-

"Good morning my lovely Lue."

We were meeting for Ice cream, she said she desperately needed it. I wasn't sure whether she meant the ice cream or the company but I wasn't opposed.

It had been a few days since I'd seen her. I saw Trev and August yesterday; I was at Rayne's they popped in. It was awkward. August didn't even look at me. But anyway, Luella has been with her mum and therefore couldn't see any of us. Even Trev. Which I knew was driving him insane, and even she didn't look very okay this morning.

"Hey." She breathes, looking up. Her face was pale, her hair in a low pony tail. She was sad. I could feel it.

"How's it going?" I ask softly.

She scrunches her face up. "I feel so shit."

Honest.

I sit down across from her, looking at the ice cream board. I always got the same thing from here, they didn't do very nice vegan ice cream but one was fudge chocolate and it was pretty nice, considering the others anyway.

"How is your mum?"

She runs a hand down her face, seemingly more stressed out. "She's okay."

I nod slowly, looking at her. "Lue, it's going to be okay."

I stretch my hand across the table for hers and she just smiles a little and links our fingers. "Okay so my mum is being a raging bitch."

"Oh god." I breathe.

"She's so disappointed with me. Christ. I don't get it, she knows I was having sex, like I am nineteen that's not that taboo, these things just happen sometimes. I wasn't even being reckless, Trev wears condoms like a lot."

I nod, squeezing her hand. "Come stay at mine for a couple of days? To get away from it?"

She shakes her head. "I have the appointment tomorrow. I need to be at home, like my own bed because apparently the pills really make you feel shit."

"Okay." I say. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Who is going with you?"

"Trev." Lue says. "Much to my mum's discontent."

"Really?"

"She doesn't- she remembers him as Grey's troubled best mate. Like yeah- she's not pleased. He's not allowed round after either."

I shake my head. "Can I come around after? We can just sleep? Nap?"

She shakes her head. "I wish, but my mum she- she's just a lot." Lue says smiling a little. "I can deal with her judgements but if she says anything in front of you it'll embarrass me."

"Luella." I frown.

"No like I know you won't judge me just- I don't know. I just wanna be alone tomorrow after the appointment."

"Of course." I say. "Honestly whatever you want Lue I just want you to know I am there for you."

She smiles a little. "I contacted Grey's sister."

"Oh?" I say quietly, uninformed.

"We were so close, like she's a year older and I just- I missed her too and I wanted to talk to her. She was appalled when I said who." She gestures to her lower abdomen, so I am guessing she means who the father is.

"She was appalled?" I say, my eyebrows screwing up.

"Yep."

"I am sorry Luella."

"I think I need to end it with Trev, like it's clearly so wrong. It's not even just me who knows it's wrong like Trev feels so guilty, he's being amazing, he is so supportive right now but he feels awful I know. And my mum, and Grey's sister and I just- I know I should probably just-"

"Lue Trev makes you happy. He makes you smile, he gives you comfort. You shouldn't feel bad for that."

"He's a rebound Emersyn, that has just got out of hand."

I wince a little at that. As much as I adore Luella, I really do care about Trev now too. Like they all mean a lot to me.

"You are hurting and stressed, you shouldn't ever make decisions on that."

She just shrugs and my eyes widen when two bowls of ice cream get placed down in front of us.

"Oh I ordered for you, before you came." Lue says and I look at the chocolate ice cream with happiness.

"The vegan one right?"

"Yep." She smiles and I take a spoon and dig in.

"You are the best." I mumble.

She smiles a little.

"How are you doing Emersyn?"

I swallow. "Huh?"

"With." She nods to the ice cream and I look down too.

Don't Em.

Rayne and I went for a walk yesterday, like a full on little hike and it was so much fun. He's not that big into sports, never has been, apparently Leo had always been the athletic one and Rayne is the creative one. Which is true. His music is amazing.

We went for that walk for like four hours, I got a little sunburnt, but luckily I treated it and also It had faded a lot today.

"Emersyn?" Lue says and I take a deep breath, looking up.

"Lue please don't mention it when I am actively trying to eat."

Her face drops. "Oh god sorry."

I smile a little and force another spoonful past my lips. It's fine. I force myself to think about something else rather than obsessing over it.

It is fine.

"No it's fine, just-" I smile. "No food talk during food time."

She nods quickly and looks at me.

"Tell me something fun Em, something that'll distract me from this shit."

I smile. "August and Trev are having people round again tonight, I am going to go, Claire is forcing me."

Luella smiles. "To be honest I might come as well, I wont drink or anything but being surrounded by yous might be helpful."

"It is good to be around people that make you smile Lue."

She nods. "So are you drinking?"

"Yeah." I say. "Why not? And plus August will ignore me anyway so there's little risk of me embarrassing myself."

Her eyebrows pulled together. "Pardon?"

I smile. "No." I laugh. "Just he was annoyed at me a few weeks ago because I was kinda like all over him one night. But I was drunk and I really was just loving on him because I constantly feel he's missing affection."

She smiles at me in amusement, slowly putting her spoon in her mouth. "I meant why is he ignoring you?"

"Oh." I say. Then I give her a sheepish smile. "It's a secret."

"Emersyn." Luella laughs.

I just lean forwards. "No like August would be mad if you knew or if you told Trev or whatever."

She frowns.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." I laugh. "Nothing awful. Just we keep having these... moments."

She smirked at me. "Like your little beach moment?"

"Yeah." I whisper.

"Stop blushing." Luella laughs and I just sigh, lifting my hand to my cheeks. I was reddening because there was also the whole, straddling behind my parents rose bushes on the swinging chair, giving him a whole ass hicky.

I don't even know if he wanted it. I dunno If I fully just freaking pounced on him.

"So what you kissed?"

I shake my head. Even though we did a little the day before that, it didn't count.

That was like magnetic. I kissed his cheek and his lips were drawn to mine. That wasn't conscious.

"No I kissed him." I say. "Not on the lips, like I gave him a hicky." I tell her.

Her eyes widen. "That's like more intimate than kissing."

I crinkle my nose and nod. "It's embarrassing honestly."

"What do you mean?"

"He just- he doesn't want me. It's clear. Like sure okay his body reacted to me but I am sure he would react that way to anyone." I mumble. "But that didn't stop me from kissing him." I sigh.

"And now he's angry again?" Lue says gently.

I nod. "Well I don't know if he's mad, just we haven't talked. I spent so much time with him last week, and now nothing."

"Well you'll see him tonight."

I roll my eyes a little, taking another spoonful between my lips as I think.

"I should tell him I am sorry."

Luella rolls her eyes at me. "Emersyn you don't need to apologise for kissing him, I was on the beach, I watched you two. Sparks are flying and it's not one sided from the looks of it. Did he push you away?"

I shake my head.

"Where were you?" She asks and I just sigh a little.

"Just like on a bench outside."

"And who made the first move?"

"Me I guess, I kissed his-"

'No Em I am sure you didn't just lean in and kiss his neck for goodness sake." She laughs and then she looks at me. "Right?"

I shrug. "We were just talking and then like, I was stood infront of him and he was holding onto me."

She rolls her eyes a little. "And where was he holding?"

"Um thighs?"

"He wants you Emersyn." She laughs, shaking her head at me.

"No Lue he doesn't. Like okay shit when I see the guy I want to be close to him and I have never felt like that before." I say quietly. "When he looks at me he literally is hoping I stay away."

"August is guarded." Luella says. "Of course he doesn't wanna let you in."

I shake my head a little. "He just- all I did was kiss his skin a little, he could have pushed me away if he hated it."

Luella just gives me an amused look. "Did he seem like he hated it Em?"

"No? I don't know, it's pretty much a blank cos I blank out things that embarrass me."

Luella laughs. "That's a mood."

I smile.

"So how did you go from standing between his legs to giving him a hicky?"

"Um..." I think. "He pulled me down, like he told me to sit on his lap."

"Emersyn he pretty much initiated it." She laughs. "Like I guess he's just conflicted because of the fact you're with his brother but-"

I interrupt her. "I am not with his brother." I stress.

She sits back. "Em, you spend pretty much every day you aren't with me or well us with him."

I nod. "Well I prefer to not be alone. I like company. And he is my bestfri-"

"Yes yes, bestfriend whatever. Bestfriend who you just stopped dating but also have sleepovers with. That reads that you two are still seeing eachother."

"Luella." I groan.

"No Em, like I get it if you aren't, but that is what it looks like. And also... I love you and I don't think you are doing this purposely but obviously it would be suck to be in either of these boys positions right now. Rayne can't be ignorant to your obvious attraction to August and August is always going to-"

She continues talking, her tone edging on judgy and I understand it. I get that she's telling me that I need to stop, that this is unfair. To lead them both on.

But oh my days do people really think I would be doing this if I was actually with Rayne?

Like everyone, it's so annoying.

"Luella, Rayne and I were never together." I blurt, frustration evident.

Oh shit Emersyn.

I ramble on. "I can't explain more than that, but we were fake, a lie. But that's a secret okay? A huge ass secret that you now have to keep. You have to, please. Lue I am not this awful fucking person okay? If I had loved Rayne that way obviously, obviously I wouldn't be going after his older brother, not that I'm necessarily going after him I just mean, I wouldn't be openly just letting myself feel these things I am feeling. But the thing is I wasn't with Rayne, Rayne finds the way I feel about August amusing not heart-breaking. We are friends that is all." I take a deep breath and her lips part to say something but again I keep going.

"So I get what it looks like, I do, but I forget when I am with him that he must think I am the most awful person for messing around like I do because it's not a reality in my head. I know how Rayne and I were, I know what happened between us, but nobody else can."

She's frozen, her spoon in her mouth.

"And the plot thickens." She whispers.

"Lue." I sigh.

"I saw you two, you said you had a boyfriend, you two were together."

I nod a little. "I know. I can't explain."

"You need to tell August, if that's the truth you should tell him that."

I shake my head. "I would if I could."

She just frowns at me. "Is Rayne like blackmailing you or something? Because shit Em, if he dares-"

"No. No." I exclaim. "It's not like that."

She grimaces at me.

"Rayne is my best friend, he will always be my family. You do anything for your family right? So I can't tell August about Rayne and me, that's so utterly selfish it's inexcusable. But I also don't want him feeling like a terrible person so I guess I will leave August alone."

"Or just say fuck it." Lue laughs.

"That is what I've been doing." I smile. "But it's torturing August so I should just create distance."

Lue frowns. "You remember what Trev went to say on the beach?"

I shake my head.

"About August smiling so much more at the moment."

I nod. "Oh yeah."

"Don't take that away from him."

I frown at her. "Lue August is getting better because he's been stable on his medication, because he's thrown himself back into his family, because he is trying with friendships. It's not me."

She just shakes her head at me. "But part of that is you, so please don't like stop talking to him."

"I won't." I say immediately. "I just think I should refrain myself."

She scoffs at me. "I am excited to see this."

"I am being serious." I mumble.

"Yeah well I just don't think it's gonna work."

I pout. "I do."

She rolls her eyes. "It'll be like when I say to Trev we are done and then the next day I am back on his dick."

My lips part. "Luella." I hiss, looking around. "That was a lot."

She pulls a face and nods. "I know, it's the hormones. Sorry I guess. Here have some of my ice cream it might cool your cheeks."

"I am not even blushing." I mumble but try some of her ice cream, it was lemon favoured I think, it was so nice.

She gasps, grabbing the spoon back. "Shit Emersyn I am sorry. It's not Vegan."

I look at her, watching as guilt fills her face.

I thought she was against my veganism anyway.

I laugh at her. "It's okay, I knew that. I am not vegan really anyway, I just choose it if they have the option."

Her eyes relax a little. "I really thought you'd kill me."

I smile a little. "I am not that scary."

Lue smiles. "So like your moments with August..."

I frown at her.

"Yeah?"

"Are they hot?"

I stay silent, just looking at her.

"Um..."

"Like are you left all hot and bothered?"

I sigh. "Well yeah Lue but I have pretty much zero experience with anything this intense like I'd be feeling flustered with whoever."

She shakes her head at me. "You know August doesn't do girlfriends, right?"

I sigh. "That information is known to me but it is also unnecessary. I am staying a safe distance from him."

"We will see how long this lasts aye?"

"You are rubbish at being supportive of my decisions." I pout.

"Honestly Em, if you made good decisions, I would be supportive. You just make lousy ones."

I huff. "I don't make lousy-"

"Yes you do. Shush." Luella silences me and I just puff my cheeks out and push my ice cream away. "Tantrum?"

"Yeah." I mumble.

"I just think you should stop putting other's first."

I smile at her, but I don't comment. Putting yourself first is a yes but I also disagree when it's hurting someone else. Like I don't know. The fact it's been a few days since I've seen August makes me just shake my head at the way it gets so clouded when he's around me.

Like I don't even like him most of the time. He's mean.

I nod to myself.

I need to stay distanced.

I look at my empty bowl and look up at the counter, at the menu.

"I am getting more food. Do you want anything?"

She looks a little surprised and I just ignore it.

"No I am good, but could you get me a drink?"

"Tea?"

She smiles and nods.

"Of course." I say, sliding out.

"Emersyn?" Lue say and I turn around slowly. I hope she doesn't mention it.

"You look beautiful today." She smiles.

I looked my normal self but her compliment did make my heart happy. I felt good today. I grin and do a little mock twirl, throwing her a cheeky smile when my skirt accidently flies up a little at the movement.

Luella just smiles back at me.

....

"Rayne." I laugh, I was walking riding the elevator up to Trev's apartment with Lue, on the phone because although I tried to ignore Rayne's phone call, he was relentless.

"Emersyn please oh my goodness."

"Rayne I am going to Trev's." I tell him. "Come here if you like but no way in hell am I going out with your friends."

He huffs. "I just- god they are going to expect me to pull, rebound."

I shrug. "Say you aren't ready? Or for fuck sake Rayne say you don't wanna."

"Shall I just pull a guy and then at least they will fucking know then?" He grumbles and my heart jumps because that sounds a perfect way to be like fuck you guy friends I am gay and so what.

And the fact that is something he's considering literally makes me so happy.

"I love you." I grin, falling against the cool mirror as the lift does that awful stopping motion that turns my stomach a little every freaking time.

Rayne laughs. "I love you too."

"Now will you please let me go?" I ask. "You can deal with this crisis on your own."

He huffs at me. "Okay thankyou for the zero advice."

"I gave you plenty of advice you just didn't hear what you wanted to hear Raynie."

"Good bye miss I know literally everything, like okay chill you know what-"

"I am hanging up."

Rayne laughs. "Okay goodnight. Have a good night."

"Yeah you too."

Rayne hangs up and I catch up to Luella a little.

"Hiya." I say and Lue gives me a little smile.

"Drama?"

"Nope." I smile and tie the string of my dress up a little tighter.

"You are planning on staying away from August but you're wearing a dress like that?" She says amusement fully coating her.

My dress was red, a little short, loose ish.

I rolled my eyes.

"You said you liked my dress."

"Yeah you look hot as hell Em."

I smiled a little and she just rolled her eyes at me, going to push open their door. People were already inside, it was loud out here.

"Wait no." I say pulling her back. "You've made me worried now."

Luella smiles. "No you look so nice, just August isn't going to be able to keep his eyes off you, you watch he'll forget he was ignoring you in no time."

I shake my head at her.

She had dressed up tonight too, she said she felt gross so she needed to. I just put my hair half up and then threw on this dress, I don't even have makeup on.

"Stop stressing." Lue laughs and she pushes the door open and then succeeds to push me inside.

It was packed, like genuinely it was so lively in here I was slightly surprised.

But then Luella gripped my hand and she pulled us through the people and into the kitchen, where we found Claire and Brit.

"Em." Claire exclaims, wrapping her arms around me and I laugh hugging her back just as tightly. Lue and Claire looked a little similar, blonde hair, but Claire's hair was chopped just over her shoulders and her eyes were much lighter than Luella's big brown ones.

"Hey." I smile as I pull away and I send Brit a grin too. "Hiya."

"Hey you." She smiles and then she gives Lue a grin.

"I feel like we haven't seen you in ages, need someone to get fucked up with." Brit says.

Lue just smiles a little. "I am not drinking tonight unfortunately."

They both groan. Claire and Brit. "But why?"