A slow vibration began to pulse throughout my body. It originated from my scalp and slowly moved down; all the way to the soles of my feet. I could feel it most prominently in my torso, around my heart and stomach. The pulse had its own audible frequency.

I wanted to take my socks off and I wasn't sure why.

I was trying very hard to concentrate on whatever Nasr was telling me, I think I was nodding. I can feel my brain moving and so is the room so I assume I nodded in the way I wanted to.

Back at the table I ignored August, even climbing over Claire and Brit to sit beside Nasr and away from the devil himself. But now I wanted to look at him and see if it was hitting him too.

Our friends were drunk, the room getting full, Trev and his band still setting up.

I think I needed to hold onto the cushion, so I don't float away.

This vibrant energy glowing out of my skin was not letting up, I wondered if I was glowing, If that was a thing. It was mainly in my cheeks, but then same feeling followed until my whole body felt connected and one with everything.

Breath.

As I exhale I start to visualize myself and have complete awareness of my surroundings. The socks on my feet, the lacey underwear I decided to wear, the t-shirt on my torso, the braids on my head, the hair on my shoulders, the red booth seat I am sat on, the arm of Nasr's against mine as he talked to me, the ground beneath my feet, the glitter on Claire's eyelid, the group I was in, the area we were in.

From here I visualize myself not only from a third person point of view but also omnipresent. I see through the eyes of everywhere. I can view these different perspectives individually, but at the same time they're all viewed simultaneously. That's the most difficult thing for me to describe. But my favourite place to "be" was the eyes of myself; in my own body. I felt all of the senses so much more vividly when looking through my own eyes.

When I was elsewhere I still felt everything, but not nearly as intensely as when in my own body. I'm glad it was this way because it made me feel as if I was at home in my body. Like everything was "right". I can remember the feeling of the wind while I was hovering, floating, ascending, descending, and generally flying through the air in this body of mine, whether it be at a fast or slow velocity. I've always wished I could fly more than anything.

"Are you listening to me Emersyn?" Nas asks me, chuckling and I blink, focusing back on his face.

I smile and I shake my head. "No."

"I asked you if you wanted to dance?"

I shrugged. "Have you always been here?"

He raises an eyebrow at me. "On this planet or this country?" He grits, his eyes growing a little icy.

I am confused.

"In this booth."

He frowns. "What are you on about?"

"When I came here...I-" I turned my eyes to everyone. There was Brit next to me, then Claire and then August. Then on Nasr's side there was Phoenix and Cal.

"I miss Luella." I say and then I hear them start to play music and I turned back to Nas.

"Yes please." I nod.

"I am not following you." He chuckles. "Are you good?"

"I just am confused if you were here when I got here."

"Yes Em." He chuckles and he leans into me. "You were focused on August."

I pull back and nod slowly.

Can't deny it. That is what I was.

"I wanna dance." I say and everyone hears me and somehow in very fast slow motion I am in a circle on the dance floor, right by the front, looking at Trev and grinning.

He's like so far up.

Everyone is a little fucked up already, Claire and Britney are shouting, sloppily dancing with one of my hands trapped in theirs and they dance chaotically. I am slow. I feel so slow.

I get this feeling that my brain constantly tries to predict what it is going to happen, and then when something else happens, I become aware of it, slightly confused, because I thought the thing my brain predicted had actually happened. This feeling of things happening that are not supposed to happen is interesting. It is just minor things, like which hand I will squeeze with my fingers, what something would feel like when I touch it or what kind of sound I will hear when the song changes and they start singing again.

The colours change and I am able to know what they are changing to before they do. I think one and it does the other. The incongruence between what happens and what I thought would happen is noticeable and slightly weird.

I am let go from Claire's tight hold and Nas takes this opportunity to sweep me up towards him, whispering something in my ear and honestly I look at August then because this shit was hitting me hard and I don't know what I am being told and I don't know how to focus on the mess that is being said to me.

Nas you're nice.

He's complimenting me.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you last night." He whispers.

I am too busy thinking about the meaning of each of his words to realise he took this silence as a cue to kiss me.

His lips are on my jaw and I am not sure how that happened.

Our eyes connect. August's. His pupils must look like mine, his are black. They have always been black. That's what pupils are. Black. But not this black. Not this big.

Then he lifts a hand up to me, across the circle we were in with our friends and I reach for it, gripping his hand and he, in full amusement, pulls me away from the guy who's lips were I think attempting to leave a mark and I am pulled straight out of Nasr's arms and into Augusts.

I slump against him.

He was glowing. I was glowing.

I lose the aftermath of whatever Nas was saying to Leo because I look behind August up to Rayne and I watch in awe as he is so focused, but a grin is present as him and Trev's band mate Grant dance around the stage. He is glowing a little too. Wow. Leo is just chuckling at the guy, Nas. August couldn't care less, his arms around me as we swayed.

I was high. Very high.

I looked up and he looked down at my face and then a grin struck my face as I realised his action.

How did I end up here?

I giggle and when he laughs down at me, the happiness is my chest is unlike others. He's laughing. Woah. Our laughter gets louder and he is full on cackling and I just let my head fall back as he grips my waist, holding me as my laughter over takes my ability to hold myself up. My laughter coming straight from inside my heart and August is walking backwards and I wonder whether so its I can walk forwards. We lose the group, our little group of two getting swallowed by the jumping teens around us.

"I can't hear if they are doing good." I whisper and he leans his head down to listen to me.

"They are doing very good."

I smile lazily, resting my head on his chest and his arms stay around me.

"Are you by any chance high Emersyn?" He says.

I look up, wrapping my arms properly around his neck. "I think so."

"Yeah this high is strong." He says, closing his eyes and then I watch him force them open. "Are you doing okay? It's intense."

I smile a little and nod. "I thought I was mad at you. I don't feel mad at you."

He smirks. "You can remember that you are mad in the morning."

"Leo?"

"Mm?" He mumbles.

"Hi." I whisper.

August's face is relaxed, a smile present.

"Hello Emersyn."

I smile, standing on my tiptoes and I press my nose against his.

A version of a hug. Shit. That was very affectionate Emerysn.

He shakes his head at me when I relax again, he doesn't know what to do.

"Can we dance?" I whisper.

"We are dancing."

"No." I mutter but look down, my feet are on the floor. Okay I think it's slowing down. "I would like to dance properly with you."

"We are dancing." August repeats, his hands tightening around my waist.

"I-" I wasn't dancing.

"Move your hips Emersyn." He says lowly, his hands cradling me and guides my hips to move. "Roll them in time to the music." He whispers into my ear and I just turn my head slightly to catch his ear besides my lips.

"I don't need instructions of how to dance Leo. I know what I am doing there."

"I know I watched you dance with Nas for twenty minutes."

I was dancing with Nas for twenty minutes?

Goodness.

"Then don't tell me what to do." I say into his ear and his hands tighter and I am brought even closer to him, flush against his body.

"But you like it."

I hum, closing my eyes and then I startle, it's like something pops in me, and suddenly I can hear everything really loud. It's like I was coming down and I broke back through the earth's atmosphere and suddenly now on the planet I realised things were really overwhelming.

My hands tighten around August and I open my eyes, searching for his which were closes. I tapped his cheek, making his eyes open and he must have seen the slight panic in mine as his eyes darted between my glossy blue ones and he pulled me closer, lowing his head on mine.

"What's wrong?"

"It's gone so loud."

"Okay." He says quietly. "Focus on me."

I am so unbelievably focused on you August it's humiliating.

"Then slowly let yourself feel it, the chaos, the loudness, the flashing lights, lets feel it together Emersyn."

The music is loud, so loud and then as I turn around to look at Rayne and Trev, August's warm hand snakes around my middle, flat against my skin as it had crept up under my cropped t-shirt.

"Feel the music Em and don't be afraid of it."

I looked up at him over my shoulder and I felt more grounded as soon as he moulded his body to the back of mine, intertwining one of his hands with mine as he held me against him.

I leant my head back against his shoulder and I looked up at his face, feeling the music coat us in this moment and he held me tightly, slowly moving a little in time with his best friend's voice.

The warm glows of red coming from the stage hit is face harshly, throwing shadows over us but at the same time illuminating his square jaw and sharp cheekbones. He was so beautiful.

"Dance Em." August instructs and I close my eyes and I do let the feeling of the music over take my body and we do just that, our hips start to move together, our arms tangled and my head relying on him to keep me up as we danced in time with the music.

It wasn't me controlling my body, no. It was the way it felt every time August met his hips with mine, it was the way the music swept me up and encouraged this type of dancing, the way there was so much heat between us that it was so so difficult not to turn around and let our fronts touch in this way.

We move in sync, our breaths ragged, short and his breathlessness besides my ear was making my body hum even more, glow even brighter because I I can feel it, his breath against my skin and I don't know what we smoked but it was making me imagine all these different scenarios and goodness I couldn't help but roll my hips harder against his.

"Stop." He whispers but he grinds himself against me, just like we've been subtly doing for these past few songs and I can't help it I turn around.

"My body is burning August and I can't tell if it's the high or whether it's you."

"You shouldn't say shit like that." He says, his forehead lowering so we were close and I just sighed, feeling my heart pick up even more.

It had slowed right down, but the closer and closer we get I can't control it.

"Why not?"

"Because it makes me wanna give in Emersyn."

"Give in?" I ask, confused and when I reopen my eyes his are on my face.

"Don't act innocent."

I slide my arms higher and I tiptoe, pressing my cheek against his.

"You feel..." He whispers and I hold his cheek in my right hand, and his arms slide all the way around me, hugging me to him so tightly that I don't know if I am even really holding myself up anymore.

I whisper in his ear. "Feel what?"

I love whispering. It feels so private.

So much more private from our reality Our reality was that although almost hidden, our friends are a few meters away, Trev and Rayne actually on stage could easily see us.

But somehow August pulls his cheek away from mine, searching my face with his eyes and he lifts his hand to my face, his fingers pressed somewhere between my neck and the base of my jaw and then he leans forwards, his lips coming closer and closer to mine and I pull back.

Not saying no, just, our lips are parted, our breaths mingled, and I just wanted to feel it. This little dance, of trying to resist, of just feeling the literal tantalising pull between us.

And then he gets inpatient and August pulls my face so close that I couldn't escape when his lips captured one of mine between them and my goodness. It was just that movement, a slow, sensual, capture of my bottom lip and I knew it then that I was in trouble.

I was in trouble because he was just tasting, letting himself feel this undeniably energy between us, testing the waters whereas I... well I mistook his lips for oxygen.

He pulled back and he looked at me, his eyes burning and I knew mine were too, and I couldn't imagine anything else other than him, I couldn't fathom my attention being on anything other than this man in front of me. But his attention was not solely fixed on me.

His flicked up to the stage and he froze, he froze, and my eyes turned to see Rayne looking directly at us and then August drops me. His whole body which had just been in some way directly connected to mine was torn from me and he left me by myself in the middle of the crowd.

And I looked back at Rayne and he raised an amused eyebrow at me. But I glared. I glared so irrationally so. Because I knew he found this amusing, I knew he didn't care. But his brother was stressing. And his amusement pissed me the fuck off.

I followed August, I pushed and pulled my way through that crowd and I looked everywhere for him.

I knew Rayne and Trev only had like four songs left, so he wouldn't leave, right?

I went and looked out in the smoking area and he wasn't there, I went back to our table, nope. I went and stood at the side of the crowd, looking in to see if he went back to the group and he didn't. And so I explored, I explored down into the room until I found the door where we had come in, where the band accessed the stage and I pushed it open.

And he was there, his back against the wall, the long dark corridor empty of just us and I walked towards him.

"Hide and seek is no fun." I say gently. "You never played with us when we were younger, why start now?"

He tilts his head back against the wall, eyes to the ceiling and I rested against the opposite wall in this tight corridor.

My head was pretty clear now, my breath easier, my heart determined to show him that my intentions were not to hurt anyone.

"You keep running away from me." I whisper.

"I think this is the first time I actually left you Emersyn."

"I didn't necessarily mean physically."

"We are high, you should go."

"I feel okay now." I tell him honestly. "Just... a little light headed."

That was him though. I knew it was him.

"I feel fucked." He says, his head tilting back down at me.

"You're still high?" I ask.

It doesn't unusually last long, that's why you smoke continuously. I didn't even finish it. But damn I was a mess a little bit ago.

His lips were like a bucket of cold water I think.

I don't know.

All I know is that I can't deal with the way all I want is to be pressed back against him.

"No." He whispers. "Just fucked."

"Why?" I ask softly.

"You know why."

I remain silent.

"Why is it that I am here left feeling awful and you are just staring at me as if you want nothing more than for me to kiss you again Emersyn?"

"Because that is what I want August."

His hands lift and he pressed his fingers to his temples in frustration.

"Em I am the one who's supposed to be emotionless. Why don't you feel bad?"

"Because I know things you don't." I whisper. "I am not emotionless." I smile a little at that.

He shakes his head at me. "Emersyn, I protected my brother from being hurt as much as I could, I was young too but I tried to stop the damage that she was doing to me touch him. I tried."

I step forward and I nod slowly. "I know you did August."

"But what was the point of that If I keep hurting him anyway?"

I frown. "You aren't-"

"I tried to kill myself three times Emersyn, I hope you understand that. Rayne knows about the last one because I think he overheard my parents talking about it. He was distraught. He made me promise not to hurt him like that."

Fucking hell August.

I lift my hands to Leo's face because I can't help it. I can't help needing to comfort him.

"And I promised. I promised. But now Emersyn I am here, literally needing to be close to you, his fucking girlfriend. Or ex. Or whatever the fuck you are. That's not protecting him that's literally just hurting him, again." His voice is harsh, fast. Stressed.

"August." I sigh. "I- fuck- I should stay away from you. I know that. I tried. I literally- okay so I failed but I did try. I know why you think that, I know why you must think of me as awful I just-"

"I don't think of you as awful Emersyn." He chuckles. "You aren't awful."

I smile. "Neither are you."

"I feel this need to touch you Emersyn, to be close to you, it's literally physical. It's a humming in my skin."

He's going to kill me.

I know it. I think he knows it too.

"You do?" I whisper.

"Yes."

"What do you want? If that is what you feel like you need? What is it that you want and please answer me this time because earlier it felt like a kick in the teeth when you didn't-"

"I want you."

He interrupts me and his hand is flat out on my stomach as he walks me back so I am pressed against the wall.

"You do?"

August lets out a bitter laugh. "You know I do."

And I can't help my next words. Sometimes they just blurt before I can refrain myself.

"Then have me."

His lips collide into mine. It happens so fast my thoughts screech to a halt and I have no time to emotionally prepare myself for the way my stomach flips and twists or the stabbing sensation that digs it's way through my heart. Heat rushes through my limbs, bringing with it a flood of emotion that I can't quite place. But I know he was feeling it too because as soon as the shock melts away and I kiss him back, he groans.

My lips mold to his, holding on for dear life and trying to keep up with the frantic mingling of breath and hands as he takes control of my mouth and obliterates any grasp I have on rational thoughts.

I don't think I've ever been kissed like this before.