The club was fine. Slightly intense being thrown into a group of five guys. I was the only girl out with them. Obviously, Rayne didn't let me out of his sight, but I didn't miss the comments or the looks from people.

But it was fine. I played the part. I danced and I laughed and I felt slightly like an accessory but it's fine. Breathe. It's fine.

I wasn't exactly a big fan of these guys. They laughed a lot, and Rayne seemed comfortable enough so I was probably just catching onto something that didn't even exist. Sometimes I do that. Think people are bad even when they aren't.

I just get this gut instinct that says: Nope.

"You good?" Rayne says, his voice slurred slightly and I just nod, my hand still in his as we walk home from being out.

"You sure? You're quiet? You're never quiet."

"I am just tired." I admit, leaning into him as we walk. I had his coat so I wasn't like freezing but this dress was pretty short, and I just wanted to get to bed and I wanted to sleep.

I was pretty drunk earlier, but it had settled down now. Like I was definitely feeling it but the fresh air was helping.

The moonlight was illuminating our path home. Like our road was a little out of the way, streetlamps spread out sparsely, so Rayne got his torch out even though the moon was pretty bright tonight.

"It's pretty." I whisper, looking up through the trees to the stars and Rayne just hums.

"Sure Em."

"No it is." I reiterate. Trying to get him to concentrate.

"I hear you. I do." Rayne laughs at me. His hand squeezing mine reassuringly.

"You suck sometimes." I mumble and he just wraps an around my shoulder, steering me down towards his house.

"Yep." He says happily and then we share this look.

I burst into laughter and he laughs too, shushing me as we finally get to his door and he puts the key in.

It was late, gone half two in the morning and we tried to be as quiet as possible but well there was no need to be quiet when as we giggled walking into the kitchen neither of us had realised the light was already on and Ivy was sat up at the counter with a coffee and her laptop.

"Oh mum." Rayne says and Ivy just raises an eyebrow at us.

"Good morning." She laughs and I send her a sheepish look.

"Were you waiting?" I ask, walking to her side and throwing my arms around her neck for a hug.

Maybe I was drunk.

But I just feel her soft jumper against me and close my eyes relaxing into her arms and she laughs.

"Sort of, I couldn't sleep anyway and then I got into doing this work." She says.

"Em." Rayne laughs, pulling me to him and I lean into his side instead.

"Would you two like hot chocolate?" She asks and I nod immediately, she must have seen me shivering.

"I thought you were tired?" Rayne chuckles and I just look up at him and whisper one word.

"Marshmallows."

He rolls his eyes and then I gasp.

"But they- marshmallows aren't vegan."

"But you're vegetarian not vegan." Rayne reminds me and I just pull a face.

"I can't have marshmallows though. I just cant."

"Okay okay." He assures me.

"Can we please have hot chocolate mum." He says to her and she watches me in amusement and nods.

"Sure." Ivy says. "August is upstairs, why don't you go and ask if he wants one."

"He's still awake?" Rayne says and I just listen, trying to keep my eyes open. Goodness me.

"He doesn't sleep well, you know this." Ivy says and Rayne just salutes her, jogging up the stairs.

I hold onto the side, dropping Rayne's coat off my shoulders and then picking it up and I place it over one of the bar stools.

"What ya working on?" I ask, walking towards her paperwork again and she just shrugs.

"Honestly just filing stuff away. Sorting it out. Mostly to do with the kids. I am kindly going to ask you to leave it alone." Ivy says, her voice soft and I just give her a mortified look.

"I am not that much of a disaster." I am clumsy, sometimes, like it wasn't technically my fault. I have bad coordination mixed with bad luck.

"Baby you are." Ivy says and I just huff and lean my elbows back down on the breakfast bar, watching as she heats up some milk in a pan ready to add the coco.

"He's busy." Rayne says as he practically skips back towards me.

"Was he awake?" Ivy asks and Rayne nods.

"Yep."

Ivy just shrugs and starts whisking and I lean back into Rayne when he hugs me from behind.

"You were amazing tonight." He says quietly. "My friends loved you."

"They did?" I ask.

"Yep. They were impressed that I managed to get you to agree to be mine." He continues to whisper.

"So you feel okay now with your mates? Like now that they've met me once I don't need to come with you anymore and they will also know me so they wont suggest you hooking up with other girls."

He hums a yeah. "You won't come out with me again?" Rayne asks.

I shake my head, tilting my head to meet his eyes. "I will come out with just you. Not with those guys."

He frowns immediately. "They were nice tonight Em, why didn't you like them?"

I shrug. "Nothing. They were fine. It's fine I just mean I was the only girl so I didn't like that."

"Oh okay." He says.

"Here you two are." Ivy says sliding the mugs over to us and I lean across and grab them. Which means my behind is pressed directly against Rayne's front and I don't know what happened, like my drunken bodily instinct wasn't to pull away? It felt good so I arched my back slightly, subtly increasing the feeling and I freeze at that, standing back up quickly and I think even Rayne is surprised by the sudden contact because his hands go straight to my hips, holding me still.

Oops.

"Thankyou." I breathe taking a sip and leaning back against Rayne's chest. The chocolate was so good and I immediately let out a slight moan. "It's so good."

"You are welcome." Ivy chuckles and she grabs her laptop. "Right now that I know you two are safe ima go to bed. Remember to keep it down."

"Of course. Night Mum." Rayne mumbles and I scrunch my face up knowing he's most definitely going to mention that whole little incident.

"Night kids." She says and she leaves us in the kitchen alone and then I am roughly turned around to face Rayne.

"You are supposed to be my innocent Em? Where did she go?"

I rolled my eyes. "I am sorry okay? Tequila makes me horny, it was instinctive okay? I didn't mean to."

"Horny? But you've never even-"

I face palm.

"Rayne, do you think losing your virginity is like this awakening switch? I get horny sometimes that's not that taboo."

He pouts. "But you're all innocent."

"I didn't mean to." I mumble, turning back around for my hot chocolate and he just grabs his and shuts the lights off, pushing me up the stairs to his room.

"You ever wonder like who you're going to lose it to?"

"You make it sound like some sort of possession." I laugh. "And I don't really care about that that much. Like I just haven't because you have taken up so much of my time, boys get scared of our relationship." I laugh and he shushes me, guiding me into his bedroom.

We got ready here so my stuff was still thrown about.

"Well I am sorry." Rayne laughs. "That I have been preventing you getting dick."

I laugh at that, placing my mug down on his side table and then I flop down on the bed, lifting my feet in the air to indicate my need for assistance.

"You owe me." I laugh. "I never stopped you from hooking up."

"Well I wish you would have." Rayne laughs. "Probably would have figured myself out a lot sooner."

"You recon?" I ask and he nods.

"I got used to girls." He admits. "Girls are what I know." He takes a step towards the bed and grips my ankle, helping me to take off my shoes.

"You know them?" I question in amusement and his eyes meet mine.

"Yep I know them."

"What do you mean?"

"I know what to do, where to touch, kiss, I know the performance I have done over and over because I didn't know I was performing then." Rayne says. My ankles still in his hands and I know my dress has risen, that he could see my lace undies if he was looking, but I also know he wasn't.

"So it's different with him?" I whisper and Rayne suddenly pulls me towards him. So I was sprawled out as he hovered over me.

A shot of surprise ran through me and I cant help it, he's not unattractive, my body doesn't seem to realise that we don't mesh well, that Rayne isn't exactly on the market because my hands raise, placing against his chest.

"Thank you so much for tonight Emmy." Rayne whispers and I just nod.

"You're welcome."

"You looked unreal tonight. My mates were all dazed in your presence. You were so warm." He whispers, and my heart picks up in a sort of panic. A panic because he was leaning his weight on me now, just some of it, crushing himself over me and I knew his lips were becoming dangerously close.

"Warm?" I question. "Rayne what are you doing?"

"Experimenting." He whispers. "You..." Then I watch wide eyed as his brows draw together and before I can say I don't want to be his little experiment again his lips close down on mine.

And I try not to kiss him back, turning my head away from him and then as he moves his lips softly over mine, coaxing a reaction I just gave up. I kissed him back. I kissed him back because whatever... I said I would start fucking living so may as well start living under my best friend as he problematically kissed me.

So I let my body take over. I forget that he was my best friend, I forget everything that was our reality and I found myself getting lost I what it felt like to be touched for the very first time. His hands held me gently, sort of, they slide sensually along my sides, bunching up my dress and somehow it is lifted over my head and Rayne's hot lips leave mine and fall down towards to stomach, and I felt a new sudden warmth float through my body as I gasped at him.

Rayne kneels between my legs then, his eyes taking me in and my body having a mind of it's own I sit up and reach for the waist band of his trousers. Shakily my fingers start to undo his buttons and then I suddenly realised his eyes were baring into mine, confusion on his face as his chest heaved painfully.

Then I felt it. Nothing.

Rayne wasn't turned on in the slightest and my goodness if I thought that was a kick in the teeth, his next words felt slicing.

"You're just not attractive."

Well fuck.

I withdraw from the boy, both physically and emotionally as I scramble to sit up and move away, I close down from him.

"To me Emmy. Shit I just meant to me."

I run a hand through my hair. We were both drunk, emotional. But those words hurt me even though I knew they shouldn't. He's not attracted to girls Emersyn, it's not you, you aren't unattractive.

Nah. Unattractive Em. Shit.

I lift my eyes to meet his and he was still knelt in the middle of the bed, his hands covering his face.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? Why for fuck sake?"

I cringe at his muffled words and I reach down for a top to put on. His top from tonight had somehow been disregarded and I pull it over me so I was covered again. I take a deep breath but the heat on my face was almost unbearable, shit I felt so embarrassed.

Rayne is rubbing his hands along his cheeks in frustration and I just replay his words over and over in my head.

'You're just not attractive.'

Take a deep breath Em. I take a big breath and I focus on his other words.

'What the fuck is wrong with me?' That's what he just said.

"Rayne." I say softly, crawling over to him and I sit just in front of him. "Nothing's wrong with you. I didn't mean to get upset. It's fine. You are fine. You aren't attracted to girls it's fine."

I let out a breath when his eyes come up angry.

"Shush Emersyn." He grits and I fall back then. "They might hear."

"I am going to give you a minute." I mumble, getting to my feet. I don't wanna be talked to like that. I swallow. "I am just going to go get some water."

He doesn't reply and I leave the room, wrapping my arms around me and let out a shaky breath.

That was a lot. Shit. Why did I kiss him back? I need to not encourage this. I just like the feel of kissing, fuck my life. This wasn't-

I walk down the stairs, my cheeks still burning and I try really hard not to focus on his words. You are just not attractive. I have worked so hard trying to not let that sort of line run through my head all the time and then my best friend says that to me.

I know he didn't mean it like that. I know. God Emersyn pull yourself together.

I creep down the stairs and along to the kitchen. I- damn it I am going stressed and I need to not be, I need to be strong and be able to go up to Rayne and be able to be there for him.

I open the kitchen door, blinking away my distress and I gasp when I see August sat on the counter, eating some sort of feast and his eyes lift to mine, mid bite.

His eyes were bloodshot, pupils big and I instinctively tug my top down more, trying to get it to cover me.

"I'm just getting some water." I say softly.

He hums and I look at the food he had surrounding him. It was sandwich bits, bread, ham, lettuce, cheese, turkey.. and pickles maybe?

I wipe my eyes, making sure I wasn't all teary looking and cringe at the fact I must look like a hot mess. In Rayne's top, hair a birds nest and smeared makeup, it's clear what it looks like Rayne and I had just been doing.

I walk over to the sink and wince when I have to reach up for a glass. God. I reach up on my tiptoes, knowing August is right besides and then just sigh in relief when I manage to grab one and I start to fill it up with water.

"I don't know why yous have your glasses so high." I mumble. "Your mum must struggle enough."

"Ivy gets Jackson to get them down." August says and I turn back around to face him and his eyes dart up from my legs to my eyes. "You should wear more clothes. I am too high for this shit."

My eyebrows raise. "Well I am sorry, I didn't know you'd be down here."

August copies my expression, picking at his sandwich and he chuckles. Laughter being very rare from him.

"And I am sorry, I seem to have forgotten that this is your house not mine?"

"I just meant Rayne says you usually stay at your flat."

"The taxi was cheaper to here."

"Oh." I whisper and look towards the door, not at all ready to face Rayne.

"You want a sandwich?" August asks and I look back to him shocked. "You look like you're about to jump off a cliff and I don't do emotional support. So food?"

I smile at that. This is the most he's spoken to me in years.

"I am good. I don't eat-"

"Meat. I know." He says and starts to make me a sandwich even though I said no.

"I don't like pickles..." I whisper when he places one on and he looks up at me with such disgust and whispers the word-

"Sacrilege."

The pickle comes out and he tosses it against the wall, throwing it hard away from us and I just watch surprised at his mood.

"What about mayo?"

"Sure." I whisper, walking to a chair and I sit up at the counter, ignoring how he was sat cross legged on the top of the surface as if that was utterly normal.

"Where's my baby brother?"

Baby.

"Upstairs."

"You look fucked." August mumbles and I look up at him shocked and he raises his hand to cover his lips as if he was shocked too. "I apologise. You look fine."

I sort of smile at that.

He pushes this mess of a sandwich towards me and I just send him another small smile.

"Thankyou."

"Mhm." He hums, shoving food into his mouth again and his eyes watch me as I take a bite of his sandwich.

His eyes are red and I know he's high right now. On what, I wasn't sure. But he definitely wasn't himself.

"You good?" I say and Leo nods.

"Very good." He admits.

"You're high."

"Very." He whispers back and I just bite my lip in stress. Should I get Rayne? Should I even do anything? He was 21, he could deal with himself.

I just shrug, deciding to let August live his life. Especially If it means he is nice to me.

"You smell of weed." He says to me suddenly and I crinkle my nose up.

"I think that might be you Leo."

"Oh." He says and then a laugh leaves his lips and I just watch him shocked. "Yeah you might be right."

"Em?" Rayne's voice from the outside of the door makes August startle and he then wiggles his eyebrows at me.

"Lover boy's calling."

I roll my eyes at that. "Rayne in here."

Rayne enters and his eyebrows shoot up taking in the fact August and I were just sat talking, well eating and he walks over to me.

"I am so sorry." He says softly, wrapping his arm hesitantly around me. "What I said upstairs you know what I meant yeah?"

"I do. Don't worry." I say. "I meant what I said."

"I know you did." Rayne says and then he pulls me off the stool. "Can we go to bed now please?"

"Yeah." I laugh.

"You are ridiculously beautiful Em, I am sorry if I made you question that." He whispers and I just feel awkward knowing that August will be listening, he always listens, he never seems to care but I know he is always listening.

"It's fine." I mumble, detaching myself from him.

"Thankyou for the sandwich August." I say, turning back around to him and he nods, raising his own food as a sort of cheers and even Rayne raises an eyebrow at that.

"Is my brother high?" He whispers to me as we walk out the room and I let out a small laugh and I nod.

"Why else would he be that cheerful?"

.....

I was at home by the time my dad arrived back from work the next day. Rayne and I were okay, we had talked things through and just agreed that we were drunk and he apologised.

Said he was curious as to why on earth he wasn't like heavily attracted to me when he knew I looked stunning last night. I don't know how I feel about those comments.

I just still think this is a bad idea. But he needs me.

"What on earth are you doing?" My dad says, looking at me in distress as I had dried flowers all over the counter in the kitchen. With multiple bowls surrounding me and a lot of power everywhere.

"Um..." I give him a sheepish smile. "I thought you were coming home at six?" I ask.

"Where's your mum?"

"Gallery."

"What are you doing?" He asks again walking towards the mess.

"I am trying to make paint."

"Huh?"

"Well if you dry flowers, then crush them into a powder you can add this activating soloution and wola, natural paint."

"But..why?" My dad says.

Because it's cool? "I dunno, gift for mum?"

"Well that's cute Emersyn but-"

"I will clear it up don't you worry." I grin, grinding some yellow petals into my red ones, wanting to see if it works the same as colour theory.

"Okay." He laughs, giving my shoulder a squeeze and he walks around me, grabbing himself a bottle of water out of the fridge.

I watch him.

"Alright Bub, I know you don't like plastic bottles but I was thirsty okay?"

"No go for it, those are biodegradable, I just wondered if you'd notice the difference."