I was washing my hands when a girl pushed the door to the toilets open and she burst in, cheeks flushed, tears threating to spill and we looked at each other. She froze, looked me up and down-

Probably noticed my own flushed, messy appearance.

"Emily." She states shocked.

I blink.

Oh.

Oh I recognise her. Victoria. The girl from the uni bar night, the one who I had to do her dress us.

"It's Emersyn."

She rubs her face. "Oh sorry, I thought you were someone else."

I laugh. "No, like, I- it's me. You just don't know my name."

Her cheeks burn brighter and she gives me an apologetic look, and she lets out a tearful laugh. "Shit."

I offer her a smile. "Are you okay?"

She nods and walks over to the sink, looking at herself in the mirror besides me and she shakes her head at herself, laughing again and blinking to get rid of tears.

"I'm text fighting my girlfriend in the middle of studying, it's a mess."

I wince at her, watching as the girl with dark hair, freckles leans over the sink and wipes her makeup.

She looks at me. "We keep bumping into each other."

I smile. "And one of us is always half dressed."

Victoria laughs and looks down to my legs. "I wasn't going to question."

I just smile and look at her. "Are you okay?" I ask again.

"Yeah." She sighs. "I am utterly in the wrong, like with my- her names Kendall, I am just being emotional and difficult and like letting my- okay don't worry I totally am over sharing."

"No no." I say, leaning against the sink. "I am waiting for clothes, so carry on."

She smiles and takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "I am sorry I thought your name was Emily."

"It's kay." I breathe. "You were very drunk."

She smiles. "I was a mess."

I smile back.

"So I gathered you didn't choose the bare legged life?"

"No." I laugh. "I- um..."

Luella pushes the door open and she looks straight at me. "What are you up to."

My lips part. "Luella this is my friend Victoria, Victoria this is my Luella."

"Your..." Victoria says looking between us and I laugh and Luella rolls her eyes.

"Hi." She says briefly.

Yes I did just decide Victoria was going to be my friend, I don't care.

"My roommate-" I say to clarify and Luella tuts.

"You said we were soul mates last week-"

"I tell everyone that they're my soulmate."

"Mood." Victoria mumbles and I send her a quick grin.

"My name's Tori, actually." Victoria says and I look at her sheepishly.

"Sorry."

"Nah it's chill, just my mumma call's me Victoria and it triggers me." She laughs and I smile at mumma, I call-

Luella interrupts me by tossing me some black sweatpants she brought with her.

I grin.

"What happened." She says.

I just flap.

"I- er. I, didn't he say? Like I- my-"

"Period." Tori finishes for me. "She leaked."

I breath a sign of relief.

"Yes."

Luella looks at me curiously. "But you were on last week..."

"Yeah I know, I think I must have forgot to take my pill."

The lie came more naturally this time.

Luella shakes her head at me. "You need to be careful Emersyn, you can't just forgot- You forget all the time."

"Look I'm sad that I'm on my period anyway, don't be mad at me too."

Luella rolls her eyes. "Do you need any-"

Oh I hadn't even thought about that.

This is an annoying lie.

But to be honest I didn't really feel the need to say to Luella what actually just fucking happened.

"I gave her one." Tori says gently and I smile at them both, I then just flick my shoes off and pull the trousers up under my dress in front of them. I look at myself in the mirror.

I look ridiculous.

Grey sweatpants, black causal dress, burgundy cardigan. I looked cute before August messed me up.

Man. My hair even. I lift my hand to my hair and fix it.

Luella shifts from one foot to the other. "If that's it Emmy ima go back and carry on-"

"Yeah okay go." I say and Luella says goodbye to us both.

I look at Victoria. "Why'd you lie for me?"

"Felt the equivalent to doing my zip up for me." She smiles and looks at me, curiously. "What did you actually do-"

"Ha." I cringe. I look at the girl, who I don't really know. "Nothing."

She smirks at me and I know she knows that it's something slightly inappropriate and we just laugh together, she shakes her head.

"I should go back to my phone."

My eyes widen. "You left it-"

"Yeah, but I'm with someone so- plus he took my phone from me and started messaging her so-"

I raise an eyebrow.

"It's his sister so-"

"Oh." I laugh and then I nod to the door. "I need to head back too. I should probably go home- although I really haven't got anything done today."

Tori smiles at me. "Let's go."

She walks towards the door and I follow, then she pauses and I look at her curiously.

"So I am deciding we are friends now." She blurts and I grin.

I love human beings.

"Okay."

"Okay?" She asks.

I nod. "Yeah I always want more friends."

"Can I have your snapchat or something? Or well I don't have my phone so- my name's toriplates on Instagram."

I laugh at the girl and nod and then we exchange socials as we walk out, we head through the library in silence, walking in the same direction and then I spot Elijah, and he looks up at me as we reach towards his table.

Victoria gives me a short wave and goes to sit with him and I laugh, like aloud, drawing attention to me.

He gives me a small wave and I lift my hand back.

This university seems so fucking small sometimes.

I shake my head and walk away, smiling as I catch Victoria asking Elijah how he knows me.

I head back to our table and August actually lifts his eyes and acknowledges me this time.

"Hey." He says quietly. "You took long."

"Planning world domination." I whisper back and take a seat.

He just hums and looks down at his sheet. So do I. Like the hell is that? It's a different fucking language.

I look around the table and no one else has really bothered with my return, instead I just go to collect my things back up.

But then I see everyone working and I frown at myself.

The only time you work well is when you're with productive people, so stay here.

I look towards August and his eyes flick to mine, he raises an eyebrow and then his eyes scan down to my legs and a small smirk covers his face.

I flush immediately and then I feel this little tug in my stomach, one that reminds me he was so cold before we snuck off and literally almost fucked, like- he was inside of me. Somehow that's changed his mood and now he's paying me attention?

I feel uncomfortable.

I don't think I really wanna be this person for him.

I don't want to be Nia.

Or Dena.

Or whoever else it was.

I don't want- I let out a shaky breath and open my book and see his handwriting scribbled all over it.

My chest hurts a little, I look at Luella and she notices my eyes immediately.

She frowns at me. "Are you ok?" She whispers.

I take a subtle breath and nod, she cocks her head at me and leans in. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "Nothing."

I am over reacting. That is what I do.

I feel things big.

Big emotions. Always fucking have.

I look at August again and he's half-heartedly filling out some answer box.

It's not like he's using me, is it? Like it's mutual. Right? I don't feel anything for him anymore other than attraction and he feels the same.

He never felt anything in the first fucking place. Anything real anyway.

It's fine.

It's just mutual need. I am within my rights to sleep with someone who doesn't want a relationship and it not be them manipulating me.

If I didn't want to sleep with him, I wouldn't.

I need to stop over-fucking-thinking.

Seriously.

Stop thinking.

I turn my music back on and put my earphones in and I just huff at myself.

I never fucking found the book.

I get up and go look for it and I don't get rudely interrupted this time. So after probably ten minutes of walking around the library, trying to clear my head, I head back to the table with the book and I get to work.

Like actually this time.

I work okay, sort of, August keeps looking at me.

Like every five minutes his eyes would find me and every time I lifted my own form my page, having felt the heat from him, he looked annoyed at himself and looked back down at his work.

I was admittedly jamming to Harry Styles.

Even though he's on a time out right now.

I needed his music to get me through this evening.

I worked for a little bit, highlighting my annotations, forming core opinions which would shape my answers to any possible quiz questions that come up this week.

August looks at me.

Again.

This time I give him a small glare.

"Stop." I whisper. "What are you looking at?"

He leans in and I move closer, his lips coming close to my ear so only we could hear.

"You are distracting me."

"I am literally focusing so well right now."

He sighs. "I know, like the fuck?"

I let out a small laugh and he pulls back and looks at me then he shakes his head and he comes close again to whisper. "I am going to move."

My eyebrows raise in amusement.

"August-"

"Emersyn." He whispers into my ear and a small smile flicks up to my lips, I pull back make eye contact.

He searches my face for something.

"Ima go sit over there with-" He starts and my face immediately crinkles, his amusement lights up his features as he watches my eyes go to his friend.

I pull a face at him.

He rolls his eyes and goes to lean in again to say something, but I just shake my head and start packing up my stuff.

I'll go.

I was tired, plus he had a deadline. I didn't.

He shakes his head but I am already turning to Luella and she looks up at me. "Ima go home."

She nods. "You good?"

"Yeah just tired."

"Kay, T and I are gonna go get a late dinner in a sec if you wanna come?"

I look at Trev and admittedly he was packed away, his head rested on his hand as he scrolled through his phone waiting for Luella.

I nodded.

"Yeah actually."

She smiles back up at me and starts packing up and everyone else notices we are leaving and looks up, saying a quiet goodbye.

I look to August and he reaches for my hand, in front of everyone and beckons me to lean down so he can say something.

I lean down and I at the very last second realise he's not about to ask me something, the fucker is about to kiss me, in front of everyone.

I swerve him, my eyes wide as my lips go near his ear.

"What the fuck was that?" I whisper then stand up. Looking down at him, I shake my head.

He just lets out an amused scoff and turns back to his uni work. So, I roll my eyes and I pick up my bag and turn to Luella and T.

They're waiting for me so we head off and it wasn't until we got to the stair case that T looked at me with a smug expression.

"Are we going to pretend we didn't see you just swerve that kiss or?"

Luella looks at me. "I mean, I gathered you two weren't seeing each other anymore since you got so sick and shit. But I didn't realise it was you that was saying no to him."

My lips part, looking between the two of them.

"And shit, you even leant in for it. Fully tricked the fucker." Trev says and Luella laughs, looking at him as we walk down the stairs.

"You would have killed me if I did that." She says.

"Yeah, I hate it when you don't kiss me when I think that's what you're about to do."

"Poor baby." Luella laughs and she looks at me.

"I can't believe he tried to kiss you In front of everyone." She says, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe it.

I just am slightly overwhelmed.

"I-"

"I can, he's never been shy." Trev says. "Or private really. Actually no yeah like I knew when he'd be seeing someone because he'd be close to them, but he'd never actually be affectionate in front-"

"We aren't seeing each other." I say. "Stop."

"But I thought you said they'd been sleeping togeth-" Trev says to Luella and she hits him.

"Stop telling her I tell you these things." She mumbles in irritation; she looks at me.

I just shrug.

"No. It was- a one-time thing."

Trev snorts and I give him a glare, he pulls the door open for us and we head out.

"They just needed to get it out of their systems." Luella says. "Onwards and upwards to better things hey Em?"

"Exactly." I whisper, wrapping my arms around myself as we step out into the night.

"Poor guy." Trev laughs and I look at him with curiosity. Luella elbows him.

"Huh?"

Trev just looks at me. "With the length of time August spent staring at the side of your face this evening, it is pretty fair to assume, in my opinion, that it is not out of his system."

Ha Trev should see the marks August's finger tops have left in my thighs, then he'd really see how not out of his system it was.

It's so problematic.

And why the fuck would he try and kiss me? In front of everyone.

I shake my head, falling behind them as they link their finger and walk along the path, heading towards the usual restaurant we go to.

Last summer I would be swooning.

I would be like 'oh my goodness, he wanted to show me affection in front of everyone'.

But now.

Now I am slightly pissed off. He can't do that.

It makes me feel like he's in control of what's going on between us and he is not.

I am.

He is the one wanting me.

Right?

Or is it me.

Fuck I don't know.

I follow Luella and Trev as we head into the restaurant, them leading the way and doing the talking. Admittedly I am just lazily letting them dictate everything, I just want chicken tenders and chips, I don't even care.

Without the chicken. I really have been forgetting I'm vegetarian lately. Like I'll be thinking about food and be like- hm chicken?

We get sat down and Luella asks me about the girl in the toilets and I explain how we met a few weeks ago, how I helped her and then she helped me.

I stuck to the story.

Trev looks between us baffled.

"God, if I went into the males and came out with a new friend everyone would be like what the fuck."

Luella and I laugh but she shakes her head at him. "No I wouldn't."

"Yes you would." He chuckles. "I can hear it now, some comment about who's dick is bigg-"

"Alright." I say, interrupting him. "PG dinner topics please."

Trev just shakes his head at me amused and I look down at my phone when I see it light up.

August's name is on the screen, a new message.

I roll my eyes at it, but I hate myself for the way my heart stopped a little and a need to open it overtook my brain.

But to be fair, I get that with everyone.

Trev and Luella talk between themselves and I open the message.

I don't think that's a good idea.

I smile down at my phone a little and bounce my leg anxiously.

I hate him. I roll my eyes at how he fully just expects me to do what he says with a click of his fingers

Easy, if he says he won't come then, I'll know what I mean to him.

I feel my heart sink at that message.

My mood immediately fucking changes and I hate it.

Because now I know he'd come up anyway, It feels different.

I look up to Luella and I wince because how was I supposed to do this subtly?

Like hey Lue, are you going to be in tonight or is it okay if August sneaks up?

She lifts her eyes to mine.

I look at Trev. "You staying at ours? Or-"

He looks at Luella- they look at each other. "Mine or Yours tonight?" Luella asks.

"Mine?" He asks. "If that's okay." He says to both of us, which makes me smile. "Just I have to go home early tomorrow and it's effort trying to leave your bed to go to my flat."

Luella nods. "You cool on your own?"

I nod. "I was just curious." I share.

Luella looks at T. "We should spend some nights apart."

He blinks at her utterly offended and I snigger at that.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing Babe." Luella laughs. "Just- it's healthy isn't it?"

"So it's-"

Trev and Luella continue to argue, and I just shake my head, looking down at my phone.

I text him back.

I sigh and reply the obvious.

I frown, searching for something to reply back to that...

I scoff at his message and shake my head.

then send him a row of angel emojis and I end up smiling down at my phone at the phone at his reply.

I won't.

Behave? What did I even do?

I don't reply to that message, instead our food arrives, and I admittedly get distracted from it all.

From him.

I get distracted and then soon enough I am lazing around in my room, admittedly fighting sleep.

I was tired.

I had a long day.

But it was coming up midnight and I found myself skimming through my iCloud photos...

Which was a bad idea.

I probably never mentioned how many photos I took last summer. Of him.

Us.

Luella deleted them off my phone.

Just they're on my backed-up storage so...

I toss my phone to the side and stare up at the ceiling.

What am I doing?

I sigh.

I need a shower and I need to wake up or I need to get at least changed because I am so uncomfortable.

My phone goes off and I wince, rolling over to the other side of my bed to grab it.

"Hello?" I answer.