was just a fluke, this afternoon.

It's been harder to keep our hands to ourselves.

I don't know why. I thought it would fade, like the attraction.

But it hasn't.

I watch him lie down in my bed and I laugh at him, watching him close his eyes.

"You sleepy?"

"Mm." He hums.

I turn around to the mirror, fixing my hair into a ponytail. "You can stay if you like?"

"Will you be back after your meeting?"

"Um, no." I say. "I have dance and then I'm going out."

August opens his eyes again, watching me as I sort myself out in front of the mirror.

"Who are you going out with?"

"Er... you remember that Abbie and Ollie? From the party. Them."

"Damn and I thought telling him you were STI ridden would have put him off."

I roll my eyes and turn around to him, walking towards his snuggled-up figure. "Well obviously I corrected that statement when I saw him last week. And I won't stay out long so we could um yanoe have a hug later, when I get back."

He snorts. "A hug?"

"Yup."

"Fine with me."

I smile and bend down, tilting his head with my finger to press my lips down on his.

He leans up, connecting our lips properly and it's so easy, so nice, to just kiss him, to feel myself sink.

I let out a whine. "I need to go."

He chuckles and releases me so I stand up, looking around for my shoes.

"Are you staying here August or?"

"Nah, I'll walk you." He says, getting up and finding his jeans. "I didn't come here for this by the way, I literally was coming here to give you food."

He made food and had spare so text me if I wanted some.

I said yes of course.

We ate, then other stuff happened.

"It's okay, I know."

"I mean it." He says quietly and I nod, getting together a gym bag, like for dance.

"Can we go swimming soon?" I ask.

He lets out an amused sound. "Sure."

"Like when?"

"Saturday?"

I shake my head. "No we're at home this weekend remember?"

"Oh yeah." He looks up, unimpressed. "That's shit."

I laugh and hand him his phone and keys as he walks towards me. "August it's your nanna's birthday."

He rolls his eyes. "Yes but I like us being here, less eyes."

"We'll just go back to being friends, yeah?"

He hums. "Mm we'll see."

"August-"

He pulls my bedroom door open and I freeze, Luella's bedroom door is open, Trev sat on the end of her bed, talking to her.

He freezes when he sees us emerge from my bedroom and then he smirks. She says something to him, I can't hear her but he turns and nods, replying.

Then he gives us a look and waves for us to leave and I grab August's hand and pull him with me, he's silent, following me out of the apartment as quietly as possible.

I sigh in relief when we get out and he looks at me amused.

"You are really scared about Luella finding out."

I look up at him, his eyebrow raised and I duck my head because I know he's low key offended.

"She's scary okay? And like I am not that scared to be honest, just, she'll have opinions and I am feeling so..." My voice dies out and August lifts his hand to my back, guiding me forwards.

"What are you feeling?"

He sounded almost nervous.

I laugh at little. "I was just going to say happy, don't worry too much."

He frowns at me.

Like don't worry Leo I wasn't going to say I felt more for you that what we've talked about.

I don't even know how I fucking feel about you.

I just feel happy.

I smile up reassuringly and we continue walking down the hall, his arm sliding up my back and wrapping around my shoulder and I smile, leaning in to him.

He's so affectionate.

It's so fucking dangerous.

"What about you? What do you feel?" I whisper, the tension in my voice.

He's quiet.

I look up to him and he bends his head to place a kiss on the side of my head.

"Happy too Em."

Okay.

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Okay." I say, pulling away from him but linking our fingers.

We don't disconnect, not as we walk to uni, not as we enter campus.

He just holds my hand and we say a short, a little awkward, goodbye as I get to my meeting.

Awkward because I'm clingy and didn't want us to separate and awkward because we both stopped ourselves from saying goodbye with a kiss.

I was going to ask him about Trev, but I never got around to it.

I was going to ask August If T knew already, or like if he had just then put the pieces together when he covered for us.

But instead I walk into the building, going straight over to Elijah who was waiting for me and I realised my head is already pretty full.

That this meeting might just make it fuller.

But then I remembered I was going to dance after this, that exercise helps. That I've been eating, even straying a little away from vegetarianism. Just occasionally. Just bits here and there. I was trying to be heathier.

And I don't mean eat healthier things, I mean eat more balanced. Being a vegetarian was partly about control, I knew that, so I was trying to do better. I wanted to hit my calorie goal every day.

Which I shouldn't be counting, I knew that. But it was at the moment, comforting. To know I was doing better.

Anyway, I was now sat in this room, with Freya to my right, Elijah and Evan, a middle-aged balding version of Elijah sat across from me.

I wondered if they were related.

I decided not to ask.

I was thinking I would ask after.

Maybe.

There was also a doctor.

About medication.

I was feeling a little bit confused about medication, because since my days have been so busy, since I've been back to my routine, I've been able to manage everything okay. I've been focused, not exhausted.

But when I told them everything I was doing, they all seemed concerned. That I should slow down. They don't really get that this is how I've always coped.

They just keep saying that we can help you cope without exhausting yourself.

I didn't even feel tired.

I just felt full, and happy, like I felt so bright at the moment.

What if it dulls me?

Are these silly thoughts?

Freya is concerned about the medication, but for a different reason. "The main side effect of Methylphenidate and Lisdexamfetamine is a decrease in appetite and you can see from her chart that we don't want that."

"Yes but the other medication is not based on concentration, I believe that is what we should be treating. We can use other medication to treat the impulsiveness but Emersyn, sorry to talk in front of you, she doesn't show any signs to which we need to be concerned about that. Concentration is what is impacting her."

Freya just sighs and rubs her head.

"We don't do this carelessly." The doctor says and she gives me a small smile. "We start with a low dose, one tablet a day and we watch her, you'll come for check up's every two weeks with me and we can either weigh you in the surgery or you can do it weekly still with Freya and we make sure it's not causing you to lose weight."

I nod a little.

"Your heart pressure is usually normal right?" She asks.

I shrug.

"Can I take it now?"

I just nod and she moves around the table and starts putting the little device on my arm, instructing me to relax and stuff.

I look to Elijah and he nods at me.

They came up with this plan, I know what it is, just like the extra help, extra extensions with work, extra time in exams that sort of thing. I would see Freya every Friday morning at ten and then I would see Elijah from eleven to twelve.

I was feeling okay about it.

Like it was going to help so.

My blood pressure was a little high apparently and the doctor asked the other people to step out the room so she could ask me about my current medication.

"Just the pill." I say.

"Do you remember which one you are on?"

I shake my head, I don't, I am not going to lie.

"That's okay- what about the first letter?"

"Oh P- something."

"Can you remember if It's the combined pill?"

"Yeah it is." I say.

She smiles and writes something down. "That might be what's got your blood pressure a little high, so I am going to suggest you come of it."

My lips part a little, she laughs at me. "I assume you use it as contraceptive?"

I nod a little. "Yeah but um, we also use condoms so-"

She nods. "I just meant to change you to a different one, when was your last pill check?"

I look at her guiltily because I sometimes forget appointments like pill checks or dentist or well eye appointments as well- I just get- busy?

"I don't know."

"Okay so call the medical centre tomorrow and get an appointment and we'll talk about changing your pill and writing you a prescription for the ADHD medication."

I just nodded.

I'll um, give my mum a call later.

To consult her.

But I trust these people so, yanoe, sure.

Elijah and that come back in and we just finalise plans, Evan is telling Elijah what he has to do now and Elijah nods, writing bits down and I watch him because he seems off.

I don't know why.

Maybe it's because he's with like all the professional people and it's not just me and him but he seems less friendly.

I wait until everyone else leaves and he stays sat there, going through the paper work and when he sees I haven't left he asks me for my date of birth, just so he doesn't have to skim through all the paper work.

I tell him.

He gives me a small smile and nods.

"Do you wanna go get coffee?" I ask.

He looks up at me.

"You just seem sad." I say. "So coffee?"

He shakes his head. "Nah I am good. Don't you have dance Emersyn?"

"Well yeah, but in like an hour anyway."

He gives me a polite smile and he winces, looking down and checking on his phone again.

Again because it had kept going off in that meeting, Evan kept giving him harsh looks at Elijah would mumble something under his breath to him.

"You should check your phone." I say.

"Can't when I'm on the job sorta thing." He says. "I am trying to be disciplined with it, trying to show her I can't just be available when I'm at work."

My eyebrows raise.

"Check your phone." I say softly. He seemed so stressed.

He does and then he tenses, and he curses, immediately pressing the call button and I look at him surprised.

"Sorry it's about my son." He says quietly, quickly and again my eyebrow raise in surprise because well obviously I didn't know he had a son.

He's in the year above Luella, so like the same year as T and August, I couldn't imagine them having babies.

Although, to be fair, my mum had me when she was their age.

God she had me like at the age I am right now.

Woah.

"Miss Riley, hey, I am so sorry, I've been at work. I couldn't check my phone." He says.

I feel worried at his tone.

It's like I end up making other people's stress my own, like I can feel it in my heart whatever this man in front of me is feeling.

Elijah looks at me and he curses.

I look at him shocked.

"Um, no I haven't heard from her today, I just assumed Madelyn would turn up. I am a few miles out of town right now as I'm still on campus, can you contact Kendall?"

"Oh right okay." Elijah says and he nods, putting her on speaker and he starts clearing up the paperwork.

"Mr Eaton, we still have Noah, you don't have to worry. We still have the late afternooners anyway, but we thought you should know as we couldn't get hold of Madelyn."

"Yeah no it's fine, I'll come now."

"He's having a bad day." She says softly. "There's been a lot of tears today so I would suggest you bringing someone, like for the car ride, I know those are rough."

He says a soft okay and tells her he'll be half an hour, I am just standing up watching him.

"Sorry Emerysn, I really have to go."

"No of course, are you okay?"

He nods distractedly and tries to call someone.

He looks at me. "You have V's number?"

I nod and I get it up for him and he calls it.

Neither Kendall nor Tori are answering.

"Sometimes Tori takes Kendall's charger accidentally." I say softly.

"Then why isn't Victoria picking up." He mumbles in annoyance and looks at me apologetically I just shake my head to say it's okay. "My boy's mum doesn't... she gets to see him like once in the week and every other weekend, you'd think she would want to, right?"

I just cringe at his harsh tone.

"It's just-" He looks at me and winces and then presses on another number, waiting as it rings and he pops grabs the paper work from the desk and I walk with him as he heads to Evan's office.

Whoever he tried to call, doesn't answer and he sighs, messaging a few other people.

Evan's not in his office, Eli just places the paper work on his desk and leaves him a note, I assume explaining he has to leave.

Elijah walks out and looks at me still waiting there for him.

"Emersyn."

I nod.

"Can you drive?"

My lips part. I mean yeah...

"Yes but I don't have a car."

He laughs a little and he scrunches up his face.

"This is wildly inappropriate and I am sorry to ask you. It's just my son and his mother were in a car crash about a year ago, they are both ok, but he is terrified of cars and so he can't be left on his own in the back. Usually I get someone who we know and love to come in the car with us but-"

"But I'm your only hope." I say smiling a little. "I can drive and you can sit in the back with him?"

He nods a little and I smile. "It's fine, you're driving on the way there though because I haven't driven in so long-"

"Okay so no, you can drive on the way there so I can see if you can drive. Let's not terrify him more." Elijah says and I wince, but I nod.

Makes sense.

We start walking.

"You're going to miss dance, I am sorry. We put him into day care in Sampson."

I smile. "I live there. Or well my mum does."

"Yeah, I know. I remember you saying."

"Do you need to tell anyone what you're doing?" He reminds me and I shake my head, we head out the building.

"No it's okay. May I ask how old your baby is?"

A small smile takes over Elijah's face. "Just turned 3."

Awe.

"And you take care of him yourself?"

He nods. "Mostly. Kendall lives with me, she's always there with V, so they help."

I nod. "I wonder why they aren't picking up."

He shrugs, looking down at his phone again.

He looks at me. "I am going to call Maddie, um-"

I nod.

I don't walk away, maybe that's what he wanted me to do, I dunno why I didn't.

I was just here.

I wanted to help.

"Mads?" He says, his voice low.

"It's ten past four in the afternoon, what are you doing?"

He was annoyed, he places his hand on my arm gently, guiding us towards the car.

I look at the car.

Alright it's you and me baby. We can drive. We have to, I remember how. It's like riding a bike. Although every single time I try and ride a fucking bike I fall off and hurt myself.

"You were supposed to get Noah today, it's Wednesday."

He sighs in stress. "No you aren't having him this weekend Madelyn, it's the middle of the afternoon and you're off your face. It's not just the painkillers."

Oh man.

Goodness.

Elijah opens the driver's door for me and I get in, taking the keys from him.

This is illegal isn't it, because I don't have insurance?

Or does my insurance cover me for all cars?

I have no idea.

Man.

"Mads please. No don't you dare go and get him, I am on my way now."

I put the key in the ignition and the thought of someone going to get a child, who clearly shouldn't be getting the baby, makes everything in relation to my slight driving anxiety fade and instead I concentrate on driving.

It was an easy car to drive, unlike August's, or my dad's. I think I just find driving hard.

But I'm good right now.

"I have him now, there's no point."

We don't have him.

I feel the stress rolling of Eli in waves.

Goodness.

We aren't even friends.

Bless him, he's literally showing his family drama out in the open because he has to.

Oh well, he knows my drama.

My drama isn't like this though, let's be real.

I just get over stimulated and exhausted sometimes.

That's all he knows.

I know he has a baby boy called Noah, that his baby mumma isn't okay, that she and him share custody off the toddler, kinda, that he is in charge. That his son was hurt.

God.

He's a pretty strong person, to come to work every day and listen to other people's issues and then go home and deal with a whole child and family drama.

And he's what, August's age?

Can you imagine August with a son? I can't. He looks drained watching a puppy.

I rev my foot down a little, feeling like the hero in a movie as Elijah sighs and hangs up on Noah's mum when she starts shouting.