Don't get used to regular updates. But please do comment- it helps.

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My body woke me up way too early and as no one else was up, I decided to get a shower and head down to the beach. I was working on this book, it was just for fun, nothing even important, but I wanted the morning sunlight to be on the page as I wrote.

I don't know why. I just felt like this story needs to be written in sunlight.

As I get down to the beach I lay out my usual blanket and slip off my sandals, letting the sand creep warmly between my toes and I smile, not noticing that I wasn't necessarily alone.

Sitting down I lifted my face to the sun and closed my eyes, taking a few grounding breaths and I relaxed, grabbing my pen and deciding to just start writing.

I usually write on my laptop, but sometimes I like the feeling of pen and paper. It's always just a little more chaotic, less confining. You can just think and scroll your fingers across the page.

Flo, Miss Achilles, wouldn't allow us to take our laptops out. She said it was too silly. Pen. Paper. Is what we should be using.

I listened to her, always.

She had this thing with sunlight also. She said that we needed it like plants did. She said she didn't understand how people could live in places where sunlight was scarce. I told her that sunlight can sometimes be dangerous, and she just laughed at me, pulled me to her side and told me to close my eyes.

She told me that if I think like that then I can find danger in anything. In the ocean, in the people we meet, in the air that we breathe. She said I was wasting time being afraid of things that are beautiful.

I still wear sun cream.

I start writing down some notes and then I hear the slight crackle of waves breaking and I finally look up properly.

Oh.

August was swimming. Training, I guess.

He used to say that training in the ocean makes you stronger, your strokes more powerful.

He is engulfed in blue. The water looking scarily stronger than him for a moment and then something propels him forwards, he takes back off and I watch in shock at how fast he goes, swimming away from our little section and then when he reaches that little marker he turns and starts to swim back in my direction.

He doesn't notice me. Obviously. But I can't help but notice the way his skin shines with the morning sunlight, the way you can see the sun force the water into vapour, rising like mist off his back, his arms. His skin has always been a shade darker than Rayne's, richer, almost a warmer colour than Rayne's usual cool tawny colour.

"Why are you ogling my brother Em?" Rayne says, making me gasp and turn around in shock.

"Rayne it's like eight. What are you doing up?"

"Protecting my brother from your stares apparently."

"I wasn't staring." I roll my eyes and move over, letting him sit down and I laugh at the state of him.

I had washed my hair so it was still slightly wet, but I had an easy sun dress on and I was ready for the day. Rayne however still had his head wrapped in his silk scarf and he just lies down on my blanket, ignoring the fact I was writing and ignoring the fact he was literally just in his underwear.

Boys.

"You were." He chuckles. "You've always been obsessed with him."

My lips part in shock, why was he calling me out like this?

"I am not obsessed I just-"

"You just constantly try and make him like you." Rayne laughs and I huff and lie down, not caring about the way my dress rose, but Rayne pulled it down slightly, helping to protect my modesty and all.

"I don't. I just don't understand why he doesn't like me." I sit up leaning on my elbows and I look at Rayne. "I am likeable. Kind. I make him tea."

Rayne laughs and pats my head. To which I huff and lie back down, batting his hand away from my hair.

"I don't know what you want me to say Emmy."

"Nothing. I am just saying I am not obsessed with him I just don't like it when someone doesn't like me. Like honestly..." I reopen my eyes and meet Rayne's. "I just get on well with every one of your family members apart from him."

"You don't need to get on with him." Rayne laughs. "You are my girlfriend remember?" He jokes and my eyes widen.

"Are we still doing this?" I ask softly and he nods.

"If you're still down?"

I look down at him and I study his face. Not being able to hide behind his curls you could tell his eyes are sucken slightly. His skin dry, not being taken care off as well as he used to. He was stressed.

How could I say no?

"Of course. If this is what you need to be okay I will do whatever." I say honestly.

"We don't have to actually do anything. Like we already are pretty ass close anyway. Nothing will change."

"It would be weird if it did." I admit. "Like if you wanted to kiss and that- like that's even more unrealistic because we wouldn't do that in front of like our parents anyway due to respect and it's not exactly like I would go around kissing you in front of-"

"Okay I get it Em." Rayne laughs, reaching up and taking my sunglasses of my face to put on his. "No kissing."

I nod. "And you have to pay for food now."

"Emersyn." Rayne laughs and I shake my head.

"I don't care. You are taking me off the market, I need to at least get food."

"Off the market. When were you ever on the market Emersyn?"

I gasp, hitting his shoulder. "I've had boyfriends." I mumble.

"Yeah like two years ago, whatever happened to Peter anyway?"

"I got bored." I frown. "And still I know I am not as experienced as you with these things but who knows maybe this summer was when I was going to have my summer fling and now you are just ruining that for me."

He sits up then, suddenly serious. "You sound like you don't want to do this."

"No sorry. It's fine. I was just joking around." I say gently. "Rayne it's you and me, come on."

He nods and both of us look up when we hear August get out of the water, walking up the beach and he flops down, arms spread, and I watch his chest rise and fall rapidly as he tries to catch his breath.

"You good?" Rayne calls and Leo just raises his hand, waving our attention away from him and I look back up at Rayne.

"So ground rules?" I ask. "Like when are we going to tell people. Like-"

"Shall we just maybe be a little closer than normal and then someone is bound to ask?" Rayne says. "And if they ask we just say yeah we are dating now and then that news will spread like wildfire among our family."

"Sounds good." I agree, picking at my fingers and I look out at the water.

"You wanna swim?" Rayne asks and I look back out at the water.

"Is it cold?"

"No colder than usual, come on."

"No, go put shorts on." I mutter, pushing his thigh away from mine and Rayne just rolls his eyes again and nods.

"I'll be back in a second, start getting in. It takes you ages."

I can't just walk in, it's always too cold. Like I get in gradually. Letting my body parts just get used to it. I eye August who was still sprawled out in the sand and I decide to just ignore him, lifting my dress over my head and wrapping my notebook and things inside it so they don't I don't know, get lost or fly away.

My bikini wasn't revealing or anything, but I was heavily aware that I usually wear one pieces when I come here. I used to struggle with confidence, like body image was a slightly tough topic for me because I was surrounded by all these beautiful women, like my mum and Ivy they are stunning, and I know I shouldn't compare myself but sometimes that's a little tricky.

It got really bad earlier this year, like I felt really shitty about myself but then when I started to get stressed with school, I focused my time on doing some exercise and well the yoga with mum has been really really good for my head. So my body has changed slightly due to the exercise but also it's more my mind set.

I think that's what's changed the most, not really my actually appearance.

So as I walked down to the water I wasn't insecure like I usually would be. August didn't give a shit anyway and the other families along from us were always so friendly, a few of them out on the beach early much like us.

I watched as the sun hit everything in front of me, my skin, my hair, I watched as it glistened off the ocean and made the sand glitter under my feet.

I did love it here.

My toes hit the water and I didn't gasp like I usually did, instead I enjoyed the feeling if the chill. I enjoyed how it felt clean, how it felt fresh and how it set my nerves into shock. I took another step forward and smiled at the peaceful sound of waves lapping at my ankles.

I turned around then, looking for Rayne and I was slightly shocked to see August sat up on his elbows watching me.

I take another challenging step in and he raises a brow at me.

I stare back, confused and August just watches. Blatantly, openly, watches me and I try not to let it intimidate me. I take a deep breath and turn back around, suddenly very much aware of his eyes on my back and I move my hair so it covers my back, letting it fall loosely down to just above my hips.

It was my thing, to have long hair. I liked it. It was just slightly more challenging now that it decided to turn my soft waves into big messy curls. I just need to sort it out better I suppose.

Now that I could feel his eyes on my back I felt this enormous pull to look back at him again, to meet his eyes. But I just stay facing the ocean. I don't look back and when I hear someone walking into the water besides me I momentarily worry that it was him, but thankfully it was just my Rayne.

"Your ass looks big." Rayne says and I gasp, throwing him a dirty look and I turn my eyes back to the sand.

August was gone.

"Why would you say that?" I frown.

"Emmy girls would kill for your body, I was trying to compliment you."

"Yeah well don't look at my bum."

Rayne laughs pushing my shoulder slightly and then he dives in, ignoring how I stumbled and had to find my footing again as the waves hit me.

"Come in." He whines, offering me his hand and I shake my head.

"No you'll just pull me in."

"No I wont." He says lifting his hand to mine again and I take it, and of course he roughly drags me into the water, making me fall and my shoulders dip under.

"Rayne!" I exclaim, shivering and he laughs loudly, utterly amused.

"I hate you so much, you aren't supposed to-"

"Shh." He hums and then he just gives me a cheeky smile. Water dripping off his curls and the sun shinning down on us. I swim away, utterly unimpressed and he just laughs more.

"You recon I should get my head braided?"

"Braided?" I ask. "Like August's?"

"Well not like Augusts now he cut it off, but yeah?"

"If you want." I agree. "I like it when I can see your face more anyway."

He smiles at me. "Come here?"

"Why?" I say, looking at him hesitantly and he swims closer to me.

"Cos mum and August are up on the deck watching us mess around and I thought maybe..."

"Oh." I say and I swim to him.

Rayne's hands surprise me. He's not at all hesitant as he lifts me up and forces my legs to wrap around him.

"This is weird." I whisper, admittedly my cheeks burning, and he laughs.

"I know I am sorry."

"It's okay you don't have to keep saying sorry. But it is weird isn't it?" I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning so our foreheads were practically touching.

"Yeah." He agrees. "It is."

"Your breath smells." I whisper and Rayne full on throws his head back and laughs, pushing me off of him and I fall under water at the sudden lack of support.

He lifts me back up immediately, surprised that I plummeted down underwater and I shiver. "That wasn't very nice." I choke, sweeping my hair out of my face.

"You just say I had smelly breath." He grins, happy with himself that I got what I so apparently deserved.

"Well you do. Have you even brushed your teeth?" I say and he shakes his head.

"Then-"

"Shush." Rayne laughs and he helps me move around so I was holding onto his back now not his front.

"Swim with me on your back?" I ask and he tries. He fails. We laugh. Almost drown.

"Why is August here?" I ask, hugging into Rayne's back because I am freezing by now.

"What do you mean?"

"Like he doesn't normally come anymore."

"He just decided to come I guess." Rayne says. "He's been spending a lotta time at home actually. I think because Trev goes home during the summer so he'd be on his own if he stayed."

"Trev lives here though doesn't he? Does he stay at home then? Is August staying at home?"

Rayne turns around, bringing me back to his front and he gives me this look.

"Stop being so interested Em, you know you just get your feelings hurt."

"I just am curious." I smile at him.

"August has been staying at the flat most of the time but he's been at home during the days a lot."

"How's band?" I say. Moving the conversation along but turning it to August's flatmate Trev.

"Fine." Rayne says. "It's not really my scene with them lot. But it's been good to do music and all."

"Them lot?" I say, frowning.

"Just like I wanna go out and party they wanna stay in."

I nod, as if I understood exactly what he meant. I didn't. He was still carrying me, the water always makes you feel lighter.

"How many gigs have you done?"

"One a week." Rayne says. "They keep asking me to do more but i don't know." He laughs. "I would be more confident if you came."

"I don't wanna be there alone." I say gently. "Like I-"

"Yeah I know don't worry." He says and then he looks back at the house.

"Shall we head in? I think we're all supposed to be having breakfast soon."

"Oh yeah?" I ask and he nods.

"Then yes please, I am cold now."

"Of course." Rayne laughs. "Let's go in then."

....

"So." My mum says, knocking on my bedroom door and to be fair I have been waiting for this all day.

We got home from the beach house like three/four hours ago. Rayne stayed here for a little bit and my mum and dad just busied themselves sorting a few things out with the house.

Mainly the garden.

My mum wanted this huge garden, which is honestly so amazing. But turns out she is not a very good gardener. My dad does a lot. And he groans about it, but I am pretty sure he loves it.

"Hi." I say, letting her in and shutting the door behind her.

"You wanna do some meditation or like yoga in a little bit?" She asks and I nod.

"Yeah but can we do it before dinner?" I say. "I hate doing it after."

"Sure..." She says sitting down on my bed and I just watch her, my eyebrows raised.

"Mother is there something you would like to say?"

My mum nods. "Ivy said she saw you and Rayne kissing."

"Oh." I say, acting surprised. As if I didn't know Ivy would have told my mum what she saw. Which wasn't even us kissing but I suppose they were up on the deck and I was up in the sea wrapped around the boy.

"Yeah." I say softly. "We um do that now."

God I try not to cringe. This was weird.

"You do that now?"

"Yeah." I say.

"Emersyn more information please?"

"Mum do you need more information?" I ask honestly and she just shrugs.

"I don't know Em, my mum never took notice of me with guys- not really. I don't know how up in your grill I need to be but I feel like Rayne is your first..." She looks at me. "Boy thing and I feel like maybe you need to talk about it?"

I sighed. I wish I could ask her for advice about the actually issue. I wish I could actually say mumma I need assistance.

"It's fine." I assure her. "Rayne and I have just decided to give things ago. We are taking things slow."

"So you two are dating?" She asks and I nod.

"Yep."

"Your dad's gonna have a heart attack."

"Mum." I laugh and she just gives me a small grin.

My room was pretty big. Like obviously they had the biggest room but this house was a four bedroom house. So I got the next one and then the other two were used as an art studio for mum and then I had the other one for whatever hobby I was interested in as a kid.

It technically should have been a spare bedroom, but we had a thing against those apparently.

"No, I just mean, he was convinced that you two weren't going to ever date."

I swallowed. He was right.

"Well yeah, he'll be fine." I say to her and lie down in my bed. "I am still exhausted."

"You've had a busy month." My mum nods. "Get some rest sweet."

"No it's okay. I am going to get changed and then we'll head into the garden to do some Yoga?" I ask.

"Okay sure. Just don't push yourself Em. Get sleep if you need it."

I just nod.

I felt good, happy and comfy to be home.

My mum leaves, hearing my dad come into the house from fixing up the garden and I tiredly get dressed. This thing with Rayne wasn't stressing me out, honestly, we spend all our time together anyway so it's not like I have to fake to enjoy his company. He is my best friend. I just don't know how to make him realise that this isn't the way to make himself less afraid of telling people.

However, I suppose it might be. If I help him get more comfortable with this, then he might be able to tell his friends, his family. He just doesn't need the pressure, the questions. I provide that for him.

Okay.

It's fine.

I get changed and make my way downstairs, my hair up high and kitted out in my usual sport clothes and I throw my dad a small smile, rushing past so he doesn't say anything to me about Rayne.

As I head out through the back doors, I see mum has set up two mats on the grass and I go and lie down on one of them. Lifting my phone to my face and I frown at the missed messages.

I reply to everyone, of course. And then focus on Rayne's messages.

The sun is still up and strong, it's only like five. I hope my dad will start cooking soon. It was his turn to cook I think. We used to take it in turns. When I was going through my cooking phase. But obviously they've been doing it between them since I was gone so I hope he puts dinner on now. That would be nice to be honest. I am starving.

I pull a face at the screen. I would normally say no. But I was trying to stop saying no.

A nightclub.

Oh goodness.