40

When you start falling for someone, there are tell tell signs isn't there? Like staring at them all too much and thinking about them constantly. Especially just before you sleep?

But the thing is, I stared at August all my life because he was a mystery and well I don't really get the chance to think about him because I usually fall asleep in his arms or to the sound of his voice so how would I know where my brain would be if it wasn't already occupied.

Okay I am joking, obviously, obviously I am falling a little bit in love with this guy. How could I not? And plus, he's right, next month I'll be onto the next thing.

Oh goodness right?

"Stop looking at me."

I laughed, I am sorry Leo.

"Sorry." I whisper, watching in amusement as he opens his eyes and outstretches an arm for me.

We had separated in our sleep.

Apparently he wanted me back.

I wasn't one to resist.

I moved closer to him, pulling the covers away a little so I could get there and August reclosed his eyes, letting me tuck into his side.

"Your face is all puffy when you wake up." I laugh a little and lift my hand to his lips. "Like you-"

"Shh."

I sigh. I've been awake for ages. But I move closer to him and get comfy, just relaxing into the moment. Well I try to, August now awake was fidgeting.

"You are so restless." I mutter.

"Yeah medication." He mumbles, pulling away from me and he gets up, leaving me cold.

"What time is it?" He asks, grabbing his phone and I wait for him to answer his own question.

"It's only 7 Em, how long have you been awake?"

"Awhile." I admit. "I am sad."

He looks back at me and sighs, getting back in bed and I smile at that, happily going back to the little position we were in.

"Why are you sad?"

"Because Lue is coming in an hour. And then she's saying goodbye."

"Emersyn." He chuckles. "It's only for three weeks."

"But it's not." I sigh. "It's for like twelve weeks."

"Huh?"

"Bceause I am going travelling."

"Oh." He whispers. "Yeah sucks for you."

I splutter a laugh, lifting my hand to his face and I tilt my head up to connect our eyes.

"I hope someone's told you already that you aren't very good at emotional support."

He smirks a little. "Baby Em, I've told you that many times."

"Oh yeah." I whisper, admittedly a little breathlessly as I dozily just look at his face.

"August?"

"Mm?"

"You are really freaking good looking."

He snorts, opening his eyes fully and the smile on his face as he shakes his head at me is worth the blush on mine.

"So are you Em."

My lips part at that.

"Huh? You don't usually-"

"Shut up." He says, amusement dripping from him and he moves down and I don't really have a chance to prepare myself when his lips are pressed firmly against mine. And this time his kiss isn't half tortured of seeped in what we like to refer to as forbidden want.

No instead this kiss is even more searing somehow and I just force myself out of the little bit of shock I was experiencing, and I kiss him back, matching the urgency as much as I could.

Just like the other morning, I am rolled over and he is using his arms to hover over me and something about this kiss has me lifting my head off the pillow to kiss him back with the same amount of need that I- I don't know if I have felt from him before.

I mean- yeah- but not this.

I don't know what this is. All I knew was I was clinging on to him, trying to not spin off the fucking planet and his lips were on my lips one second, my skin another, and my back well arching so I could lock my legs around his waist.

Just like I know how wants.

And then unlick the other morning, as he kisses me, his hands wander. He feels me, his hand edging under my top, using his knees to balance and I just keep my eyes close and I fucking feel the sensation of his hands leaving goosebumps over my skin.

"What are you thinking?" He mumbles, pulling his lips away for a second and I blink my eyes open, utterly so lost in this.

"I was thinking about the way it feels when you touch me." I whisper and August's hand, which was edging up my top pauses and he falls a little to his side, but he holds me so one of my legs is still over him. Pressing us together.

"How does it feel?"

The genuine curiosity in his tone throws me a little.

"It feels as if the stars are dancing across my skin August."

In an instance his kisses me again, but then he chuckles, his lips pressed against mine making me crinkle my nose up against his. "You can tell you are a writer."

"Well what can I say?"

"Let's just not speak for a little bit yeah?"

My frown was kissed away and then...as his hands changed direction from my top to my shorts, I realised the speaking was prohibited because it would be acknowledging what he was trying to do. Which as his hand crept into my shorts, became a little or well extremely apparent.

His lips swallowed any little words that I was trying to say and I just let him of course take the reins of whatever was about to happen.

Then he pauses.

And I keep my eyes closed, our lips together but not moving and I wait for him to say this is a bad idea.

But instead he pulls back a little and his lips lift up to my ear.

"It's just us here, ok?"

I nod.

"I am going to take your shorts off."

"I-"

Well oka.

I nod again.

And then August moves and it's not necessarily in the heat of the moment, my clothes are not ripped off me, instead he carefully slides my shorts and along with it my underwear down my body and together we kick them away from us.

And then he lies back down and he kisses me again, all the way through, his hand on my hip slowly edging downwards as it softly explores my skin of my sides and then along my thighs and then his hand goes behind me and I let out a shaky breath, trying to concentrate on his lips but his hand is on my ass and I am just- very drunk in this moment.

"August wait." I gasp, panicking when his hand had softly travelled around to edging between my thighs.

His lips pause but then he flips us again so we were not lying on our sides but instead he was hovering over me.

My eyes are closed.

"Look at me."

The deep desire I saw in his eyes as mine flashed open was shocking and it made me even more unsure.

His knees were holding him up and he tapped my thigh to tell me to wrap them around him but I just stared, shocked because well I was naked down there and he just didn't seem to care.

"You want me to stop?" He asks, confusion in his eyes as he stared down at my writhing body below him.

I shake my head.

"I just don't know what I'm doing." I whisper.

August's eyes flash with even more desire and I blink at that, at how did that turn him on even more?

"I know. You aren't doing anything. It's all me. Just feel."

"I-"

"Can you do that?" August asks sitting back and I gasp because as he does this he fully pulls the duvet away from me and I am laid open for his eyes to feast upon.

His eyes flick back up to mine. "Can you do that Emersyn?" He repeats, his voice thick.

I nod.

Leo gives me a small grin and he then leans down and presses a kiss on my navel, making me take a sharp intake of breath.

And then he looks back up to my eyes and I slowly watch as his attention travels down my heavily breathing body.

And I lift myself up and take a hold of his chin, pulling it back up towards me and we meet again in a kiss that makes me wonder how on earth all we did last night was talk?

And then his hand is back down there, gently stroking the inside of my thigh and I breath the little shocked gasp into his mouth but by the way he tenses for a second, I think he liked that. So when the blood flows directly down there, when my face must have been burning, but it's unlike any heat I am currently feeling between my thighs, he drags his index finger directing along my opening and both of our breaths a partially shaky as I open my thighs more for him to reach between.

And my body tenses when I feel him feel the moisture between my thighs, I have never been like this before, never felt this way and well shit hey, so much for just kissing?

And then Trev knocks on the door.

"Guys Luella's here to say goodbye."

August doesn't stop, instead his lips drift off mine and he kisses along my collar bone, all whilst his fingers edge upwards, directly pressing against that little bundle of nerves and he grins against my skin as my hips, shocked, jump a little upwards.

"Are you awake?" Trev asks and I press my hand over my lips because August's gently touch presses down firmer, more determined as he circles my clit and then I actually hear Lue's voice and I freeze, pushing his hands away and his head rises from my neck.

"I- fuck." I whisper, looking at him with mutual need, I was to let him finish what he started but this isn't as important as saying goodbye.

"I'm just coming Trev." I call out.

"You would be." August mumbles, turning my chin so I would look at him and I just lift myself off the bed and I press my lips against his, kissing him once as I sit up, another as I gently push my legs off the bed and a third time as I stand.

"Right clothes." I whisper to myself and August is just sat in bed, looking almost as dishevelled as I feel but I don't really feel embarrassed that he was watching me, utterly naked from my navel down search the end of his bed for my shorts.

I find them and pull them up, turning around to his mirror and my eyes widen at how freaking aroused I look. My eyes are bright, my pupils big, my hair is a mess and worst of all my nipples are sharp through my flimsy top.

I grab my jumper which was on his computer chair and toss It over my head, pulling my hair into a ponytail and I turn around to look at him.

"Are you coming out to say goodbye?"

He nods, just looking directly at me. "I will be out in like five."

"Okay." I say gently, walking towards the door and I don't look back at him when I open the door and I step out.

Both Luella and Trev turn to me, they were stood by the kitchen, her leant against the counter, Trev making Tea.

Luella's eyes take me in and I just shake my head at her.

"No comments. Just give me a hug?" I ask.

Luella laughs, walking towards me and she wraps her arms around me, pulling me into her just as hard as I hug her too.

"You smell of boy Emersyn." She whispers and I just pull back and send her a sheepish look.

To which she smirks at me and grabs my hand, pulling me with her over to the kitchen.

"Luella are you okay?" I say quietly and she nods.

"Yeah I mean this suck. But it will be nice to see my dad."

"Yeah." I say.

"And he um, he said that he loves me. Like he said he didn't care about the abortion, that mum shouldn't be making me feel like this."

"She shouldn't." Trev nods and I just sit up at the counter with her, balancing on a bar stool and I lean my head against her shoulder.

"Still don't want you to go though."

"I know." She laughs. "But I'll be back soon and plus, we'll facetime all the time."

I nodded.

"And you misses." She starts and I think oh goodness. "I want you to send me photos of the food you eat."

"Pardon?"

"Every meal. I want to be shown your food and I want you Trev to keep an eye on her and I want August- wherever the hell he is to make sure you keep an eye on her."

Trev just looks amused. "Of course Lue."

Luella smiles and I just send her a frown, I don't need that much looking after, I pretty much have it back under control anyway.

"Where is he anyway?" Luella asks. "Is he going to come and say goodbye?"

"Um. Yeah." I say quietly. "He just needed a minute."

"Oh." She laughs, crinkling her nose up at me and then she shrugs.

"Make sure you make it down our list Em."

"I can't without you." I pout.

She smirks. "Most of them for sure don't need my help."

"Oh shush." I tell her and then August walks out, he looks at Lue and gives her a small smile, walking towards her and slings an arm around her shoulder as she sits on the stool next to me.

"Hey, bye." He says making us all laugh a little and he lets her go, walking over to Trev and pouring himself a coffee.

He didn't look at me once.

Which wouldn't bother me, but his demeaner has changed.

A lot.

And I might just be being paranoid. Shit. It might just be because we are infront of our friends but I can feel a significant temperature drop between us.

Maybe I was just being sensitive.

I think I'm just being sensitive.

So we sit for a little bit, talking and saying goodbye to Luella and then when her and Trev go, Trev saying he'd walk her out I look at August to find him already looking at me.

"That was a mistake Emersyn."

My eyes immediately lower from his, staring at the fascinating marble counters in front of me.

Oh brill, I actually hadn't seen this coming.

"I said I wouldn't touch you and I am sticking to that. I didn't mean to."

His voice is cold.

And I am trying to push through the weird girl feelings of hurt and embarrassment and well rejection and try and figure out what's going on in his head right now but instead it sort of just all clouds my vision.

"I don't think you should sleep here anymore, you shouldn't be- we should not be doing this."

"Okay." I whisper, getting off my stool and walking back across the flat and into his bedroom.

He follows me.

"I don't allow girls to stay for a reason Emersyn, they get attached."

"Okay August."

Like okay whatever, you are clearly freaking out about the fact you touched me and well that isn't my problem, he can figure that out on his own, I just need to leave him be, so his words don't turn harsh.

But it's a little late.

"Your underwear is on the floor."

"Yes August I am aware."

I walk over to my bag and I grab it, then I head to my phone and chuck it in, then I collect all my other things from the floor.

"Get T to give you a lift back home. Or walk."

I turn to look at him then, feeling amused and slightly brave.

"Walk?"

"Yes you have legs don't you?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"If I have legs? I mean they were just wrapped around you."

"Get out of my room."

"Fucking hell August." I whisper. "Simply tell me you don't want us to do things like that and I would say okay. You don't need to do this."

"Out."

"August come on."

"Out of my room Emersyn, you'll thank me for this later."

"I doubt that."

I go to step towards him and the look he gives me is icing. But I carry on walking and I try and lift my hands to hold his face.

"You are freaking out August and you could just explain to me why, shit Leo I didn't even initiate what happened."

"I am telling you to go away." He says slowly. "Are you that fucking stupid that you don't understand simple instruction?"

"Apparently so." I mutter, making contact with his face and then suddenly my wrists are grabbed by his hands and my eyes must have flashed from patience to slight fear because he closes his eyes, looking pained.

"Yes Emersyn, be afraid of me. I am not-"

"Oh shush." I say and his eyes flash in annoyance. August holds my wrists tightly and then he pushes me away from him, making me stumble and look back at him in shock.

That wasn't okay.

"Get out."

"August."

His voice was less calm this time. "For fuck sake, get out!"

"No." I whisper. I was going to before, easily, I was just going to leave and let him deal with himself.

But then I just couldn't get my feet to move.

"I said get out of my room Emeersyn, do you really think I want you in here?"

"No I don't." I answer back calmly.

"Then get the fuck out."

"No! August. I get it, you-"

"Get out." He interrupts.

"You are stressing because you said we-"

"Get. Out."

"Can't do what-"

"GET OUT."

His voice booms, falling on a silent room and I just stare at him wide eyed.

And then my own anger bubbles, it surges up from deep within and my shocked face slowly transforms from one of patience to sheer infuriation.

"What do you get from speaking to me like that?"

He looks almost as surprised as I did a second ago. But his surprise I think originated from him as well, I think he was caught off guard by the fact he shouted at me that harshly.

"How dare you August?"

"Em-"

"No. I get it. You want me to get out. But Jesus Christ." I whisper. "You just- you scared me."

"I-"

I just gave him this confused look, this utterly fucking, puzzled look.

And then I just walk out, I rush out and I run directly into T's chest.

"I- I heard." Trev says and I nod a little, side stepping him and he doesn't let me, he grabs my hand and he pulls me across the flat to his room.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I am fine." I mumble.

"August is just-"

"Yes I know August T." I say and I dump my bag on his bed. "Fuck." I whisper.

"I should go check on him." Trev says. "Do you want a lift home?"

I nod a little and he nods to my bag. "You can get dressed if you like, I'll be back in a second."

Trev disappears from his bedroom and I just sit down on the bed and I stare down at my hands.

They are shaking and I just- I guess I was shocked.

I knew I pushed and pushed and I know I should have just left but how could I?

I hear the slam of a bedroom door and then Trev not long after walks back in his room.

I hadn't gotten changed, the whole time I had just been thinking.

"Jeez baby blue you really irritated the asshole."

I look down, scrunching my nose up at the floor.

"I am joking Em, August is just in a mood. Are you sure you're okay?"

I nod, crossing my arms over myself and then I look up at T.

"He's so mean."

He laughs and he nods. "Yeah."

"No like honestly I cant keep up and I get it, I don't even think he can keep up with himself but one second he has his hand between my thighs and then the next he's screaming at me to get out of his room? That makes zero sense and jesus, he knows, shit he knows that he- just-urgh."

Trev just listens to me, he leans up against his bedroom door and I just rant.

"That's it. Ties cut. I can't keep dealing with this hot and cold thing."

"He should not have shouted at you." Trev nods.

"It's not even that! He shouted but he also glared and he pushed me away from him and grabbed my wrists like no. You don't do that. I get that we crossed a line but for fuck sake we are friends, aren't we?"

"I mean I dunno if you can count you two as just frie-"