I was thankful that I wasn't being treated with kid gloves. I had come downstairs and everyone was hanging out in the kitchen. JHope scooped me up into a massive hug before I was placed back down on the floor and enveloped immediately by Taehyung. He held onto me for a while and I wasn't sure if he was just overly emotional or if his reaction stemmed from past experience. But when he let go, he had tears in his eyes as he sniffed and cleared his throat, offering his condolences. Namjoon was also there. I hadn't spent very much time with him so it was a little awkward but he offered a simple smile and a nod.

That was it. I was glad that nobody tiptoed around the issue but that they didn't focus on it either. I felt safe to mourn as I needed. I had moments where I could laugh and smile with everyone. I could just be in the moment. Other times, I couldn't hold back the tears and had to retreat in my own space. But regardless of which direction I was headed, I was accepted and allowed the time I needed. I was grateful for that. Jimin told me later that Namjoon came straight to the house once he found out about the miscarriage. I was afraid he was going to force us apart or set a bunch of rules. I didn't really know what to expect other than knowing he was the "leader" of the group and bore a lot of the responsibility to keep everyone in line. Apparently, he didn't like that Jimin had kept it a secret from him but he understood. It wasn't exactly something we had hidden for months.

I was sitting on the beach enjoying the sun on my skin and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore when Namjoon sat down next to me. We hadn't spent any time alone together. I felt intimidated and nervous. His presence commanded respect. I understood why he was the leader of the group. He had an authority about him that was assured and confident.

"Things are serious between you and Jimin, huh?" He was quiet in the way he spoke. He wasn't authoritative or demanding but it was obvious that this was a serious conversation.

I felt a lot of pressure to choose my words carefully. I almost felt like I was seeking the approval of his parents or something. I nodded my head, deciding that fewer words might be best.

Namjoon sighed and looked out at the ocean. "I'm not against it, Dia. But I gotta know where you stand. I gotta know how committed you are to this." He turned his face towards me as he spoke.

"Jimin is an emotional being," He continued. "And he doesn't get attached easily. I've seen him with countless women. I have never seen him like this. But I don't think you understand what you are getting yourself into. You are looking at years of dating in secret. You won't be allowed to see him in public. You won't be allowed to take pictures together. You can't tell your family and friends about your relationship. You have to think about all of that. We have a contract. It is very specific about what is allowed. And if word got out, our Armies would bury you alive. They wouldn't be happy about it."

It was silent for a minute while I absorbed everything that RM was saying.

"If you get to a point where you can't handle it anymore, you will destroy him. It would crush him." He had his full attention on me now. "I don't care about the contract as much as I care about Jimin. I don't want to see him get hurt, Dia. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from and I know you have already been through so much. So I'm sorry that I have to put this on you. But I need you to really think this through. Just make sure you can handle it. That's all I ask."

I nodded my head as Namjoon stood up and made his way back to the house. I felt like my insides were ripping apart at his words but he was right. If Jimin and I continued this relationship, it would be a bumpy ride. It would be more than a bumpy ride. Could I handle it? Could I deal with seeing him up on stage dancing for other women? Hearing them scream his name? Did I trust him to remain faithful if we were forced to spend months apart on tour? I hated that I even questioned that but it was there constantly, in the back of my mind. I wasn't stupid to believe they weren't propositioned on a regular basis. Were we strong enough to make it through all of that? Was I strong enough to wait patiently on the sidelines for years?

Jimin found me there an hour later.

"I was looking for you."

"Yeah, I was just enjoying this beautiful day." My spirits were dampened since my conversation with RM. Jimin sat down next to me, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

He eyed me up and down in my bathing suit before reaching in and placing a kiss on my neck. "Damn, seeing you like this is getting me all worked up." We still hadn't had sex. It wasn't that I didn't want to. It was hard to get past the feelings that bubbled to the surface every time we came close to being intimate. But Jimin was a patient man. He was a loving man. I knew he had to be running out of patience. He pulled back, keeping his arm around my shoulder and looked out at the sea.

"Joonie told me he had a conversation with you." I wasn't expecting those words from him.

"He told you?" I asked in surprise.

"We don't typically keep secrets. We tell each other everything- all seven of us." He explained. "Listen, Dia. Don't worry about him. He has a lot resting on his shoulders. He thinks he has to have everything planned out. It's fine."

"He had some good points, Jimin"

Jimin looked at me and I could see the worry and insecurity in his eyes. That was what Namjoon had been afraid of. Suddenly, the weight of my choices bore down on me and I felt lost. The thought of hurting Jimin, even unintentionally, was more than I could bear.

"Dia. Please don't let him get in your head." Jimin whispered. I didn't have a response for him.

"I don't know what to say right now, Jimin."

"Just say you love me."

I stared into Jimin's eyes, his resolve and determination stared back at me.

"I love you, Jimin."

He leaned in to kiss me sweetly. We sat on the beach and watched the sunset before he pulled me up and we headed back inside.