59

The apartment was good. Like dad agreed that it was good.

He didn't mention it being in August's building. I mean, he knew, the second I said the address he looked at me. I muttered a 'I know, don't' and he didn't say a word.

But the flat was frustratingly perfect and well Lue and I were running out of time. So I basically told them yeah, I just had to get Luella to come back into town so we could sign paper work.

She came the next day, we signed paperwork.

That was a couple of days ago now. I have been spending time just with my family, and relaxing, like I laid in bed and just watched films all day yesterday.

Which I understand probably sounds like a negative, but for me, to actually just chill out; It was good.

Now however, I was in a café waiting for my friends to turn up. I had been in here writing all afternoon, there was this writing competition put out by the creative writing society at the university. It was Christmas themed. I was just messing around, trying it out.

"Hey." Says a sort of familiar voice and I look up pleased to see his face. It was a nice face.

"Henry hi."

"Hi." He says again and I nod to the chair opposite me for him to sit, or at least hang his coat on. "Rayne and Jude are just outside, Rayne's on the phone to his brother and Jude is just waiting with him."

I nod a little, looking out of the window to see if I can find them. I can't. I look back at Henry.

"You okay?" I ask.

He gives me a small smile and nods, taking off all his outerwear and looking around the café.

"Do you want anything?" He asks.

I smile and shake my head.

"You don't need to be polite, it's no bother, I am going up there anyway. Another coffee? Hot chocolate? Muffin. The choice is all yours."

I smile then, closing my laptop and nodding. "Okay can you get me a chocolate muffin please?"

He gives me a grin and nods, stepping away and heading towards the counter.

It was raining today, annoyingly so. It was supposed to be snowing and well- it was rain.

I move things out of the way so they could all come and sit down and I meet Rayne's eyes as he walks in, Jude goes and joins Henry at the counter and Rayne heads to me.

"Hi you." He bends down to give me a quick hug and sees that Henry's coat is opposite me so takes the seat beside me. "I was slightly surprised when you said about coffee and cake, I thought you weren't interested in double dating."

I pull a face. "This isn't a double date. It's just friends getting coffee."

"Alright, alright." He laughs and reaches for my coffee to take a sip, I just let him.

"Inpatient as ever." I mumble.

Rayne gives me a smile. "August says hi."

My lips part. "What?"

He rolls his eyes. "Well, he didn't. He said, 'Oh well er, have fun mate' but I take that as him saying hi to you."

I exhale in annoyance and take my mug back. That is not him saying hi.

"Was he okay?" I can't help but ask.

Rayne looks low key amused. "Yep."

"I was just asking cos you stayed outside and-"

"And what?"

"And I care whether he's ok or not." I almost snap. I was slightly frustrated. I just wanted things to go back to normal. Like old normal. Normal, which I guess I don't actually want, but for right this second I did. I used to ask if August was okay, when I didn't know him.

Rayne used to always say yeah. I know that that wasn't true then anyway, so I don't know why I even asked him.

"You alright?" Henry asks, looking at me concerned and Jude and him sit down at the table. I quickly say yeah, thanking him for the cake.

I pick at it and Rayne just nudges my shoulder.

"He's ok." Is the only reassurance I get.

"Who are we talking about?" Jude asks and I frown a little into my coffee.

"My brother." Rayne says.

"Complicated relationship?" Jude asks Rayne. "You seemed to get on."

They don't know anything. Jude is asking whether Rayne and August have a complicated relationship. "We do." Rayne says. "We haven't much in the past, but the last few months have been good. He is just hard work sometimes." Rayne chuckles.

"He's good to work with. Quiet." Henry says and my eyes lift to his surprised.

"Yeah at swimming as well, he's so annoyingly fast but you can't help but admire instead of envy." Jude adds.

My eyes are burning into the wood.

Rayne explains it for me, his attention on me lifting my eyes to his. "Jude knows August through swimming, and then like the gym and then you two..." Rayne starts and nods to Jude to explain how him and August became friends.

"Oh like we go to the library after swimming, and Henry joins us."

Henry nods. "Um yeah."

"And I started going to the gym with August and then met." Rayne nods to Jude and he looks at me. "Then Jude got me those gigs at the student union, or well August and him did."

"Oh." I say quietly. "Cool."

I push my cake towards Henry, to see if he would like some. He just picks a bit off, and I smile at that. I take it back though, like I am good.

"Are you still coming to ours Christmas eve?" Rayne asks.

I nod. "That's the plan, like every year."

He smiles. "Everyone's going to be home. Like we're all going to the church this year."

"Yous go to church?" Jude asks Rayne.

We look at each other. "Er, we do. But it's more of like a family tradition than for religious reasons. Like Em's family joins ours and we go with my dad's siblings and his mum and dad to Christingle. Em's dad made us all the first year we moved here."

"When did you move here?" Hnery asks.

"Oh ages ago." I reply. "Like when we were five."

"Oh." He nods.

"That's so nice that you go to Christingle though." Jude says. "My family are fully, not religious, they just sort of love people."

Henry snorts. "He says that as if religious people hate people."

Jude sniggers and send him an apologetic look. "That's not what I meant."

"Yeah so we go to church, then head back to mine and have like food and drinks and I don't even know what we do- what do we do Em?"

"Um your sister likes doing a Christmas quiz. Is she doing that this year?"

"Mhm, I think she was writing it out yesterday actually. So yeah, my little sister puts us into groups and quizzes us on Christmas things." Rayne tells Jude.

He searches his eyes slightly and then looks at me for reassurance, I just smile. Rayne looks back to Jude. "You can come to Christingle with us if you like? Em and I just sit at the back anyway."

Jude's eyes widen. "And meet your parents?"

Rayne looks at me for support and I just shrug. Like why not?

"Yeah I guess so." He says. "Obviously you don't have to if you don't want to, and um, I can't really invite you back to ours because it's a close family thing but if you wanted to... like it would be nice to see you Christmas eve."

Jude looks at Henry and Henry very unhelpfully is just looking out the window, in his own little daydream.

I watch him, he was just thinking.

Jude looks back to Rayne. "I mean sure, I might bring a few of the littler kids though, like the ones that want to come. You make like Christingles don't you, the oranges things?"

I nod and smile. "Yeah we do, please bring them all, I am basically a pro, I can help."

Jude gives me a grin and nods.

Rayne looks at Henry. "You wanna come too?"

Henry's attention leaves the rain and he looks at Rayne, then me, then Jude.

Jude just nods.

"Oh yeah." He says. "Okay. What Church do you go to?"

"Um, it's in Sampson Town. St Edmund's?"

Henry nods and I look at my now empty coffee and stand up, gesturing to my cup and Rayne just lets me out easier, scooting his chair in.

I walk to the counter and exchange it with the barrister, asking for a refill.

I don't notice Henry's presence behind me until he speaks. Funnily though, I don't startle.

"You said 'cool' earlier." He starts and I turn around to face him.

"Pardon?"

"About us knowing August, you said 'cool' and apparently either I'm super sensitive or that is not cool."

I smile at him, a little exposed and shocked. I am not used to guys picking up on things I suppose.

With August I practically had to scream in his face that I was upset. Okay that's untrue. I just sigh a little. I hate that I think back to him. I had stopped doing that when I was away, I guess it was easier when I wasn't surrounded by things that reminded me.

"No it's fine, I was just surprised that's all. I didn't realise you knew him."

"I do. I assume you do too?"

I nod and turn around, ready to pay.

"He's Rayne's brother, you know how long we've been friends for."

"Yeah." Henry says and I grab my coffee, turning around to him and his eyes widen at home I was about to head back to the table, he asks me to stay with him and he orders an espresso.

My eyebrows raise.

"The coffee here is a lil weak. I am gonna just add it to my cup."

"Oh okay." I smile.

"I um, gather there is more?" He says quietly. "But I'll leave it obviously, I just came up here to ask if you're okay?"

I stare up at him a little surprised.

I nod dumbly.

He stares down at me too. "Why do I feel like you aren't very used to being asked how you are?"

I let out an amused breath. "I get asked how I am all the time. I am just not used to attractive guys asking me how I am."

Note to self, don't call Henry attractive, to his face anyway. He suddenly looks so surprised, so taken back that I just watch as the mixed emotions spread over his face. I pull a face at that, like at his strange response. I turn around and he curses.

"No wait, I didn't mean..." His arm lightly taps my shoulder and I turn to face him. "I was surprised."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Like surprised that you would say that."

Again, my eyebrow just lifts. He looks stressed. "I am not surprised that you would say it, I am just surprised that you might be flirting with me."

I cringe. "I wasn't flirting with you."

He cringes. "Obviously." His blush is bright. "Um. Yeah, obviously not. I just-"

"No I mean, I would flirt with you. But I just was just stating the obvious-"

"You'd flirt with me?" Henry repeats.

Oh goodness, the blush is spreading on his cheeks down his neck and well admittedly on my own. What is this?

"Um well yeah, I guess- actually no because I am staying away from boys at the moment. But if I wasn't staying away from boys you would be someone, I would be happy to flirt with."

He grimaces. "The word with is a little troublesome there Em."

My lips part, pulling a face.

"Stop with the nose crinkling." He laughs. "I just mean I do not know what I am doing here."

My heart beat, which was admittedly a little rushed due to the embarrassment shared, stops a little. "That's cool. It's not like I want anything."

He smiles a little and he reaches over and exchanges the coffee cup and money. "Now that should make me sad, but instead I feel relieved."

My throw him another look and he laughs, then he pauses before we head back to our table. He nods to the table besides us and I just throw Rayne a look, him and Jude and talking loudly between themselves, laughing. I take a seat and Henry sits down too.

"You feel relieved?" I question.

"Well yeah, like obviously I feel like it's no brainer that I don't know... that I don't have that much experience with these things." He says. "So like my anxiety levels have..." He gestures his hand high then drops it. "Like- we're good being friends yeah?"

I smile and nod. "We're good Henry."

He stares at me a little and nods. "Like I just-"

"No it's okay, I get it, I don't have much experience with guys either."

His eyebrow lifts a little. "No?"

I shake my head.

"Em when I say I don't have much, we understand between us that I mean zero yeah?"

My eyes widen and the blush on his cheeks returns as he reads my shocked expression.

"Oh." I say gently. "Well okay I have a little more experience."

Just.

He smiles and nods. "I gathered." Henry leans his head on his hand. "Does that stop me being an attractive guy, you know, the one asking you if you're okay?"

I laugh at that and shake my head. "Not at all."

"No?"

"Nah. I promise."

He takes a sip of the coffee in his hand and he grimaces.

"I forgot it was an expresso."

I laugh at that and settle on a smile, swinging my legs a little as the table we sat at was high. My leg brushes his and he just stares at my face a little as I take a sip of my coffee.

"Are you okay with me coming to your family thing?" He asks.

Oh. I look up and nod. "Mhm. But I should probably warn you about my dad..."

....

The church was literally so alive it was great. There were so many families, so many. Much more than I can remember in previous years.

I think that might be because as a group we're taking up like five of the little rows ourselves.

My mum and dad and Ivy and Jackson and August are all in the same row.

Yeah, August is here. I don't think he's ever fucking come to Christingle. We never see him Christmas eve, Ivy would always tell us that he went out, like it was a tradition amongst him and his friends to go out and do something together.

But I suppose he's had a rough year. Who knows, maybe he's found Christ? I almost laugh at that.

The next row up is Charlotte and Mr Richardson, then they have Sophia and Milo who I am not sure how I would describe their relation to me... but they feel like extended family. They're Rayne's uncle and aunt. They're much older than us, well not much, mid twenties, but they feel old. Sophia has an engagement ring on, that's what everyone's gossiping about.

Milo's girlfriend has joined us too. They always make an effort to come to church on Christmas eve.

The next row is us, it's nice. Lottie is beside me, then Henry, then Jude and then Rayne.

The row in front are Jude's siblings and they're hilarious, utterly confused with being in a church, they are not quiet when they should be, then they are utterly in silence when everyone starts to stand and sing.

They have no idea what's going on and it's sort of the best thing I've ever seen.

"You have a big smile on your face." Henry tells me, whispering it quietly to me as we all sit back down after a hymn, the Pastor continues on with the story.

"I like how the kids look so in awe." I whisper back and he nods, handing me a smile as if it was a gift.

Henry's smiles weren't rare now. But he was slowly getting comfortable with me, so they made me feel special.

We sat at that café for a long time after Rayne and Jude left .

We had re-joined them, but apparently, they wanted a proper meal for lunch and so although they invited us to join them, we stayed.

I didn't want to leave anyway, instead I said I was just going to work on my writing. I said Henry should go, but he chose a random book of the bookshelf that they had and we both sort of fell into silence when Jude and Rayne left.

It was actually really fucking nice. Me just writing, lifting my head every so often to blurt some sort of thought I felt needed to be shared. Henry would lift his head too, nod, reply, we'd talk for a little bit and then I would get back to writing and he would turn is attention back to the book.

Rayne also invited me round yesterday, everyone else was out, and in the end Henry and Jude ended up driving into town and spending some time with us. We just watched movies until people came home and we three left.

I don't know what's happening, maybe just making new friends. But it's super nice.

"I like that you like that." He says quietly.

I smile a little into my lap and I turn my head. I whisper. "That was almost flirting Henry, careful."

His blush made me happy. Henry looks at me annoyed and focuses back on front.

I just smile and link my arm around Lottie's. I think Lottie is my favourite child of Ivy and Jackson's. Like sorry boys but seriously, she's my little sister.

She leans into me a little. I grin at that and I start playing with the candle stick in front of me.

Mum for years, never let me actually have a lit one. Apparently, I was a safety hazard.

I wouldn't disagree.

Henry's hand comes out and straightens the stick, almost telling me to focus and I laugh a little inwardly. I never focus. It's a wonder I've made it this far in education if I am honest.

"You get distracted easily." He observes and I just shush him.

"Focus."

He snorts and when my eyes lift to meet his he nods at the front for me, amused.

They get all the kids to get up and go and get their Christingle now and Lottie slides out, I laugh at her and she gives me a glare. "I am still a kid okay and they give little sweets to go on the orange."

"Okay okay." I say. I lean in. "Get me one too?"

She laughs and nods, walking with Jude's siblings. Jude and Rayne had gone too, walking around to the front of the church.

"I can feel eyes on me." Henry says to me, leaning down to whisper.

"It's the first time Rayne and I have brought friends to this. You're probably being stared at by everyone."

Henry ducks his head to meet closer to my ear. "It's probably your dad."

I pull away and smile, then lean in and he turns his head back to the front so I could whisper in his ear and I laugh out loud at his comment. The church is filled with talk, chatter among the children receiving their Christingles and soft music playing in the background.

I place my hand on Henry's should and try and push it down. "I can't reach you." I laugh.

He sniggers and leans closer to me. I gently press my fingers against his cheek as I whisper.

"Yeah I am sorry my Dad was like he was, to be fair, he actually likes you."

Henry laughs and lifts an eyebrow. "Likes me? You mentioned me?"

I scowl and he laughs, turning his head back so I could reply. I lift my lips close to his ears and my eyes go towards my dad's to find his eyes.

"I did- I told him..." My voice trails off when through the middle of Charlotte's and Sophia's head was August, staring straight at me and I freeze.

I felt like I had been caught doing something very very wrong. I have no fucking idea how to navigate that.

I stare at him, he stares at me. Then his eyes train in on the back of Henry's head and then August drops his gaze, looking towards my dad and replying something.

I just continue to look.

"Em, you're just holding my face, you know that right?"

My hand drops immediately.

"Sorry." I say quickly. "I got distracted."

He laugh and shrugs. "No issue."

Lottie comes back, hands me an orange and I laugh at her grumpy face.

"Hard work?"

"Some lady said I was too old."

I pout.

"Another lady told her to shut up though so we good."