🥰

"It's cold August." I whisper. "I am going in now."

He was still wide awake. The sun was just coming up.

"I know." He says, nodding for my front door. "Go for it Em."

"Well why are you lingering?" I ask softly, taking a step towards him and he lowers his arms, as if to open them for me to walk into. I don't. I just- stay at an awkwardly close distance. Not touching him but a little too close.

I haven't touched him once tonight. He swam. We talked. We laid in silence and watched the stars.

And then we walked back.

And now he's not leaving.

"You can come back with me. To sleep." August says quietly.

A question disguised as permission.

"I- shouldn't do that."

His eyes search mine until I lower mine to the floor. "August I meant it when I said I didn't-"

"Trust me anymore?"

I nod a little. "I know you must think I am dramatic." I breathe. "But I found out a lot of shit about my mum tonight, about her disorder, about the similarities I have to her. I just... I want to be careful."

He looks confused.

"How is that connected to me Emersyn?"

I smile a little, lifting my eyes up to his. "August isn't this what you wanted? For me to keep a distance?"

"I mean seeing as I just asked you to come back to mums. I feel like you are smart enough to know that answer."

I wrap my arms around myself. "I am not trying to punish you but... but you called me stupid, you told me I couldn't sleep in your bed anymore and I know that right now your head is all over the place. I don't want to sleep with you and then you get angry again. It's exhausting."

"Emersyn you understand that it's exhausting for me too? That I don't- I don't mean to be like this."

"I do." I whisper. "But I-somehow- I am the one with the clear brain right now. I should say no."

August stares at me, his eyes drifting around my face and then he lifts his hand to his face and drags his hand across it in stress.

And even that small action almost makes me give in.

I breathe it away.

"I guess I just wanted a hug." August chuckles, taking a step away from me. "You have made me accustomed to your touch Em."

My heart.

Like shit.

"I'd hug you Leo but you're all covered in sea water."

He sends me a slightly amused smile and nods, turning around as if to head home and I reach for his hand.

I was only joking.

I link our fingers and then I pull him back to me, I didn't have to use much of my strength, we were both tired, lazy moving, and when I wrapped my arms around his neck, August wrapped me in a warm swaddle of his chest and arms.

I don't know if we have ever hugged before, in bed, of course, but not like this. In bed it's like a secret, a secret little part of August that he allows me to see. That's why he freaks out the second we leave the bed.

But this hug. I didn't want to leave. It feels as if when I am in his arms all the stress fades away. The stress over whether we should be close, whether I am a dickhead for allowing this well it fades and all I am left with is this overwhelming feeling of safety. Well that and the hope that he feels this too.

That just as I am comforted, not by his words, not by his promises or even his actions, I am comforted solely from the way his presence makes me feel. And I hope he is comforted too.

August pulls back and I let my hands fall and we just look at each other.

"August?"

"Mm?"

"What are you feeling?" I whisper.

He shakes his head at me. "What are you feeling?"

A lot.

"You know what I feel."

He sighs. "Em, I don't think we should trust how I feel."

I nod. "I don't think so either."

Silence lingers between us and I take a step back.

"Good night."

"Good night." He nods but his hand lifts and he takes mine in his and August pulls me back to him gently as I just search his face for answers.

August held my chin and he studied me, my eyes, my cheeks, then my lips. My breathing slowed and I knew whatever trance he seemed to be in, I was in it too just much, much deeper. I watched his eyes and the way he looked at me and then they drifted close when his thumb brushed against my bottom lip as his slowly parted. And then he stole my little breath I had left, he kissed me.

And he taught me the reason why they say the slower the kiss, the faster the heartbeat.

Fuck August.

He pulled away and I let out a shaky breath and I slowly opened my eyes to look at him.

We, stood outside my house, stayed close, watching each other and then I cursed at myself.

I literally told my mum I wouldn't even talk to him, but here I am.

"Good night." I repeat, taking a step back and his arms fall back down, and he watches me as I go inside, as I try to quietly open the front door and slide in.

It was early still, the sun was just creeping up so luckily no body was us yet and so I just looked the door back up and I crept up the stairs, and before long I collapsed into my bed and I slept pretty much immediately.

The trance still present.

.....

Waking up with guests in the house always feels so chaotic. Like waking up and hearing voices downstairs, voices other than your parents is horrible.

Horrible because your sleepy brain gets flooded with so many questions and you just woke up and then you're thinking what time is it, who is downstairs, why are they downstairs, did I miss something?

Or maybe I just wake up in chaos. Who knows.

Anyway. My point.

There are people downstairs.

I reach for my phone and my eyes widen when I see it's quarter past one in the afternoon, shit, staying out all night really does mess with your sleep schedule. I used to be such an early riser.

Instead of investigating who is down stairs, I go into my bathroom and get ready for the day, showering and actually putting makeup on and everything that may make it seem like i hadn't just woken up.

Although, I didn't blow dry my hair, so after deciding to braid it I knew I looked like I only just got ready for the day.

Oh well.

I head down stairs and to my surprise my Dad and my mum were both here, along with Ivy, Jackson and the three siblings.

Lottie is my favourite. She's the least problematic. Well to me.

"Shit Lots, is that a black eye?" I gasp, walking towards her and she turns to me, a proud glint in her eyes and the rest of the family look round at my entrance.

Mum and Ivy had been swimming, Rayne too and Lottie had her costume on but she didn't seem to have swum.

My dad was cutting up fruit, Rayne and August besides him, handing each other bits and Jackson was just sat up at the bar stool, looking relaxed.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Lottie got into a fight." Ivy says. "Because she is trying to dig me into an early grave."

"They deserved it." She mumbles.

"And we're just having a family day." My mum says. "Felt like we could use it."

"Oh." I say. "Nice." I smile.

She nods and my Dad grabs the bowl of fruit and nods for everyone to follow him back outside. I look at August, everyone else had little clothing on whereas he has a long white sleeve shirt on and his shorts.

I knew what that could mean. I am sure everyone else did too.

But he refused to meet my eyes.

Had he cut?

"Emersyn." Rayne says and my eyes snap up to his. "Hey."

"Oh hi." I smile.

He opens his arms and I walk over for a quick hug, pulling away faster than I guess I normally would.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks.

Everyone else trails out after my dad, leaving Rayne and I alone in the kitchen.

I needed to check in with his brother.

But I focus back on Rayne and I shake my head.

"No we are good."

He searches my face.

How much did I care about what I said to my mum. She's going to expect silence between us. So will dad, they think we've fallen out.

We have fallen out.

You kissed him back Em.

Damn it.

"Em?"

I focus.

"Hi."

"Did you just wake up; you look spaced out?" Rayne laughs and I smile a little guiltily.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Well you wanna go get a costume on and swim with us?"

"Um yeah." I say, looking out into the garden where mum, Ivy and Lottie were sat on a blanket on the grassy patch besides the pool. My dad and Jackson were missing so I assume they were both swimming now.

I couldn't see August.

"You can come up." I say to Rayne and he nods, following me up the stairs.

"Last night August said you were upset Em."

"Oh." I say. "Yeah it was a family thing. It's okay now."

"Did he help?" Rayne asks. "I am sorry I could be there for you, I was legit miles away."

"It's okay." I say. "I was looking for you, I didn't really tell August about it enough for him to help. I just left when he said you couldn't come."

"I am really sorry."

"No it's okay." I smile and head into my room, walking over to my desk and I look down miserably at the little notebook that Luella and I had written some plans in earlier this month.

"Luella might come with me to travel." I say and Rayne smiles at me.

"Fully been replaced, haven't I?"

I roll my eyes at him. "No Rayne."

He just sits down on my bed and I dig out a bikini get changed into.

"How long have you guys been here?" I ask. "And your trunks are wet, don't sit down."

Rayne laughs and stands, throwing me a sheepish look. "Sorry, and um like an hour I don't know?"

"Why'd no one grab me?" I pout and Rayne sends me a smile.

"Your mum came up to grab you when we got here but she said you were busy, that you'd come down in a bit."

Oh.

Like busy sleeping.

I throw him a smile and just as I am about to head off into my bathroom to get changed, there's a knock on my door.

"Come in?" I call out, expecting it to be mum or well a parent and both Rayne and I are a little shocked to see August.

How'd he even know which room was mine?

Oh goodness, my mess of a room compared to his usual clean one is embarrassing. There are scraps of paper everywhere, paint and art supplies thrown around, clothes well everywhere.

He raises an eyebrow at the mess and I just smile a little sheepishly.

"Welcome to my humble abode."

"I am pretty sure I've told you before that you are a messy person." He says and I smile a little at that.

"Literally." Rayne mutters and he sends me a small smile and he leaves us be, my lips part, watching him pass August and I just frown. Why did he just leave?

"I am pretty sure you cannot be here." I laugh, gesturing to my room. "Dangerous August."

"Oh shut up." August says. "I was just looking for you and Rayne."

"Well you found us." I smile. "I am just going to get changed and then I'll be down."

August nods but instead of leaving like I heavily indicated, he heads towards my bed and he lies down, making himself at home.

Well okay.

I'll get changed in my bathroom then.

I wasn't going to actually swim, but I'll get changed so I can soak up the sun anyway. My period ended last night, like it's fine, but I wasn't feeling it.

I walk into my bathroom and I lock the door, I mean there was zero reason to be modest with August. He'd literally seen every little part of me.

Which is sort of strange to think about. How close we are sometimes; how distant we feel at other times.

I suppose closeness isn't defined by who has seen you in little clothing, or who has touched or kissed you. It's so much more than that.

I walk back out, pulling my dress back over me so I wasn't so exposed just me and him and then I gasp.

"August!"

He had the notebook which has Luella's annoying little suggestive goals in, he was lying down in my bed still, the book above his face as he reads it.

"Kiss a girl." August starts to read aloud, his tone entertained. "Play strip poker, go skinny dipping, steal, go to a carpark and make out, masturbate in front of a mirror." His eyes meet mine, he raises an eyebrow at me. He looks back to the book. "Have-"

I pounce on the bed, reaching for the book in sheer embarrassment and he laughs, fighting me off as I reach over him to get it, I don't give up, he lifts it above his head and I jump on him, reaching for the book and I knock it out of his hands, sending it flying to the floor and leaving me straddling a chuckling August.

I was sat on his stomach, glaring down at him, my blush bright and August is amused.

"I didn't write those."

"I know Baby Em, I can recognise Luella's handwriting."

I sigh in relief and I pout at him. "That was embarrassing."

"Apparently these are your summer goals." He smirks up at me, his hands holding onto me as I just sit unhappily on top of the male. "Along with Vandalism, indecent exposure, smoking, speeding, trespassing, reckless endangerment, and a lot sillier things."

"You turned Luella's very specific little goals into fancy words." I mutter, frowning down at him and he smirks up at me, his hands grazing over my back, my hips, holding me down on him.

"What are you going to do now that she is gone?" He says, amusement heavy and I just glare down at him.

"I miss her enough you ass, don't remind me."

August chuckles and he puts pressure on my back, asking me to bend down and I shake my head at him. Refusing wholeheartedly to comply with what's about to happen.

"You shouldn't be in my room." I say.

"You're the one pinning me to your bed Emmy."

Emmy.

"I hate you." I mumble, bending down and he chuckles, lifting his head off the bed so he meets my lips as I lean in to kiss him.

"Mhm." He hums and I just takemy frustration with him and with this situation out on his lips, kissing him in annoyance and August just laughs behind my lips, kissing me annoyingly slowly.

I sit back, sliding myself lower on him and his amusement fades as I press myself directly above his...area.

One of his hands leaves my hips and he grips my chin, deepening our kiss and I sigh in annoyance at how badly the soft stroke of his tongue makes me want to move my hips.

It's a desire unlike anything I've felt, whenever we get in this situation, it's so ridiculous.

Not that I have much to compare it to.

Maybe this is just how it feels.

The need.

I press down and the one hand on my hip tightens and he also pushes my chin so my lips part from his.

"Emersyn your door is like cracked open."

He's not saying to stop.

I look down at him. My face hovered over his, his eyes dark and I can either make the sensible decision to pull away or I can be stupid.

I pull away and get off the bed.

I go and lock my bedroom door, turning back around to him and he shakes his head at me slowly, amusement heavy but also he nods for me to get back over to him and I just do it, I climb back on top of August and he pulls my chin back down so he can kiss me.

"You wanna know a secret?" He says, his lips pressed against mine and I just frown at him, opening my eyes as I pull back.

"Depends?"

He smirks and he grabs a hold of my hips and he pushed me down his body until I am pressed back over him.

I can't help it, I grate over the sold lump under me and we both exhale a little harshly, our breathes mingling.

"Is that the secret?"

He lets out a sigh of amusement and he shakes his head.

"I came up here." He breathes and I gasp a little as we move together, he picks his hips up as I roll mine a little against his making us grind together. "Because I had this uncomfortable feeling about you and Rayne being up here."

"What do you mean?" I ask and August grabs a hold of my thighs and he widens them, making me even closer, more direct on top of him.

"It'll feel better like that Em." He mumbles and grinds himself up against me and just close my eyes, feeling the heat in my lower stomach as the sensation hits me directly between my thighs.

Oh goodness.

"Focus I am talking to you." August says and I reopen my eyes, slowing down my movement and his hands land on my hips. "I didn't say stop."

He guides my hips, helping me master a movement I've never really done before and his jaw clenches, letting me use him for my own pleasure.

"I was saying." He grits. "I was uncomfortable. I needed to interrupt."

I wasn't listening to him, not really, I was just so focused down on the way it felt to have him thrusting up against me. And we fall silent, just our breaths heavy and the sound of us moving together filling the room and it feels so fucking intense.

We continue until I am literally shaking in want and his movements are getting harder, needier.

"Okay time out Emersyn." He says and he moves down, making my eyes open and I look at his face. "I am edging and I need to chill out."

"Edging?" I whisper.

"I just-" He sighs. "I am turned on."

"So am I." I whisper, bending my head to kiss him and he lets out this noise which makes me slide back up him, pressing against him again and he grabs my hips.

"Emersyn no I mean I am seconds away from flipping us around and taking you or seconds away from fully fucking exploding. You need to give me a minute."

I pause. I bring my lips away from him and I search his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that." He grumbles.

"like what?"

"Like you want that."

"I do." I whisper and I sit back up, pressing myself directly against him and I trail my hands down his shirt, slipping them underneath and August just shakes his head at me.

"Em kiss me." He commands and I lean back down, pressing my hands either side of his head to keep me balanced and I kiss him and I feel him move under me, sliding his leg under me and he then presses his thigh instead directly between my legs, heat back spreading and make this annoying noise that I keep trying to hold in but it keeps escaping.

"Use me." He says. "Are you feeling It Emersyn?"

"Feeling what?" I whisper back against his lips.

"The heat?"

I nodded a little.

"Then come on, roll your hips like before." August instructs, his hands on my hips and I do as he says, I roll myself over his thigh and the hard muscle feels embarrassingly exceptional.

I bent back down to kiss him and he is breathing heavily, so was I, as I moved and as his hands guided my movements.

And then as we kissed deeply, sensually claiming each other's lips, August's hands slid up me and he pulled my dress off, leaving me in just my bikini and he hitched up his shorts more so it would be his skin and then literally just the thin cloth of my bottoms separating us.

I picked up pace and he coaxed me. Whispering sweet encouragements into my ear as my lips moved from his to his neck all whilst I grinded myself against him. Well shit.

The sensation built between us and my lips stopped moving, I couldn't concentrate not when I could feel something building between my thighs and I couldn't help it, I sat up, my back straight and I just looked down at him as he watched me roll my hips along him.