"Lue, those are bowls. Like kitchen-"

"Oh Ha." She says, changing direction with the box, heading into our kitchen.

Yeah. I said OUR kitchen.

It was so exciting.

It was also a little tiring. We all got drunk for Dad's birthday last night. So I was tired and hungover.

August was there.

We um didn't talk at all.

But he's been texting me.

I say 'he's' as if I haven't been an active participant.

We talked last night about what actually happened and what was bipolar. No, we didn't talk about actual memories, we just agreed there were things that happened early on, like when we became friends that happened because of my pushing. Not because of August's high.

Then today... he doesn't know we're moving in here. Or well I assume he doesn't. T doesn't know yet, I am going to text him tonight. But yeah, August doesn't know we're moving today. We've been texting all day.

I would state something that happened. Our memories.

He'd reply 'You' or 'Headfuck'.

Head fuck meaning bipolar. You meaning not bipolar.

I don't know why we are doing this. But I think he needs it.

I am not in need of this.

Anything slightly edging into more than friends- he replies as it was the bipolar. And I knew that. But I think it's sort of helpful for him. So I am just doing it.

"Who are you messaging?" Luella asks and I cringe.

She would heavily disapprove.

I heavily disapprove too.

"Just people." I say. "Christmas messages I haven't replied to."

She narrows her eyes at me. "Have you got a sneaky link?"

I snort. "What does that even mean?"

"Someone you're seeing behind my back."

"Lue." I laugh. "Behind your back?" I smile.

She nods and jumps up on our new counter. I just roll my eyes at her and start to unpack one of the boxes. Our parents just left. My mum was trying not to be emotional. They'd been a little weird all day. A little stressed. But well moving is stressful so I get it.

"So is it the choir boy?"

"Luella, Henry is slightly religious, these 'church boy', 'choir boy' references really aren't accurate."

She smiles. "So it is then?"

"No No." I laugh. "I am not seeing anyone. I told you, no boys."

"No boys but we're still having them round tomorrow night right?"

"Yeah." I say. "If that's cool?"

"Yes it's good to be honest." She says.

Trev is having at New Year's Eve party at the other end of the building. A different floor.

We're doing a small thing. With Rayne and Jude, Henry.

They were going to go to August's... I um suggested a small thing and they all agreed. Which I wasn't sure why they agreed. But hey, I am not complaining anyway.

Plus Rayne said he's sneak off for a little to see his brother. Saying how convenient it is that we're in the same building.

Which made me awkwardly laugh. I haven't told anyone that August doesn't know we moved here, like- I assume someone will mention it.

I look down as my phone pings.

I haven't saved August's number, so it just comes up as a number.

Luella looks at me, her eyes narrowing suspiciously as she reads the words 'headfuck' over my shoulder.

I said the diner thing, that day. The fast driving. Obviously, he was seriously slipping into not ok then... but I am just saying anything that pops into my head.

I don't even reply to what he categorises them as.

Just send something else.

The apartment is beautiful. The big windows are literally my favourite thing about it. Big windows and the study table is right besides them. Study table, dining table. But we'll be using it to study.

I am just tired.

"I already want to nap." I laugh and Luella just shakes her head and she goes over and puts some music on.

"No, come on, we have to get things done and unpacked otherwise they will live in boxes forever. I know you. You procrastinate. I will even come and help you do your room."

"This is why I need you." I smile.

She smiles back and we get to work.

Well we do until I get distracted by a text.

I search for something else to ask him. It's all a little blurry, I think.

I know they are.

I don't reply. I just unpack another box, humming to the music as we both just drift around our new home.

I think about how I would have felt texting him a few months ago. I would be giddy. I just feel happy because of what's happening with Luella and I. I don't think I feel anything about these messages.

Maybe his numbness is passing onto me.

Is that inconsiderate to think? I think it was. I take it back. I am not numb. I just mean I am not having any type of extreme reaction.

I replied to Henry in the morning. On Christmas. After I totally forgot to reply to his message.

I said that I was sorry for not replying, that I fell asleep. I said Merry Christmas.

He said not to worry and Merry Christmas back. We've also been texting.

Just back and forth. He has this lamp, um, I said how I don't have a lamp for my room and he said he had a spare one, that he could bring it here. Tonight.

I just said okay.

I text August another thing.

I don't even know.

Not really. I think I was just pushing my luck. Teasing him.

He pulled me onto his lap. I read his palm.

So I could keep that memory.

I nodded.

"Em, you are usually so helpful." Luella laughs. "Please get off your phone and help me."

We had moved into my room, to be fair she was unpacking for me.

I toss my phone on the bed besides me and get up.

"Henry's coming here." I tell her. "Just to drop of a few things, but you'll meet him. He's really nice I promise."

"I don't doubt that." Luella laughs but nods. "We're still getting food right?"

We're ordering in.

"Yup."

"Is Henry staying for food?"

"Nah, it's just us tonight, right?"

She nods. "Sure. Well since you're literally my only friend you don't need to worry about that."

I throw her a concerned look, she was hanging things into my wardrobe and I was placing some sleep clothes in the draws.

"Luella-"

"No I swear, I don't wanna be friends with T and that. Like I love them but I need to sort myself out. So you are my only friend. I need good friends."

T is a good friend. But...

He also gives her drugs when she asks.

So I understand.

I nod.

"Well you'll meet Henry tonight and tomorrow night Jude is coming with Rayne so like-"

"And you'lll think I'll get on with these people?"

"I- well I hope so." I laugh. "You might find them a little boring if you are so used to chaos..."

"Boring sounds wonderful." She says.

I smile at that. It really does.

They're not boring at all. Like at all. But they're tamer. It's like fresh air after a storm. When things settle. Does that make sense?

I think Rayne feels the same.

"Just don't..." I start and she turns to look at me. I wince. "Henry is shy. You are not shy. Please don't kill the boy."

She smiles at me. "You seem like you care."

"I really like this kid." I say. "Like I can tell he's going to be in my life for a while."

"You like him?" Lue asks.

I roll my eyes. "Mhm. He'll be a good friend."

She laughs. "Okay well your friend is texting you." She says.

My phone was going off.

I didn't even want to know the answer to the one I just sent August.

I walk over to the bed. I had two messages.

Which meant he believes the first time he kissed me was down to being out of control, being influenced by the mania...

Oh Henry.

"Henry's here." I say and Luella laughs, nodding to the door and I jog out and make my way across our living space, opening the flat door.

He has a lamp in his hand and a small container.

I look at the container. He stands up from being leant against the opposite wall.

"Hi." He says. "I would have knocked but I started to second guess myself."

"Come in." I laugh. "Hi."

Henry pushes himself off the wall and follows me into the flat, I push the door shut behind him.

Luella is just stood there fully scanning the boy.

Oh goodness.

"Church boy." She says. "It's so nice to meet you!"

His lips part, I wince. "Luella, this is Henry. Henry meet Lue, she's a lot."

Lue glowers at me and then sends him a smile. "You brought a light fixture and..."

"Oh." He says. "Um... My mother... she baked you cookies. As a housewarming gift. I explained to her where I was going and-"

"Sweet Christian mothers." Luella whispers and takes the box of cookies.

I just shush her and thank Henry for the gift.

"Thank you."

"No worries, this place is nice. Much nicer than Jude and mine."

"You and Jude share?" I ask.

He nods. "Mhm, like during Uni. He's a messy person so-"

"So is she." Luella laughs. "But we are going to stay clean and tidy."

"Tidy home, tidy mind." I say and Henry seems me an awkward smile, nodding.

He gestures to the lamp and I nod, smiling at Lue but she doesn't follow us when I lead Henry into my room. "Where should I put it?" I ask a little rhetorically.

He just answers to be helpful.

"Um where are your sockets? You could put it by your bed." He nods to the cabinet. "Or well your desk?"

"There's a wall light by the desk so-" I take it from him and place it on the bedside cabinet and then jump on my bed, reaching for my phone.

"How was your Christmas?" I ask.

He is just stood in the middle of my new bedroom. Looking awkward.

"Are you in a rush? Sorry-"

"No, I have nowhere to be." He says.

"Then sit down?"

He chuckles and nods, looking around and he goes and takes the box that is on my chair off and places it carefully on the desk, he sits down, swirling it round so he can see me.

I just smile at him amused. "Henry you are an awkward human."

He winces. "Yes I am aware."

I laugh, looking down at my phone and I turn it over, ignoring the new message alert.

"Your Christmas?" I ask again.

"Oh, it was good. It was quiet. Our family usually get together but this year we just had it just us."

"Who's just us?" I ask.

"Um, mum, dad, sisters."

I look at him. "You have sisters?"

"Mhm, two."

"Older or?"

"Twins a year and a bit older than me."

"Oh." I say interested. "Identical?"

"Nah. Alexis has dark hair like me and my mum, Brianna's lighter and looks like dad more."

I nod and Henry swivels on the chair a little. "But yeah, it was just us, they came home for the holidays too and it was quiet. It was nice. Less chaos."

I smile at him although I like it when there's chaos. There's always so much chaos at my house on Christmas. Always. I sort of live for it.

"What about you Em? Siblings?"

I shake my head. "Nope. But we have like really close family friends. Like Rayne."

"Oh yeah." He says. "So you spent Christmas with them?"

I nodded sorta. "Christmas Eve and Boxing day are like- Rayne's family and my family days. Main Christmas we spend apart."

He nods. "So you don't have siblings but you consider them...?"

I cringe.

"No?" He says immediately and then looks at me, as if he could read exactly what that meant.

He makes me feel exposed this kid.

"Oh." Henry nods.

"I consider Rayne's little sister my sister. I remember her as a baby." I say smiling a little at the memories.

"But not August?"

I just cringe. "I consider them all family."

"Your eyes say otherwise Miss." He says.

My lips part and I laugh, smiling widely at Henry's little cheek.

He smiles back and he swivels on the chair, somehow seeming if he just had too many limbs for that to look normal.

"Let's not talk about that." I say and he stops spinning and he pauses.

"Did I overstep?"

"No no, but still- anyway are you still coming tomorrow?"

"Yep." He says. "I cancelled all my exciting plans to hang out with you."

I frown. "You shouldn't-"

Henry laughs at me, flicking his eyes up from my floor to me. "I didn't. I was joking."

I smile and he smiles back, running a hand through the mess of his hair. "What are we doing?"

"I don't know, just chilling, drinking a little, probably just getting to know each other?"

He nods. "That sounds good."

"Do you drink?"

He looks amused and nods.

"I was just asking." I laugh.

"I know. I understand 'I am a church boy' so- probably shouldn't be drinking hey?" He snides, an amused smile on his face as he watches me.

I smile. "That's between you and your God buddy."

He shakes his head. "Yes Em, I drink."

I gasp. "And what else do you do that's not traditional Christion boy behaviour?"

He just scrunches his nose up at me.

I laugh, leaning against my head bored and bringing my knees up to my chest, smiling at him over them.

"You like watching me blush, don't you?"

I can feel the pure amusement in my cheeks, I watch his face, he's not too pink to be honest.

"Only a little."

"Sadist." He says.

"More like the opposite." I snigger.

Henry looks slightly terrified and I laugh loudly at his distress.

"That was a joke." I say. Clear up. Sweep back under the carpet.

"Mm." He hums and he looks around suddenly, as if finding the courage.

It was a really simple room. Double bed, centre of the back wall, two beside cabinets either side. A chest of draws to the right and then a Wardrobe sort of connected near them. Then the opposite wall, a large light window and shelves, and my desk. It was simple and perfect.

And slowly becoming me as I had begun to stick up my things all over the side wall.

"Are you single Emersyn?" Henry asks suddenly and I am shocked at that, I don't even hide it from my face. I look at him.

"Huh?"

"I can't remember if that was ever cleared up."

"Henry, we met on a double date. Not even- a week ago. I wouldn't have agreed to go on that little group outing if I was seeing someone."

He nods.

"Henry and I told you I wasn't like- doing the whole dating thing at the moment as well." I laugh a little.

He nods as if he just remembered.

He looks at me. "Honestly Emersyn, obviously I listen to you but sometimes we'll speak and then you'll leave and my heart will calm down and im like- what did we even say?"

My lips part.

He just winces. "I mean-"

"Nah I get it. Like when you're flustered yeah?"

"Mm." He looks awkward. "But yeah so you're not with anyone?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Nope."

"I just thought I'd um ask."

"Why?" I whisper faintly.

He shrugs. "I just, I know we're friends and like that's cool with me. You know that's cool with me."

I nod a little, watching him.

He looks up. "I am not one for confrontation. And I know that guy friends can cause complications... so like I was wondering if there's anyone that us being friends would cause a problem with."

My eyebrows raise. "I dunno who you think I am, but um nah, you're good. No confrontation here."

That's right, right?

The only person is August. And August is many things, but he's not the sort of person to get jealous. Well that's sort of untrue. Then it was anyway. Now it isn't. He knew about Henry anyway. Like he referred to him during the conversation we had and he did not care.

Like it's cool.

"I really didn't mean to insinuate anything. At all. I was just- I'll be your friend whether I get guys trying to kick me away from you." Henry chuckles. "I was just more trying to mentally prepare myself for that confrontation."

I smile at him and shake my head. "Henry you will be pleased to know that nope. No one."

He nods and then he looks at me. "You don't think I'm an asshole right?"

I lift my hands in confusion and laugh, shaking my head.

"Nope."

"Okay cool." He nods.

I laugh again and he just looks up at me half distressed.

"You laugh at me too much." Henry groans.

"You're just funny."

Eyes are rolled. "Mm so funny."

"You are." I smile. "Um so I am taking a few modules this semester that over link with other courses and years optional modules." I suddenly crawl to the end of my bed and Henry just watches me, looking slightly overwhelmed as I lean over to my desk and grab him my planner.

"Do you take any?" I ask. "They seem like your ones."

He flicks the book open and I nod to the page as in yeah, that's the one.

He skims reads them. "Oh um yeah, European Art History."

I grin.

He looks at me. "You're taking fine art as a core module?"

I nod a little. "I um- my mum owns a gallery; I've been into art my whole life but like only a little if that makes sense. I never saw the point of studying it. Like the way they do It academically- with practical and coursework. But then I went to Amsterdam and saw the Van Gogh gallery and well- I finally understood it all."

He smiles at me.

"Well yeah anyway, we'll be in Tuesday Art History together."

I smile. "Will you sit with me? I'll be the awkward first year."

He smiles and nods. "That one's a paired assignment as well."

"It is?" I ask.

"Mm."

"Hm interesting..." I say, smirking a little and he rolls his eyes at me.

"It is isn't it?"

"Yup."

"I am not going to ask you to be my partner Em."

"And why not?"

"Fear of rejection is very strong."

I laugh, nodding and I just shrug.

"Suppose I will have to find my own partner then."

"Mhm. The year hasn't even started yet." Henry adds amused.

"That's true. I'll just find someone else to sit with."

He chuckles and then flicks over my page.

I cringe and pull the planner from his hands.

"Sorry." He says immediately. "I dunno why I turned the page."

"It's okay-" I say quietly.

It had the uni mental health details on. The counsellor who that doctor- I don't even remember his name- suggested. She emailed me. I just wrote down her email. The suggested times she said.