"Emersyn Rose?" My mum calls sternly to me just as I was about to slip out to go to work. It was only like half eight in the morning, but I knew she would be up, she always is. At least I tried to avoid her.

"Yeah?" I call back, still a few meters from the kitchen where she stood waiting for me expectantly.

"Come here?"

"Mum I am going to be late for work."

"Em." She says and I immediately wince at her tone, walking back to her.

"Yeah?"

"What happened last night?"

"Huh?"

"Your dad says you came in and went straight to your room. You didn't even eat baby and-"

I send her a reassuring smile, taking this moment to crouch and tie up my shoe.

"It was just a stupid argument with Rayne. I am fine now, we talked over the phone last night and he apologised and shit. Like we are okay."

"What happened?" She says concerned and I shrug.

"Nothing major. I just got upset with him. It happens."

"Never happened before." My mum mumbles, frowning at me.

"Well yeah but obviously there are new dynamics in our relationship now mum. So it's a little more complicated. But we are working on it don't worry."

Her eyebrows raise. "yeah okay you sound much more mature than I did at your age. Go. Have a good day at work."

I laugh at her. "Are you going to be home when I get back?"

"Mhm." She hums and then she frowns. "Who are you going to be working with?"

"A new girl. Don't worry."

There was this man who worked there. He- he wasn't very nice. Like not in a weird way, he just seriously was the rudest person I have ever met. Like he was just horrible. I even complained about him to the supervisor.

Turns out it's her nephew. That was a huge mistake. Ha.

"Oh did David get fired?"

"No." I sigh. "But I am not on shifts with him anymore."

She smiles relieved but then she just looks at me seriously. "Emmy you could just come and work with me."

"I am trying to be independent mum. Plus I wanna fund the travelling by myself. If I worked for you it would be literally you just paying me and I don't wanna take money from you."

She just huffs and turns away, waving me away from her and I turn my hands up to the ceiling in exasperation.

"Well the job offer is there for you if you need it Em."

"Thank you." I say to the back of her head and then I head out to work.

....

I worked at the library, I don't know if that has already been mentioned. I worked here since well... one day a few years ago I was studying... it was fine and all but then I needed this book which was really really high up and instead of asking someone I decided to climb...

The um shelves fell down.

And I got left with a property damage bill that my dad for once actually refused to pay. They um, well they decided that it would teach me a lesson.

But it wasn't my fault I was clumsy. That disasters seem to follow me.

Okay. So I shouldn't have climbed, I get it. But yeah so I started working here to like pay of my debt and all... And then I loved it so I stayed.

Loved it until David came. But still, when I am not working with that man I am pretty happy. Plus I loved the people that came in here.

I could just be a librarian when im older. If the writing doesn't work out. I would be happy enough to be honest. I could be a librarian and write. Hm maybe.

I was leant up against the help desk, greeting people into the library. Our library was pretty small, it was a small town to be honest. There was row after row of neatly lined up books with their spines facing outward, colour coded with dots- curtesy of my hard work this morning. Fiction section arranged in alphabetical order, young adults section, children's section with low shelves and floor cushions, comfortable leather arm chairs, tables for quiet study, muffled stillness... it was relaxing here.

And at least it wasn't busy.

Luella was an hour and a half late.

Like- I checked my phone three times now... She definitely just said she'd only be half an hour late.

It was another half an hour before a girl turned up, eyes reddened, cheeks puffed and she didn't say much when she slipped into the staff room to put her bag in the little lockers.

I cringed, immediately feeling bad as it was clear she was distressed. Upset. I decided I wouldn't mention the whole two hours late thing. Let's be real... I probably wouldn't have mentioned it anyway.

Goodness.

"Hi." Her voice surprised me and I turn around, giving her a small smile.

"I am so sorry I'm so late." She says. "I-."

She starts to give me an explanation but then shrugs. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Are you okay?" I say.

Her hair was bleached bright blonde, almost whitish but you could tell by the yellow roots that it was home bleached, and she had a scary amount of piercings. Well okay, they weren't that scary. Her eyebrow, her nose, and her a few on her ears but they were definitely prominent. To be honest they looked pretty badass.

Or they would if it hadn't had been evident she had just been crying.

"I am Luella."

"I'm Em." I smile. "You um- it's slow today if you aren't up to working. I won't tell anyone you went home."

"I like you." She says. "You are nice."

I laugh. "I'm just saying... If you need to go home it's okay."

She shakes her head. "God I didn't realise I looked so obviously bad."

"You don't." I reassure her. "I just- I can tell."

Luella smiles. "I am good. Plus, community service hours says I have to stay here so here I am."

My eyebrows raise. "Community service?"

"Yup." She half smiles, running her hand over the return books and starting to type the ones I hadn't done into the system.

"Do you volunteer then? I am guessing you aren't forced to be here...." She says eyeing me.

I wore a light-yellow sundress today, my hair tied up in a high pony. I liked this outfit. But it did most definitely clash with her ripped jean shorts and crop top.

I smile. "I just work here."

She nods in understanding. "Doris said you were away?" She asks.

"Yeah after school finished, I went to Italy for a month."

She whistles. "Nice."

"Wait how old are you?" She says, cocking her head and taking me in again.

"Eighteen."

"Oh. I thought you would be like college age, I dunno."

"I mean I am going in... well September or December."

She nods. "Where you going?"

"Westwood."

Luella grins. "I go there."

"You do?" I grin too, actually happy to find someone who too goes there. The only people I knew were August and well.

"Yep second year Psych."

I smile. "That's pretty exciting," I laugh. "Ima be starting in December I think."

"Why later?"

"Er travelling beforehand."

She smiles. "That's pretty cool." She wipes her face then, sighing and looking up at me.

"Thanks you made me feel better."

A small grin overtakes my face at that. "Is there anything else I can do?"

She laughs. "Just don't get a boyfriend. Word of advice."

I snigger. "Too late." I grumble, wrinkling my nose up at her and a slow grin forms on her lips.

"Oo drama. Distract me. But if it's good then don't tell me."

I laugh at her and help her to get through the rest of the returned books.

"Nothing. Just..." I decide to just complain to the stranger about Rayne. Why not? "He wont listen to me. When we fight he just- he defends himself. He doesn't ever listen to my side... like I don't think he listens to my actual words. And then we make up because well he does apologise, and I know he cares about me and wants us to be good so I forgive him."

She rolls her eyes. "Don't just forgive him because he says he's sorry."

"Well..." I mumble.

"No like, take apologises in forms or actions, never words. Words don't mean shit. Guys can be real smooth talkers. You need to basically just not listen. You know, like how he doesn't listen to you. Just listen to his actions. If he's really sorry then he'll show it."

"We just had a fight over a matter of opinion." I laugh. "Like he hasn't actually done anything to me I guess. He just doesn't see how a problem with something whereas I do and well..." I look up at her and I am surprised to see her totally focused on me, listening to my every word. Why was I spilling this to her again?

My mum always says I need to be less friendly to strangers. I just- I get a good vibe. She's nice, she- I think she needs a friend just as much as I do.

"What were you gonna say?" She asks and I shrug.

"He thinks I should just be unconditionally on his side."

Luella shakes her head. "Fuck that. You say if you don't agree. You have every right to your own opinion."

I smile. "I know this, this is why I was mad."

"Was..." Luella says. "Not to stir the pot but fuck it you should still be mad."

"Shh." I whisper, quietening her because well this is a library.

"I am mad, but I love him so it's sorta..."

She shakes her head at me. "Love is shit Em."

I laugh at that. "I am sorry you feel that way."

She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly and I just take a deep breath, looking down at my nails.

Shit I hated being mad with Rayne. It's so fucking lonely.

"You need to party." Luella says and I just give her a weary look. She grins. "Come on... my best ass friend, like a good guy, is throwing a party tonight. Why don't you come?"

"Wont I just be younger than yous?" I say and she shakes her head.

"Well yeah... But it's fine. No one will even know. And like we don't really care about that. As long as you're legal it's chill."

I did wanna. I- it's like this little reckless thing was being dangled in my face and I wasn't actually afraid to go chase it. It was exciting. The idea of just going to a random party with random ass people and not having to be anything other than me.

Then I remembered.

"Shit I um..." I say. "I have plans with him already like I-"

She just full on dramatically drops to the floor and stares up at me. "No Emersyn I am forcing you to be my friend."

"Luella." I laugh, trying to help her back up and she just shakes her head, pulling me now to the floor behind the desk and she glares at me.

"Luella." I exclaim, looking at her taken aback and she just glares and glares and glares and glares.

"I promise you. If I hadn't already promised him; I would say yes. Like if you ever wanna hang out I am down."

She smiles then. "Okay we can get off the floor now."

"Yeah thanks." I mutter, heavily amused even though I threw her an unhappy look.

We get up and meet a very old, very confused, man looking at us in slight disgust as we get of the floor and greet him.

We direct him to his desired bookshelf and then she looks at me...We fall into muffled laughter. Talking over what he must have thought and I just grin slightly. I felt good today, happy to have met her, it's like we immediately clicked, and I don't... well I do get this a lot with people. I get on well with whoever to be honest but it's slightly different I don't know why.

....

I was waiting outside for Rayne, sat on the library steps. He agreed to pick me up at four, like he used to and it was now quarter past and I was starting to feel slightly... like he wasn't going to turn up.

I sighed, deciding to message him. Luella had left a few minutes ago, waving me a goodbye and throwing me one last 'I cant believe you aren't coming' look to me. She's been trying to convince me all day.

I text Rayne.

Em: Are you on your way?

His response was almost immediate.

Rayne: Shittt

I just stared at the word. The library wasn't far from home, i didn't mind walking, I walked this morning. I just-

Rayne: I am so sorry. I forgot. Are you still there? I can come and get you but I am a little out of town I will be like twenty minutes.

I don't even read the rest of the message. I phone him.

"Emmy I am sorry."

I just stand up and start walking.

"I thought we were hanging out tonight?"

He curses under his breath. "I forgot. I am sorry. I'm in the city."

"Who with?" I ask.

"Just um Will and..."

"And?"

"It's just us, we're just drinking. Decided to get out of town."

I swallow. "It's four in the afternoon?"

"Well we are like in this music café, you'd love it here. I love it here. I already talked to the people about playing. They said I could play tonight but I don't have my stuff I think I might head home and grab it and then we'll come back."

"So I guess we aren't getting pizza and swimming then?"

That was our plan. It was supposed to be super warm tonight and I we decided to hang out by my pool this afternoon to evening, get some pizza.

I felt like shit. Not gonna lie.

"I am sorry Em. You wanna come?"

"Nope."

"Emmy." He says softly, apologetically.

"No it's cool. I just blew someone off to hang out with you and it's a little rubbish knowing that you didn't remember, that you wouldn't do the same."

"Who even?" He says, his tone edging on amused and I frown, did he think I was lying?

"You know what Rayne-"

"No you're right, I am sorry Emmy. I keep messing up I know. I will come back. We'll..."

"No it's chill." I say. "I don't wanna hang out anymore. I will see you tomorrow?"

Rayne sighs. "God Em I am going to feel bad all night. Please don't be mad at me."

"It's fine." I mumble, walking towards the beach because I decided to take the walk back along the sea front, I might pop in and see my mum as well.

"It's not." He says. "I know I fucked up."

"Rayne you forgot our plans once it's fine."

How did I end up reassuring him?

"If anyone asks like say we are together?" He says and I blink.

"Are you dumb?"

"I just-"

"Rayne if someone asks me where you are I can't exactly say oh Rayne's right here besides me when you literally won't be."

"I just mean if my parents' text." He says.

"Are you going home tonight?" I say and he makes this noise of frustration.

"Probably but like cover for me?"

I just hum a yeah. "Okay."

"I love you." He says, his tone still guilty.

"I know. It's fine. Have a good night, tell me about this music café tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See ya Em."

"Bye." I whisper and hang up, walking up towards the beach and I decide to go and take a sea on the sea wall, just looking out for a little bit.

I came home with such a frill for life and this shit with Rayne has been rough. Like I do want him to be okay, I do want to help him but this isnt- this isn't living. This is just living for him. Like- damn.

I decide to just say fuck it. I wanted to forget about it all for the night. I don't care if that sounds sort of self-destructive.

I call Luella.

She's over the moon.

....

"Well Emersyn I know your boyfriend's a dick but I am happy you are here."

I laugh at T, throwing Luella a small glare and she whacks the back of his head.

"That was a secret." She mumbles and he just gives her a smile.

"Lu how was I supposed to know I wasn't allowed to repeat it to her?"

"Well I just- damn it." She says and then she grabs my hand and leads me through the crowded house towards the kitchen.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to spill your drama to him. I just was explaining why I was bringing someone new tonight."

I just squeeze her hand reassuringly.

I didn't really care.

This house was a mess, you could tell Luella's friend was staying here alone. It was in town, she picked me up and brought me here. She was supposed to be staying the night here so she just parked her car on the drive and brought me inside, introducing me to people. T was the guy throwing the party, he was a little intimidating looking but he was actually super laid back.

Might have been the joint in his hand that was making him so friendly.

"Right." Luella says. "What do you drink Em?"

"Er... anything but beer. Tequila? Vodka? Wine? I don't really give a shit."

She grins at me. "Shots then?"

"Sure." I laugh and a few other people around us agree. They were slightly rough looking, not rough looking just- you could tell I was new. That's what T said when I walked through the doors. He grinned and called me newbie.

I had black jeans and a satin silvery blue top on, I always wore this when I didn't know how dressy to go. Apparently, it matched my eyes so I always felt pretty comfortable with it.

"Wait." Luella says to herself. "If I drink, I can't smoke..." She mumbles then looks at me. "Do you smoke?"

I shake my head. The house stunk of weed, there was no denying it. A mixture of people smoking but most drinking. It was a party, that was clear by the loud music but there was something relaxed about it- probably the presence of weed in the air I guess.

"No?" She says.

"Nope."

"Then I will drink with you." Luella nods.

"Okay." I laugh and Luella goes around the kitchen finding as many shot glasses as possible.

"Hey. I'm Calum." A guy says, leaning his back against the kitchen table I was perched by and I send him a smile.

"Hey. Em."

"Emma?"

"Nah Emersyn."

"Good name." He laughs and then he looks at my hands. "You want a drink?"

"I am searching for shot glasses Cal, where are they all?" Luella interrupts.

"Um... Trev had shots like five minutes ago. Should be back in the..."

"Got 'em." Luella grins, rushing back to me. "Callum our girls taken so back off."

"By you?" Cal says and she gives him a small glare.

"Are you here for shots or?"

"I will do a shot." He laughs and we watch Luella line them up.

Cal had shaggy blond hair, a little too long but he pulled it off well. He had kind eyes and I immediately warmed up to these people, probably shouldn't have, I remember my mums words- assume everyone's intentions are bad unless proven other wise. It's like the opposite to innocent until proven guilty.

She's not very trusting of people.

I trust a little too easily they say. I just- I know he's fine. I just know it.

"Right, I got tequila or vodka. Which one?"

"Why not one of each?" I ask and Luella lifts an eyebrow at me.

"A girl after my own heart." She laughs, pouring them in.

"I am going to die." Cal mumbles and then calls another girl over. "Britney? You want shots?"

"Yesss!" She replies, pushing herself away from another lad and practically skipping over to us. Her eyes meet mine and she immediately pauses.

"Blue eyes." She says and then throws me a grin. "Sorry. Hi, I like your eyes. My names Britney, I know Britney. I don't know what my parents were thinking but I promise you I am not a Britney okay? Like I am but I am also not. You see? Anyway what's your name?"